Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Is this really all my fault? Feel awful

  • 02-11-2016 10:23am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41


    I'm very upset about this so I'll try to make sense of the story as best I can. I recently found out that the guy I was seeing wrote on a group chat on Facebook that he took my virginity. I don't know how many people were in this group chat but I think it was a lot. I found out because a person who was in this group chat told my friend and my friend told me. I felt hurt by it if I'm honest and sort of angry.

    The next day I questioned the guy and said I felt disrespected like he was bragging about it. His reaction was I'm making a big deal out of nothing. That it's not a big deal to tell people and I'm being argumentative. He said I told people so it's the same as him telling people. I told one good friend whereas he wrote it on a group to multiple people. I thought he'd apologise because I felt hurt by it but instead he said he's cutting me off and doesn't want to see me anymore. This is coming from a guy who said he loved me the day before.

    Is this all my fault? I feel awful about the whole thing and he continues to make out its my fault but I thought he'd care enough to actually worry about the fact I felt hurt by it. My confidence is completely shot by this and I feel worthless like I shouldn't have brought it up at all and there'd be no problem.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,472 ✭✭✭vandriver


    He's an immature,disrespectful ass.Next worry...did he take any pictures?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 Tweety987


    No he didn't. He doesn't seem to care about the fact that I was hurt by it. Its like I'm wrong for even feeling this way. We're not even talking now because he said he won't talk to me unless I get over being argumentative


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    You've done nothing wrong but your next step should be to dump him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    You have done absolutely, 100% NOTHING wrong.

    He is completely in the wrong. He shouldn't have told anyone, let alone on such a public forum.

    That's absolutely awful.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    He's wrong, you're not. It was a private thing and shouldn't have been shared to multiple people like that. It's absolutely not the same as telling a close friend in confidence.

    Stand your ground.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭groovyg


    What a catch ...NOT ! You've done nothing wrong and have every reason to be pissed off and annoyed. He sounds very immature and has zero respect for you. If he shares stuff like this with his mates on fb then you can't really trust him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 405 ✭✭mapaca


    He is the one in the wrong here, that's why he's turning it around and blaming you. He's a disrespectful ass. You have done nothing wrong. Stick to your guns and tell him to get lost, you're worth so much more.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    This was an immature action, but the fact that he won't apologise or see the wrong is even worse. Even worse again is the fact that he's pushing the blame onto you. If I were you, I'd walk away.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,348 ✭✭✭SAMTALK


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    I

    The next day I questioned the guy and said I felt disrespected like he was bragging about it. His reaction was I'm making a big deal out of nothing. That it's not a big deal to tell people and I'm being argumentative. He said I told people so it's the same as him telling people. I told one good friend whereas he wrote it on a group to multiple people. I thought he'd apologise because I felt hurt by it but instead he said he's cutting me off and doesn't want to see me anymore. This is coming from a guy who said he loved me the day before.

    Is this all my fault? I feel awful about the whole thing and he continues to make out its my fault but I thought he'd care enough to actually worry about the fact I felt hurt by it. My confidence is completely shot by this and I feel worthless like I shouldn't have brought it up at all and there'd be no problem.

    OP in no way is this your fault. I hope you see sense and dump this guy ASAP
    Your trusted and loved him enough to lose your virginity to him and this is the way he treats you !

    He sounds like the type of guy who likes the chase and getting what he wants and then moving on to the next girl.

    You need to keep away from him before he does more damage to your confidence. Put it down to him being a bad apple but remember that no all fellas are like that and that you deserve better for yourself


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 Tweety987


    That's what I thought, if he apologised for it that would be the end of it but he doesn't even think he did anything wrong he only sees his side no matter how I say I feel about it


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,348 ✭✭✭SAMTALK


    To be honest an apology isnt enough. He didnt respect you enough to keep this between yourselves. If he needs to broadcast this to all in the group you are better off without him


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,341 ✭✭✭emo72


    Even if he did apologise, I don't think it would make much difference. There's some boundaries you don't cross.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    That's what I thought, if he apologised for it that would be the end of it but he doesn't even think he did anything wrong he only sees his side no matter how I say I feel about it

    OP, I would honestly see this as a warning. He obviously has no maturity to understand what is appropriate or inappropriate behaviour. He has no respect for you, and the fact that he isn't acknowledging that he hurt you, but is more concerned about who is "right" in a situation like this doesn't bode well for the future.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 Tweety987


    I just don't understand how you can say you love someone the day before and then completely disregard their feelings. I may have come across as annoyed but surely I had good reason?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,348 ✭✭✭SAMTALK


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    I just don't understand how you can say you love someone the day before and then completely disregard their feelings. I may have come across as annoyed but surely I had good reason?

    I would imagine he used the "love" word to get what he wants.
    Doubt he actually knows what love is if that's the way he can treat people


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    SAMTALK wrote: »
    I would imagine he used the "love" word to get what he wants.
    Doubt he actually knows what love is if that's the way he can treat people

    Unfortunately, I'd agree here.

    You were 100% right to be annoyed.

    My honest advice is to draw a line in the sand and walk away. There are plenty of men out there who wouldn't DREAM of treating a partner like this.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    I just don't understand how you can say you love someone the day before and then completely disregard their feelings.

    Because, to be quite crude, he wanted to get in your pants.

    Stop trying to look for reasons to rationlise this. His behavior was unacceptable.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 Tweety987


    I'd probably believe that, he thought my virginity was an achievement. That's what he said anyway


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    I'd probably believe that, he thought my virginity was an achievement. That's what he said anyway

    Seriously, OP. Just walk away. This guy is an asshole.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 Tweety987


    His exact words were he's proud of his achievement of taking my virginity. This was before all this happened.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,843 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    OP, it may not feel like it right now but you're actually lucky that he's shown his true colours before you invested anymore time in him.

    Turn this on its head and view it as if you're the one walking away from him due to his unacceptable behavior. If he's willing to walk away from you over something like this, chances are he was only looking for an excuse, as he's already gotten what he wanted anyhow.

    Also, I know this is hard to hear, but he didn't love you at any point, otherwise none of this would have happened. Talk is cheap.


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,907 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I don't know why you're bothered about him not talking to you. You should be the one blanking him. It's unfortunate you lost your virginity to an immature idiot. But at least you haven't lost too much time on him. Move on with your head held high. You haven't done anything wrong, and I'm sure most people see him for the gobshyte he is. Those who don't are equally as immature as him and not worthy of any worry.

    It's an upsetting lesson for you to have learned, but unfortunately you are likely to meet a few other braggy types before you find a nice decent fella. At least now you have an idea of what traits to avoid in a person.

    You're only young. You're only learning. Nobody gets it right 100% of the time. Don't be too hard on yourself.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,047 ✭✭✭GerB40


    He sounds like a total prick who's trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for something that, if he had a shred of decency, he'd feel shítty about himself. Don't mind that bollix and don't feel bad, you have no reason to...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    His exact words were he's proud of his achievement of taking my virginity. This was before all this happened.

    Oh FFS. What a tool.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,163 ✭✭✭stargazer 68


    Oh Op he really is horrible. A group chat! What a low life.
    He may think he is jack the lad but trust me I would imagine a few in that group think he is a low life too! Hold your head up - none of this was your fault. He said he loved you - we have all been there!!

    Get your friends together and do something nice and please cut contact with him. He really is not worth it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,449 ✭✭✭✭Vicxas


    Normally i'd agree that a group chat is lads blowing off steam, but to claim that you took someones virginity when its not true is just nasty.


    Lose the guy, if he lies about this what else will he lie about?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,458 ✭✭✭✭gandalf


    OP that is not normal behaviour at all. The guy is an immature knobend. Tell him to hit the road and chalk it up to experience.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 Tweety987


    Vicxas wrote: »
    Normally i'd agree that a group chat is lads blowing off steam, but to claim that you took someones virginity when its not true is just nasty.


    Lose the guy, if he lies about this what else will he lie about?

    No, he did take my virginity


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 405 ✭✭mapaca


    Tweety987 wrote:
    His exact words were he's proud of his achievement of taking my virginity. This was before all this happened.


    Ugh, how immature and gross. Is he 11 or something? He has a lot of growing up to do.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,920 ✭✭✭freedominacup


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    No, he did take my virginity

    No he didn't. You gave it on your own terms. Granted it turns out to have been a bad descion based on his actions since. He took nothing. Who put him in charge? Learn your lesson and move on. Try to be a bit more sure of your own value in the future. Hint; your value has shag all to do with the opinions of a teenage twat like the one you've just been involved with.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    God some people are so gross. Look unfortunately many many girls have encountered this from boys (not men) when they start dating, and well into their 20s too. But you have to put it down to experience and learn from it. Not all guys are like this. You will meet a kind and mature one who will never want to hurt you and if he does will acknowledge and apologise. This guy is showing the first signs of gaslighting you and I promise you he does not love or care about you. He did something that was disrespectful and hurt you and is now making out you're in the wrong for being hurt by it. This is what manipulators do. Disregard your feelings, like you shouldn't have any, because they're an inconvenience and they just think solely about their own. Do not have anymore to do with him as if the relationship went any further it would escalate and you would be miserable. I've been through it and it destroys your confidence.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,198 ✭✭✭PressRun


    Seriously, drop this dope and move on. I don't know why you're so worried about him being right or fretting over him not talking to you. He should be the one worrying about whether you'll ever talk to him again, not the other way around. All he is is an immature prick who doesn't have a shred of respect for you (and likely doesn't have much respect for other people in general), and he's trying to manipulate you. He's a nasty piece of work.

    You haven't done anything wrong. He's 100% in the wrong and anyone with any decency will see that. It's a harsh lesson, but you've learned it early from the sounds of things and should know the signs when you meet a man of this ****ty ilk again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 53,057 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    If I were you i'd go on Facebook and say he had the smallest willy I ever saw :D

    That was horrible from him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17 lyza


    Please dont think if he apologized that would be the end of it . You should be the one to not ever talk to him , what he did is despicable. If he thought anything of you he would never have done something like that.
    You have given him something you can never get back and thats what he thinks of it. It sounds like it was nothing more then just sex with a conquest to him.

    For your own sake drop him and wait to meet someone who will respect you and not go bragging about his latest conquest. You did nothing wrong it was all him ,and just shows him up for the selfish uncaring, excuse for a man he is.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,405 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    [Mod note - generalisations are especially not welcome here. Not all men are like this just like not all women, see how that works...]

    He doesnt care about you, youre little more than a pedestal for him so he can look like the big man in front of his mates... Move on please and dont accept that sort of behaviour from anyone, its not worth the embarrassment, drama and the hurt feelings. Youre worth more than that.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,520 ✭✭✭learn_more


    I cannot understand for the life of me why when someone has a relationship with someone, be it one night or short lived, that they would want to brag about it with their friends.

    I'm a bloke and I have never seen this kind of behaviour in my life. Be it in social media or before social media.

    If this kind of behaviour is becoming commonplace then I think it is really worrying.

    Pretty sad behaviour on behalf of the male. He must have really low self-esteem.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Mod Note
    OP hasn't been back in 3 weeks. Closing thread.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement