Feeling down over Christmas life is in a mess

yermandan

Thinking of ya buddy. New year new start is such a cliche but in my experience it is a great motivator. I would definitely recommend seeing a counsellor when you can - it might help you to get in to the right frame of mind to attack the new year.

All the best and Happy Christmas

Belini

No offence, but you need some perspective, you are going through a difficult time but there are lots of worse things in life. Keep the chin up and you will get work. My husband is dying from a brain tumour. We have three children under 6 and facing financial uncertainty. Want to swop?

petrolcan

Belini wrote: »

No offence, but you need some perspective, you are going through a difficult time but there are lots of worse things in life. Keep the chin up and you will get work. My husband is dying from a brain tumour. We have three children under 6 and facing financial uncertainty. Want to swop?

Get your own thread!!





But seriously, sh1t! Are you at least getting support?

KERSPLAT!

Belini wrote: »

No offence, but you need some perspective, you are going through a difficult time but there are lots of worse things in life. Keep the chin up and you will get work. My husband is dying from a brain tumour. We have three children under 6 and facing financial uncertainty. Want to swop?

I'm very sorry for your troubles but if that's the case then no one should ever complain because there is always someone worse off. The OP has genuine troubles. Feel free to start a thread here or in PI if you'd like to talk about your own troubles. We've a great community here, always ready to give helpful, constructive advice when needed.

Dr Jakub

Move to an Central/Eastern European country? Work online and live like a king. You won't make a lot of money but you won't have to spend your days wage slaving in a cubicle. You're also guaranteed to be hit with the local girls.

Belini

I know that I genuinely don't mean to offend as as much as my life is a horror story I know I also have a lot to be thankful for. However if I had my time over I really wish I hadn't have stressed over smaller things in life ( and I realise for the op its not necessarily small to him ) and perhaps that someone had told me to cope on and enjoy life. I hope the op gets sorted and perhaps talks to someone about what's going on to help him.

KERSPLAT!

Belini wrote: »

I know that I genuinely don't mean to offend as as much as my life is a horror story I know I also have a lot to be thankful for. However if I had my time over I really wish I hadn't have stressed over smaller things in life ( and I realise for the op its not necessarily small to him ) and perhaps that someone had told me to cope on and enjoy life. I hope the op gets sorted and perhaps talks to someone about what's going on to help him.

I'm very similar myself in that I worry about things that I shouldn't. I wish you and your husband all the best.

Killergreene

Chin up pal. Tough times don't last tough people do.

ygolometsipe

Hi OP

What your going through is very normal. The number of unemployed is very high
at the moment so don't beat yourself up over it

This is a plan you could follow:
- I recommend a chat with your doctor, just to rule out any depression e.tc.
- Keep a clean diet and exercise, avoid alcohol, your health is really important.
 Physical fitness is very underrated, it will improve your mood and outlook.

- I think you could start to write a novel or even a short story. Keep applying for jobs
but you can tell people at Christmas this is what your doing. Its impressive to 
hear someone is doing this or a play e.t.c. I would imagine it will help when looking
for work, even forwarding on a first chapter could showcase your talent.
- Start a blog and begin to write. As the guy said in finding forester "The first key to writing is... to write, not to think!"
- Learn a little web programming html, css, JavaScript its very creative.
http://www.w3schools.com/
- Walk for 2 hours minimum each day.
- Meet people constantly and talk, it will keep you in a good frame of mind.

- This is easier said than done but dont get caught up on what other people think.
As Baz Luhrmann said "Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself."

2016 was a terrible year by any measure, were all looking forward to 2017.

Best of luck

Surreptitious

ygolometsipe wrote: »

As Baz Luhrmann said "Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself."

True that, feck the begrudgers.

looksee

With journalism of all things you do not need to move. You could be a journalist anywhere from your computer. Start a blog, refine your skills and knowledge. Keep up to date with everything, news, fashions, memes, whatever. Print journalism may well be declining, but the quality of on-line journalism is dire, find yourself a niche, even if it is hobby related, and write about it. Don't go for the big, obvious things like sport, films, music, find an area that is popular and you know about. Be interested, excited, enthusiastic. Or write something about Christmas while being unemployed. Or sick, or away from home. Not a personal moan but an interesting and worthwhile look at the issues.

You will not make any money at it initially so you can legitimately stay on benefit and keep looking for a job, but get up and do some research, write some stuff, get people reading you.

Don't stress about Christmas, it will be much the same as every year, have a couple of days to relax and be nice to yourself and your partner. And if you are really down, go and have a chat with your GP. But most of all, be positive, lift your head, take a deep breath and smile, see yourself climbing stairs out of your sense of hopelessness, give it a go, you have nothing to lose.

Muahahaha

OP you should tell your GP how you feel first and foremost. Depression is like a spiral and if you dont tackle the root cause of how you feel then things will constantly seem bad and getting worse. Look after your head first and the rest will come with time.

On the job thing I think the advise of finding customer service work in an inbound call centre is very good. Its not a long term career so dont see it like that. Its just a stepping stone to elsewhere, I know tons of people who did 12 months in a call centre before moving onto something more in their line. That first years experience post university is crucial as it shows prospective employers that youre reliable and willing to work hard. With a years full time experience immediately other employers are far more likely to hire you than the person straight out of college. Get that under your belt and then lots of other potential opportunities will open up.

If writing/journalism is truly your calling then as others have said pick a specialist area to write about and blog away. It will be a slow burner but if you are good at it and write engaging unique content then sooner or later editors will see it and youll get the opportunity to freelance. You can do all this in your spare time.

ebbsy

Christmas is just another day bud.

spud82

Thanks a mill for all the replies, just reading through them now. Another issue I had was that they found I may not be able to have kids, and I will have to go for more tests. My heart is actually broken in too over this, and I lost a very good friend suddenly in October, who was a massive part of my life. I just need to stay positive but I just feel exhausted of everything at this stage

spud82

spud82 wrote: »

Thanks a mill for all the replies, just reading through them now. Another issue I had was that they found I may not be able to have kids, and I will have to go for more tests. My heart is actually broken in too over this, and I lost a very good friend suddenly in October, who was a massive part of my life. I just need to stay positive but I just feel exhausted of everything at this stage

Tbh, the stuff about jobs and careers, that'll sort itself out, you said your partner has a good job so that's something even if a lot less than ideal. But many couples don't even have one person on a good salary.

But that news is very sad and worrying and I hope the tests don't bring bad news. Best of luck.

JeffKenna

Jesus Spud I think After Hours needs to bring you on a piss up

petrolcan

spud82 wrote: »

Thanks a mill for all the replies, just reading through them now. Another issue I had was that they found I may not be able to have kids, and I will have to go for more tests. My heart is actually broken in too over this, and I lost a very good friend suddenly in October, who was a massive part of my life. I just need to stay positive but I just feel exhausted of everything at this stage

Talk about it. Talk to your loved ones. Talk to your partner. Talk to professionals.
Talk to strangers (box now ticked).

Don't be silent.

cactusgal

spud82 wrote: »

Thanks a mill for all the replies, just reading through them now. Another issue I had was that they found I may not be able to have kids, and I will have to go for more tests. My heart is actually broken in too over this, and I lost a very good friend suddenly in October, who was a massive part of my life. I just need to stay positive but I just feel exhausted of everything at this stage

Hi OP, sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time, it sounds like you are dealing with a lot of hard stuff all at the same time.

I'm far from getting my life together myself, but a few things:

I have a similar educational background/qualifications as you. I've been teaching English for several years now, and I haven't been unemployed since I started teaching. Is that something you might consider, even to tide you over for a bit? Drawbacks are the pay isn't great (e18-24 per hour, depending on where you work) and it's difficult to get a proper contract, but plusses are that it's low stress and part time hours, so it allows you time to focus on other parts of life. I run a successful business on the side, another colleague is a published author, another is in an up and coming band, etc etc.

One other thing - people may disagree with me, but New Zealand is not all it's cracked up to be. I lived there for 18 months and, well, hated it. It's incredibly, incredibly expensive, very far away, and just ... not the easiest place to live. Having said that, I had no trouble at all picking up teaching work there.

Chin up, OP. It is hard, but you've got to keep fighting and stay positive as best you can! Xx

9or10

spud82 wrote: »

Thanks a mill for all the replies, just reading through them now. Another issue I had was that they found I may not be able to have kids, and I will have to go for more tests. My heart is actually broken in too over this, and I lost a very good friend suddenly in October, who was a massive part of my life. I just need to stay positive but I just feel exhausted of everything at this stage

Spud, I'm no expert , but lumping everthing together isn't at all helpful.

BTW I lost a dear friend in October too and some days .

Train Dragon

Hi OP

I cant stand December or January either. I would suggest getting Vitamin D3 supplements and trying to find things in your life to be grateful for.

Good luck.

Cowenwatch

spud82 wrote: »

Hi guys


This year has been incredibly different. I was trying to set up my own business and it didn't work. I had to move home too.

I am finding it impossible to find work and I mean impossible I have sent out my CV everywhere, met career advisors, had my CV done over my experts etc. I have a MA and two degrees too, and I am actually heart broken not be working.

I am the only one of my friends not working and it soul destroying, My baby brother just bought a house with his fiancee and got a permanent job. I feel like a massive looser and failure in comparison. I mean who wants to be a boomerang child

I have no idea what to do. I apply every day for jobs phone and sometimes call in to follow up. If I go back to college I will get no financial aid but I think it's something I will have to consider or I will sink further into depression. I am dreading christmas and telling everyone I have no job, i just feel so alone and depressed.

Hi Spud, I hope you're feeling a bit better and I can definitely relate to this. I finished a Masters in Journalism a few years ago and have had zero luck in sorting out a job since. I have done a couple of internships and had a couple of articles published on alternate news sources but zero, zilch in actually getting a paying job. I must have sent off over 50 CVs to potential jobs since the middle of August alone but have only ever got four responses in that time - although I did manage to get part time work (three hour radio show) on an internet radio station and it gives me something to do but it pays.... zero, zilch, nothing! Needless to say, the amount of writing I've done within the past year has been waning off to literally nothing these days. Writing a good article and getting it published was a joy but it has been very hard to stay focused and to keep up the writing, sadly.

Like yourself, I'm living at home but with an aging parent so it kind of suits to two of us for me to be here but still... like my peers, I should have got the house, the car and the wife and kids too by now. And, I do agree, walking into the only boozer in the area is a nightmare. People who I use to be friendly with just stopped saying hello, I've even heard people calling me the 'Bum' word or something similar and even the barman running me down to the girlfriend with the: "What are you doing with him", and, of course, that sh*t cut to the bone.

I could handle all Ivory Tower crap though up until the girlfriend realised I wasn't the person she thought I was a couple of months ago and shacked up with the barman in the local boozer - just like that! We had arranged the two of us would head to hers for the crimbo so now it looks like I will be spending it at home with the rest of my family - again! But it turns out herself and the barman had been at it for months and he wasn't the only one keeping her warm, I've heard of a couple of others in there too.

So to say I was heart broken is an understatment - I was gutted. This massive F***ing void opened up inside me and it felt like there was absolutely nothing to replace it or her. I went a couple of months with only two or three hours sleep a night. I would even take a sleeping tablet and maybe get two hours sleep, have another tablet and get two hours sleep and so on. Its only in the last few weeks am I getting back to normal. I had no appetite and no appetite to do anything. If truth be told, hitting the medicine cabinet full of pills in all the colours of the rainbow did cross my mind a few times but thankfully I am smart enough to know doing something like that is only a long term solution to a short term problem!

But I was able to find some comfort else where. You may have come across these books before but I have always found them invaluable

Man's Search For Meaning: https://www.google.ie/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1PRFC_enIE711IE713&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=man%27s%20search%20for%20meaning%20pdf

And, The Alchemist: https://www.google.ie/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1PRFC_enIE711IE713&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=the%20alchemist%20pdf

The basic message to take from both books is: Success (whatever that is for you) is not to be aimed at but will come as a by-product.

The guitar that I fumbled around for years with... I've managed to become quite proficient with it and have learned five songs (using three to four chords) in the space of five weeks. The tips of my fingers on my left hand are as hard of nails now. I played it literally til my fingers bled but, most importantly, it kept my mind busy, stopping the negative thoughts at the time.

About a month ago I spoke to a friend about the situation I was going through and she suggested I ask the GP for something to help. At the time I was nearly in tears telling the Doc what was happening with me but he was very understanding. I don't really remember what he said to me but it was good to offload on someone who wasn't in my circle of friends. Anyway, he put me on something last week and I do feel better. I still think about her far too much - she obviously isn't worth it - but I'm getting better.

And, as a previous poster pointed out and in the words of Bob Marley: When it rains, it doesn't just rain on one man's roof. That's a quote I found myself saying to myself over the past couple of months. Everyone has problems. Hell, even the barman will find that out one day when she bites him on the arse too and she will. She can't help herself! Everyone has issues and problems, we're all neurotic. Bring me someone who says they're normal and they're probably a complete and utter tool.

So, now what for me?

I told myself if I didn't have anything sorted out by Xmas, I'm out of here. I don't want to leave but sticking around here isn't too appealing either. I did an online TEFL course in 2015 so had always planned to go but put it on the back burner for a while - though making the decision to go as a result of the past two months is a bad idea but still... if I do go, it could be the best decision I've ever made, could be the worst, time will tell. Anywho, I've already got the wheels in motion regarding the documents I need to head off to S. Korea/China and once they're in I'll start applying to positions.

Another poster suggested freelance work doing 'copy writing, proofreading, editing, that sort of thing', and I came across this site:

http://ie.jobrapido.com/?w=journalism

I don't know a whole lot about it but I'm definitely considering applying for an offer and see where it takes me. I have shag all to lose anyway.

Short story writing has also crossed my mind, maybe even start a focus group consisting of some early teens to find out what they are into these days - I kid you not!

Other than that, there may be a position going in some boat supply shop and if it does materialise, I'll take it with boat hands, excuse the pun!

Anyway, life is way too short to give two Fs about what anyone thinks of you. You're a smart guy going through a tough time but the world is spinning at thousands of kilometres an hour through a universe so fing big our brain can't even fathom. Things change and life is fluid. Nothing, if you stand and look at it for long enough, stays the same - things will change!

Finally, I still have to walk into the boozer and look at the two love birds going through the motions but it doesn't get to me as much as it used to. I never make eye contact nor speak to them, bar asking the barman for a pint please, that's it. She'll ask how am I? "Fine." how's your mum? "Fine." And, are you coming out for a smoke? "No, I'm fine, thank you"! I came to realise, even though she had no respect for me, I can still have some for myself!

Goya

Great stuff Cowenwatch - all the best to you. You've got great writing skills anyway!

I like that Marley quote.

And: "Everyone wants happiness, nobody wants pain... but you can't make a rainbow without a little rain!" (not Bob Marley).

diomed

You could try my buses idea.
Years ago I was waiting for a bus in the city centre and getting late for work on the north side. I was worried. I was in the last weeks before redundancy and we had a new manager who was difficult.

Then I decided to change my thinking. I said to myself there is a bus coming closer to me every minute. It might be around the corner, or a few miles away, but every second it is getting closer. I would get on it and get to work.

When I left the company I took the same attitude. My next job might be a few weeks away, or months away, but I knew I would be working in the future. Luckily I got a temporary job a week later, and a year after that a permanent position.

Cowenwatch

Flimpson wrote: »

Great stuff Cowenwatch - all the best to you. You've got great writing skills anyway!

I like that Marley quote.

And: "Everyone wants happiness, nobody wants pain... but you can't make a rainbow without a little rain!" (not Bob Marley).

Thanks Flimpson!

I like the analogy Diomed and I couldn't agree more. Back in 2004 I worked in an absolutely horrendous job with coworkers who were the meanest sobs that ever walked the earth. I was thrown into the deep end with no experience whatsoever only to receive dogs abuse off the coworkers when things went wrong. After 14 months the boss told me he was letting me go.

I know I would have been stressed out about getting another job but it was the best thing that ever happened. Within four weeks I had two jobs, Tuesdays to Fridays full time and Saturday + Sunday doing part time. I was earning so much dough I couldn't spend it. I would walk into a clothes shop pick A, B, and C, bring them home and never wear them again - they were too small or something, dopey bollo*. Christ, they were decadent days.

Anyway, ended up being taken on full time by the part timer and moving to Kildare and living rent free and getting a decent wedge every week. And, might even still be there if the crash hadn't happened but who knows - life truly is a box of chocolates!