Could you live a happy and fulfilling life without a relationship?

Mister Vain

beks101 wrote: »

There's just this really archaic notion embedded into the Irish psyche that you're a bit "odd" or "defective" or "stubborn" or any number of negative things if you're beyond a certain age and still single. Or even beyond a certain age and not married with kids. It's quite bizarre.

That's true but its not nearly as bad as Poland for example, where a single person over the age of 30 is practically unheard of. There are so many young married Polish couples here. But yeah there is that mentality that you're a bit odd alright. It's like you have a problem that needs to be fixed.

Goya

Could never understand it - even as a kid. It was like people were saying a person cannot function fully by themselves. If you cannot manage to be alone at all, you're in trouble - and wouldn't make for a very attractive partner. Neediness is no craic.

People feeling obliged to bring a +1 to a wedding where they know plenty of people anyway is an example of something that sums this up. Like there's a shame in not having a partner with you. It's weird! Something I think women are more likely to subscribe to than men are.

Clampdown

Yes, though it can be dependent on your personality. Some, like myself, enjoy having a partner to cuddle up with but also enjoy their own company. If a person like that ends up in a relationship with someone who is not similar and expects a lot of attention, is clingy, jealous etc. they will be way more miserable than if they were alone.

It can be really hard to find the person you are compatible with and extricating yourself from a bad relationship is often more painful than being single.

Heard this before: there are pros and cons to both singledom and coupledom, but the pros seem to fade and the cons seem to inflate the longer you're in whichever situation. Very true, I think.

Cartouche

If relationships made people happy, why are there so many unhappy people ?

RobertKK

I am single and plan to stay that way. I am very content with my own company and my few pets - 2 cats and a dog.
I feel fulfilled and am happy, I am free to do what I want, I don't suffer from loneliness, love where I live and have enough friends and family, good neighbours so I don't need anyone else.
I think it is very good to be happy with your own company, I like to travel and see new places, I never feel lonely and depending on the language and people, there are always others to have a chat to. If one felt they needed someone else in their life maybe doing things on one's own would be more difficult.
Maybe I love my independence too much...and don't like the idea of having to compromise for someone else. Maybe that is selfish, but maybe I would have someone else unhappy with wanting my own way, or maybe I would be unhappy as I would be doing the compromise.
But I don't think I will ever find out as I am not seeking a relationship anytime soon.


Everyone is different.

learn_more

I know from experience individuals have wildly differing viewpoints about being involved in relationships.

On a somewhat extreme end I have a friend who has been in relationships virtually all the time I have knows him , say 4 or 5 separate relationships ranging from as short as 1 years duration to say 7 max. When he was out of a relation he would keep referring to himself as 'single'. On one occasion when he was just out of a serious 5 year relationship he told me he was 'interviewing' up to 6 people to be his next partner. He did actually use the word 'interviewing' and not dating.

I found this really odd but as he intended he found a new partner before long and has been with that person for a long time now.

What I noticed about him was that he felt socially awkward when he didn't have a partner to attend say a party with. I felt he wasn't really after love but just wanted to be 'seen' by the public as someone who is 'in a relationship', as if he's an 'incomplete' person if he's not.

I on the other hand am on the other extreme perhaps and I never think of myself as 'single' ! I've had one serious relationship in my life that was good while ago now and without going into the reason why we split I have to say I felt a bit, no, more than a bit, claustrophobic in that relationship. I don't know if that was a pivotal reason why we split.

I do know about myself thought that I do not go around searching for a partner cause when the first time it happened it 'just happened'. I guess that could just happen again.

Pique

It would be happier and more fulfilling than the car crash of a marriage I'm currently in, so yes!

HS3

No. My husband is the only one who gets me. And me him. We work great together. I honestly would hate to see what I might have become if we hadn't met/stayed together.

Widdershins

Each to their own. I don't think I could be happier in a bad or inadequate relationship than single, but I am part of a couple and I'm used to it.

A 60 year old lady posted a picture of her single table setting for Christmas dinner, with her fine china and cutlery, and there was a rake of comments offering from strangers offering to include her in their family's Christmas dinner.
She didn't want that. She said she has lunch with her work friends on Christmas Eve and she is well used to spending Christmases on her own. Some people didn't quite believe she was ok with being alone.

Widdershins

Cartouche wrote: »

If relationships made people happy, why are there so many unhappy people ?

Because life can be tough, even when there's two of you in it together.

mzungu

I genuinely believe you can be just as happy single as you are in a loving relationship. It all depends on the person though. If you are comfortable with yourself and enjoy various interests and live a good life, then it hardly matters if you are single or not. I think some people believe the key to happiness is coupling up, when in fact one should only enter a relationship when they have already attained happiness. I think this is where a lot of marriages hit the rocks. Some people think that one big expensive day out will paper over any cracks and make the union complete and that is the job done with no thought about the decades to follow.

I think stigmas surrounding being single are changing though, and I would guess by the next generation the idea will be largely a thing of the past.

Zaph

I lived what I considered a very happy and fulfilling life as a single guy for many years before I met my wife. That said, I couldn't contemplate ever being without her now, so I think the answer to the question is very much a moveable feast depending on what your situation (and potentially the state of your relationship) is at the time you're asked.

wylo

wylo wrote: »

But I do think despite frustrations and sacrfices that being in one allows you to live a more fulfilled life.

It was pointed out to me once that "solitary confinement" is used as a punishment even in prisons. That is to say - human beings actually prefer the company of rapists and murders then no company at all.

So on the face of it it seems true that we get a more "fulfilled life" when we have relationships.

But then one also has to consider the contemplatives who literally go into isolation - sometimes for extended periods of time that baffle my mind - and come out of it espousing deep contentment - fulfilment - happiness - and well being. Sometimes to the level that inspires that infectious level of response that has them followed by other people are gurus or teachers.

So it would be difficult to stand up to such a person - devoid of all relationships - and attempt to claim that someone in relationships has led a more "fulfilled life".

I know myself I derive a huge amount of happiness and fulfilment from my relationship. But I also know that if that relationship were ever to end for any reason - I likely would not pursue another one. I would seek - and fully expect to find - an equal amount of happiness and fulfilment in alternate ways.