A bit of advice needed

Magicmatilda

Is it really the standard for men in relationships to be looking and porn every time their partner is out of the house, because to me that sounds excessive.

It is of course possible that the OPs partner is actually addicted to porn.

How is he with the idea of stopping, even for a short period? Would that impact on him? Would he be tetchy or anxious. I think that looking at how someone is without a behaviour or substance - be it porn, gambling, cocaine or alcohol gives a good insight into their relationship with it. How does it affect your relationship? I think that given the issues it is causing could he try not try and cut back, surely that is what you would do for someone you love, unless of course you are an addict?

As for checking his phone, of course it is a breach of privacy but I think some posters are getting overly hung up on that to be honest. Surely her checking his phone does not cause him to watch this much porn? It might make him angry or annoyed but OP has not said that is the case.

OP you have initiated a conversation which is good. Try and find out the extent of the engagement with porn and the reasons why. then you can work from there.

greeneyes29

Colser wrote: »

You are right to get this sorted OP before things become worse and beyond repair.You're still avoiding the questions regarding when this escalated..were you aware of it before you married him?Is everything else in the relationship OK(social life etc.)?Do you trust him apart from the porn issue?

Yes i trust him in all other areas. This seems to be the only issue we have (but in saying that its causing other issues). I knew he liked porn , yes, but it gradually increased over time.

He has replied to my message, he didnt deny it and after many exchanges said he wants to be intimate more often and more spontaneous,I agreed, i told him i don't mind him watching porn but not to the excess that he currently does.

We had a few msgs back and forth and it went well. Its going to take some work and patience on both parts. I know its not going to be 'perfect' but its a start.

Thanks to all for your posts , Its not something thats easy to talk about and all comments whether negative or positive has helped with this!! xx

greeneyes29

greeneyes29 wrote: »

Yes i trust him in all other areas. This seems to be the only issue we have (but in saying that its causing other issues). I knew he liked porn , yes, but it gradually increased over time.

He has replied to my message, he didnt deny it and after many exchanges said he wants to be intimate more often and more spontaneous,I agreed, i told him i don't mind him watching porn but not to the excess that he currently does.

We had a few msgs back and forth and it went well. Its going to take some work and patience on both parts. I know its not going to be 'perfect' but its a start.

Thanks to all for your posts , Its not something thats easy to talk about and all comments whether negative or positive has helped with this!! xx

That's a great start and try keep up the 'no blame, moving forward' attitude.

Best of luck with everything and I hope you both come out of it happier and closer.

greeneyes29

Thank you x