Did I Overreact?

DukeOfTheSharp

Leogirl wrote: »

Also recently out of same type of relationship. It was only when I found out I had cancer while pregnant that his really nasty side came out- this time there was no playing nice now+ then to keep me sweet. He knew I was low+ needed him, he took full advantage of it.

OP I really hope you stay strong+ keep this person out of your life. The longer you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, the more it wears you down+ you doubt yourself. Look after yourself!

Jesus Christ! I'm really sorry to hear this, just as a digression! I don't even know what to say here other than hang in there...there are few things that shock me anymore but I was genuinely wide-eyed reading this! All the best, good job getting rid of that asshole!

+1 to all the above and more by the way, draining your resolve is what these relationships do, questioning your sanity is a result of that. It's messed up, and hopefully the OP can tell that they're not alone in this.

Leogirl

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

Leogirl wrote: »

Also recently out of same type of relationship. It was only when I found out I had cancer while pregnant that his really nasty side came out- this time there was no playing nice now+ then to keep me sweet. He knew I was low+ needed him, he took full advantage of it.

OP I really hope you stay strong+ keep this person out of your life. The longer you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, the more it wears you down+ you doubt yourself. Look after yourself!

Jesus Christ! I'm really sorry to hear this, just as a digression! I don't even know what to say here other than hang in there...there are few things that shock me anymore but I was genuinely wide-eyed reading this! All the best, good job getting rid of that asshole!

+1 to all the above and more by the way, draining your resolve is what these relationships do, questioning your sanity is a result of that. It's messed up, and hopefully the OP can tell that they're not alone in this.

Ah I'm well rid!! And I have a beautiful baby so it wasn't all a mistake. Cancer free too+ almost finished most treatments, so onwards+ upwards :-)

Thank you!

Yellow pack crisps

Leogirl wrote: »

Ah I'm well rid!! And I have a beautiful baby so it wasn't all a mistake. Cancer free too+ almost finished most treatments, so onwards+ upwards :-)

Thank you!

you have just made a beautiful day a bit more beautiful and well done.

LegacyUser

Thank you all so much for your replies & to the people who shared their similar stories. I guess it hurts so much because this was a long term relationship. All his things are here so he probably thinks he can wiggle his way back in a few weeks. I am not devastated that he is gone. I know from reading your replies that i deserve better. I am very upset at how he treats me though. I have actually been brain washed so much that I actually did think i was overeacting. He told me previous partners were jealous & that another cheated on him. I now know that this is not the case & he will probably bad mouth me too to his next victim & victims they will be.

I have a date in my head where i will remove him from all forms of social media, i just can' t seem to do it right now.

Why oh why do people behave like this. I could never do that to anyone. To complicate matters I have children (not his) that adore him. How do I explain to them?

Leogirl

That date should be today!! Do it before he can get to you + to stop yourself checking he's online, checking his Facebook etc. You'll only torture yourself. If I could block mine from all contact I would in a heartbeat. Unfortunately with a child involved we can't. Even this morning his nasty texts upset me!!

Close that door OP!! It's the best thing you can do to help get over this.

Ursus Horribilis

Lonelyinrelationship wrote: »

To complicate matters I have children (not his) that adore him. How do I explain to them?

That's even more of a reason for you to rid him from your life for once and for all. You didn't say what age your children are but they may be old enough to observe what has been going on. If nothing else, you should end things for their sake. You're not giving them a good example of what to expect from a relationship. Would you like any of your children to find themselves in relationships where they're thrown crumbs and treated like dirt? Or for them to think that this is the way they can treat their future boyfriends/girlfriends? Because that's exactly what you're doing.

What age are your children? You don't have to go into the gory details with them. Don't use their upset at him being gone as an excuse to prolong this. You've wasted enough of your life on this asshat. I can see exactly what you're doing here. You're hoping against hope that he'll come running back to you and that this time it'll be different. It's always going to be different next time, isn't it?

Leogirl

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Lonelyinrelationship wrote: »

To complicate matters I have children (not his) that adore him. How do I explain to them?

That's even more of a reason for you to rid him from your life for once and for all. You didn't say what age your children are but they may be old enough to observe what has been going on. If nothing else, you should end things for their sake. You're not giving them a good example of what to expect from a relationship. Would you like any of your children to find themselves in relationships where they're thrown crumbs and treated like dirt? Or for them to think that this is the way they can treat their future boyfriends/girlfriends? Because that's exactly what you're doing.

What age are your children? You don't have to go into the gory details with them. Don't use their upset at him being gone as an excuse to prolong this. You've wasted enough of your life on this asshat. I can see exactly what you're doing here. You're hoping against hope that he'll come running back to you and that this time it'll be different. It's always going to be different next time, isn't it?

+1 to this!! One of the main reasons I got out was because I did not want my daughter to think it's ok to be treated like dirt+ to grow up in a poisonous atmosphere. Don't use them as an excuse- as the parent you are responsible for making decisions in their best interest, even if they don't like them all the time.

LegacyUser

The children don't see his behavior because he only engages in the passive aggressive behavior when he is not here i.e he ignores my attempts to communicate with him. Completely withdraws. This usually lastsca week or 2. They would of course notice his absence. One is constantly asking why he has not come to see us.

Thank you Ursus Horribilis I know it will be great for a few weeks until the next time. The next time seems to happen more frequently. I also know he is playing the victim when all i had is normal relationship expectations. He could be so loving when it suited him but once he was in passive aggressive mode it is like he is completely oblivious to my suffering.

Ursus Horribilis

Lonelyinrelationship wrote: »

The children don't see his behaviour because he only engages in the passive aggressive behaviour when he is not here i.e he ignores my attempts to communicate with him. Completely withdraws. This usually lasts a week or 2. They would of course notice his absence. One is constantly asking why he has not come to see us.

So in other words, they are starting to notice something's not quite right.

Can you not see how dysfunctional this is? You've got the kids asking where he is and you're having to make excuses for him lie so you'll not have to answer awkward questions about why you're tolerating such shoddy treatment. You've been lying to yourself for a long time. Now you're lying to your kids.