husband drove drunk

Magicmatilda

People seem to be completely focused on the whole calling the gardai issue. For what its worth OP I would call them if he ever did this again. I am on the side that drink driving is a serious offense and not worth the risk.

I think the issue here is one of values really. Your values are that drink driving is a serious offense and is utterly reprehensible. Your husbands values are that it is minor and not really a big deal (or so it would appear from his actions). To be honest I don't know many people below 55 or so who consider it OK to drive drunk, if anyone. Older generations may still remember the days when it was OK but it has never been OK in my lifetime, not from a cultural standpoint.

So maybe try and approach it from that standpoint. Try understanding why he thought it was OK to do? Why he does not understand the seriousness. To be honest it sounds like you just have different values on this matter and you may have to accept that.

I would be informing him that if he tries to drive drunk again with your knowledge you will hide the keys and if he manages to find them and gets in the car you will call the guards. At least then if it does occur again you have stated your position clearly and unfortunately it probably will happen again as he obviously doesn't view it as something serious otherwise he wouldn't do it.

seenitall

D0NNELLY wrote: »

You should look into why his apology means nothing to you.

No, she shouldn't, her attitude is perfectly reasonable and decent as regarding people's lives.

Anyone who puts any stock into an apology or promises of someone who had already done the very same thing in the past, and apologised then, but yet went on to do it again... Well, I'll just say that the OP seems to be no fool, and IMV that bad feeling about the situation that she has, and the inability to let it go, is her conscience telling her that he is well capable of doing it a third time and that it may just be third time unlucky for some unfortunate person/s.

That's why I agree with those who tell you, OP, to tell him that the next time, you will ring the AGS. And then do it. Because there will be a next time. The more times he does it and gets away with it without any consequences (oh, yes, bar the meaningless "apologies"), the more he will feel emboldened to do it again. And he drunk drove twice now already.

Good luck to you, OP, and the best of luck to anyone in the path of a drunk driver's vehicle.

B.A._Baracus

It's very easy to tell someone else to ring the Garda on their husband for drink driving.
Sure, let's destroy the Op's marriage. That's cool, right? Feck what happens next because "we'll all be there to support her" right? ...via our keyboards... via the internet.... :rolleyes:


OP, have it out with your husband. Let him have it. Drive it home that he can't do it. Pay no attention to the replies of phoning the police because you think these anonymous random strangers over the internet are going to help you... in the real world? They aren't their bollocks. So talk to your husband.

Payton

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

It's very easy to tell someone else to ring the Garda on their husband for drink driving.
Sure, let's destroy the Op's marriage. That's cool, right? Feck what happens next because "we'll all be there to support her" right? ...via our keyboards... via the internet.... :rolleyes:


OP, have it out with your husband. Let him have it. Drive it home that he can't do it. Pay no attention to the replies of phoning the police because you think these anonymous random strangers over the internet are going to help you... in the real world? They aren't their bollocks. So talk to your husband.

If you read the first post the OP tried to talk to him and he still did it. It was his choice to stay up drinking knowing that he had to get up in the morning and drive, that is wrong! He committed a crime and yes he got away with it and no doubt will probably do it again as his arrogance and confidence will tell him it's OK!! and like others here you condone that which is strange. So it's ok to buy goods knowing that they are stolen? It's ok drive without tax/insurance/nct? It's ok to know that someone was about to commit a crime regardless of what the consequences are for an innocent person/victim?
Drink driving in this country is still seen as ok. When are people going to wake up.

I'd have no hesitation in ringing the gardai with the reg. I certainly wouldn't want that knock on the door from the gardai to tell me someone who means the world to me had been killed by a drunk driver. Would you??

leggo

You guys know that drink-driving isn't something that requires a complaint, right? So the OP could easily ring anonymously and her husband would never know.

ManOfMystery

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

It's very easy to tell someone else to ring the Garda on their husband for drink driving.
Sure, let's destroy the Op's marriage. That's cool, right? Feck what happens next because "we'll all be there to support her" right? ...via our keyboards... via the internet.... :rolleyes:


OP, have it out with your husband. Let him have it. Drive it home that he can't do it. Pay no attention to the replies of phoning the police because you think these anonymous random strangers over the internet are going to help you... in the real world? They aren't their bollocks. So talk to your husband.

Now that you've had a rant, go back and read the OP's posts. She's tried talking already, it didn't work.

She can ring the police anonymously, her husband needs never know that he was reported at all - to all intents and purposes he could just have been pulled over randomly.

blue note

God people are so high and mighty over this. I'm pretty sure speeding and tiredness are bigger problems on our roads and I can't imagine many people making a big deal over them.

OP, drink driving is a big deal and you're right to let him know about it. But from what I read this isn't a regular thing? He did it a few years ago and did it again? He very possibly feels bad about it but doesn't want to back down now and admit he's wrong. In which case your having a go at him might have worked (he's probably not going to do it again any time soon).

I honestly think you should drop it. If he does it again have another talk with him, but I'd put it to bed and hope it doesn't crop up again.

Sittingpretty

I wonder if people would be so pink n fluffy and forgiving if he had ploughed into one of their family members while "making a mistake" "only doing it once" and "is sorry now"?

It only takes one time. Thankfully this time he got away with it. I'd be LIVID and I absolutely would call the guards were he to do it again.

The thoughtless, selfish moron.

homerjay2005

UpsetDrainedSad wrote: »

Absolutely. If he killed someone while drink driving I could not live with myself. Him getting a few points on his licence would piss him off but at least I wouldn't be burying him.
Unless you have a better suggestion?

yes if it ever materializes, you just take the keys or insist you drive.

now move on and stop with the unnecessary drama - it is a very serious issue and he should not have done it but its done, hopefully he will learn from it and move on!

but calling the police on him could and probably would, destroy your marriage.

blue note

Sittingpretty wrote: »

I wonder if people would be so pink n fluffy and forgiving if he had ploughed into one of their family members while "making a mistake" "only doing it once" and "is sorry now"?

It only takes one time. Thankfully this time he got away with it. I'd be LIVID and I absolutely would call the guards were he to do it again.

The thoughtless, selfish moron.

Obviously they wouldn't. But he didn't.

I don't wonder if people would be "pink n fluffy and forgiving" if someone was speeding and ploughed into a family member. Or if they drifted off at the wheel because they were exhausted. I know they'd hate that person and they'd have every right to. But we're talking about the husband and the op here. And if he had done 160 on the motor way or gotten in the car straight after a 20 hour flight the reaction would be very different for doing something similarly dangerous.

Neyite

Mod:

OK folks, its an emotive issue I know - I've personally had a bereavement caused by a DUI - but can we take a step back and focus on the OP's issue without all the outrage.

She wants advice on her relationship. Anyone from this point on who is soapboxing about drink driving and not focusing on giving advice will have their posts actioned.

Conor Bourke

The vibe I got from the OP is that she feels it's just lip service from her husband: he said sorry (same as he did the last time) but probably doesn't really mean it.

Leaving aside the danger to himself, to others etc, it's just such an incredibly selfish thing to do and perhaps that's what's bothering the OP?

I've a friend who's partner lost his licence in his late teens for an appalling array of motoring charges. He was young and wild but when they got together he had supposedly settled down and changed his ways and applied to get his licence back. He was successful, but within 12 months he'd lost it again, driving home from the pub when their house was a 5 minute walk away along a well lit footpath. To make matters worse, my friend was heavily pregnant at the time.

We never talked about it until their relationship ended a few years later and she told me of her anger at his sheer stupidity and selfishness. She knew it wasn't the first time he'd done it since he'd gotten his licence back and she asked him not to do it again. He said he wouldn't, but didn't keep his word. My friend was then left under phenomenal pressure being the only one who drove in the house with a small baby and a partner who was able to drive but was prevented from doing so by his own careless actions.

I think someone else has pointed out that if the OP was caught (without having the OP having reported him) and he needs his car/licence for work he'd suddenly have found himself unemployed. If they have kids it's suddenly all down to the OP to bring them the places they need to be, she has to do all the grocery shopping, if she's sick and unable to drive she can't share the workload with him. She can't even ask him to nip to the shops for a pint of milk if she's busy (assuming there isn't a shop within walking distance but you know what I mean).

I understand the OPs anger. Not only do his actions smack of selfishness and immaturity but your trust is affected as he broke a promise not to do it again and it is something that could have catastrophic consequences.