Why are men slow to make the first move?

Decent Skin

Jedi_Archivist wrote: »

OP here, again.

Thanks for all the replies harsh or not!
I commenting on the points raised;
- I definitely do have self esteem issues. But I'm working hard to overcome them, which is why I'm here asking for help/guidance.
- As so many of seem sure that 'just looking' is not a sign of interest, then what is? I have very little experience, which is probably why its never work out so well for me up to now.

And for context, i'm talking about guys you see on a daily basis, outside of pubs etc, but not in work. That can get messy!

Re the "just looking" - at what stage in the "just looking" do you decide you like what you see ?

Flip the scenario for a moment and think of how you'd operate; usually works well as a baseline.

Would you "just looking" mean that you were interested, or may you not have decided yet ? Could a guy "just look" and say "tasty; but I bet she's taken / high maintenance / just out with her friends and I'd better not / out of my league", etc ?

Daisy78

Stepping aside from dating, how would you describe your personality? Would you say you are more introverted generally than your friends? Are you the type to initiate a conversation with others? Are you good with banter? What I've learned from dating at this stage of my life is that the image you project is hugely important. I consider myself to be quite a friendly person but I know that i project quite a different image (serious, a bit cranky, fed up). Flirting is a skill, but it's something you have to practice every day, with men and women. Chat with the door man, compliment a random girl on her outfit, imitate a conversation with a friend of a friend even if it does seem like effort. So when it comes to chatting to that random guy that you have your eye on it isn't that big of a deal. Ive found that I seem to attract guys when I am in a relationship because I'm more relaxed and not vested in the outcome.,im just chatting to the guy for the sake of it. Im sure plenty of others here would say the same thing. My friends who are "good with men" are the ones who take this approach, they know they have something to offer and they make sure they advertise it! Not in a desperate way, but they pitch their interest just at the right level to show their openess to being approached.

Re the looking thing I would say you are not wrong per say but you have to build on it as an initial sign. If the guy is in your orbit then you find an excuse to start a conversation, it could be anything. You don't have to ask the guy out or for his number, I'm in agreement that if he is interested then he should direct the conversation that way. If he doesn't then move on, it's no reflection on your appeal, just that the guy wasn't feeling it. I wish I had taken my own advice cause looking back there missed opportunities that won't come again.

rjpf1980

notjustsweet wrote: »

As we all find different people attractive (of course there's exceptions but even Brad Pitt doesn't do it for every woman) every man has the fear of rejection and needs a little bit of encouragement-a smile, a hello etc goes a long way.

Really op if these men are looking at you covertly they probably don't want you to see so it's unlikely they are interested.

Perhaps as someone suggested you might you need to learn to read signals.
Btw being old fashioned is fine but it can come across as standoffish too- try and find a way to be warm as well if you can.

I'll tell the OP the real.reason why men don't go near her.

In a pub or club with music blaring and the girl you are interested is with her mates who will pull her away or push you away or deliberately stand in front of you turning their backs what chance do you have? Unless the guy gets her number quick she will be gone as her friends will drag her away.

If she is with male friends they may get physically aggressive and threatening. Many male friends of women are trying to work up the courage to ask them out and are threatened by guys who can chat them up and take them home.

You could be the nicest guy and you will will be told to f*ck off by a girl who you thought was approachable. Somehow you have to win them over before you can talk to the girl. Not an easy task if a guy is shy and nice and not pushy?

If you are with your mates then they can chat up her girlfriends and give you a chance to chat her up however if she has insecure white knight male friends this could cause trouble.
Many girls will ask you to buy a drink and then leg it once you get it for her.

If a guy is tongue tied he won't know what to say and conversation will die very quick.

So there are lots of reasons why men don't make any approach.

If a man is going to have any success he has to approach lots of women and get blown out again and again and again. He will have to laugh off his own mates merciless slagging when he fails often embarrassingly so in front of them.

A man who approaches women and has success has to have a hide like a rhino.

So OP don't be surprised when men don't approach. Quite a lot of men are very depressed about it and go home and cry themselves to sleep while keeping a front of the craic.

Jedi_Archivist

Op, again.

Huge thanks for all feedback/comments.
I have taken onboard all the points various boardsies mentioned. I admit that i didn't really take into consideration the fact that approaching women is just as hard for men as the reverse. So thanks for that wake up call .

Hope this is of benefit to other people as well.