How to move on, leave the past behind.

piglet74

No one knew, no mutual friends,
He met this woman at work, over an hour away, and three counties away.

The sheer level of deceit was just off the scale!

I'm going to move out of this house at the end of the month, rent a smaller place, put my stamp on it, somewhere there's no bad memories, or there's no connection to what he did. ( he literally was driving past the end of the road while travelling Belfast \ Dublin, while pretending he was working in Scotland \ England \ Wales etc)

While meeting someone would be nice, I'm not desperate for it to happen, but I am determined to make changes for the better. And I really think moving home will be a positive step.

LegacyUser

Hi OP: Your story resonates so much with me, although my ex husband only fathered one other child over the course of our marriage. I completely know how you are feeling and know how hard it is to move on. To be fair I'm sure you're probably still in shock. I am on my own a good eight years now , and I didn't even date until he had been out of my life a year. I guess still every now and then I look at the people around me who knew what he was doing and I get paranoid, like, they didn't even tell me and everyone knew. In the end, I just wanted someone to hold me, someone to make me feel wanted, and I got in to bad habits/pof shag dates for want of a better phrase, but all because I had such little value of myself. I thought it was enough, I thought I could get under a man and everything would just be erased, but now I realise, that while at that stage I didn't want a proper relationship, now I actually do. (I must be over it all!) I'm coming on 41 and haven't had a man in that way in well over a year. I suddenly decided that I would hold out, to be with someone who deserves me, who deserves my time, and who will treat me with the dignity and respect that I need. Its easy to find a man to sleep with, just put on a dress and go down the town, but that's not for me....anymore.
I still want someone to hold me, someone who I can share myself with in that way, but now that I have such a higher regard for myself, I couldn't just share my energy with just anyone. Now I see myself as the prize, even if I get lonely at times.
It genuinely took me years to move on and leave the past behind, but it's different for everyone. The children used to laugh at me when they'd see me sitting on the floor with my back up against the dishwasher, I literally had to do that so I wouldn't collapse from the pain in my heart, I was completely destroyed. But, you know, it's been a few years now since I had to do it! I don't know if you can ever truly leave the past behind, because the lessons you learned are so raw, but it does get easier.
I wish all the best for you xxx

piglet74

True, I will learn to live with it, but it will shape a lot of my future for a long time to come,
Even moving house, I wouldn't have to if it wasn't for what he did.

But I have to try and move on, I'm on a road i never thought I would be on, but I have to start somewhere.