Dating advice (it would be great to get an insight from women on this)

Rubberchikken

If someone would seriously do that to anyone then they're best avoided.
Op im sorry it happened but please dont let it stop you socialising.
Personally she doesnt sound worth bothering with so keep going out and keep in mind that most women are decent
Good luck

cloudatlas

Okay now I don't agree with what she did but.. the first meet was not a date it was with other people so you can't count that as her standing you up and obviously she had a good reason i.e. the creepy guy.

The second time... I don't know... did you ask her it could be anything like I dont know maybe deciding she didn't give a damn but not knowing how to let you down, too much else on and forgetting, feeling nervous... only she will know we can't help you but it doesn't matter as you've decided not to give her another chance which is fair enough in the circumstances.

It's not because she is a woman or Irish it just happened, move on.

Clampdown

Her reasoning for standing you up the first time was bizarre enough, considering it was another guy who sent her the strange message, not you.
Showing you the message is very odd, too.

I'm guessing her reason for bailing on the cinema was she saw a trailer for a different film that played the week before and didn't enjoy it.

Airyfairy12

She's an a*s hole simply put. Dont make excuses for her, we'v all been left hurt and angry by things that have happened to us in our past that doesnt mean we treat other people like theyre worthless. I had a friend that used to stand me up all the time, she wouldnt even have the decency to send a simple text message to say she wouldnt be there, she was an extremely inconsiderate, self absorbed person who was slightly narcissistic, actually a bit more than slightly. I constantly made excuses for her ****ty behaviour when in fact she just had absolutely no respect for me whatsoever.
At the beginning of my relationship with my ex he stood me up constantly but again I made excuses and didnt want to seem overbearing so I gave him lots of chances, a year and a half into our relationship I discovered he was a serial cheater and had been telling all his friends horrible untrue stories about me, I suppose so they wouldnt judge him so harshly for treating me badly.

Youve had a lucky escape and I wouldnt take it personally. The way she's treated you shows how little consideration she has for anybody but herself. Some people are just d**k heads and theres nothing you can do other that separate yourself from them.

Augme

Hellotree wrote: »

I contacted her about going to the next social event and she said yes. She did not show up. I was disappointed and let her know this in a message but also said it would be great to see her again if she genuinely wanted to.

I seem to be going against the grain with everyone else here but how and ever. From my understanding the second event was another social event where everyone else would also be attending. In that situation If I was you I'd have no issue with her not showing up and I wouldn't have any expectations for her to show up or even let me know she isn't. If I was in her position my attitude would be the same. I have meet you once, we're not friend and barely know each other, so while I might say I'm attending a social gathering that you also happen to be attending I don't feel like I have to tell you if my plans change.

Secondly in that sceneraio I'd never send her a message telling her I was disappointed she didn't show, and I'd think anyone who would send me that kind of message was being pretty intense. Now unless the message was very casual like "Hey, a shame you missed out last night, it was a great night! Let me know if you want to catch up at the next one." then fair enough. But if the message hinted that she should have told you she wasn't going and you were disappointed/upset then, as I said, I would find that quite intense coming from someone I didn't know and only met once. My attendance at that event shouldn't be your sole reason for attending the even would be my line of thinking.

I can't excuse her behaviour for not showing at the cinema though, P45 material right there.

HiGlo

My thoughts on this also seem to be a little against the grain.
i agree with the previous poster, while it would have been nice if she had come to the social event and i understand you were disappointed, she didn't owe you anything. This was not an instance of her standing you up.

In the case of the cinema date, i find it pretty surprising that people are labelling her cruel, harsh, vindictive, etc I sense a bit of projection there.... Maybe she just wasn't that into you.... Only she will ever know why she didn't show up. Take it for what it is (being stood up) and move on. It wasn't a very nice thing to do, but I don't really understand why people jump straight to character assassination.
Perhaps Im just too soft/naive.



Oh, and i also believe in second chances. "To err is human"