Should we break up over FB?

Stheno

hiddenidentity wrote: »

we are together almost a year. yes of course we have been on dates. And its not sad,its sad in your eyes but it means something in mine for a valid reason so please dont belittle me

Have you another thread at the moment about not going out with his friends?

hiddenidentity

No that is not me Mod

Etnies

hiddenidentity wrote: »

It means something to me Eagerbeaver because I in my own mind it means if hes willing to have a pic of me on FB it means his friends know of me and im not a secret. I feel like I am a secret at the min.. I have met none of his friends and he never takes me anywhere. not even over xmas. We havent been on a date since September

I'd just have it out.. say what you said here.. you're not happy with it, and if it doesn't change you're finished with it.. dunno how long with you're with him but not meeting his friends once is a bit mad particularly over xmas

EagererBeaver

hiddenidentity wrote: »

we are together almost a year. yes of course we have been on dates. just not on nights out or weekends away anything like that. And its not sad,its sad in your eyes but it means something in mine for a valid reason so please dont belittle me

I think the fact that you appear to need some sort of public validation or acknowledgement through Facebook is indeed quite sad, yes. It appears there are other issues in your relationship - whether or not he lets you put pictures of him on Facebook isn't one of them. That is his decision and one you should respect.

Saipanne

hiddenidentity wrote: »

we are together almost a year. yes of course we have been on dates. just not on nights out or weekends away anything like that. And its not sad,its sad in your eyes but it means something in mine for a valid reason so please dont belittle me

It doesn't sound like you're in a relationship. Not a real one anyway. Anytime I've dated someone I tend to introduce them to friends and family after 3-6 months. I take them out in public on dates.

The only ones I've ever kept "hidden" were fcuk buddies, and when I operate under that arrangement I make sure both her and I are happy with the terms.

He is working in a weird grey area between the two. It's possible that he's doing this to conceal something...

Stheno

hiddenidentity wrote: »

No that is not me Mod

Im not a mod here just a regular poster.

I think if you cant resolve your issues you should probably split up tbh, sounds like you have very different views

bmwguy

The Facebook thing is a non issue, just respect him on this.

But he should also respect you and do nice things with you, not lads nights, they can be sacred and he might not want to you to see and hear what they get up to (I can't even imagine being interested in going on a girls night out myself) but doing other nice things, otherwise it's just a poor relationship.

Do you want to be in a relationship where you get takeaways and sit in all the time?

Have a think about what you want in a relationship, but don't bring Facebook into it, it's not real but loads of people (male and female, but more female) think it's the be all and end all.

batmanrobin

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Ah, it's all coming out in the wash now. I don't like the look of what you're telling us. Time to get rid of him.
It all sounds remarkably similar to the other thread here. How strange....

Yeah, sounds like the OP's "bf" is keeping her nicely tucked away.

OP, why would you want to be with someone who can't even take you out on a date? Absolutely crazy!! The FB thing is a non-issue. His whole behaviour sounds completely unappealing!

hiddenidentity

some people mention the possibility that he sees me as a f***buddy.. It has crossed my mind that maybe not that exactly but more like he wants the best of both worlds. But then the fact I spend so much time with his family doesnt support that suspicion.. why wouldhe have me around them if he thought of me like that

Big Bag of Chips

Only he can answer that, same as only he can answer why he doesn't go out in public with you. And only you can answer why you're more upset about the Facebook issue than you are about your real life relationship problems.

You have a "virtual" relationship. Its so virtual that you think it needs to be posted online for it to be real.

Saipanne

hiddenidentity wrote: »

some people mention the possibility that he sees me as a f***buddy.. It has crossed my mind that maybe not that exactly but more like he wants the best of both worlds. But then the fact I spend so much time with his family doesnt support that suspicion.. why wouldhe have me around them if he thought of me like that

Just a note. It would help us to help you if you didn't drip feed us important facts, as you do.

hiddenidentity

I didnt Sapianne if you go back to page one of this thread you will see where i did state I do see his family regularly and spend time with them. So maybe read all in full first

hiddenidentity

BigBagof Chips - I know I have bigger problems but I think I am indirectly using FB as a way of validating our relationship instead of dealing with the harder issues..if that makes sense

EagererBeaver

You spend lots of time with his family but you worry that he wants to keep you as some sort of secret?

Those two points don't match up.

cactusgal

I went out with someone who wouldn't post pics of me on FB, but was perfectly happy to be in pics with other women on FB (the younger and prettier, the better). It made me feel like crap, but I kept telling myself that FB was so silly, don't worry about it, blah blah. However, it wasn't just FB, it took a while for the penny to drop, but he just wasn't really that into the relationship. The FB issue was symptomatic of a larger problem. We were together for over 2 years, I also met family, was introduced as his girlfriend, etc (a lot of the relationship was long-distance, though, so it dragged on longer than it should have).

Don't let others tell you not to be upset about the FB issue. I don't use it much and my now-OH never does, but if someone goes to great lengths to conceal your relationship to the wider public, it really makes you feel sh*tty. But only you can decide how high or low your standards are.

Big Bag of Chips

Well you're wondering if you should break up with him. If you're not getting what you need from the relationship, then the answer is yes. You can make it about Facebook if you want, but at the end of the day the result will be the same. Facebook is a symptom of a much larger problem. I'd just be wary if you do end it and use Facebook as the excuse and not the lack of an actual relationship, he's likely to think you are nuts, and tell his family and few friends who do know you that you broke up with him because you couldn't post on Facebook about him.

The mature thing to do is sit down with him and talk about where you both see the relationship going. If it's not in roughly the same direction, then what's the point?

hiddenidentity

secret from his friends...

Faith

I was seeing someone who didn't want me to post anything about him on Facebook either, and would freak out if I tagged him in something.

Turned out it was because he didn't want his girlfriend to see evidence of his cheating.

SouthernBelle

Faith wrote: »

I was seeing someone who didn't want me to post anything about him on Facebook either, and would freak out if I tagged him in something.

Turned out it was because he didn't want his girlfriend to see evidence of his cheating.

Finally! Someone with the balls to say what I was thinking!! My friend was in the same situation. She had even met some of his siblings - obviously they were used to his cheating ways though.

cookiexx

Maybe he's messaging and flirting with lots of other women on facebook and evidence that he's in a relationship would put an end to all of that.

Wouldn't be the first time I've seen it.

Xcom2

Maybe its because he doesn't want facebook or the world to know what he does?

I dont have facebook and i dont want it!

Ursus Horribilis

Xcom2 wrote: »

Maybe its because he doesn't want facebook or the world to know what he does?

I dont have facebook and i dont want it!

Still doesn't explain why he won't let her meet his friends or take her out on dates. Seems to be a Netflix and chill relationship from what I can see.

professore

Some families condone their children cheating. One good friend who I would have said was pretty conservative said of her 20 year old daughter home from college in an LTR that if she went with another guy for a night, what harm, as they're "not married yet". Couldn't believe it.

The fact he has pictures of his former gf but not you says he thinks she meets his "hotness" criterion for arm candy and you don't. He sounds very shallow to me.

LegacyUser

cookiexx wrote: »

Maybe he's messaging and flirting with lots of other women on facebook and evidence that he's in a relationship would put an end to all of that.

Wouldn't be the first time I've seen it.

I think this post may have hit the nail on the head. I was one of the girls (god knows how many!) a guy at work was messaging/flirting with. No one ever heard him mention (or has met) his long term, live in girlfriend of five years! There was certainly no evidence on FB either, only a couple of photos of his ex from years ago. Turns out FB is his way of scoring girls on the side while his poor unfortunate GF is at home none the wiser. The girls he messages are also none the wiser. Whereas most of our mutual friends at work think he's either ashamed to be with her or she's unsocial, i know the real reason; he likes to cheat.

Your problem is not FB and I think you already know that...

lucernarian

I'm interested to know if the bf in this story is friends with, or interacts with his family at all on Facebook.

I'm thinking it's easy to show a girlfriend off to family while preferring a different image to be shown to friends and acquaintances, especially if the family lives in a completely different area to where you guys live.

bewary, it takes time for us to approve posts. please don't post the same thing repeatedly
thanks

Lux23

If he is so against Facebook, why has he got an account?

EagererBeaver

Lux23 wrote: »

If he is so against Facebook, why has he got an account?

Why's it any of your business? Where did anyone say he's against Facebook?

Lux23

EagererBeaver wrote: »

Why's it any of your business? Where did anyone say he's against Facebook?

That is what the whole thread is about.

Lux23

professore wrote: »

Some families condone their children cheating. One good friend who I would have said was pretty conservative said of her 20 year old daughter home from college in an LTR that if she went with another guy for a night, what harm, as they're "not married yet". Couldn't believe it.

The fact he has pictures of his former gf but not you says he thinks she meets his "hotness" criterion for arm candy and you don't. He sounds very shallow to me.

I wouldn't see the harm in that either to be honest. 20 is far too young to be tied to one person.