6 months in and first major fight and he ends it

From personal experience, anyone that snaps like that is likely to snap again, with each time getting worse and worse. And would definitely be deemed as a worthy reason to just walk away. Even if you love them. Otherwise you'd be staying in what is on the border of becoming an abusive relationship.

You don't regret what you said. You only regret it because he walked away. If he stayed, you probably wouldn't think anything of it and of doing it again.

Did this fight happen in front of your daughter?

If you are not willing and able to take advise from a partner on your daughter, then maybe you shouldn't have a partner. I understand that you are defensive over your child, as any biological parent would be, but for a relationship to work, to be healthy, and be normal, then the partner needs to be able to be involved.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

pookie82 wrote: »

A lot of people seem to think "whatever is said in the heat of an argument must be true"; I disagree with that.

I agree with you there but not with the rest of your post. I'm like a insecurity-seeking missile when I get to a certain level of anger, I have in the past said devastating things that I didn't believe at all to the people I love most in an argument. Not because those were things I believed but because I knew those people very well, knew their insecurities, knew what would hurt and in that moment I was liable to say whatever would hurt most.

But, knowing that about myself, I have to own it and control it and never, ever, ever do it. It's not acceptable, it's not something that people should 'stop taking so seriously'. When you construct things specifically to cause hurt, you don't get to impose a time limit on that hurt.

I think OP knows well that she was wrong and has no excuse, in fact she's specifically stated that so I don't know why people keep piling on the criticism. And for what it's worth I think giving unwanted advice on your partner's parenting six months into a relationship is at the very least a boundary-pusher. But that doesn't justify ripping them to shreds.

As said, very possible that it's not his first rodeo with this kind of behaviour and it's a complete red flag, and I don't think continuing to pursue him is wise. Take it as a lesson, and make it a priority to manage your stress and your anger in future, learn about and practice self-care and how to handle conflict. If I feel myself getting to that point, I often say I'm not able to discuss this right now, we'll have to do it later. Or even just literally not open my mouth for the time (usually only like 30 seconds) it takes to calm down, because if I open it I don't know what horrible stuff is going to come out.

Yellow pack crisps

The worry and probable exhaustion that comes from a child being sick and then all sorts of things can come out when put under more external pressure can result in things being said! Not right that you did but I guess he didn't just say it in a non confrontational way to make you react like that? Usually these things seep out when one is under undue pressure! More than likely he was looking for a way out and this gave him the out he needed. To be honest maybe it's a good thing as really you need to work on the way you communicate. I do agree six months in is not too much time to be playing daddy. Maybe the next relationship take your time before introducing your child into the equation.

Idle Passerby

On the points about nasty personal comments said in the heat if the moment: Its a very damaging style of comnunication for people who don't operate that way.

I had a relationship with someone who made hurtful remarks during arguments and it really makes you question the whole relationship. You start wondering if this is what they think of me why are we even together.

I tried to harden myself to the comments and brush it off as meaningless but in hindsight I should have gone with my gut and questioned why I was with someone who could be so nasty to the person they supposedly loved.

Jimmy Bottlehead

The advice you've been given is very sound, OP.

Outbursts like that are not acceptable in a healthy, loving relationship. People will justify it to themselves "I only said it because I was mad / to hurt them cos i felt hurt" but it's no excuse.

As said above, I admire this guy for walking away with his self respect intact. You've lost a guy who you've made out to be good, and all for the sake of a temper tantrum and uncontrolled emotion.

The antidepressant issue is a factor to consider as some people react horrible to a dosage reduction. It doesn't excuse your behaviour but it could have been a contributing factor. Regardless it shows you need them and it's good you're back at your normal dosage.

As advised above, you've likely screwed this relationship beyond repair but... writing him a message may be worth one last shot. DO NOT justify what you said or did. It has no justification and I'd wager it was pretty horrific as you've yet to tell us what it is. Hold your hands up and offer him solutions and change - he needs to know this crap won't happen again. I'd recommend telling him about the antidepressant dosage change, and also that you may consider counselling to help you control your temper and handle conflict.

Ursus Horribilis

Depending on the age you are, having a kid could now be a dealbreaker for this guy. You became extremely defensive over your child and that might be something that's colouring his thinking as well. It's bloody awkward having to date a woman who has a kid who's not yours. Was what he said really that bad? Maybe he wants to date someone who has no kids.

Dr Crayfish

Miguel Bitter Bellows wrote: »

I agree with you there but not with the rest of your post. I'm like a insecurity-seeking missile when I get to a certain level of anger, I have in the past said devastating things that I didn't believe at all to the people I love most in an argument. Not because those were things I believed but because I knew those people very well, knew their insecurities, knew what would hurt and in that moment I was liable to say whatever would hurt most.

But you can't just come out and say oh this is a thing that I do, I find things that hurt people the most and say it to them. That's f*cking horrible.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

But you can't just come out and say oh this is a thing that I do, I find things that hurt people the most and say it to them. That's f*cking horrible.

Literally the next sentence of that post acknowledged that.

But, knowing that about myself, I have to own it and control it and never, ever, ever do it. It's not acceptable, it's not something that people should 'stop taking so seriously'. When you construct things specifically to cause hurt, you don't get to impose a time limit on that hurt.

elstingeo

Take it as a life lesson and move on. It will hurt but you will survive. Some people really take personal stuff said in an argument to heart and it can act as a red flag for them. From personal experience I was no cake walk in a previous relationship but when my ex said some really hceavy hitting things thag hit a lot of raw nerves I made the decision that it was a judgement of her character and haven't spoken to her in almost 2 years.

Every one has boundaries and different ideas of self respect. Obviously you may have pushed a boundary who knows. Or maybe he may calm down in time and become civil with you. But who can predict.

If anything it is a valuable lesson not to use personal attacks against another person in an argument. Learn from the mistake and don't repeat it in the future if possible. I wish you luck.