Could you live a happy and fulfilling life without a relationship?

Mister Vain

Well do you think its possible? Pursuing and sustaining a romantic relationship is a major life goal for most people but could you go your entire life without one and still be happy?

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

Well do you think its possible? Pursuing and sustaining a romantic relationship is a major life goal for most people but could you go your entire life without one and still be happy?

Of course you could why not, It does take more effort though. Having said that I am very happily married but have had a long period on my own and I was grand.

5rtytry56

Yes.

But difficult enough in a place like Ireland.
I know all about it, I'm single.

Since you posted in AH,.....and no I'm not into coke & hookers ;D

Galwayguy35

No, I'm over 5 years on my own now and it feels like a lifetime.

Winterlong

Would be happy with 90% of my time in a relationship/family and 10% pure solo. Not possible though.

posturingpat

Is that a serious question?

I genuinely don't get this thing of people needing someone else to make them happy, i'm single of my own accord for 8/9 years now and have no intention of changing anytime soon.
That's not to say i'm totally against the idea if the right woman came along but this thing of people finishing one relationship and rushing into another one a month later baffles me, i love being able to live my life how i want it and not have to worry about keeping plans with a partner. I'm generally a bit hap hazard so that might have something to do with it .

Different strokes for different folks i guess but my answer is a definitive yes.

dd972

Some can, some can't and some have no choice, the people who marry in their 20's and maybe remarry or find another partner at 50 seem to be 'relationship people' who can 'do this stuff' in the same way some people are good at snooker or football and some have to resign themselves to never meeting anyone due to lack of luck, opportunity, not having any yearning or aching need for it or simply because their personalities simply aren't conducive to finding anyone.

I'm in the second category, I've never purposely decided not to find/meet anyone and like the idea of there being a soulmate out there for me, statistically in a world of 7bn half of whom are female there probably is, but it's not much use to me if she's in New Zealand or Argentina and we're never going to cross paths.

hairyprincess

We could have an AH singles night. Speed dating for the degenerates! Who's with me?!!

mzungu

Yes. You can live and happy and fulfilling life being single.

Dr Crayfish

Well I can. It took me a while to get used to it properly, most of my life really, being in and out of a few failed relationships that I probably should never have been in in the first place, and then finally finding my feet after a few stints abroad etc it all seems to be falling into place now.
I like going to work and the people there and I have a house to myself in the evenings, so I'm very lucky that way.
There's a lot to be said for a peaceful life and doing things on your own terms

MadDog76

As someone who is very happily married I would say yes, you can definitely be happy in life without being in a relationship ......... unless you're one of those people who crave one.

I was always very content and happy when single, never pursued the idea of finding the "One" but now that I have, I've never been happier ....... being in a relationship (like being financially stable, having a nice car, owning your own house or whatever it is you want in life) adds, for me, to being happy, ie. a relationship or money or whatever won't make you happy unless you're already happy with yourself.

It's an old saying but it's true, "If you can't make yourself happy then how can you make anybody else happy" ......... a lot of people learn that lesson the hard way.

bman1

I'm single 5 years. Was with a girl 10 years before that. Raised her kids with her. Left that relationship with a broken heart and empty wallet. Took a couple of years to get over that. Thought at the time I might meet sumone else but it's never happened and I'm not bothered. I know many many people are in happy relationships but I've loads of friends and family that are really unhappy too. I like my space now. I like being able to do what I want to do, go where I want to go. I've tried online dating for the Craic just to see if anything might happen but it almost feels like now that I'm useless at the small talk and stuff. Yes I'm negative right now but overall I'm really not. According to some people " being in a relationship" is something you have to do nowadays in order to be happy in life. But is it... ?

Dr Crayfish

bman1 wrote: »

According to some people " being in a relationship" is something you have to do nowadays in order to be happy in life. But is it... ?

Well, that's what the thread is asking!

MadDog76

bman1 wrote: »

I'm single 5 years. Was with a girl 10 years before that. Raised her kids with her. Left that relationship with a broken heart and empty wallet. Took a couple of years to get over that. Thought at the time I might meet sumone else but it's never happened and I'm not bothered. I know many many people are in happy relationships but I've loads of friends and family that are really unhappy too. I like my space now. I like being able to do what I want to do, go where I want to go. I've tried online dating for the Craic just to see if anything might happen but it almost feels like now that I'm useless at the small talk and stuff. Yes I'm negative right now but overall I'm really not. According to some people " being in a relationship" is something you have to do nowadays in order to be happy in life. But is it... ?

I always had one rule, be happy single and be happy in a relationship ....... if you're not, then it's time for a change.

Cupcake_Crisis

I have most parts of life pretty well sorted, good job, nice apartment, great friends. But id be lying if I said that it didn't feel like there was something missing at times.

philstar

you could, but you'd be spending a hell of a lot of time masturbating

Dravokivich

hairyprincess wrote: »

We could have an AH singles night. Speed dating for the degenerates! Who's with me?!!

Trim up a bit first princess and then maybe we'll talk. ;P

Dr Crayfish

Dravokivich wrote: »

Trim up a bit first princess and then maybe we'll talk. ;P

Also there'd probably be 10 blokes for every girl that showed up :eek:
I wonder what the ratio is on boards?

Dravokivich

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Also there'd probably be 10 blokes for every girl that showed up :eek:
I wonder what the ratio is on boards?

There had been surveys done years ago. But also around then women also attended beers in quite considerable numbers. Overall fewer people seem to show up these days.

MilesMorales1

I am doing. I'm asexual which helps, and I genuinely don't feel a need for companionship in that sense. I love my cat, he's great. Most of the time I'm around people in a social setting at all, I want to be alone again.

Noodles81

Of course you can. But first you need to be independent and know your own mind and worth to be single and happy.

A lot of people need the reassurance of a partner to feel accepted or successful to their family and peers. Some feel like it's a series of life goals to achieve in order "to be happy". But life doesn't work that way.

Many realise being a sheep and following the flock does not bring the much anticipated happiness but instead boredom and feelings of being trapped. Hence high separation rates.

Kids aren't for everyone yet it's the done thing to have a family regardless. It's a bit late after the fact to realise you're not really cut out for the job...and plenty aren't.

The best way to be happy imo, is know yourself and then go on from there. If you like doing your own thing...stay single. If you realise you are happier in company, seek it out.

Just don't live your life to please others or to fit in. No one really cares at the end of the day. We're all too busy and preoccupied with our own pursuit of happiness.

I liked being single once my heart was mended. Now I'm in a relationship and I'm happy too.

But society does expect coupling up and can be quite patronising when you don't get in on the act...like there's something wrong with you. When in fact you are just happy being free and independent with no one to answer to. That's a really lovely thing to experience too and one very much overlooked in today's world.

take everything

posturingpat wrote: »

Is that a serious question?

I genuinely don't get this thing of people needing someone else to make them happy, i'm single of my own accord for 8/9 years now and have no intention of changing anytime soon.
That's not to say i'm totally against the idea if the right woman came along but this thing of people finishing one relationship and rushing into another one a month later baffles me, i love being able to live my life how i want it and not have to worry about keeping plans with a partner. I'm generally a bit hap hazard so that might have something to do with it .

Different strokes for different folks i guess but my answer is a definitive yes.

Agree with this.
People who need another person to make them happy are kinda fcuked to begin with.

Arghus

Some people can't do it. Others are happy to make do with all the pornography the internet can provide.

Doge

Been single all my life - 32 years, not by choice and its extremely difficult for me tbh.

Its like a big void that you try to fill with other things but just feel empty inside in the end.

The worst thing is feeling like a complete failure or reject, when almost everyone else your age is settling down, getting married, having kids etc...

At this stage I'd just be happy with just 1 relationship, one that lasts.

It used not affect me when I was younger, but the older you get the tougher it gets imo.

The Raptor

Yes, I can. I love being single.

The notion that you need someone is rubbish. There are so many unhappy couples in marriages they can't get out of. Why do I want to end up like them? I don't and I like doing what I want, when I want.

darkpagandeath

You know you can get 3d porn now with vr ?

Radiosonde

I imagine I'd be miserable once I got old.

Advbrd

Earworm for the day for me is "Single Ladies".
Thanks.

B.A._Baracus

I couldnt and 99% of the world cant. We're people not bears. We need the company of others.
Sure, I know two people who worked in the old folks flats for Dublin City Council (Caretaking job, aka pulling the bins out, sweeping the area of the flats etc) and those old folks have nothing. I mean f*cking nothing. The radio and tele to keep them company all day to they die and i'm talking about people who have kids and grand kids. A lonely existence to end their existence (a harsh fact not a lot of people realise) But lets take away the kids and family who dont visit... you go try 60-70 years of living and not having any relationship. See how "alive" you'll be inside.


Dare I be blunt to... Noodles81 post above with the so many thanks is fecking horsesh*t. Spoken by a person whose had the pleasure of being in a relationship.

Wanderer78

B.A._Baracus wrote:

I couldnt and 99% of the world cant. We're people not bears. We need the company of others. Sure, I know two people who worked in the old folks flats for Dublin City Council (Caretaking job, aka pulling the bins out, sweeping the area of the flats etc) and those old folks have nothing. I mean f*cking nothing. The radio and tele to keep them company all day to they die and i'm talking about people who have kids and grand kids. A lonely existence to end their existence (a harsh fact not a lot of people realise) But lets take away the kids and family who dont visit... you go try 60-70 years of living and not having any relationship. See how "alive" you'll be inside.

I know people in their 60's that have spent most of their lives alone and they seem very fulfilled, in fact they 've had amazing lives and still do. One chap comes to and his life has been amazing, inspiring actually

_Brian

At work I work with a lot of bachelors in their 50's/60's and without exception they all speak sadly about continuously having to go back home to an empty house, particularly over the long winter evenings.

Not having someone to share problems with seems a bit burden on them.

9or10

Sure.

Just get a dog or a cat instead

B.A._Baracus

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I couldnt and 99% of the world cant. We're people not bears. We need the company of others.
Sure, I know two people who worked in the old folks flats for Dublin City Council (Caretaking job, aka pulling the bins out, sweeping the area of the flats etc) and those old folks have nothing. I mean f*cking nothing. The radio and tele to keep them company all day to they die and i'm talking about people who have kids and grand kids. A lonely existence to end their existence (a harsh fact not a lot of people realise) But lets take away the kids and family who dont visit... you go try 60-70 years of living and not having any relationship. See how "alive" you'll be inside.


Dare I be blunt to... Noodles81 post above with the so many thanks is fecking horsesh*t. Spoken by a person whose had the pleasure of being in a relationship.

Who are you to say the post is horseshít?

Chain Smoker

Of course you can. Infinitely better than a **** relationship at the very least.

I would say, however, that it is a good deal harder for men due to the general lack of social groups, difficulty with emotional openness within social norms and such. You can best see it in the difference in what generally happens to a wife when her husband dies (tons of widows appear from the wild to help out) to what happens when the wife dies first.
You've got to put the work in and make a constant effort to meet new people if you want to maintain any kind of social network at all.

I think I could be happy either way. I am very happy in the relationship I am in now. We have 2 of 4 planned kids and everything is going well.

If for some reason the relationship were to end and I ended up single though - I would certainly be very sad - but I think I would stay single. I would likely not see the point in pursuing another relationship. Been there done that. I would pursue the single life and enjoy that every bit as much as relationship life.

Dr Crayfish

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I couldnt and 99% of the world cant. We're people not bears. We need the company of others.
Sure, I know two people who worked in the old folks flats for Dublin City Council (Caretaking job, aka pulling the bins out, sweeping the area of the flats etc) and those old folks have nothing. I mean f*cking nothing. The radio and tele to keep them company all day to they die and i'm talking about people who have kids and grand kids. A lonely existence to end their existence (a harsh fact not a lot of people realise) But lets take away the kids and family who dont visit... you go try 60-70 years of living and not having any relationship. See how "alive" you'll be inside.


Dare I be blunt to... Noodles81 post above with the so many thanks is fecking horsesh*t. Spoken by a person whose had the pleasure of being in a relationship.

Has to be one of the most blindly patronising posts I've ever read! You know most people end up alone when they're old? And where does it end? Is a spouse enough? When they die who will look after you? So you need kids I suppose. But more than one. And not kids that make a life abroad. Seriously get a grip!

It says more about you that a happy life on your own seems so inconceivable to you than those of us who are happy doing our own thing.

MilesMorales1

Deleted User wrote: »

Who are you to say the post is horseshít?

Well it's easier to tell people to be happy with themselves when you are in a happy relationship.

Wanderer78

there are plenty of people very happily married to though

Loveinapril

Some people could but I couldn't. I like regular good sex and I love the companionship of having someone actually sharing my life. I have parents, siblings and friends but there is something utterly fantastic about having one person truly in your corner and completely fulfill all your needs (friendship, love, sex). Before I met my husband, I was in college and really enjoyed brief relationships but lived with my best friend so feel like I still had a kind of partner in life (socialising together, having dinner, going shopping, chatting about the day etc.). Maybe I am just a relationshippy sort of person, whether that is friendship or sexual. I am happy with alone time too, but I almost forget what that feels like as a single person.

Dr Crayfish

Loveinapril wrote: »

there is something utterly fantastic about having one person truly in your corner and completely fulfill all your needs (friendship, love, sex

I find that terrifying relying on someone to fulfill all my needs! What if he met someone else or died? And what happened to your friend after you met your husband? Or did you synch it so you both met your partners at the same time and weren't stuck for having needs fulfilled?

Loveinapril

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

I find that terrifying relying on someone to fulfill all my needs! What if he met someone else or died? And what happened to your friend after you met your husband? Or did you synch it so you both met your partners at the same time and weren't stuck for having needs fulfilled?

I don't rely on him to fulfill my needs, he just does, which is why it feels so good. I didn't know that could happen. Maybe it is just with my husband as it feels different to all other relationships. We have been together for a decade so I am just so used to having him there now. Before him I never needed to be in a relationship though, but I just like being around people. Being around the same people is nice! My best friend is still very much in my life, we are at very different stages in our lives but that doesn't change things.

Dr Crayfish

Loveinapril wrote: »

I don't rely on him to fulfill my needs, he just does, which is why it feels so good. I didn't know that could happen. Maybe it is just with my husband as it feels different to all other relationships. We have been together for a decade so I am just so used to having him there now. Before him I never needed to be in a relationship though, but I just like being around people. Being around the same people is nice! My best friend is still very much in my life, we are at very different stages in our lives but that doesn't change things.

No I get you. Well that's told me!

puppieperson1

Strong people can live alone without any issues however the over sentimetal xmas period often tries to undermine these choices. I chose to be alone as i find relationships too clausterphobic howevr i like to have afew friends to chew the cud with as does everyone. To be in a coupling just to fit in in our society is very sad and many people are very much alone within that unit.

Subcomandante Marcos

The question in the op is flawed. Everyone has relationships besides a statistically negligible subset of outliers.

Not everyone needs a romantic relationship, for various reasons.

Shinbin223

I'm kind of on both sides with this and my views may contradict each other.
I'm 29 and single for the last year and a half. I'm generally happy and get on with my life as best as I can however certain things make it a bit more difficult to do so. Number one is going to weddings etc on my own when everyone else at the table is in a couple. Number two is when people you haven't met in a while come up to me looking for a ring on my finger. I don't know why but this really annoys me.

Personally, I would love a relationship and to get married, have kids and to be honest I've wanted this for as long as I can remember. However I've seen and heard about enough negativity around relationships that make me realise that maybe it's not so bad to be on my own. I only want a relationship if it adds to my life and makes me happier and from what I've seen from friends and colleagues this does not seem to be the case. I've lost count of the amount of people I know who seem genuinely happy in their relationship. Some are with the person because they think there is nothing better out there for them and some have a fear of being on their own and prefer to stay in a relationship with constant fighting, sniping and a general disrespect between the two parties.

I guess the amount of happy stable relationships I know of is far far less than the other type. I would live a happy and fulfilling life in a good relationship but I'd prefer my life as is, to a relationship where I am not 95% happy and confident.

wylo

I think if we were to look at this scientifically the answer would possibly be "probably but not as much as being in one".

Billions upon billions of humans and to a lesser extent animals havent been getting into relationships for 100s of 1000s of years for no reason. It goes far beyond cultural expectations and stuff like that to feel not as happy about being single.

We may have outsmarted evolution but we still have the same needs. We crave physical intimacy, emotional connections, sex and close reliable friendships, as in deep friendships , ones where they are REALLY part of your day to day life and plans, not people you meet for a coffee every week.

I dont think being or not being in a relationship will resolve any deep unhappy stuff you have going on. But I do think despite frustrations and sacrfices that being in one allows you to live a more fulfilled life.

But this is coming from a long term single guy!!!

Amy33

Yes, gave up on relationships in 2009, at the age of 32 and it was the best decision I have ever made.

beks101

I'm sure lots of people could. There's just this really archaic notion embedded into the Irish psyche that you're a bit "odd" or "defective" or "stubborn" or any number of negative things if you're beyond a certain age and still single. Or even beyond a certain age and not married with kids. It's quite bizarre.

I was happy enough single, but I think if it had become a long-term thing I'd have become a bit lonely. There's a great comfort and security in having someone to share your life with, someone who always has your back. There's a real joy in loving someone and making plans with someone. You can have that with family and friends too of course, but it's just not the same as the intimacy and every-dayness of a relationship.

I don't know how I feel about this question. Sometimes I feel like my life would be much simpler if I were single but again that comes from a lot of pain from the past. My life is good regardless of whether or not I have someone to share it with. I love being alone and heading off on my little adventures.

However If someone said to me "Perse you will never have another relationship" then I'd be more than upset. But if they said "Perse you aren't going to spend the rest of your life with one person, you will have different relationships of varying lengths and quality". I'd be pretty damn pleased with that. It's how I feel my life will unfold in terms of love.

This is a sensitive subject. Behind every "not married yet"? "still single"? lies a judgement. Is there something wrong with this person and of course there is no stronger critic than ourselves. Then there is jealousy, envy, pain, what if, if only. Being single when all you want is a relationship is very tough. It's easy to be smug and assume that your way is the best way. It's also a rather horrible trait in a person. You may be happy with your lot but it doesn't mean everyone wants the same.

Sometimes people are more in love with the idea of being with someone than the person themselves. The concept of a relationship takes on huge meaning, it becomes almost like a person. Our self worth gets attached to it.
Of course all of that is counter-productive. Khalil Gibran told us to make no bond of love. He's spot on. Nobody will ever fill the empty parts of you and if you seek that out then you are on the road to heartache. I believe that our ability to be alone and to find contentment from ourselves is vital to a healthy mind. If you have that then love will find it's way to you much easier.

Shelga

I think I could live a happy and fulfilling life without one, but would take a while to get used to. It's a great thing, like Beks said, to have that intimacy and connection with someone, that's different to friendship.

On the other hand, like others have said, so many relationships hide so much under the surface. They're hard work and mean giving a part of yourself to someone else. I have mixed feelings about the idea of my identity being tied to someone else's. Maybe that's not the best way to put it, but you look at some couples after a few years together, it's like they almost merge into one person. Like they can't imagine coping with life without the other person. If/when I get into another relationship, I hope I don't lose that feeling that I'll be fine no matter what happens with it.

It's tough when you've been burned a few times too. Sometimes you just can't be bothered anymore. But I'd like to stay optimistic and put more effort into meeting new people next year. I guess, despite the possible negative outcomes, you have to throw yourself into life and love and believe in the good stuff and creating memories with someone. Isn't that what it's all about?

Maximus Alexander

I'd definitely rather be alone than be with someone who is a bad fit. Throughout my 20s I was always stunned by the amount of people without commitments like houses or kids who persisted with relationships that were ill matched, for years, until the whole thing would inevitably blew up. Surely you'd be better off going solo?

That said, I'm lucky enough to be in a well matched relationship and wouldn't change it for the world. Yeah, sometimes you make concessions to one another and don't always do exactly what you want to (although that's untrue in itself because making your partner happy becomes something you want to do), but the majority of the time we're on the same page. Neither of us are controlling, we don't keep one another on a short leash or feel the need to monopolise one another's attention. And I get always have someone around who I find endlessly entertaining, and who always has my back while I always have hers.

So no, I couldn't be happy alone if what I have now was an option. But if the alternative is to settle just for the sake of it, then I'd go it alone for sure.