Advice please-relationship and money

ShaShaBear

Can I just revert back to you comments on your children, in particular the toddler you have?
I would be very deeply concerned that his control over money and your lack thereof could impact on the child's life. What happens when she needs a school uniform and he won't cough up? Or she needs to go to A&E and he insists the medical bills are on you because you were watching her at the time? What if, heaven forbid, your unborn child has some health issues that require he/she stay in hospital or visit regularly (my own second daughter was born with hip dysplacia and we had to attend Temple Street from Co. Monaghan weeky to have her seen to). Is he going to charge you for travel costs?

That's not even close to good.

Staph

kylith wrote: »

OP. Would I be right in thinking that these 'personal expenses' you have 'borrowed' from him are along the lines of rent, bills for gas/electricity?

Some is toward a 'joint' car, that she doesn't have access to now.

I'm really shocked that anyone could treat their partner this way. I wish you and your kids the best of luck, and I hope you all find happiness.

hattoncracker

Just read a comment here about how you'd feel like a bad parent for uprooting a kid and moving now.

You will not be saving your kids from anything by staying. The only thing you will be teaching them by staying is that abuse is OK when its directed towards women. Your sons/daughters will learn their relationship skills from you and him. If your daughter ends up in the same relationship as you're in now by following her mother's lead, how will you look her in the face?

Your partner is controlling and abusive. He doesn't see his children as anything that he should have to contribute to. They're a financial burden, and thats all he will ever see them as. Take what money you have and go.

njs030

Staph wrote: »

Some is toward a 'joint' car, that she doesn't have access to now.

I'm really shocked that anyone could treat their partner this way. I wish you and your kids the best of luck, and I hope you all find happiness.

How doesn't she have access to it?

Staph

Correction, I mixed up threads and gave wrong info.

njs030

Staph wrote: »

He's left with the car. The OP has bought a bicycle to get out/shopping.

No that's a completely different person in a different thread.

Edit it's called that gut feeling

Staph

Please excuse the error, that relates to a different thread.

ifElseThen

Options:
1 - Charge him a daily rate of €50 for you having to go through pregnancy:
270 days X 2 x 50 = €27,000

2 - Tell him you'll pay him. When you get married, get divorced, you don't work and he'll have to give you most of his earnings to keep you and babies looked after

I earn three times the net salary of my wife because she wanted to go part-time after our babies were born.
All money goes into joint account for bills etc.
All savings are viewed as joint.
If we need something individually we buy it without having to ask permission.

Don't give him a red cent.

Rethink your marriage plans.

Sounds like he'll be a classic controller.

ifElseThen

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Can I just revert back to you comments on your children, in particular the toddler you have?
I would be very deeply concerned that his control over money and your lack thereof could impact on the child's life. What happens when she needs a school uniform and he won't cough up? Or she needs to go to A&E and he insists the medical bills are on you because you were watching her at the time? What if, heaven forbid, your unborn child has some health issues that require he/she stay in hospital or visit regularly (my own second daughter was born with hip dysplacia and we had to attend Temple Street from Co. Monaghan weeky to have her seen to). Is he going to charge you for travel costs?

That's not even close to good.

Very good point. Like this, I have a friend who is very comfortable from a money pov. His child was diagnosed as needing a speech therapist but he won't spend the money on going private, even just initially, instead waiting for a public appointment. Doing the child no good at all.

GingerLily

If he paid for your car you owe him for that, if it's a family car it's 50% IMO, he would not have bought the car if you hadn't promised to pay back. Extend that argument to all the luxury items bought.

The household bills are ridiculous, the house has one income and it's disgusting that he's seeking money back for carrying your child.

Keyzer

Is he an only child by any chance?

SarahMollie

Keyzer wrote: »

Is he an only child by any chance?

Lay off the only children! I'm an only child but not tight fisted at all and I know plenty of people who aren't only children who's arms are never quite long enough to reach into their pockets.

I think a more interesting questions would be if his family shared his attitude to money growing up? Is this how his father treated his mother?

Keyzer

SarahMollie wrote: »

Lay off the only children! I'm an only child but not tight fisted at all and I know plenty of people who aren't only children who's arms are never quite long enough to reach into their pockets.

I think a more interesting questions would be if his family shared his attitude to money growing up? Is this how his father treated his mother?

Only asking a question...