Giving money to parents

unicorn97

I'm 19 (eldest sibling of 3), student and part time worker. I work mainly Thursday - Sunday in a bar, often at weddings, average 40+/- hours a week. I get paid monthly. My parents set a 1/3 savings, 1/3 spending money, 1/3 give them money policy in my house. This means I am expected to hand up around 400+ euro a month to my parents. Is this fair? i'm trying to save up for a car which is nearly impossible to do on top of day to day costs in my opinion. I've no problem helping my parents out financially but i feel 400 euro a month (5000 a year) is too steep? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

thank you

beechwood55

Do you need a car? Have you got a full licence?
Are your parents well off? Do they pay your college registration fees for example?

Stheno

Will you not have 5000 saved in a year for a car?

Loveinapril

You are not "helping your parents out", you are paying for food, rent and utilities. They have covered the last 19 years and now you can afford to pay it yourself. Welcome to adulthood!

Agent Smith

400 is about fair.

For 400, (say, 100 a week) we'll assume your washing is done, there is food in the fridge, the TV's on, The Internet is connected, there's Heat, electricity, Water coming into the house.

This is part of growing up. 1200 a month isn't a bad start for a student job, you'd be surprised how many people cant save 400 a month!

howamidifferent

Try find a flat to move into where €400 per month covers rent, food and all bills then go back and tell them your off :-)

unicorn97

My dads on a slightly above average salary. My mam doesn't work and isn't looking for work. as I'm 1/5 of the family can i not pay 1/5 of the bills? i rarely eat in the house also. I get a SUSI grant for college and pay for the buses and food and everything college related myself

Deagol

As I told my daughter....If you don't like it you can always move out and get your own place, that will surely save you a bundle of money!

Loveinapril

unicorn97 wrote: »

My dads on a slightly above average salary. My mam doesn't work and isn't looking for work. as I'm 1/5 of the family can i not pay 1/5 of the bills? i rarely eat in the house also. I get a SUSI grant for college and pay for the buses and food and everything college related myself

You are the third adult who can contribute to the household. It is called being responsible. As another poster said, check out houseshares in your area and add up all the bills. I bet it is way cheaper to stay at home!

unicorn97

unicorn97 wrote: »

My dads on a slightly above average salary. My mam doesn't work and isn't looking for work. as I'm 1/5 of the family can i not pay 1/5 of the bills?.............

If you were an only child would you want to pay 1/3?

This is simple, your parents reckon 1/3 of your take home is reasonable, folks on here agree, you don't - tough sh1t.

If you actually average 40 hours/week and only earn €1200/month your issue should be with either your employer or your old maths teacher.

LegacyUser

€400 is a lot for keep at 19. As long as you aren't in Dublin you could live elsewhere for far less than that - room in a shared house in a regional area could be less than 200 quid.

Also you say they enforce the one third saving and 1/3 to them. It's great they encourage you to save but the fact that they force this is worrying, if they want you to pay keep like an adult, they should keep out of your financial affairs and treat you like one.

Keep shouldn't be a percentage of your income as that is a disincentive to work hard. Why do overtime or cover a shift for a colleague if you have to hand over a good chunk!

I suggest that you show them what it would cost to move into a rented house with a few mates, point out that they are charging you over the odds (remember a landlord probably pays 42% tax on rental income - I sincerely doubt your folks declare what you pay!) and point out that paying a percentage isn't fair. Suggest a flat rate of 250-300/month.

If they counter with chat of free washing/food etc then point out anything you do e.g. Childcare for siblings etc. They will miss having you there if you do leave (and miss the cash) so as long as you are mature about discussing this they should come around to your point of view.

Best of luck

unicorn97

Augeo wrote: »

If you were an only child would you want to pay 1/3?

This is simple, your parents reckon 1/3 of your take home is reasonable, folks on here agree, you don't - tough sh1t.

If you actually average 40 hours/week and only earn €1200/month your issue should be with either your employer or your old maths teacher.

It's a rough estimation. Some weeks i could work 25 hours, and i've worked a lot more than 40 hours in a week before. monthly pay can be anywhere between 1000 and 1600 depending on time of year. Tax is also a wonderful thing.

bonyn

Hi op, not a teen here (and you're barely still one so stop thinking like one!) but here's my 2c worth.

I agree they're not doing you any favours. Eur400 tax-free into their pockets is a disgrace. Why are they doing that? Do they depend on your contribution to run the household? Or are they so well-off that they don't realise just how much you are giving them? (or do they genuinely spend a lot of money on you, like pay for your car insurance and holidays)

Personally, I'd rather spend 100% of my income for a bit of independence. If I could save a little, even better. I'd rather a landlord that charged me Eur100 a week market rate than one that gauged me for 33% of my income.

But, that's a pretty emotional decision. Ideally you should weight it up. Are there many advantages of living at home that you would lose by moving out?

Just a couple of points:
- when I was in college for a while my parents took money off me. I earned so little some weeks, and my dad was on so much money. Back then, my mother lied about how much my dad earned (a lot of poormouthing, while he stashed his cash in savings accounts), and also lied about how i wouldn't be able to manage if I moved out (in reality, I spent so much on buses and taxis I would have been better off renting in town). It really destroyed my confidence.
- A friend of mine gave a lot to his parents while he was at home because he had younger siblings in college. What happened? Well, his dad lost his job and the guy had to give even more. He had no quality of life for years thanks to his parents.

Put yourself first, op.

In my view, if you move out your living expenses will skyrocket, while your parent's income will take a hit of Eur5000 a year tax free (equivalent to Eur7000 if they had to earn that, less actual costs). I'm pretty sure you could come to a fairer arrangement.

A lot will depend too on your relationship with your parents, how they treat you, and also their reason for charging you so much in the first place.

edit: i only found your post from the front page.. I really don't think pre-teens and teens forum is the place for this post! Maybe PI

nhunter100

unicorn97 wrote:

It's a rough estimation. Some weeks i could work 25 hours, and i've worked a lot more than 40 hours in a week before. monthly pay can be anywhere between 1000 and 1600 depending on time of year. Tax is also a wonderful thing.

Sucks growing up and having to pay your way. You're folks are being reasonable. 400 a month for accommodation, food and utilities is excellent. However you can always move out of you feel aggrieved.

nhunter100

bonyn wrote:

I agree they're not doing you any favours. Eur400 tax-free into their pockets is a disgrace. Why are they doing that? Do they depend on your contribution to run the household? Or are they so well-off that they don't realise just how much you are giving them? (or do they genuinely spend a lot of money on you, like pay for your car insurance and holidays)

Really? 400 a month for accommodation food and utilities is a disgrace. It's called paying your way.

irishguy1983

unicorn97 wrote: »

I'm 19 (eldest sibling of 3), student and part time worker. I work mainly Thursday - Sunday in a bar, often at weddings, average 40+/- hours a week. I get paid monthly. My parents set a 1/3 savings, 1/3 spending money, 1/3 give them money policy in my house. This means I am expected to hand up around 400+ euro a month to my parents. Is this fair? i'm trying to save up for a car which is nearly impossible to do on top of day to day costs in my opinion. I've no problem helping my parents out financially but i feel 400 euro a month (5000 a year) is too steep? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

thank you

Seems a bit high to me but maybe your folks are struggling - you mentioned there are 3 kids in the house (I'm including you) and only your Dad works/Mum doesn't.

Maybe cash is a bit tight.

endacl

unicorn97 wrote: »

My dads on a slightly above average salary. My mam doesn't work and isn't looking for work. as I'm 1/5 of the family can i not pay 1/5 of the bills? i rarely eat in the house also. I get a SUSI grant for college and pay for the buses and food and everything college related myself

Good stuff. And you can cover all your bills?

You see, the way it works is, if you think you're paying too much, find an alternative. If it's cheaper, happy days. If you can't find anything cheaper, you're getting a sweet deal!

ct5amr2ig1nfhp

You are earning ~15k per year, you are receiving a student grant (full grant I would presume based on the info you have posed) and you live at home. Presumably when you say you pay tax, I would guess you pay less than 200 EUR in total for the year (which is all USC). If you're paying more in tax, you're doing something wrong.

400 per month seems very fair. I wish more parents would be as wise with their kids financial well being.

bonyn wrote: »

...
I agree they're not doing you any favours. Eur400 tax-free into their pockets is a disgrace. Why are they doing that?
...

Perhaps the OP's parents believe that they have a role in shaping their kids financial behaviour and attitude towards money? More parents should do the same.

unicorn97

Thanks for feedback everyone

myshirt

€400.00 is a good deal to be fair op.

I was sent on my bike at 16 and had to paddle my own canoe.

Personally however, with my kids if they were in college and trying to better themselves I wouldn't take anything. It's an uphill battle ahead for young people to compete with the type of economy your parents left you, and that they want you to pay for their financial crisis and the perks they enjoyed during that period.

But I accept you have to pay your way, so 400 is a good deal.

Mikefitzs

They're teaching you a real world lesson in living.
Personally I would say €50/week is fair at 19,, all depends on circumstances, maybe you're insured to drive their car? Only you know you're family situation and what your parents are like to live with. Stay as long as possible because at the end of the day if you get sick and have no income for a week or 2 your parents will surely look after you, a landlord won't give a duck if your sick or not!

You will pay 1/3 of your income on rent or mortgage, all this you'll learn in a few years time when you buy or rent a house and have a family of your own.
NEVER commit to paying more than this 1/3. You will never have a holiday. nice car, properly afford to bring up kids of your own or accumulate a good pension fund if you go over the 1/3 rule. BUT HEY- That's all bull if you finish college and get a really well paid job.
Average Joe will pay 1/3 for the roof over his head for 2/3's of his life, the 1/3 you don't pay is where you were last year (The Kid at school) that's the way it is.
It's easier financially when your partner/spouse work but when the kids come along it's money out everywhere.
I hope all works out, best of luck.

TheIrishGrover

unicorn97 wrote: »

I'm 19 (eldest sibling of 3), student and part time worker. I work mainly Thursday - Sunday in a bar, often at weddings, average 40+/- hours a week. I get paid monthly. My parents set a 1/3 savings, 1/3 spending money, 1/3 give them money policy in my house. This means I am expected to hand up around 400+ euro a month to my parents. Is this fair? i'm trying to save up for a car which is nearly impossible to do on top of day to day costs in my opinion. I've no problem helping my parents out financially but i feel 400 euro a month (5000 a year) is too steep? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

thank you

It's not your house, it's theirs. While 400 does seem a lot to you, you say there are 5 in the house with one wage. It's time to pay your way if you are in a position to do so. Bear in mind that 400 covers room, food, electricity, heating, TV, internet, laundry amongst everything else, I assume.

As some of the other posters below (Hilariously) said: You can always teach your folks a lesson and move out. That'll teach 'em. And how DARE they suggest you learn a valuable lesson such as saving!!! Inconsiderate b*&%$£ds.

You pull down 1200 a month "after tax" a month at 19 while living at home? PLUS getting a grant???!!! Pay up or move out

Lemsiper

unicorn97 wrote: »

It's a rough estimation. Some weeks i could work 25 hours, and i've worked a lot more than 40 hours in a week before. monthly pay can be anywhere between 1000 and 1600 depending on time of year. Tax is also a wonderful thing.

Full time student? You shouldn't be paying tax.

Sleeper12

We take money from our kids 22 & 24. They don't know it but it goes into 2 separate accounts. When they are ready to buy their own homes they'll get it back. We collect the money not because we need it but because they need to be in the habit of handing in up.

newacc2015

nhunter100 wrote: »

Really? 400 a month for accommodation food and utilities is a disgrace. It's called paying your way.

The other side is also having children is expensive. If you cant afford them in the first place, dont have them. Instead OPs parents are expecting their children to pay for them 'supporting them'. A lot of Americans and Germans would support their children until they finish College. Personally I dont think €400 is much for a college student to live on after transport and paying for meals etc.

With the amount of hours OP is working, I personally wouldnt be surprised if he graduates with a 2.2 or a third the fact he has to work so hard to get money that so much. The fact OP is working so much is alarming. He probably wouldnt if he didnt have to pay a third of his wage.

Yes there is the argument of OP "your now an adult, support your family etc" BS that everyone is on about. But your only priority should be to do as well as possible in college. That is not possible at 40 hours a week.

bonyn

Sleeper12 wrote: »

We take money from our kids 22 & 24. They don't know it but it goes into 2 separate accounts. When they are ready to buy their own homes they'll get it back. We collect the money not because we need it but because they need to be in the habit of handing in up.

The time for these games is up to the child being 15 or 16. Now, they're not kids. They're adults you're just treating like kids with this bank account in their name that they dont know about with funds earmarked solely for buying a house.
Look, you charge rent, and you don't need the money so you put it away from them. I get it. I'd love to find out someone did this for me, if there were no strings attached. Just be careful you're not inadvertently controlling them financially.

GrumpyMe

Lemsiper wrote: »

Full time student? You shouldn't be paying tax.

Why shouldn't he be paying tax?
If he earns income above his tax credits he'll be due to pay income tax!
Yet another of life's lessons!

TheChizler

I'd be more of the opinion that a set amount each month is more fair rather than 1/3. What you earn each month might vary but the cost of you living at home won't change much. I also don't think that saying it's a good deal compared to costs of renting is fair either. Landlords have to make profit (sometimes!), pay 42% tax and cover costs with that. Aside from wear and tear on the house, and presuming you do your own laundry and clean up after yourself, your parents have no such costs that they wouldn't be paying whether you were there or not. A good starting point for negotiation would be your fair share of food and utilities, plus a bit for any other costs.

I do agree though that it's a good idea to be in the habit of putting away that much every month, preferably in an account you don't have easy access to, and separate to your short term savings such as the car fund.

LegacyUser

unicorn97 wrote: »

I'm 19 (eldest sibling of 3), student and part time worker. I work mainly Thursday - Sunday in a bar, often at weddings, average 40+/- hours a week. I get paid monthly. My parents set a 1/3 savings, 1/3 spending money, 1/3 give them money policy in my house. This means I am expected to hand up around 400+ euro a month to my parents. Is this fair? i'm trying to save up for a car which is nearly impossible to do on top of day to day costs in my opinion. I've no problem helping my parents out financially but i feel 400 euro a month (5000 a year) is too steep? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

thank you

I'm sorry but €400 per month is absurd. They are your parents. You're being robbed. You can rent a room for that amount or less depending on where you live

muslimahkar

unicorn97 wrote: »

I'm 19 (eldest sibling of 3), student and part time worker. I work mainly Thursday - Sunday in a bar, often at weddings, average 40+/- hours a week. I get paid monthly. My parents set a 1/3 savings, 1/3 spending money, 1/3 give them money policy in my house. This means I am expected to hand up around 400+ euro a month to my parents. Is this fair? i'm trying to save up for a car which is nearly impossible to do on top of day to day costs in my opinion. I've no problem helping my parents out financially but i feel 400 euro a month (5000 a year) is too steep? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

thank you

400 a month is absurd. Especially if your parenta demand that much. My mother asks for €20 per week. Move out and rent a room.

muslimahkar

It costs around €5000 per year for accommodation in a college dorm.

pwurple

The 1/3 seems to max out your contribution to 100 per week. So if you work less it's less.

This sounds fairer than i've heard other families do, where it's 100 per week no matter what.

You will have saved enough for your car in a few months with that saving account.

I was moved out by 18. Honestly, it seems a lot cheaper than that option.

judeboy101

If you have gone from paying nothing to paying €400 pm for effectively the same service then you need to demand an upgrade in that service. Remind them that the service they give now will influence the level of service they get in whatever home you stick them in when they are old.

Macker1

judeboy101 wrote: »

If you have gone from paying nothing to paying €400 pm for effectively the same service then you need to demand an upgrade in that service. Remind them that the service they give now will influence the level of service they get in whatever home you stick them in when they are old.

:eek::eek::eek:
The mind just boggles at this response..... must be trolling

Cork Lass

unicorn97 wrote: »

Tax is also a wonderful thing.

It sure is, it pays SUSI grants for students.

judeboy101

Macker1 wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:
The mind just boggles at this response..... must be trolling

Why? If you are getting a free service and are then asked to.pay for said service, do you not have the right to demand a better service?

Sam Kade

I could feed a family of 4 on €100/week and not junk food, they are royally ripping you off there kid.

Del2005

judeboy101 wrote: »

Why? If you are getting a free service and are then asked to.pay for said service, do you not have the right to demand a better service?

There's no such thing as free. They are being asked to contribute to the running of the house. By your logic the parents should be taking all the wages as they've bought school books, paid for school, bought clothes and given lifts, along with feeding and cleaning. The OP is earning money so should be making a contribution and the father earning slightly above average is not a lot for a family of 5.

There's no tax due for the parents as they can earn €12k under rent a room.

White Ninja

Sam Kade wrote: »

I could feed a family of 4 on €100/week and not junk food, they are royally ripping you off there kid.

If you have a spare room you should advertise that it can be rented out for E100 per week, inc food and bills. There would a line forming at your door, doesn't seem like a bad deal to me.

Loveinapril

Sam Kade wrote: »

I could feed a family of 4 on €100/week and not junk food, they are royally ripping you off there kid.

What about the rent, electric, gas, internet, cable TV? Not only is it fair that all working adults contribute at home, it is good practice for the OP to learn to manage their money. The parents only get €400 per month when the OP has worked the max. amount. The real world is not as flexible! I think the percentage idea is great, and I wish my parents encouraged me to save as much!

Sleeper12

bonyn wrote:

The time for these games is up to the child being 15 or 16. Now, they're not kids. They're adults you're just treating like kids with this bank account in their name that they dont know about with funds earmarked solely for buying a house. Look, you charge rent, and you don't need the money so you put it away from them. I get it. I'd love to find out someone did this for me, if there were no strings attached. Just be careful you're not inadvertently controlling them financially.

I don't see how they are being treated like kids. I charge them rent. Definitely not controlling them. They don't know about it. It's purely a leg up on the property ladder when the time comes. I want them to pay their way now but I don't need the money. I'd like to live another 30 years of more and don't see much point in keeping it till then and then leaving it to them. A lot of parents give their kids money gift when buying a home. This is all I'm doing. I don't need the money and I wouldn't try make money off my own kids, not in a million years. That's not to say if parents need it towards bills then they should use it that way. I'm not being high and mighty here. If I wasn't flush I'd be using the money they give on bills

donspeekinglesh

Sleeper12 wrote: »

We take money from our kids 22 & 24. They don't know it but it goes into 2 separate accounts. When they are ready to buy their own homes they'll get it back. We collect the money not because we need it but because they need to be in the habit of handing in up.

My parents did this too. 1/3 of every pay packet.

Tzardine

Welcome to the real world. I dont mean to insult you but you sound very immature for a 19 year old.

I wish I was paying only €100 a week for rent / bills / food.

You have two choices really. Pay up or move out and do it yourself.

LegacyUser

OP your parents sound like they are controlling making you save 33% of your money. Do they have access to your accounts to know you are doing this? Your also only 19 and in college. You need to negotiate with your parents on a better rate than 1/3 of your wages, That's ridiculous. Negotiate a fair amountil with your parents and perhaps say you'll split the bills and food three ways.

When I was in college my parents didn't expect a cent, and no it didn't give me bad spending habit's or any of the likes.

Sam Kade

White Ninja wrote: »

If you have a spare room you should advertise that it can be rented out for E100 per week, inc food and bills. There would a line forming at your door, doesn't seem like a bad deal to me.

They are his parents the room will be there regardless.

newacc2015

Tzardine wrote: »

Welcome to the real world. I dont mean to insult you but you sound very immature for a 19 year old.

I wish I was paying only €100 a week for rent / bills / food.

You have two choices really. Pay up or move out and do it yourself.

IMO he is very mature for a 19 year. He is questioning whether or not his forcing him to hand over a third of his wage is fair or not. OP is in College, where he could have anything up to 40 hours of lectures a week plus studying and time getting to College. Yet he has to work another job etc.

I was told in the first week of College from College admin, that job in College is beneficial to you. But only if you worked 12-15 hours per week during term time. Anything in excess of 20 was seriously compromising your studies. Say OP works those 15 hours at €9.15 per hour, after his forced savings and "contribution" to his parents he will have €45.75 a week to pay for transport, socialising and food. It is not a lot at all.

Another option is OP parents realise that him performing well in College should be their only priority and not expecting €100 for a child they choose to have. A child they didnt pay financially to support in College. IMO a child going to College in Ireland is know the norm and really his parents should have financially paid for it.

If you dont get a 2.1 in College these days, your degree is generally not worth the paper it is written on for a lot of employers and by a lot of employers, I mean anyone who will pay half decently. OP parents decision to be entitled to a third of their sons wages could cost him hundreds of thousands of lost pay over his career due to lost job opportunities from having a poor GPA when he graduates. Most Colleges in the UK would tell you to not even work part term during term time.

IMO any parent who values a brown envelope every week instead of valuing their children education is a very short sighted parent and not a particularly good parent at that. OP can pay his way when he is the financial position to do so. Working full time in college is not then

endacl

judeboy101 wrote: »

If you have gone from paying nothing to paying €400 pm for effectively the same service then you need to demand an upgrade in that service. Remind them that the service they give now will influence the level of service they get in whatever home you stick them in when they are old.

If that was said, they'd be out on their hole so fast....

Paying for a service? Fcuk right off.

Tzardine

newacc2015 wrote: »

....OP can pay his way when he is the financial position to do so. Working full time in college is not then

Is €1200 into the hand a month for a college student not a good financial position ?

His parents are dead right and they should put him out on his ear if he has a problem with paying €100 a week.

HS3

What is then1/3 savings going towards? You're giving 1/3 to your parents for your upkeep, which is fair. Does the 400 incorporate the 1/3 towards savings? Or are you putting money away for savings for a car and saving 1/3?

I think it's a great thing for your parents to teach you! You've no idea how fantastic it will be to have that ethic! Saving €400 quid a month will build up a small fortune for you!

RedXIV

newacc2015 wrote: »

IMO he is very mature for a 19 year. He is questioning whether or not his forcing him to hand over a third of his wage is fair or not. OP is in College, where he could have anything up to 40 hours of lectures a week plus studying and time getting to College. Yet he has to work another job etc.

I was told in the first week of College from College admin, that job in College is beneficial to you. But only if you worked 12-15 hours per week during term time. Anything in excess of 20 was seriously compromising your studies. Say OP works those 15 hours at €9.15 per hour, after his forced savings and "contribution" to his parents he will have €45.75 a week to pay for transport, socialising and food. It is not a lot at all.

Another option is OP parents realise that him performing well in College should be their only priority and not expecting €100 for a child they choose to have. A child they didnt pay financially to support in College. IMO a child going to College in Ireland is know the norm and really his parents should have financially paid for it.

If you dont get a 2.1 in College these days, your degree is generally not worth the paper it is written on for a lot of employers and by a lot of employers, I mean anyone who will pay half decently. OP parents decision to be entitled to a third of their sons wages could cost him hundreds of thousands of lost pay over his career due to lost job opportunities from having a poor GPA when he graduates. Most Colleges in the UK would tell you to not even work part term during term time.

IMO any parent who values a brown envelope every week instead of valuing their children education is a very short sighted parent and not a particularly good parent at that. OP can pay his way when he is the financial position to do so. Working full time in college is not then

Not sure what industry you're looking at, but once you get past your first job, a lot of places don't care what you got in your degree, it's more about the work experience after that.

I've dealt with plenty of people of various cultures who had parents who don't believe they should work while in college, and while it's not universal, most of them don't have the kind of work ethic as those who had to work through crappy jobs to get to their professional level.

OP if you weren't getting the grant and were expected to fund College 100% yourself, I'd definitely consider negotiating with your parents, but as you have all of these advantages and a relatively well paying job in college, I think it's quite prudent of your parents to teach you to save. I know a phenomenal amount of people in their late 20s and early 30s (even some in their 50s) that are in so much trouble financially because they don't know how to organise their money properly.

bonyn

newacc2015 wrote: »

Working full time in college is not then

That's not what the op was asking. But thanks for playing.

Fyi, depending on the course most degrees aren't worth the paper they're printed on. First class honours in a masters in cultural studies isn't going to get you a job in tesco quicker than a decent junior cert.