She doesn't deserve to have it all after what she done

Ande1975

Can't really add more to the sound advice on this thread but I'll give you another annoying nugget and its true..... holding onto resentment is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

As many posters have pointed out no one has the perfect life. I am curious though as to how do you know all this? Every person on the planet has something that they are struggling with. Everyone. Its not about her anymore though, its about you.

No offence but you are probably barely scratching her radar and when you are its a reminder to her of what a horrid person she was/is.
Focus on what's positive in your life and the worst thing any of us can do is compare ourselves to others.

Witchie

Something I used to help me deal with my bully was to realise that in order for her to be such a twisted evil b***h and to have to feel the need to make my life miserable, she must have some awful problems in her life. When I realised this I stopped hating her and actually felt sorry for her. By turning the hate to pity I was able to let it go.

Now don't get me wrong, when I see her from time to time I shake a little inside but I smile sweetly, say hello and breeze past as if I barely remember who she is.

Charizard

Makingpies87 wrote: »

I've a bit of a weird, on going issues that quite honestly is taking over my life.

When I was in school 15+ years ago I was bullied by this girl. She used to make fun of me and laugh at my appearance. Its had an impact on my life since as I wouldnt have very high self esteem because of it.

Anyway since we left school she has had everything come so easy to her. I recently bumped into her and while she was civil towards me i felt so angry. She has it all. Long term relationship, loads of friends, great job, she's got a perfect figure, looks perfect and everyone thinks she's fab, she's living away in Dubai working at her dream job which allows her to come home for three months in the summer, come home for a week in march, week in October and a month at Christmas (she's not a teacher by the way) while here I am I've a long term relationship also but I've none of the other things. I don't even know if I wanna work in my area. I'm so angry. She made my life hell for so long and now she has it all. She doesn't deserve it. People don't know what she's really like. I guess you could say I'm jealous but I'm more angry.

I know not all is how it seems but I think in this case it actually is. I feel resentful and angry and mad at the world.

I think you are letting others affect your life a little to much, its easy to get jealous of people the key is to look inwards and see what you could do to improve yourself

gline

I dont know why people take the stance of "she might not be happy deep down " etc and focusing on the "past bully"...... She also might be happier than you can even imagine and has everything she wants in life. Do we need to feel that it is all a false show? The fact is, good things do happen to "your definition of bad" people and bad things do happen to "good" people, the world we live in doesnt operate on the childhood view of, people who do "bad" things in life, the bad will catch up with them etc. "Bad" people can end up in great positions in life, they can change also. The definition of "good and bad" is extremly gray with no clear defined boundaries, so this woman may actually be a nice person. You dont know whats inside her.

But, apart from all that... it doesnt matter... you only have control over your life, no one elses, so your "job" is to have as happy a life as you can without comparing to anyone else. Maybe her life is amazing, maybe it isnt....its her life not yours. Whats your life like? Are there things you want to improve?

I agree with others about retrying counselling, I doubt this is the only area in life that is effected by these feelings of inferiority and it could do wonders for you, trying to release these negative feelings from your mind.

meeeeh

A lot of people are bullied, a lot of people are bullies but in most cases kids are able to get over it. And a lot of bullies grow up into very decent people. Two that bullied me a bit in primary school are now among my best friends. Op you are responsible for your own happiness and it does seem to me you are blaming a lot more on this bully than she is actually responsible for. She went on a date with your bf and instead of thinking that he chose you not her you are complaining that you got used goods. As said before there there is no universal justice that evens things out. All of us hurt someone in our life and we all got hurt. To learn how to get over it is one of most useful things we can master. Bitterness will bring unhappiness only to yourself and those that love you.

silverbolt

Staying bitter and angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

OP this was a long time ago. she is more than likely a different person now. It is you who has the issue now

Ursus Horribilis

meeeeh wrote: »

...OP you are responsible for your own happiness and it does seem to me you are blaming a lot more on this bully than she is actually responsible for.

This is so very true. I can understand why your self-esteem was damaged by her but there has to come a time where you draw a line under what happened. A time when you say enough is enough. A time when you decide to take ownership of your own life and ask yourself what do you need to do to help you succeed. It actually doesn't matter whether she's in a dream job out in Dubai or is stuck in a poorly paid one she hates. It's up to you to paddle your own canoe and make your own way through life as best you can. Perhaps it would help if you sat down and made a list of things you can do to change things. Be it therapy for your issues, additional training for your career path, changes you could make to your lifestyle. Better to put your energy into looking after you, not thinking about what someone else is thinking or doing.

bilbot79

You must accept yourself. There's always someone better. It's never fair. It doesn't matter. Accept.

cloudatlas

She may be happy now, who knows for sure, I bet all your information comes from facebook which is a load of horse **** at the best of times when it comes to the actual portrayal of how all our lives are going but you can put money on the fact that she wasn't happy when she was bullying you, nobody of healthy mind and spirit bullies someone else like that, there must have been something wrong and it may still be wrong.

What you should do is focus on yourself, what your goals are how you can change things you aren't happy with. She didn't 'have' your boyfriend, they went on one date years ago for goodness sake!

You beat her by saying 'feck you, you don't matter you never did, I matter and I'm going to do my best to be as happy as I can be now and feck this stupid cow'.

professore

Thankfully I don't care what others think of me, never had. If they are not putting money in your pocket then it doesn't matter at all what they are doing in their lives. It just makes you unhappy, and there are plenty of real reasons to be miserable.

Having said that I had a guy who tried to bully me (I punched him in self defence) in secondary school apologise to me via Facebook totally unprompted. And he was and still is a cool "hard man" type. Really didn't see that coming.

Makingpies87

Hi everyone.
So I've spent the last few days reading your replies and reflecting on how this has effected my life. What everyone says is completely right. I do need to get over these issues.
I've emailed around a couple of therapists and hopefully will find someone suitable soon.
I think a massive part of my problem is my self esteem where I am constantly comparing myself to others, her in particular. I am a massive worrier and guess I always feel like I go unnoticed a lot of the time by people where as she seems to have loads of friends etc and I don't feel like I have many friends at all. Everything I want in life she seems to get easily and it angers me because I feel I can't get these because of my low confidence because of her.
Again I don't want to waste any more of my time thinking of her, I just really don't see how therapy will atop me thinking about it but I'm going to try.

Dr Strange

Makingpies87 wrote: »

.. I just really don't see how therapy will atop me thinking about it but I'm going to try.

There are therapists who are really good at "unhooking" your thoughts from these issues and teaching you techniques how to prevent these hooks getting back into the topic that causes you problems. Don't give up! Good luck.

beks101

Glad you've decided to see a therapist OP. You can't see it now, but with a bit of time and space to air your feelings about this with a qualified professional, you'll be able to finally start processing the residual feelings from the bullying and begin to move on with your life.

Please don't be hard on yourself about this. The long-term affects of bullying can be truly awful and low self-esteem is a symptom I've seen in so many of my own wonderful, beautiful friends who suffered at the hands of bullies in their childhoods. The constant comparisons go hand in hand with your feelings about yourself and your life.

The thing is, you only ever see the game face of people you know on a surface level in life, and for most people this will be a smiling, happy, confident one. Life invariably throws sh1t at us all, some of us are just better at hiding it than others. And it hits us at different life stages.

And there's so much more to life than being popular. At 12, it's all you can think about. 20 years later, you realise the people worth pleasing in life are few and far between and you begin to live with less self-consciousness and more ease in your own skin. I think bullying can flip that script and keep you at 12 in some ways - it can keep playing the "nobody likes you"/"you're not worthy" thoughts in your head like a broken record to the point where that early need for validation never really leaves.

Personally, I don't have more than a handful of good friends and I'm not that shining light that attracts every eye when I walk into any room, but I wouldn't want to be any other way because I wouldn't be "me" if that was the case. The people that I love, love me back and I believe I can do whatever the hell I set my mind to and that's all that really matters at the end of the day. I think with counselling you'll have a chance to discover who you are and really respect and enjoy that, without the comparisons, and that will be a liberating thing for you.

KKkitty

I know where you're coming from but the past is the past. You can't let what happened years ago define you and your life now. So what if she has this and that. She may be in Dubai "living the life" but she's away from loved ones most of the year. That can't be easy on her sometimes. Whatever happened for your own sanity and peace of mind please let it go. No one has a perfect life every minute of every day. If something was to happen to you tomorrow or any time in the future change it but don't hold onto what can't be changed. Focus on your own life and relationship. Be grateful for what you have right now.

ShaShaBear

I was bullied for the better part of ten years throughout my primary and secondary education, most of the culprits were the same throughout this period. Never physical - all emotional. By the end of my first week in secondary school almost no-one would have anything to do with me because of the amount of trouble they had caused and by my final year, there was only one person, on occasion two, who would even speak to me. I used to pull sick days when I knew this person wouldn't be in school because sitting alone for an entire day was soul-destroying.

Out of the main band of bullies, one is married and owns her own home. Another is married with two little girls and a successful career in something she loves.
The biggest travelled the world with money she saved from a well-paying job and is now engaged to a lovely man.

However.
The first was subjected to horrid home conditions as her father left her mother for a woman he got pregnant twice without her knowing and there was a very bitter divorce.
The second had two very violent family members, one of which attempted to kill his own children and partner and then took his own life.
The last was constantly pressured into leading the same successful life as her older siblings and never met the grade.

There is absolutely no point in saying your bully doesn't deserve what she has and you absolutely can't make sweeping statements about her seemingly obvious contentment with her lot.
You are responsible for your own happiness.

backspacer

Let it go,I spent a good chunk of my adult life being pissed off about the bullies I put up with in school. Concentrate on your own life and how you can excel, and ignore them. You are at an age now where you don't have to interact or acknowledge these people anymore.

Live your life OP, don't get sucked back into a part of your past that you really need to leave behind.