Shaken the ex has gotten in touch

LegacyUser

My partner of 3 years broke up with me about 6 months ago, they met someone new and were on cloud nine about moving on from me and our relationship (I know because they told me!). It was a tough time for me but I started seeing a counsellor (best life decision ever), have gradually started going out/dating again and am content with the relationship being over.

Until of course he tracked me down yesterday (I changed my number) and sent a text enquiring how I am and hoping I'm well. We haven't had any contact at all since the breakup. I haven't replied and don't plan to either but...this sudden thing of him reappearing has really shaken me up and I'm upset by it...and almost angry at myself that he's gotten back in my head.

I don't know what to do about it - this has stirred up all the feelings I felt when he left and he's now right back in the middle of my thoughts. Would responding be a good idea if only for me to draw a line under it and tell him to leave me alone? I feel like I took two steps forward and 27 back!

Tilly

Do not respond and delete his number straight away. You've done so well for yourself. Maybe try book a session with your counselor to clear your head. He was a complete asshole to you and you got a lucky break. Best of luck x

gossamer

100% don't respond. I know it's tempting to tell him where to go, but radio silence is the best way to do that, it shows you really don't care. If you get angry at him or entertain him in anyway, he'll know he still has some hold over you. Keep going as you are. You'll feel better in a week's time. And well done on your progress, too.

LegacyUser

Things have more than likely gone south with the new one, she probably realised he's an arsehole and dumped him or he regretted getting with her because she's harder work than you and isn't putting up with his ****. Either way what a great feeling after all your progress moving on to get that message which you can now happily ignore, and briefly bask in the fact that the egocentric dope has seen he made a huge mistake and now he won't even get a text back from you.
It was a gift you got away from him so keep going and never ever look back. Everytime u start to feel those feelings for him creeping back think long and hard about what he did and how utterly low you let him make you feel. And never let him or anyone get to you like that again, you and you alone are in charge of your mind and happiness, never let someone bring you down like that again, especially some low life that doesn't deserve a millisecond of your precious time in this life.

stargazer 68

cheeseball15 wrote: »

they met someone new and were on cloud nine about moving on from me and our relationship (I know because they told me!).
!

As others have said OP delete and block. And just think about this bit!! They told you they were on cloud 9?? Be glad you are rid!

silverbolt

Delete and block. And dont send a snitty reply either (tempting as it may be)

He dumped you, broke your heart and now wants to get back in contact. Nope, you have your pride and your working on your self esteem. Keep it that way.

Miaireland

As the others said delete and block him on your phone along with all social media. Just remember how he made you feel when he said that he was happy to move on from you and your relationship.Don't consider giving him a second chance to hurt you again. He is not worth it. Best of luck

HelgaWard

He's checking in to see if he still had a hold on you. Ignore & Block and he will soon discover he does not. Well done on getting the counselling and looking after yourself. I'm not sure if you are still seeing the counselor, but if you are you should discuss this with them.

cheeseball15

cheeseball15 wrote: »

My partner of 3 years broke up with me about 6 months ago, they met someone new and were on cloud nine about moving on from me and our relationship (I know because they told me!). It was a tough time for me but I started seeing a counsellor (best life decision ever), have gradually started going out/dating again and am content with the relationship being over.

Until of course he tracked me down yesterday (I changed my number) and sent a text enquiring how I am and hoping I'm well. We haven't had any contact at all since the breakup. I haven't replied and don't plan to either but...this sudden thing of him reappearing has really shaken me up and I'm upset by it...and almost angry at myself that he's gotten back in my head.

I don't know what to do about it - this has stirred up all the feelings I felt when he left and he's now right back in the middle of my thoughts. Would responding be a good idea if only for me to draw a line under it and tell him to leave me alone? I feel like I took two steps forward and 27 back!

jeez what an asshole... delete and block. i mean he was so adamant about breaking up with you and the egomaniac thought he was better than you after three years. But now, boots on other foot. Karma be a biiiaaaaatttccch!!!!

Look after yourself op. its good to talk to someone so i would agree to book an appointment with the counsellor.

SarahMollie

As the others have said, hard as it is, don't let him get to you.

When my first serious relationship broke down it was pretty unpleasant. I remember distinctly being at a party with some friends and getting a text from my ex, something along the lines of "I'm so glad we're not together anymore, my life is so much better without you, I'm so over you" etc...... this was after about a year of no contact. Knocked me for for six at the time, but I remember my friends sitting down and having a stern word with me. Their theory was that if he's texting you, its only a sign of his bitterness and that he's not over you, despite his protestations to the contrary. After the initial shock, it actually weirdly gave me some closure. I was happy (although still shaken by the whole experience) and moving on with my life. He clearly wasnt. I felt like by being dignified in my silence, that I had the last laugh.

You've moved on and are getting back out there. Thats probably sickening to him. But sure let him at it and focus on yourself. Delete and Block all the way.

SarahMollie

SarahMollie wrote: »

As the others have said, hard as it is, don't let him get to you.

When my first serious relationship broke down it was pretty unpleasant. I remember distinctly being at a party with some friends and getting a text from my ex, something along the lines of "I'm so glad we're not together anymore, my life is so much better without you, I'm so over you" etc...... this was after about a year of no contact. Knocked me for for six at the time, but I remember my friends sitting down and having a stern word with me. Their theory was that if he's texting you, its only a sign of his bitterness and that he's not over you, despite his protestations to the contrary. After the initial shock, it actually weirdly gave me some closure. I was happy (although still shaken by the whole experience) and moving on with my life. He clearly wasnt. I felt like by being dignified in my silence, that I had the last laugh.

You've moved on and are getting back out there. That's probably sickening to him. But sure let him at it and focus on yourself. Delete and Block all the way.

:eek: Jeez. Breakups can really bring the worst out in people though i feel although as angry or frustrated as I would feel about it all id like to definitely think id be able to hold back from lowering myself to that. Perhaps your gentleman lacked maturity?

Anyways i think we're all agreed on the delete, block method OP. Your probably thinking along those lines?

SarahMollie

Deleted User wrote: »

:eek: Jeez. Breakups can really bring the worst out in people though i feel although as angry or frustrated as I would feel about it all id like to definitely think id be able to hold back from lowering myself to that. Perhaps your gentleman lacked maturity?

Anyways i think we're all agreed on the delete, block method OP. Your probably thinking along those lines?

Ha, definitely - we probably both did to be fair (early/mid 20's) but yeah, he showed himself up as a classy guy alright. I can see it for what it was now, but obviously I was thrown at the time, as I'm sure the OP is. At least I didnt have him rubbing a new relationship in my face!

I saw him at an event a few weeks ago actually for the first time in years. He tried to talk to me a few times but I just kept on moving about the room, not letting it get beyond a friendly "hello, got to dash". He's now a ghost as far as I'm concerned, no good could come from opening that can of worms!

Big Bag of Chips

OP, in my youth (old enough to have known better though) I hurt a boyfriend really badly. Really badly. We split up and there was zero contact from either of us. None. I felt bad for hurting him and knew contact wouldn't be appropriate and he didn't contact me, I can only assume because he had no desire to!

Anyway years later... About 6 or 7 years later he was doing a fairly substantial fundraiser. Doing something pretty special and not your ordinary run of the mill fundraiser!! I heard about it through friends and he had a donation page set up with a target amount to raise. I donated a generous amount but didn't contact him other than to donate through the page.

I sort of half expected him to acknowledge the donation. Nothing major, but even a 'thanks, hope you're well'. I got nothing. Nothing at all. And that hurt! More than if he had replied saying "thank you for the donation, but please don't contact me", because I spent weeks expecting something.

I knew I had hurt him, but getting absolute silence back after all that time just made me feel like sht all over again. To be honest, still nearly 20 years later, my biggest regret in life is how I treated him. I probably selfishly contacted him thinking that it'd make everything I did better and we could move on our separate ways still with no contact but with no hard feelings. That didn't happen, and it hurt all over again.

So my advice... The best thing you can do is not reply. It will bother him much more than "I'm fine thanks. All the best".

enzo roco

Tilly wrote: »

He was a complete asshole to you and you got a lucky break.

Wow, How do you know this??????
Ridiculous reply. Way over the top.

enzo roco

enzo roco wrote: »

Wow, How do you know this??????
Ridiculous reply. Way over the top.

The OP said it. Her partner broke up with her and more or less told her he was delighted to do so and then after leaving the poor girl in turmoil to pick up the pieces he got in touch as if nothing happened 6 months down the line. The behaviour of an absolute b@stard if you ask me.

My partner of 3 years broke up with me about 6 months ago, they met someone new and were on cloud nine about moving on from me and our relationship (I know because they told me!

enzo roco

Deleted User wrote: »

The OP said it. Her partner broke up with her and more or less told her he was delighted to do so and then after leaving the poor girl in turmoil to pick up the pieces he got in touch as if nothing happened 6 months down the line. The behaviour of an absolute b@stard if you ask me.

We dont know the full story here. How did he tell her he was happy with someone new? The day after they broke up???? A few months later? When???
The replies jump too fast to abuse this man without facts.

Also, this man's text was asking how the op was doing, could be innocent. We dont know.
He could have heard(grapevine) that the op was seeing a councilor, and actually worried.

Im sure the op will come on a say he is an ashole, but I think some of the replies are so full of anger, and unjust, as the full story is not known to the posters.

enzo roco

enzo roco wrote: »

We dont know the full story here. How did he tell her he was happy with someone new? The day after they broke up???? A few months later? When???
The replies jump too fast to abuse this man without facts.

Also, this man's text was asking how the op was doing, could be innocent. We dont know.
He could have heard(grapevine) that the op was seeing a councilor, and actually worried.

Im sure the op will come on a say he is an ashole, but I think some of the replies are so full of anger, and unjust, as the full story is not known to the posters.

I'm sorry but the way i read it is that he callously dumped her and then thought to just text her as if nothing happened months later. He made the decision to end the relationship so its none of his business how she is doing. he didnt give a flying shíte about her frame of mind when he just upped and left.

njs030

enzo roco wrote: »

We dont know the full story here. How did he tell her he was happy with someone new? The day after they broke up???? A few months later? When???
The replies jump too fast to abuse this man without facts.

Also, this man's text was asking how the op was doing, could be innocent. We dont know.
He could have heard(grapevine) that the op was seeing a councilor, and actually worried.

Im sure the op will come on a say he is an ashole, but I think some of the replies are so full of anger, and unjust, as the full story is not known to the posters.

You're right we don't know his side but the forum is here to advise the poster and try to help them not to look for the full story or expect to hear his side, we don't need to know.
The question was how to deal with this unwanted contact, all answers have been to ignore him....and I agree totally!

Telling someone you had a 3 year relationship with that you were happier with someone else and "on cloud nine" is beyond nasty be it on break up day, a week later or a month later, there is no defence for that.

enzo roco

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm sorry but the way i read it is that he callously dumped her and then thought to just text her as if nothing happened months later. He made the decision to end the relationship so its none of his business how she is doing. he didnt give a flying shíte about her frame of mind when he just upped and left.

Callously dumped her??
Upped and left??
Didnt give a flying sugar about her frame of mind??

Thats the way you read it, and you might be right, fair enough.
And I guess the op is not going to say nice things about the ex if she comes back on and explains more how the relationship ended.
But the anger is something I just dont get, because of the way you read it.

How is posters on here, posting with anger going to help the op???? Ridiculous carry on.

enzo roco

enzo roco wrote: »

Callously dumped her??
Upped and left??
Didnt give a flying sugar about her frame of mind??

Thats the way you read it, and you might be right, fair enough.
And I guess the op is not going to say nice things about the ex if she comes back on and explains more how the relationship ended.
But the anger is something I just dont get, because of the way you read it.

How is posters on here, posting with anger going to help the op???? Ridiculous carry on.

The anger is not over the breakup but the arrogance of the op's ex to just drop back into her life as if nothing has happened. if he broke up with her he should just leave her alone. The op's exact words which ive already highlighted is that the oh at the time was 'on cloud nine' about finishing the relationship. i mean, what else can we read into this? are we to suggest that the OP is not telling the truth? because from what the op is suggesting, her ex had wanted to end it because he fell for another....then for some reason he contacted the op out of the blue.

Merkin

enzo roco wrote: »

Callously dumped her??
Upped and left??
Didnt give a flying sugar about her frame of mind??

Thats the way you read it, and you might be right, fair enough.
And I guess the op is not going to say nice things about the ex if she comes back on and explains more how the relationship ended.
But the anger is something I just dont get, because of the way you read it.

How is posters on here, posting with anger going to help the op???? Ridiculous carry on.

If you have an issue with a poster or their posting style or apparently the majority of posts on a given thread I suggest you report the posts rather than drag the thread off topic.

LegacyUser

OP again. Thanks for all the replies.

I guess I should say a little more about the breakup because it seems to matter - we had been having trouble for a little bit and he went looking for someone else, and well, found her. He told me he wanted to try and make a go of things with this new woman and then poured his heart out about how he'd been trying to leave me for months and was glad to finally be able to move on from me. We had a few days where we were sorting out personal belongings etc so there was some discussion beyond the initial breakup day, but nothing since then.

I know people fall out of love every day but having been through it with him I would say there are some things he didn't need to say if you know what I mean. We don't have too many mutual friends so I don't know where he got my number from.

At first when he dumped me he wanted to try things with the new girl and see how he felt about me in a few months, then he wanted us to be friends and when I said no to both he began with his oversharing about how he'd been wanting to leave for ages and being on cloud nine etc etc

DukeOfTheSharp

This happened to me a couple of weeks back. Abusive ex picked a day when I'd be at my most emotionally and psychologically vulnerable (handing in a dissertation, culmination of a years' worth of work) and seen a message from her. Blocked her straight away, no reply, no interaction. Still felt awful afterwards though, I hadn't even spoken to her in nine months, so why did she make contact? I think the other posters are right; something went south with the other woman and now he's trying to see if you're available still. He's an ass. Block him, delete the message, and talk to your counselor (I went to counselling too, so good on you, I know how tough it can be), you're better than him, and you'll do better without him.

LegacyUser

After 3 years of being with this man you deserved to be treated better if he wanted to end things with you - rather that I am on cloud 9 since your not in my life.
After this happend you realised that you need some counselling to help you move on and to improve your life.

The truth is your ex is now at the 6 month period of his new realtionship. The honeymoon period is coming to an end. After 6 months you get a far better picture of what a person is really like. She might not be willing to put him 1st always or it could be the case she is talking about living with him/having kids/getting married.
He may be realising now that long term you were a better bet than she is now.

Does he expect you to drop everything and come back to him now?

I have a friend who picked herself up after things went badly with a man she knew.
She heard recently that he is in financial trouble. He has no idea that my friend now has money and will be getting a six figure inheritance in time.
She said to me you can't beat karma.

It is your own decision to contact him - if you do this I would say the following - Hi x, I am happy with my life. Don't contact me again other wise I will contact your girlfriend. have a nice life. from y

Floppybits

cheeseball15 wrote: »

Until of course he tracked me down yesterday (I changed my number) and sent a text enquiring how I am and hoping I'm well. We haven't had any contact at all since the breakup. I haven't replied and don't plan to either but...this sudden thing of him reappearing has really shaken me up and I'm upset by it...and almost angry at myself that he's gotten back in my head.

OP don't respond it is not worth it.

But one thing that worried me is the bit above, if you deleted all contact and changed your number how did he get it? I would be looking for that and giving whoever it was a severe talking too and if it was company that did I would be making a complaint to the COMREG about them.

belle 2016

belle 2016 wrote: »

After 3 years of being with this man you deserved to be treated better if he wanted to end things with you - rather that I am on cloud 9 since your not in my life.
After this happend you realised that you need some counselling to help you move on and to improve your life.

The truth is your ex is now at the 6 month period of his new realtionship. The honeymoon period is coming to an end. After 6 months you get a far better picture of what a person is really like. She might not be willing to put him 1st always or it could be the case she is talking about living with him/having kids/getting married.
He may be realising now that long term you were a better bet than she is now.

Does he expect you to drop everything and come back to him now?

I have a friend who picked herself up after things went badly with a man she knew.
She heard recently that he is in financial trouble. He has no idea that my friend now has money and will be getting a six figure inheritance in time.
She said to me you can't beat karma.

It is your own decision to contact him - if you do this I would say the following - Hi x, I am happy with my life. Don't contact me again other wise I will contact your girlfriend. have a nice life. from y

Couldnt have said it better myself.

Big Bag of Chips

I wouldn't bother replying anything. There's every chance he's broken up with the gf! Also mentioning or acknowledging the gf in anyway could make him believe that it still bothers you.

Silence is your best option.

Daisy78

enzo roco wrote: »

Ridiculous carry on.

How is it "ridiculous carry on"? Going by her post he treated her appallingly. And now he is back for round two. That makes him an asshole in my book, no doubt about it. Why are you so quick to defend him?

dellas1979

Silence is a way to deal with it.

But if you want to get it off your chest (and hammer the proverbial nail home), Id say something like "I am really happy in my life now, and have long moved on. So, really no need to contact me. Hope you'll respect this."

Shows (in a polite way on your part) he does not affect you anymore and that you have a standard.

anewme

Your silence will say more than any words ever could.

LegacyUser

OP again...the story has an ending. He rang me late on Friday evening and against my better judgement I answered. He said he contacted me because our friend was getting married yesterday and he had heard through friends I wasn't going to the wedding....and he wanted to know if it was because of him. I said it wasn't (it was) and he said he was planning on going alone to the ceremony anyway. I said grand and that was it.

Heard through social media this morning he brought herself along!

Blocked his number and my mam confessed today she had met his mam out shopping a few weeks ago and had passed on my number!!!!! Stern words with mam this morning over it.

No hopes of reconciliation and time to move on.

Dial Hard

cheeseball15 wrote:

No hopes of reconciliation and time to move on.

Were you hoping for a reconciliation, OP? The fact that you answered the call (and, in fact hadn't blocked his number as soon as he got in touch) makes me think you were. And now you probably feel like you're back to square one in terms of getting over him.

It's only been 6 months, OP. You're going to have setbacks. The good news is that each one will set you back a little less than the previous one until one day you realise you don't want him back any more.

cheeseball15

cheeseball15 wrote: »

OP again...the story has an ending. He rang me late on Friday evening and against my better judgement I answered. He said he contacted me because our friend was getting married yesterday and he had heard through friends I wasn't going to the wedding....and he wanted to know if it was because of him. I said it wasn't (it was) and he said he was planning on going alone to the ceremony anyway. I said grand and that was it.

Heard through social media this morning he brought herself along!

Blocked his number and my mam confessed today she had met his mam out shopping a few weeks ago and had passed on my number!!!!! Stern words with mam this morning over it.

No hopes of reconciliation and time to move on.

What a tosser in all fairness. Talk about full of himself. None of his business why you didn't go. he is looking to relieve his guilt.....Tough shít mate, i hope this new bird is worth it.

If he was any sort of decent man he should have respected your space and privacy and left you alone. Your mum shouldn't have gave your number but don't be too hard on her she probably meant well.

I really do wish you well OP. You've been put through the ringer and back by this classless egotistical clown. I hope you meet a nice guy who will treat you with a bit of respect because you seem like a dignified nice lady....too good for the likes of chancers like your ex. Keep yourself busy and get out and meet new people. Enjoy life.

Dial Hard

Dial Hard wrote: »

Were you hoping for a reconciliation, OP? The fact that you answered the call (and, in fact hadn't blocked his number as soon as he got in touch) makes me think you were. And now you probably feel like you're back to square one in terms of getting over him.

It's only been 6 months, OP. You're going to have setbacks. The good news is that each one will set you back a little less than the previous one until one day you realise you don't want him back any more.

Whether sub-consciously or consciously, there is always a separation anxiety that comes with break ups so its natural for the heart to desire to return to the way things were. The biggest conflict with breakups is between the head and the heart. There is a constant debate which may wage months, hell even years depending on the nature of the break-up.

seenitall

Hi op,

Just to say, there are too many identifying details in your last post. Let's hope your ex doesn't read these threads! As we wouldn't want to put a spring into his step.

Good luck for the future, you're not the first this has happened to and you won't be the last. Onwards and upwards, as ever.

LegacyUser

OP, why would he get back in touch, then ring to tell you and say he isn't bringing his new partner and then bring his new partner to a wedding of a mutual friends? I'm sorry but seems to me there is a lot more to this story between you two. I don't care how a much of an a**hole someone was and is, you don't do what he has done.

wetmonday

wetmonday wrote: »

OP, why would he get back in touch, then ring to tell you and say he isn't bringing his new partner and then bring his new partner to a wedding of a mutual friends? I'm sorry but seems to me there is a lot more to this story between you two. I don't care how a much of an a**hole someone was and is, you don't do what he has done.

Does it really matter? Fact is, they broke up as he fell for another. He made his choice firmly. That means that he needs to respect his ex (the op) and leave her move on with her life.

The poor girl then has to go through the grieving process which she has done admirably and with great dignity by the sounds of it. All of a sudden he unnecessarily and selfishly gets back in contact for a relatively minor thing that's absolutely none of his concern which set her back (natural reaction really) .

He just waltzed back in as if nothing happened. Perhaps he does still have feelings for the op, and perhaps he doesnt....who knows. Either way i think he has made his bed and he may lie in it. The OP deserves better

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe he was trying to do the right thing! He finished with you 6 months ago, for someone else. It's safe to assume he cheated on you with her. Maybe he didn't. Then this wedding comes up, which I'm sure you were expected to go to together, and he is invited, with his new gf.

Maybe he didn't want to make things awkward by bringing her along if you were there too. Maybe she had said she wouldn't be comfortable going if you were there. I know I wouldn't!! So he put the feelers out. Checked if you were going. Even though you said it didn't bother you about the 2 of them you admit it did, so he was actually right to assume it'd be awkward! Then when you said you weren't going, he decided the coast was clear to bring the new gf.

He was an arsehole 6 months ago. He may still be an arsehole!! But he IS in a new relationship, you WERE all going to potentially be in a situation together, so he, awkwardly, was just checking the lay of the land. You can't all avoid each other forever, but it's only been 6 months and I think he WAS trying to avoid an awkward situation this time.

Big Bag of Chips

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Maybe he was trying to do the right thing! He finished with you 6 months ago, for someone else. It's safe to assume he cheated on you with her. Maybe he didn't. Then this wedding comes up, which I'm sure you were expected to go to together, and he is invited, with his new gf.

Maybe he didn't want to make things awkward by bringing her along if you were there too. Maybe she had said she wouldn't be comfortable going if you were there. I know I wouldn't!! So he put the feelers out. Checked if you were going. Even though you said it didn't bother you about the 2 of them you admit it did, so he was actually right to assume it'd be awkward! Then when you said you weren't going, he decided the coast was clear to bring the new gf.

He was an arsehole 6 months ago. He may still be an arsehole!! But he IS in a new relationship, you WERE all going to potentially be in a situation together, so he, awkwardly, was just checking the lay of the land. You can't all avoid each other forever, but it's only been 6 months and I think he WAS trying to avoid an awkward situation this time.

No he was aware she wasn't going to the wedding. He rang her to specifically find out if it was because of him. He could have found out from his mutual friend (the bride/groom) whether the OP was going by asking if the OP had RSVPd the invite....No need to ring her directly

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

No he was aware she wasn't going to the wedding. He rang her to specifically find out if it was because of him. He could have found out from his mutual friend (the bride/groom) whether the OP was going by asking if the OP had RSVPd the invite....No need to ring her directly

and that is why i said the OP story for me has too many holes in it. This excuse doesn't make sense. Anyway, the OP asked for advice here, everyone offered and she still answered. The story about her mother giving out her number? I don't believe it, i am sure her mother knew about the breakup.

tipp_Gunner, you seem to have a very vast interest in this post and you have offered advice several times and while continuing to bash the other posters reply's who don't fall in line with your own advice about the ex. and without knowing the full facts of their relationship. OP asked for advice and ignored it all and answered the phone. What did she expect him to say or to happnen?

wetmonday

wetmonday wrote: »

and that is why i said the OP story for me has too many holes in it. This excuse doesn't make sense. Anyway, the OP asked for advice here, everyone offered and she still answered. The story about her mother giving out her number? I don't believe it, i am sure her mother knew about the breakup.

tipp_Gunner, you seem to have a very vast interest in this post and you have offered advice several times and while continuing to bash the other posters reply's who don't fall in line with your own advice about the ex. and without knowing the full facts of their relationship. OP asked for advice and ignored it all and answered the phone. What did she expect him to say or to happnen?

ive made counter points. Im not bashing anyone. Im going on the facts that the OP gave to us. I mean she has told us pretty much everything from what i can see. Where exactly is the holes? Im sorry if ive offended anyone but from what i can see its a fairly cut and dry scenario.

The gist of the story goes something like this or the way i read it

• OP and her boyfriend break up as he is met someone else
• Not only that but he implies that he is over the moon having moved on and this is the bit that kinda pisses me off that he contacted her again out of the blue down the line
• OP understandably needs counselling after the shock of the breakup.
• Just as she is coming to terms with the breakup, her ex contacts her out of the blue leaving her shaken she had no idea how he got her number
• Yes she did answer the phone against conventional wisdom but the head and the heart are always in dispute in this situation. It has only been six months after all. The girl is human, she isnt made of stone
• On top of everything, the ops ex obtained her number without her knowledge.

I cant see any holes in the OP's story. She has explained pretty much everything. I have no personal interest in either party here so to speak but perhaps i'm speaking from a bad personal experience here myself and can relate to the OP
If you are finished with someone and its your decision to break off the relationship then you should stand by the decision and leave your ex alone. Enough carnage has been caused without opening more wounds. You are either giving false hope or causing more pain at that stage.

I suppose what i despair most at in this whole sorry mess and this isn't the only instance of it is that the world has become very dog-eat-dog and a selfish place to be in. Everyone wants instant gratification and if they don't get it your dispensed of like a dirty nappy. There is an awful lot of good people too don't get me wrong and there is plenty on boards in particular that seem to very very morally principled in terms of relationships from what i come across.

But at times it seems like no one has any value on a person anymore. I've seen countless marriages in my local area just disintegrate overnight. I suppose you never know what goes on behind closed doors but you'd have to despair for some of the carry on all the same. Surely two grown adults can work things out you'd think? Nope.

Big Bag of Chips

Contacting her about the wedding might have been a heads up for her/for him. He found out she wasn't going. I'm sure when they were together and mutual friends of theirs were getting married it was assumed both would be going (together).

I do believe when he heard she wasn't going he contacted her with 'not because of me, is it', to find out of she definitely wasn't going, and if it would be safe to bring his new gf. And he was right.. it WAS because of him!! He didn't need to contact her? Maybe he felt he did. Maybe he felt if he contacted her before the wedding, and they did all end up being there at least the ice was broken first.

It doesn't matter why he contacted her, or why he felt he had to. He has his reasons, and they are his, whether or not others agree with them.

You can't control him, his thoughts or his reasoning, OP. All you can control is your reaction to him. And by allowing him contact you (first thing you should have done was block his number, second thing you should have done was not answer the phone!) you have let him back into your head.

He moved on. He moved on a lot longer than 6 months ago. So for him your relationship is in the past and he thinks that by now it should be all grand between you. You're at this from a completely different side though. And you're not grand with it. 6 months isn't long to get over a 3 year relationship that you didn't see ending. You could be another 6 months or more before you stop caring.

Now is the time to block his number if you haven't already. There's no reason for you to be in contact although he might think there's no reason for you not to be in occasional contact now that everything is 'ok' between you.

Telluric

Here's the thing, you wouldn't actually be responding to tell him to leave you alone; you'd be responding and hoping that he'd respond with some amazing reply that would make up for everything and maybe even fix things. And when you didn't get that, you'd feel even worse.

But the past is the past and you're clearly in a much better place without him.

You have control over the situation right now. Hold on to that control and move on with your life.