Is this really all my fault? Feel awful

Tweety987

I'm very upset about this so I'll try to make sense of the story as best I can. I recently found out that the guy I was seeing wrote on a group chat on Facebook that he took my virginity. I don't know how many people were in this group chat but I think it was a lot. I found out because a person who was in this group chat told my friend and my friend told me. I felt hurt by it if I'm honest and sort of angry.

The next day I questioned the guy and said I felt disrespected like he was bragging about it. His reaction was I'm making a big deal out of nothing. That it's not a big deal to tell people and I'm being argumentative. He said I told people so it's the same as him telling people. I told one good friend whereas he wrote it on a group to multiple people. I thought he'd apologise because I felt hurt by it but instead he said he's cutting me off and doesn't want to see me anymore. This is coming from a guy who said he loved me the day before.

Is this all my fault? I feel awful about the whole thing and he continues to make out its my fault but I thought he'd care enough to actually worry about the fact I felt hurt by it. My confidence is completely shot by this and I feel worthless like I shouldn't have brought it up at all and there'd be no problem.

vandriver

He's an immature,disrespectful ass.Next worry...did he take any pictures?

Tweety987

No he didn't. He doesn't seem to care about the fact that I was hurt by it. Its like I'm wrong for even feeling this way. We're not even talking now because he said he won't talk to me unless I get over being argumentative

uck51js9zml2yt

You've done nothing wrong but your next step should be to dump him.

baby and crumble

You have done absolutely, 100% NOTHING wrong.

He is completely in the wrong. He shouldn't have told anyone, let alone on such a public forum.

That's absolutely awful.

ManOfMystery

He's wrong, you're not. It was a private thing and shouldn't have been shared to multiple people like that. It's absolutely not the same as telling a close friend in confidence.

Stand your ground.

groovyg

What a catch ...NOT ! You've done nothing wrong and have every reason to be pissed off and annoyed. He sounds very immature and has zero respect for you. If he shares stuff like this with his mates on fb then you can't really trust him.

mapaca

He is the one in the wrong here, that's why he's turning it around and blaming you. He's a disrespectful ass. You have done nothing wrong. Stick to your guns and tell him to get lost, you're worth so much more.

dudara

This was an immature action, but the fact that he won't apologise or see the wrong is even worse. Even worse again is the fact that he's pushing the blame onto you. If I were you, I'd walk away.

SAMTALK

Tweety987 wrote: »

I

The next day I questioned the guy and said I felt disrespected like he was bragging about it. His reaction was I'm making a big deal out of nothing. That it's not a big deal to tell people and I'm being argumentative. He said I told people so it's the same as him telling people. I told one good friend whereas he wrote it on a group to multiple people. I thought he'd apologise because I felt hurt by it but instead he said he's cutting me off and doesn't want to see me anymore. This is coming from a guy who said he loved me the day before.

Is this all my fault? I feel awful about the whole thing and he continues to make out its my fault but I thought he'd care enough to actually worry about the fact I felt hurt by it. My confidence is completely shot by this and I feel worthless like I shouldn't have brought it up at all and there'd be no problem.

OP in no way is this your fault. I hope you see sense and dump this guy ASAP
Your trusted and loved him enough to lose your virginity to him and this is the way he treats you !

He sounds like the type of guy who likes the chase and getting what he wants and then moving on to the next girl.

You need to keep away from him before he does more damage to your confidence. Put it down to him being a bad apple but remember that no all fellas are like that and that you deserve better for yourself

Tweety987

That's what I thought, if he apologised for it that would be the end of it but he doesn't even think he did anything wrong he only sees his side no matter how I say I feel about it

SAMTALK

To be honest an apology isnt enough. He didnt respect you enough to keep this between yourselves. If he needs to broadcast this to all in the group you are better off without him

emo72

Even if he did apologise, I don't think it would make much difference. There's some boundaries you don't cross.

baby and crumble

Tweety987 wrote: »

That's what I thought, if he apologised for it that would be the end of it but he doesn't even think he did anything wrong he only sees his side no matter how I say I feel about it

OP, I would honestly see this as a warning. He obviously has no maturity to understand what is appropriate or inappropriate behaviour. He has no respect for you, and the fact that he isn't acknowledging that he hurt you, but is more concerned about who is "right" in a situation like this doesn't bode well for the future.

Tweety987

I just don't understand how you can say you love someone the day before and then completely disregard their feelings. I may have come across as annoyed but surely I had good reason?

SAMTALK

Tweety987 wrote: »

I just don't understand how you can say you love someone the day before and then completely disregard their feelings. I may have come across as annoyed but surely I had good reason?

I would imagine he used the "love" word to get what he wants.
Doubt he actually knows what love is if that's the way he can treat people

baby and crumble

SAMTALK wrote: »

I would imagine he used the "love" word to get what he wants.
Doubt he actually knows what love is if that's the way he can treat people

Unfortunately, I'd agree here.

You were 100% right to be annoyed.

My honest advice is to draw a line in the sand and walk away. There are plenty of men out there who wouldn't DREAM of treating a partner like this.

dudara

Tweety987 wrote: »

I just don't understand how you can say you love someone the day before and then completely disregard their feelings.

Because, to be quite crude, he wanted to get in your pants.

Stop trying to look for reasons to rationlise this. His behavior was unacceptable.

Tweety987

I'd probably believe that, he thought my virginity was an achievement. That's what he said anyway

baby and crumble

Tweety987 wrote: »

I'd probably believe that, he thought my virginity was an achievement. That's what he said anyway

Seriously, OP. Just walk away. This guy is an asshole.

Tweety987

His exact words were he's proud of his achievement of taking my virginity. This was before all this happened.

SarahMollie

OP, it may not feel like it right now but you're actually lucky that he's shown his true colours before you invested anymore time in him.

Turn this on its head and view it as if you're the one walking away from him due to his unacceptable behavior. If he's willing to walk away from you over something like this, chances are he was only looking for an excuse, as he's already gotten what he wanted anyhow.

Also, I know this is hard to hear, but he didn't love you at any point, otherwise none of this would have happened. Talk is cheap.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't know why you're bothered about him not talking to you. You should be the one blanking him. It's unfortunate you lost your virginity to an immature idiot. But at least you haven't lost too much time on him. Move on with your head held high. You haven't done anything wrong, and I'm sure most people see him for the gobshyte he is. Those who don't are equally as immature as him and not worthy of any worry.

It's an upsetting lesson for you to have learned, but unfortunately you are likely to meet a few other braggy types before you find a nice decent fella. At least now you have an idea of what traits to avoid in a person.

You're only young. You're only learning. Nobody gets it right 100% of the time. Don't be too hard on yourself.

GerB40

He sounds like a total prick who's trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for something that, if he had a shred of decency, he'd feel shítty about himself. Don't mind that bollix and don't feel bad, you have no reason to...

baby and crumble

Tweety987 wrote: »

His exact words were he's proud of his achievement of taking my virginity. This was before all this happened.

Oh FFS. What a tool.

stargazer 68

Oh Op he really is horrible. A group chat! What a low life.
He may think he is jack the lad but trust me I would imagine a few in that group think he is a low life too! Hold your head up - none of this was your fault. He said he loved you - we have all been there!!

Get your friends together and do something nice and please cut contact with him. He really is not worth it.

Vicxas

Normally i'd agree that a group chat is lads blowing off steam, but to claim that you took someones virginity when its not true is just nasty.


Lose the guy, if he lies about this what else will he lie about?

gandalf

OP that is not normal behaviour at all. The guy is an immature knobend. Tell him to hit the road and chalk it up to experience.

Tweety987

Vicxas wrote: »

Normally i'd agree that a group chat is lads blowing off steam, but to claim that you took someones virginity when its not true is just nasty.


Lose the guy, if he lies about this what else will he lie about?

No, he did take my virginity

mapaca

Tweety987 wrote:

His exact words were he's proud of his achievement of taking my virginity. This was before all this happened.

Ugh, how immature and gross. Is he 11 or something? He has a lot of growing up to do.

freedominacup

Tweety987 wrote: »

No, he did take my virginity

No he didn't. You gave it on your own terms. Granted it turns out to have been a bad descion based on his actions since. He took nothing. Who put him in charge? Learn your lesson and move on. Try to be a bit more sure of your own value in the future. Hint; your value has shag all to do with the opinions of a teenage twat like the one you've just been involved with.