I'm dreading Christmas

LegacyUser

I usually love Christmas but this year I'm dreading it or the expense of Christmas. I think there is an American Thanksgiving aspect to Christmas in Ireland. Well, that's what Christmas means to me anyways. Does that make sense? Anyways, I went on a bit of a ramble there.

My family are great and we keep things low key and sensible. There are no gifts between adults. There are few children and we usually gift to the children. This here is still relatively low cost. However, there are other costs on my back. There are a few couples I usually gift to and they gift me, etc. Like my aunt and uncle, granny, a friend couple.

It's all of these costs I'm dreading. Keeping the cost of gifts to about 20 to 30 euro per child/couple it's all adding up. It might be easy to say, organise a Kris Kindle and that would be a good idea but I don't know how something like this would work when some of the couple's don't know each other etc, not part of family etc. The costs are adding up. I did a rough estimate and included the usual upcoming ESB, gas bill etc. Also included are some birthdays coming up. Although I won't be going to any partybI will probabgive something small. All these costs adding up and filling me with dread. It doesn't leave much money for anything else. I'd say I would just about be able for a Christmas grocery shop between - lidl, aldi and dunnes. After that I will be broke until about the 5th of January.

I looked into the 'it makes sense' credit union loans but my local credit union doesn't participate. I don't get paid a lot but there is an additional monthly expense bill this year that will have me in trouble financially if I'm not careful. Any help or advice on how to keep things ticking over at Christmas. If I had the money I could try some black Friday deals but I don't have the money.

Merkin

You need to shop smarter TBH. I have expensive taste but couldn't ordinarily afford a €25 bottle of shower gel etc or a €30 candle that I love on a regular basis so I buy lots of gorgeous goodies in TK Maxx for example. All those couples you are spending €30 each on could easily be bought something lovely in there for less than a tenner. It's also really good for children's clothes and toys as well so if you're savvy you could still buy gorgeous gifts but at a fraction of the cost.

miezekatze

Maybe talk to the other people you usually buy presents and suggest to not give each other presents anymore. They may welcome the suggestion.

If you feel you have to get them something then I agree with the previous poster, shop smart. Watch out for sales and discount codes and you can save a lot of money that way.

Absolutely don't take out a loan just to be able to buy presents! Just budget a certain amount that you can afford for Christmas presents and stick to it.

Airyfairy12

You need to be creative, I sometimes buy cheap little mason jars, fill them with different chocolates, you can buy bags of individually wrapped sweets and chocolates in the two euro shop, marshmallows, throw in a ferrero rocher or two a few sachets of hot chocolate/latte/cappuccinos and maybe a candy cane.. depending on the person youre giving it too.. like ive a friend who's more into coffee so ill fill hers with dark chocolate/coffee flavored chocolate and a maxwell cappuccino sachet, a box of them cost like 4 euro, if theyre more into tea then ill put in some individually wrapped herbal tea bags instead, then once the lids on I wrap a little ribbon around it. It will cost me 15/20 euro in total and does about 4/5 people, If I cant find any mason jars then I just buy some cheap christmas cups in a cheap shop and it does the job.
Filling jars with ingredients for things like cookies/scones/cakes. Put each ingredient in separately but at the right measurements and on the jar you tie a card to it saying what it is, the list of ingredients, what else is needed ..like water or oil and how to make it.

You can bulk up gifts with little things from pennys like scarves, pajamas, jewelry, socks, hats, gloves ect... you can get stuff for 2 or 3 euro, chemists often have some really nice candles, creams and unusual gifts for under a tenner. If im really stuck for ideas and feel like a gift is too small I buy a couple of 2 euro scratch cards, a small petrol voucher, a big galaxy bar or little things like hair clips, hair bobbins, a travel size soap and glory hand cream and face wipes.

cactusgal

XmasGirl wrote: »

I usually love Christmas but this year I'm dreading it or the expense of Christmas. I think there is an American Thanksgiving aspect to Christmas in Ireland.

I don't understand this comparison at all, TBH. The best thing about Thanksgiving (and why a lot of us Americans prefer it to Christmas) is that it's a non-materialistic celebration, where no gifts are exchanged, ever. It's just about spending time with loved ones and eating a nice meal together.

I agree with other posters on the thread to shop smarter, lots of nice gifts to be had for less than 30 quid. Fun things for kids' gifts at Tiger, that's dead cheap. If you bake, you could make a nice batch of homemade biscuits or cake. Definitely don't be taking out loans for Christmas gifts!

LegacyUser

Don't worry, maybe your friends feel the same way and are afraid to bring it up?

A Krist Kindle can be done with your family so thay limits the cost.

Also do you have secret talents or skills like maybe you are handy with a sewing machine or you are a good baker etc? As someone pointed out buy nice mason jar, you get them cheap enough and fill them with chocolatss or homemade spicy cooking oil etc....there are lots of ideas online.

Or maybe give them vouchers for special dinner in your place, organise a treasure hunt.
I also like the idea of advent calendar...24 little inexpensive surprises also lots of ideas for that online.
It's the thought that counts.

HalloweenJack

Could you not justhave a quick word with them and say that you're not financially able to spend a lot this year and you need to redirect finances for more important things? Anyone with a heart will understand, anyone who gives you grief should be kept at a distance, imo. People are under a lot of financial pressure these days and corners need to be cut. You shouldn't feel obliged to buy people presents.

Call me Al

Cut back by doing Kris Kindle with immediate family only. In other words your brothers and sisters and their partners (and maybe even your parents if you like and your siblings/parents are agreeable).
You can't really include other people outside these in this arrangement.
Be thrifty. There are some excellent suggestions here for imaginative presents. I agree 're TK Maxx and maybe even Home Store and More. Bake a cake if you're able to. But some ribbon and put effort into presentation.
It's not all about the amount you spend.

OUTDOORLASS

In the likes of Boots, you can get great value on the 3 for 2. that is 3 gifts for the price of 2.

santana75

I think this is where christmas has gone crazy. You are putting yourself under so much pressure its literally sucking the joy out of the holiday season. And thats not right. I mean what is this really about? I'd be 99.99% sure that the people you are stressing about giving presents to, if they knew about how wound up you are about the whole thing, would be shocked and tell you that its grand, they dont need a present. I'd sit down and ask yourself what exactly is the reason you're so wound up. And then just talk to them. Call them and say listen things are tight, could we not buy each other gifts this year? I'd be pretty sure they'd be happy about that one themselves. People are a lot sounder than you'd imagine they are. Test it out, talk to them, be direct and honest instead of worrying unnecessarily.

Big Bag of Chips

Last year I stopped buying for "extras" and only buy for my own family. I have one friend who we always bought for each other and our children. Last year she asked me what to get them. I told her nothing. That I was cutting back and didn't want her to buy for mine because I wasn't going to buy for hers!

She agreed!

As children, Santy came to us. We didn't get present from aunties, uncles, friends, neighbours etc. My parents bought a present for one particular neighbour who was very good to us and that was it. Tins of biscuits/sweets for a few others. I think speak up and tell people you are cutting back this year. People in general have enough to be doing and might be only too happy to have one less present to get.

Parchment

You're only really under the pressure you put on yourself. You seem to feel really obliged to buy things for people - its ok not to or to buy smaller things.

Go to Tiger and get little bits for kids - each thing is 2/3e each and make up a goody bag for each child. They will love it.

You said you dont give gifts to adults - apart from a few. Each couple could get a candle or a nice bottle of wine, you can get lovely candles in Dunnes for 12e and a bottle of wine can be the same price or even less.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel as I would be on a limited budget also. I also have a few nieces and nephews birthdays in the weeks coming up to Christmas.

This is what I do to keep costs down. I keep an eye out for bargins and buy them when I see them. I then put them aside untill the birthdays/christmas come up.

This year I know that Heatons have good value on toys and crayola products. I also got some good things for children in TK Maxx. I know that M and S have different gifts sets at 1/2 price over the past few few weeks. I know that the loyds chemists often have nice gift sets that are not to expensive.

I also found good bargins in books on www.thebookpeople.co.uk. They have free delivery to a Uk address once you spend over £25 stg.
Set up a dpd parcel wizzard account - this allows you to get parcels sent to Dpd N. Ireland depot for free and then they will deliever the parcel/parcels to your home address for €3.85 each.

This site has great sets of books for children - ie 8 or 10 books for say £10 stg - you could split the sets into 2 or 3 presents. They also have nice books on travel, cookery, wine, homes and gardens for adults. They also do 2 or 3 books in a series or by the same author for around £5 or £6 stg for adults. They have toys and other gifts here also.

I would also have a look at argos website. They have bargins on different items. They also so 2 toys for €20. If you see what you want reserve them and you have a day or 2 to pick them up after this.

At this stage I would work our what you can afford to spend. I would make a list of who you have to buy for and put beside the name a few of the things they like.

If your buying for some couples who have children why offer to mind the children for them rather than buying them an expensive present.
I have freinds with small children and they like having an odd night out with their partners. Even to have a few hours to get their hair done or go shopping without kids is a brake for them.

Rubberchikken

maybe admitting that you're finding christmas expensive might open up others to admitting the same.
people buy so much stuff for others that noone genuinely needs. i for one, would prefer to get nothing than be getting something that even cost just a fiver. realistically, 5 euro doesnt buy much but even the thought of someone spending it on tat from the 'pound shop' annoys me.
christmas is about family/friends/ or at least should be, not a time for people to just purchase things just because tv/ads tell us to.

sorry for ranting:) i just hate waste. take care

miamee

It's a teribble pressure to be under OP but Christmas is far enough away that you could say to people that you need to cut back and not buy so many presents this year. Any close friends and family will understand this and if you are in better financial shape next year, there is no reason why you can't go back to buying presents for them if that is what you want to do.

Johngoose

Would you consider buying stuff on credit card and paying back gradually in the new year?For a few hundred euro it wouldn't be too bad.

GingerLily

Johngoose wrote: »

Would you consider buying stuff on credit card and paying back gradually in the new year?For a few hundred euro it wouldn't be too bad.

DON'T DO THIS!!!! Awful advice, there is no need to ever get in debt over Christmas Presents,.it's such a slippery dangerous slope.

bee06

GingerLily wrote: »

DON'T DO THIS!!!! Awful advice, there is no need to ever get in debt over Christmas Presents,.it's such a slippery dangerous slope.

Completely agree. I'd be absolutely horrified if I thought someone did that to buy me a present. I'd prefer to get nothing.

fineso.mom

OP some good advice from other posters 're TKMaxx etc or telling those couples things are tight. Think of it this way, if they came to you and said things were difficult this year you wouldn't hold it against them would you. I'm sure they would hate to think you were putting yourself under pressure for the sake of buying them something they probably don't need anyway.
If you really want to give them something, as others have said, use your talents, make or bake something. I work in a preschool and parents often give us presents, mugs/candles/chocolates... the usual. It's lovely of them but of all the presents over the years my favourites (and the only ones I actually remember who it was I got them from!), are a knitted tea cosy and a handmade card. The card was so lovely I framed it, and the tea cosy is in constant use. The fact that the parents actually spent time making them for me meant so much.
Don't be stressing about it.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

La.de.da

This used to get me so worked up in the run up to Christmas. Rattling your brains to do the maths to see what you can afford to buy for everyone.

The last few years I have just stopped. There's a lot of children in our family the last few years they've just gotten selection boxes from me and they were bleeding delighted.

I'll get something small for my parents and that's it.

Other family members and friends..... I just told them I can't afford it simple as. We look after each other birthdays instead.

lyza

Who do you give birthday presents to that you dont go to the party, if its a child relative fine if its an adult stop. I reared my children in the eighties so I never had any problem telling people I wasn't buying presents,because I just didn't have the money for it.
I always made sure my own children had a good christmas without getting into debt. That way the kids were happy and I and my husband were happy, and when we weren't stressed over money etc we all enjoyed ourselves. My motto always was,feck the jones , we'll do whats best for us.

Fakediamond

Regarding upcoming large bills, the best advice I ever got was to pay a little off the bills every pay day. It's amazing how 10/20 euro here and there reduces those large bills down to manageable size, before they ever come in the door. I know it's probably too late for this year but it could be a New Years resolution. I do it via online banking but it can be done in the post office or some credit unions run a service where you can lodge money into an account solely for bills. It's much better than trying to find a couple of hundred euro in one go to pay Esb, car insurance or whatever.

LegacyUser

Op here

Thank you so much for your help and advice. I met one of these couples this morning and it was her that mentioned to me - let's not do presents this year. Relieved, I am.

I think for the rest, I'd live to approach them and say things aren't going well for me but I don't think I have enough courage to do that. I think for them I will get a token box of biscuits and a Christmas ornament or candle and keep it at about the 20 euro mark for each couple. That's 20 in total for the biscuits and candle in case people might think I will spend 20 on a candle.

I do have a crafty skill, thank goodness and it's something I enjoy. Unfortunately it's not a quick craft or skill like baking might a cake or cookies might take an evening. I like to knit and crochet and I do have something planned for one child anyhow and I will spend the weekend working on this and I'll how I get on at producing more knit gifts. It's matter of time really.

It's daunting but not as daunting as I first thought it would be. Money will be tight.

I have another issue. I considered creating another thread but considering it's a money issue and right before Christmas and all, I think I will add it onto here.

I don't have a lot of money. My wage wouldn't cover rent and bills. So I'm living at home with my mother. She's a great person and I'm grateful. Some people might think - 'you're living at home, you get bills and food free and a maid on top of that' etc. This doesn't apply to me. I don't want my mother to do any of this. I help when bills come in and I don't expect my mother to buy my food and clean up after me, etc.

There is an issue though.

Money is tight for me. My mother saw shoes in a catalogue that she has decided she would like. The issue is she wants me to get them for her and she will pay me for them. I did this for her before and it didn't turn out very well. I had to stump up the money and after delivery I did get paid back by my mother. However the delivery costs were on my back. Anyways one thing or another she found fault with them and wanted to send them back. So I had to stump up the cash for returns. She wanted her money back asap from me and you know yourself with online orders it can take a few weeks for the money to appear back in the account. I don't want to go down this route again. I don't have the money. I told my mam I don't have it but she's not listening to me. 'maybe next week' she says. I won't even have it next week either. The family pet dog is old and old pets come with health problems and the pets care is all on my back and this is what's leaving things so tight with money for me. Mam did say 'next month' she will help with the cost of medication by going half but I suspect she will probably conveniently forget what she said or give some other excuse when it comes to it. If she waits til after Christmas until February I might be able to help her then but not now. I don't have the money and I don't know how to get her off my back about the shoes she wants. She's mentioning the shoes she wants every day to me and it's borderline harassment now.

miezekatze

How awkward! Does your mother not have a credit or debit card herself? If she does, tell her that you can order them for her using her details. If she doesn't have a card herself then ask her for prepayment of the full amount including postage. Tell her it's either one of those options or she just has to wait until you have money again.

GingerLily

OP, have you posted about this issue with pet bills and your mother before??

20e is still too generous a gift from you given your circumstances, you don't have the money so don't spend it.

As for your mother and online shopping, does she not have a visa debit?

mapaca

Glad to see you are scaling down your gift plans. You needn't spend much at all to get a thoughtful gift. Another suggestion: look through any nice photos you have taken during the year of these friends, their kids, occasions ye were all at together, etc. Print them out at your local pharmacy and buy a little frame - you can get nice ones in homestore and more, tk maxx or even tesco. People often don't get around to printing out photos these days so it can be great when someone else does it for you!

With regard to the shoes, could you suggest to your mum that they might be cheaper in the January sales, that might hold her off for a while?

Airyfairy12

20 euro is far too much to spend on each couple, you can buy tubs of roses and quality street for 6 euro, blossom hill wine is like a tenner, tins of biscuits for 7 or 8 euro. Theres no reason to spend 20 euro on anyone outside your immediate family.

As for your mother, tell her no and dont buy the shoes. Problem solved.

LaLa2004

Shoes are one thing that I would not buy online. The chances of a poor fit & of you having to return them are very high. As the previous poster said, just say no.

On the subject of gifts, I get stressed by the amount of unnecessary clutter coming into the house at Xmas, On the couples thing, I definitely do not expect my friends to buy my partner a gift. He couldn't care less if he never got a gift for the rest of his life.

It is not only the cost of gifts that is an issue for me. It is the time spent stressing over what to get & then the time spent in busy shops in Nov & Dec.
Xmas is not all sbout "things" - spending time with people is more important.

La.de.da

My sister decided a few years ago to donate a some money to charity rather than buying presents for people every year.

I think that's a really lovely gesture. No one need know the amount. Just give Christmas cards stating a donation has been made on their behalf.

Honestly op stop putting so much pressure on yourself it's not worth it. As the above poster said Christmas is about spending time with loved ones. simplify it and enjoy it.

santana75

XmasGirl wrote: »

Op here



I think for the rest, I'd live to approach them and say things aren't going well for me but I don't think I have enough courage to do that. I think for them I will get a token box of biscuits and a Christmas ornament or candle and keep it at about the 20 euro mark for each couple. That's 20 in total for the biscuits and candle in case people might think I will spend 20 on a candle.

Op I think this is the crux of the matter. You do have the courage, you're just deciding to not exercise that courage. Youre avoiding being direct and stating what you would like and when you do that you will end up resentful and feeling like you have no power over your own life. But you do. You're afraid of what others will think of you and when thats the case you will always be on the back foot. Go to these people, one by one, be direct with them. Im not saying to be rude or anything, but you need to be straight up and honest. Dont drop hints or try to skirt around the issue, just say, listen things are tight and I cant afford to buy you anything this year, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldnt buy me anything as I;d feel a bit bad about that.
I'd be certain theyd have no problem with you there. You have to be direct though, no matter how afraid you are of confrontation like this, you cant allow that fear to control you. Everytime you face your fear you grow, everytime you allow it to control you, your world gets smaller and smaller.

As for your mother..........sounds like she needs to take responsibility for buying her own shoes. Maybe you will need to walk her through the process of online shopping, the problem could be that she just hasnt a clue about technology and how it works.