How does my own child will call me?

ABIBA · 05-01-2017 9:16pm #1

I have a son with my partner who is 1 ye ar old and my partner already has 2 children . We live together and we have been together for 5 years . Her kids calls me uncle .how is my son going to call me ? Dady or uncle to follow his siblings? And what do I tell my partner about this issue ?

Dial Hard · 05-01-2017 9:22pm

Ask her children to call you by your first name and refer to yourself as Dad to your son, which he'll pick up on as he starts to talk.

It's what blended families everywhere do with no issues at all.

Teyla Emmagan · 05-01-2017 10:44pm

You will be Daddy, of course. Do your partner's other kids also have a Dad in their lives?

06-01-2017 10:19am

How did this "uncle" business start?

My kid never called my partner anything but his first name and of COURSE your son will call you "Daddy".

ABIBA wrote: »

And what do I tell my partner about this issue ?

What does your partner say about this issue?

Big Bag of Chips · 06-01-2017 10:25am

Yes, you're not the children's uncle. So I'd just get your partner to stop referring to you as that. If you're together 5 years, then I assume her other children are old enough now to understand. When they speak to your child they can say "your dad". Your partner can call you dad. When I speak to my children I always refer to my husband as Dad. "Ask Dad does he want a cup of tea".

Sometimes your child might call you by your first name, but that's ok too. He'll learn in time.

Stop the "uncle" stuff though. You're living with their mam, and are their brother's dad. You are not their uncle.

Loveinapril · 06-01-2017 10:26am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

How did this "uncle" business start?

It can be a different cultural thing. I am guessing the OP is not Irish.

At this age, just encourage your child to call you dad and correct him when he gets it wrong. Get your partner to do the same. Have her refervto you as 'dad' to the child; "daddy is feeding you, are you going to dad" etc.

Kurn · 06-01-2017 10:28am

I know from some countries, it's considered rude to refer to adults by their first name. I'm assuming this may be the case here, in calling him Uncle?

Of course your son should call you dad, personally anything else is not acceptable in my opinion.

06-01-2017 10:29am

Loveinapril wrote: »

It can be a different cultural thing. I am guessing the OP is not Irish.

It's actually a very Irish thing so I'm guessing the OP's partner is Irish? It's something that I thought had died out by now but, growing up, we referred to our parent's (best) friends as Uncle and Aunty.

Loveinapril · 06-01-2017 10:32am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It's actually a very Irish thing so I'm guessing the OP's partner is Irish? It's something that I thought had died out by now but, growing up, we referred to our parent's (best) friends as Uncle and Aunty.

I have never heard it in Ireland in this context. In some Asian and African cultures, as Kurn said, it is considered rude to refer to an elder by their name so you adopt this sort of language.

ted1 · 06-01-2017 10:37am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It's actually a very Irish thing so I'm guessing the OP's partner is Irish? It's something that I thought had died out by now but, growing up, we referred to our parent's (best) friends as Uncle and Aunty.

Best friends are different than your partner who is the father of one of your kids and I persume playing an active part in raising the other kids

fima · 06-01-2017 11:27am

Your child will call you dad or whatever you and your partner use to refer to yourself. My son calls me Mama and my step kids call me a nickname version of my name that started when they were very small. At times when speaking to my son they say 'Mama' when referring to me but that's just for convenience. Don't be too worried about it, your son will know who his dad is.

ShaShaBear · 06-01-2017 12:06pm

ted1 wrote: »

Best friends are different than your partner who is the father of one of your kids and I persume playing an active part in raising the other kids

Yeah, completely different. We as two Irish parents refer to our three closest friends as my kids aunt and uncles. But referring to someone you are having a sexual relationship with as an uncle to your kids is just mental, even more so that the poor OP would think his own son would have to call him that!

06-01-2017 12:19pm

ted1 wrote: »

Best friends are different than your partner who is the father of one of your kids and I persume playing an active part in raising the other kids

Well yes ... as I said ... if you read my posts. I was just discussing with Loveinapril how it could have started and how it could be an Irish custom.

ABIBA · 06-01-2017 1:50pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

It can be a different cultural thing. I am guessing the OP is not Irish.

At this age, just encourage your child to call you dad and correct him when he gets it wrong. Get your partner to do the same. Have her refervto you as 'dad' to the child; "daddy is feeding you, are you going to dad" etc.

The uncle business started when I was just a friend to the mother .

ABIBA · 06-01-2017 1:52pm

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

You will be Daddy, of course. Do your partner's other kids also have a Dad in their lives?

No I think am the dad to them since I represent them in any where they need their dad . The uncle thing started because I was a friend to the mother before we started the relationship

ABIBA · 06-01-2017 1:55pm

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Yes, you're not the children's uncle. So I'd just get your partner to stop referring to you as that. If you're together 5 years, then I assume her other children are old enough now to understand. When they speak to your child they can say "your dad". Your partner can call you dad. When I speak to my children I always refer to my husband as Dad. "Ask Dad does he want a cup of tea".

Sometimes your child might call you by your first name, but that's ok too. He'll learn in time.

Stop the "uncle" stuff though. You're living with their mam, and are their brother's dad. You are not their uncle.

Thank you think you have answered my question. Well I will asked the mother to start it . By referring me as daddy. And I believe the other kids will pick as well .

Loveinapril · 06-01-2017 2:08pm

ABIBA wrote: »

Thank you think you have answered my question. Well I will asked the mother to start it . By referring me as daddy. And I believe the other kids will pick as well .

Is the other kids' father in the picture? It might be smarter to switch to your name or a nickname instead of the older children picking up the "daddy" thing. You are not their dad and calling you different titles may confuse them. But it is definitely the time to get your son familiar with "daddy". At one he should be easily saying dada anyway

Teyla Emmagan · 06-01-2017 3:20pm

ABIBA wrote:

Thank you think you have answered my question. Well I will asked the mother to start it . By referring me as daddy. And I believe the other kids will pick as well .

Well if you are acting as their Dad maybe they should start calling you Daddy too now. That's why I was asking if their Dad was around at all. I presume you are in this for the long term etc!

Big Bag of Chips · 06-01-2017 3:23pm

I think it should be up to the older children if they want to start calling you Dad. I don't think it's something they should be told to do. Maybe when your own son starts calling you Dad they might ask if they can, or might come up with their own version, but it's not something I'd be suggesting to a child without them at least showing an interest in it themselves.

And I certainly wouldn't be going straight from uncle to Dad!!!

ABIBA · 06-01-2017 4:24pm

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Well if you are acting as their Dad maybe they should start calling you Daddy too now. That's why I was asking if their Dad was around at all. I presume you are in this for the long term etc!

We are getting married this summer .

Dial Hard · 06-01-2017 4:36pm

ABIBA wrote:

We are getting married this summer .

That's not really relevant if they still have a relationship with their own dad, though. Do they?

ABIBA · 06-01-2017 8:48pm

Thanks very my ch for all the advise . I have spoken to the mother this evening and asked her to refer me as daddy to my son and the other kids might pick it as well . Thanks every one thanks every one .

Chocolate fiend · 06-01-2017 11:23pm

"The mother" is a very strange way to refer to someone you are about to marry.

ted1 · 07-01-2017 1:34am

Dial Hard wrote: »

That's not really relevant if they still have a relationship with their own dad, though. Do they?

Why isn't it relevant? Some kids can have two dads ,one is Daddy A and the other Daddy B.

Irish_Elect_Eng · 07-01-2017 6:48pm

ted1 wrote: »

Why isn't it relevant? Some kids can have two dads ,one is Daddy A and the other Daddy B.

Yes, that is pretty common.

My neighbors kids refer to both the men in their lives, biological parent and their mothers husband as dad. When they need to differentiate I have heard them refer to their biological dad as "Our Father"

implausible · 07-01-2017 8:12pm

Chocolate fiend wrote:

"The mother" is a very strange way to refer to someone you are about to marry.

I don't think the poster is originally from Ireland and imagine it's a dialect/language thing rather than meaning any disrespect.

Dial Hard · 07-01-2017 11:42pm

ted1 wrote:

Why isn't it relevant? Some kids can have two dads ,one is Daddy A and the other Daddy B.

Irish_Elect_Eng wrote:

My neighbors kids refer to both the men in their lives, biological parent and their mothers husband as dad. When they need to differentiate I have heard them refer to their biological dad as "Our Father"

Two of my siblings are in blended families and in both cases the biological parent would be singularly unimpressed if the partner in my family was referred to as mam or dad.

I actually forgot once and referred to "your mam and dad" when talking about my brother and his wife to my nephew and was swiftly reminded "X isn't my mam".

If it's the done thing for some people, fine. But I think it would be extremely confusing for these kids to go from "Uncle" to "Dad" for a man who's neither.

ted1 · 08-01-2017 1:14am

Dial Hard wrote: »

Two of my siblings are in blended families and in both cases the biological parent would be singularly unimpressed if the partner in my family was referred to as mam or dad.

I actually forgot once and referred to "your mam and dad" when talking about my brother and his wife to my nephew and was swiftly reminded "X isn't my mam".

If it's the done thing for some people, fine. But I think it would be extremely confusing for these kids to go from "Uncle" to "Dad" for a man who's neither.

From my experience your case would be the exception rather than the rule.

Loveinapril · 08-01-2017 6:38am

ted1 wrote: »

From my experience your case would be the exception rather than the rule.

I also don't know any blended family where anyone other than the biological parent is referred to as mam or dad (two of my siblings and a few of my friends are in blended relationships). It is odd to me that this is seen as 'normal'.

Big Bag of Chips · 08-01-2017 8:59am

I have a stepchild who doesn't live with us. I've been in her life since she was 4. She calls me by my first name. Always has. My sister has 3 stepchildren who live with her. She's known them since they were all very young too. They call her by her first name. I don't know any family either where the step parent is referred to as mam or dad.

My stepdaughter likes to make a joke of calling me "stepmother" occasionally, but she always calls me by my first name, and her stepdad by his first name. She lives with him, and has 2 half siblings who obviously call him "Dad". To be honest, I wouldn't want her calling me "Mam". I'm not her Mam, for a start. And I'd think that is seriously stepping on her mam's toes. And I don't think my husband would be too happy for her to have grown up calling her stepdad "Dad".

Edit: I have a family member who never knew her dad. He died when she was 4 months old. Her mam remarried when she was about 5 or 6, I think. So the only man she has ever known as Dad is that man. She still only ever called him by his first name. She has 6 siblings who all call him Dad! But she knows he's not her Dad. For anyone who doesn't know them she might refer to him as Dad, so as not to go into long explanations, but to him, and anyone that knows them she refers to him by his name.

Just thinking I have another family member who has a partner with children, he has full custody, and they rarely see their mother. She and her children moved in with him and his children. Her child calls her "Mam" and him by his name. His children call him "Dad" and her by her name. Nobody is confused. Everybody knows who each other is within their family unit, and nobody feels the need to call someone who is not their parent, "Mam" or "Dad".

I think some children in some circumstances might grow to call a step parent Mam/Dad. But I certainly wouldn't consider it the norm or very common.... And definitely not something that a child should be made to do.

amtc · 08-01-2017 3:06pm

Not quite the same but but my aunts and uncles spouses call my nana 'mam'. She isn't! My dad only one to call her Mrs xxxx

implausible · 08-01-2017 3:44pm

amtc wrote: »

Not quite the same but but my aunts and uncles spouses call my nana 'mam'. She isn't! My dad only one to call her Mrs xxxx

My in-laws tried this one on me too - calling my husband's grandmother 'granny', she's not my granny! I insist on referring to her by her first name. I have an aunt who calls her mother-in-law "mum", drives me mad!

OP, you have to balance a respectful relationship with your stepchildren with a respectful relationship with the children's biological parent, that means acknowledging that while you are in their life and a father-figure, you are 'uncle' or John or Pat or whatever works. To your own child, you will be 'dad', it shouldn't be an issue, children are very accepting of family situations as whatever it is, it is normal and everyday to them.

ash23 · 08-01-2017 5:20pm

Blended family here. One kid each, none together. Each one of them refers to their parent as mam/dad. And each of them refers to the step parent by their first name.
When they're talking to each other they use the step parents first name.
So if one is talking to the other they'll use the same. Mum/dad for their own parent and first name for the other ones parent.
They're older though so it may be more confusing with smaller kids.
If we have one of our own it'd call us mam and dad and the other kids other parent by their first name.

Dravokivich · 10-01-2017 11:10am

I live in my parents with my son, since he was 1.5 years. I call'em Ma and Da, he calls them Granny and Granda. He hasn't had any issues with getting mixed up. He calls me Daddy.

12-01-2017 12:33am

ABIBA wrote: »

I have a son with my partner who is 1 ye ar old and my partner already has 2 children . We live together and we have been together for 5 years . Her kids calls me uncle .how is my son going to call me ? Dady or uncle to follow his siblings? And what do I tell my partner about this issue ?

Whatever you want him to call you, its your son. The uncle thing doesnt help, they should call you by your first name.

How does my own child will call me?

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