That's It, I'm Ending It

zcorpian88

Right I want to spill some thoughts, since January I’ve been seeing a girl, before her I had been single for a little over a year after a pretty hard break-up, that break-up was the most difficult thing in my life I’ve had to get over to date and even now I still feel crap about it as I didn’t want to finish it and it wasn’t in my comprehension to finish it but her unwillingness to juggle our relationship (so it could progress) with her other priorities weren’t happening so I was forced into the God awful position of walking away from it which was a horrible experience considering for most of the relationship I knew how lucky I was to have someone as great as her and then it went absolutely pair shaped because of a ton of her personal problems and her workaholic academic work ethic manifested itself into our relationship and I felt like I had no place in her life after I heavily invested myself in the relationship and made an unbelievable amount of compromise and sacrifice and put certain aspects of my own life on hold for it which even now still irritates me.

I’m seeing someone else now and she’s a completely different kettle of fish, nothing like my ex, I just got with her because I was sick of being on my own at the time, now that I’ve been with her a while, I really can’t stand her, she’s a chore to be around in many ways, she’s a smoker which I hate, she doesn’t look after herself a great deal, she can’t cook, not that I expect her to for me or anything, I can cook myself but any adult should be able to cook their own meals, she goes to her Grandmothers for her meals because her own mother is a lazy cow who doesn’t get off her own couch to upkeep her own home or cook!

She has 3 sisters who are headcases as well aged between 18-22, the whole family often argue about some really stupid juvenile s**t that doesn’t matter and when I’m around them they make me extremely anxious because normally I’m pretty placid and easy going and I had it so much easier in past relationships especially the last one.

One sister she’s like 22 or so she just annoys me with her off-on relationship with her skanger-ific partner who’s in and out of the rent allowanced house like a yo-yo, she has two children with him and when he’s not in the picture, every weekend she’s looking for somebody to flog the kids onto so she can go drinking. Well for her...just an idiot. I pretend to be nice to her but she’s an idiot.

Her other sister, she’s like 19. Every single weekend she has to go out on the tear and get in a state, she has a tendency to walk into bedroom’s without knocking, she’s immature, loud and very obnoxious and has a horrible temper. She is a bit pretty but her personality would make you want to jump off a bridge, being why she’s still single.

Her other sister, she’s just 18, has a partner and a child that is nearly a year old. For a long time I thought she was nicest one of the lot, until last weekend when I had to go out for the g/fs birthday, I had planned to break it off with her a month previously but she booked a hotel for her birthday which was this month and like what could I do ruin her birthday plans by ending it? I didn’t have the heart to do that so I stayed in it till now. Anyway back to the youngest sister, we went out last week for this birthday and went to some bar, it was a bit of a dive of a place but whatever it wasn’t my choice and I said to the sister before going out that she should eat something before going out drinking otherwise it’ll go to her head and she’ll either be sick or she’ll be carried home early, I know I was 18 once, she was so excited to be going out because when you have a small child, going out for some is hard to do, unlike her other sister who to me is a total pisshead.

The younger sister didn’t listen to me and she kept giving me this shyte about her “being 18” and “didn’t like being told what to do” and “I’m not drunk” I didn’t even say she was drunk, I said she needed to eat something because she hadn’t all day. So she didn’t listen to me and got a bit hyper on Kopparberg and at only 9.30 at night, we were only in the pub a half hour or so, the group of us saw her shifting/kissing another fella outside, while the father of her not even 1 year old child sits at home minding him. I was sat there thinking “Ah for f**k sake, I’m too old for this bulls**t” spent most of the night babysitting her so she wouldn’t mess up the night or attract unwanted attention on herself, she later spent most of the night messing up two lads games of pool in some pub and making fun of their technique and whatnot. I literally feel like an old guy in comparision to her and I’m only 27, but even when I was 18 I didn’t behave like that with drink in me.

The mother is an almighty headwreck too, she has no concept of being much of a mother, by the looks of it, she’s always let them do what they want, when they want, she can’t look after her house, it’s a pigsty, the kitchen itself I don’t think should be holding any food whatsoever going by the smell in there, she has a cat and not that I don’t mind cats but I think it pisses everywhere, just the smell in there would make you want to blow chunks, the hallway has bags of clothes everywhere and had been there for some time, all over the house there is random objects from the hall, to the stairs, to the landing, like one night I just found a random CD just laying there on the floor, just right there outside the bathroom door, and I was there again weeks later and the CD was still there, like nobody picks up after themselves. Not even a sign of a hoover in the f**king place.

Also she has no filter or decorum at all, on our first meeting she said and I quote “She says you’re the best shag she ever had!” which made me want to dissolve into the floor, I was mortified. Her sister’s and most of her friends are no better, last week I came across something on Facebook, it was this pink picture with like a phrase on it, it read “May your weekend be full of alcohol, big dick, fabulous hair and perfect make-up” this followed with a conversation with her sister and one of her friends publically having a vulgar enough short discussion about our sex life, nothing in detail, just enough to really piss me off as it’s none of their concern or anyone else on Facebook for that matter. I mentioned it to her even and all she could do is laugh. Seriously it’s like going out with someone who has the mental age of a teenager and most of her entire circle are like that too. Really think her personality and mine just do not gel and also I can’t stand her family and most of her friends, if it wasn’t for her birthday I’d have finished it ages ago.

Just now she posted an entry for the laugh on Facebook saying she was pregnant and she has befriended some people I know on there which would have made them lose their minds only for I saw it in time. I'm fit to kill her.

I’ve set myself a general date to finish it, I’m going to do it after my friend’s wedding in early August, it’s on in England and once I return that’s it, don’t think I’ll ever be so happy to be single again.

woodchuck

Why do you need to wait until you're back from England? You're quite obviously desperate to break up with her, so just do it already!

baby and crumble

zcorpian88 wrote: »

I’ve set myself a general date to finish it, I’m going to do it after my friend’s wedding in early August, it’s on in England and once I return that’s it, don’t think I’ll ever be so happy to be single again.

Why in Gods name are waiting? If you want to end it just end it ffs.

The_Valeyard

She's a bunny boiler. Run while you can. Learn from it.

pookie82

Did you post this (almost word for word) a couple of months ago here? What exactly are you looking for?

suicide_circus

I don't get what advice you're looking for?

Flippyfloppy

This is all very familiar. I do think you posted about this before.

Your relationship sounds seriously unhealthy, yes there's strange things going on on your other halfs side, but you not being able to end it is unhealthy behavior in itself. Why do you keep purposefully putting it off??

zcorpian88

I don't even know if I want advise, I need to spill because I'm just going mad.

If someone else has any similar experiences I'd like to hear them.

I don't know, it's a thing with me, I'd put it off until I blow a gasket pretty much.

batmanrobin

Get therapy!!!

Seriously, dude, you're still hung up on your ex. You're always posting essays about her on this forum.

Take time alone and speak to someone about coping mechanisms.

Big Bag of Chips

"That's it, I'm ending it".......... In a month.

zcorpian88 wrote: »

if it wasn’t for her birthday I’d have finished it ages ago.

Her birthday is over now, so.......... ????

I’ve set myself a general date to finish it, I’m going to do it after my friend’s wedding in early August, it’s on in England and once I return that’s it, don’t think I’ll ever be so happy to be single again.

And what about whatever comes after the wedding? Are you bringing her to your friend's wedding? Surely if she's such an embarrassment to you it'd be better to not have her mix with your friends and make a show of you?

Just grow up, OP, this relationship is a waste of everyone's time. Be a big boy and end it.

ManOfMystery

You're with someone it is obvious you don't even like. Why on earth would you be in a relationship with someone you don't like? Isn't that kind pointless and defeating the entire purpose of being with someone?

Your post doesn't read like an explanation of a problem - it reads like a rant. As annoying as her sisters and family might be, they're not really your concern, so paragraph after paragraph of ridiculing them is just ranting really.

You didn't end it because her birthday was coming up. Now you want to wait till after a wedding. Next it will be Christmas. Then New Year. Then Valentine's. Then her birthday again. There's never a good time.

Man up and end it for crying out loud, dragging out a pointless relationship is every bit as drama-seeking as that which you accuse her sisters of.

SB_Part2

You sound equally as bad as her.

Just end it.

SteM

End it before you have an accident and you're tied to this girl and her family for the rest of your life.

Ursus Horribilis

So why have you never gone for therapy over your breakup with your ex?

Anyone who's a regular here will be familiar with the lengthy paragraphs about your ex and why you broke up. That is still something that is eating you up still. Why oh why have you not gone for help?

Your current girlfriend sounds awful but you should never ever have gone out with her in the first place. You're using her so you don't have to face up to the break up of your previous relationship. That's lousy and cowardly and disingenuous.

If you have a decent bone in your body you should end this right now and go seek professional help. Unless you're using her so you don't have to attend this wedding on your own?

KikiDee

Ohhh dude...if her, her family and her friends are wrecking your head so much, why the hell are you waiting??? Do it now. And go off and enjoy your buddy's wedding in August.

DeltaWhite

I found myself getting really worked up reading your post OP I had to give up half way through. Why you even bother to stay with someone you clearly have a massive dislike for is beyond me. The way you speak about her family! Wow!! How have you lasted so long? I honestly thought you were about 20 with that post and couldn't believe you said you're 27. You are clearly not happy so yeah, let her go definitely. I wouldn't bother getting into a relationship with someone just for the fun of it, and I certainly wouldn't stay with someone who makes me feel how you feel about her. Stay single for a while, it would probably do you good.

Big Bag of Chips

You're 27???????? I missed that bit.

Come on OP, you're a man. An actual grown up man. Stop behaving like a 16 year old and be a grown up. You are as bad as her. I'd imagine you're not as mature and worldly wise as you think you are.

You look down your nose at her family for being crude. At least with them they're upfront and open about it. Your posts are some of the vilest, nastiest things I've ever read on here, and you're doing it all very sneakily and being very underhand. To speak about someone you are in a relationship (and I assume having sex with?) like you do, is nothing short of disgusting.

Your gf and her family might be a bit rough around the edges, but at least people know where they stand with them. If they don't like it, they can steer clear. You on the other hand are quite nasty about people, yet are nice to their faces. Not good, OP. Even more unattractive than being downright classless.

Taltos

Mod Note
Below standard post removed.
Remember if you can't offer constructive advice in a civil manner please don't post.
While one post was removed a few others are sailing a bit close to the wind too.

Ursus Horribilis

Just now she posted an entry for the laugh on Facebook saying she was pregnant and she has befriended some people I know on there which would have made them lose their minds only for I saw it in time. I'm fit to kill her.

Are you sure it's for a laugh? She might be pregnant...

And even if she isn't, I would consider this to be a warning of what may be in her mind. In an ideal world you should be ending this before the day is out but I don't suppose you will. So if you have sex with her again use a condom and don't trust her.

zcorpian88

She's not coming to the wedding with me, just to clarify.

Really only got with her because I was fed up being single after spending the guts of a year feeling completely shafted after my previous relationship which I bent over backwards for. I may not sound like a nice person now, I sure as hell was before I was forced to finish with her.

No way she is pregnant, I always have protection.

Made up my mind, finishing it Saturday

Ursus Horribilis

So why keep it going when you're using her?

And why are you stubbornly refusing to seek professional help?

KikiDee

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Made up my mind, finishing it Saturday

Again, you're waiting. Is it that you won't see her until Saturday?

Good luck with it anyway OP.

GingerLily

Just because you use protection doesn't mean she's not pregnant!

zcorpian88

KikiDee wrote: »

Again, you're waiting. Is it that you won't see her until Saturday?

Good luck with it anyway OP.

She lives a significant distance away, I can't do the trip today or tomorrow.

Penny Tration

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She's not coming to the wedding with me, just to clarify.

Really only got with her because I was fed up being single after spending the guts of a year feeling completely shafted after my previous relationship which I bent over backwards for. I may not sound like a nice person now, I sure as hell was before I was forced to finish with her.

So you talk terribly about this girl and her family, blatantly use her because you've no other options, and she and her family are the problem? Sorry, they're not the problem, you are.

You're choosing to use an innocent woman who you don't even like!


Leave the poor girl immediately, to find someone she deserves.


You've posted the same long winded rant about your ex over and over on boards. If you're still not over her, you seriously need professional help to move on with your life.

KikiDee

Penny Tration wrote: »

You've posted the same long winded rant about your ex over and over on boards. If you're still not over her, you seriously need professional help to move on with your life.

Just on the back of this OP and to go slightly off thread, it's OK to go get help to move on from a relationship. I did and it honestly was the best thing I ever did.

marzic

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She's not coming to the wedding with me, just to clarify.

Really only got with her because I was fed up being single after spending the guts of a year feeling completely shafted after my previous relationship which I bent over backwards for. I may not sound like a nice person now, I sure as hell was before I was forced to finish with her.

No way she is pregnant, I always have protection.

Made up my mind, finishing it Saturday

She has just opened the door for you - thats a mataphor - walk through it NOW and explain why you are leaving as you do so. In your defense, it is possible to get caught in the headwrecking machine along with the headwrecker, but just be firm and extract yourself.

ibarelycare

The way you speak about this girl and her family is absolutely horrific. You have threads about them going back months. The amount of vitriol and disdain and judgment in your posts is sick. You look down your nose and think you're so much better than your girlfriend. Well obviously not...you must be pretty desperate to have stayed with someone so long who you have referred to in the past as "a skanger" and "rough". Get over yourself and put the poor girl out of her misery.

SarahMollie

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She's not coming to the wedding with me, just to clarify.

Really only got with her because I was fed up being single after spending the guts of a year feeling completely shafted after my previous relationship which I bent over backwards for. I may not sound like a nice person now, I sure as hell was before I was forced to finish with her.

No way she is pregnant, I always have protection.

Made up my mind, finishing it Saturday

What???

1. You were forced to finish with her.....by who? You put yourself in this entire situation for your own selfish reasons.

2. You always have protection. That is so naive. Accidents happen.

So despite how much you clearly despise her, you're still having sex with her. Classy.

retro:electro

Your post reads as a narcissistic, egotistical and judgemental piece of twaddle. You don't want to be with her, then don't. Nobody is forcing you to be with this woman. You don't mind having sex with her though do you. Vile and all as her family are she'll still do for an old shag when you want one. That makes you worse than she could ever be. Her family have nothing to do with this and are neither here nor there. Ya they may be a bit rough around the edges but if they are mostly nice people then who cares. Do you ever take responsibility for anything? Get over yourself and break up with her.

SB_Part2

SarahMollie wrote: »

What???

1. You were forced to finish with her.....by who? You put yourself in this entire situation for your own selfish reasons.
.

He's talking about his ex. She forced him to end it with her because she didn't want kids and he did. What a cow!

daisybelle2008

SarahMollie wrote: »

What???

1. You were forced to finish with her.....by who? You put yourself in this entire situation for your own selfish reasons.

2. You always have protection. That is so naive. Accidents happen.

So despite how much you clearly despise her, you're still having sex with her. Classy.

He means he was 'forced' to finish with the ex, who he 'bent over backwards' for. I know this because of the massive essays of rants about every single detail of that relationship and how he was 'shafted', it is mentioned in almost every post and even other peoples threads are hijacked to lay out in bitter detail and blame about her and e.g how much time she spent on her laptop etc., wouldn't change her mind to suit him about having kids. (after ALL he did for her)

OP you really have a massive chip on your shoulder about your ex, it is unhealthy and obsessive and a bit scary. You really need to be single and go to a therapist asap.

It has become a handy excuse for you, you use this woman and criticise her family horribly for months and when you are pulled up you blame your ex for making you like this! ......rinse and repeat....

Take some responsibility for yourself for gods sake.

Big Bag of Chips

I know people are being pretty harsh on you but everybody on the thread can't be wrong. I'm going to try be as kind as possible when I say the following:

Your posts are very intense. Very intense. They are angry, bitter and downright nasty. These aren't traits that would suddenly just appear in somebody over night. I think maybe your ex spotted something in you that made her wary of committing too much to you. Now, maybe she should have ended it with you long before it eventually came to an end, but maybe she was scared? Uneasy? Maybe she hoped if she disengaged enough that you would do the work for her?

You then started a relationship with a person it seems you never really liked from the very beginning. But here you still are, with her because it's better than not being with anyone. I think you have problems that you need to address, OP, and very soon. You were single until you "settled" for someone you feel is far beneath you. Why was she the best you could do? What was it about you at that time, (and now?) that she was the only kind of person you attracted. There are loads of nice girls, really nice girls who would love a nice boyfriend. No drama. No messing. Just someone nice to enjoy being with. Why could you not start a relationship with someone like that? You are 27 years of age. If you don't sort out yourself, your attitude, your outlook, then you are going to make the next years of your life very difficult for yourself.

I would urge you to maybe go to counselling. Try to figure out what would really make you happy, and how you can make the people around you happy. Write off this relationship. It was a disaster that should never have happened. Forget about it and move on... But NOT on to the next disastrous relationship. Just move on. Move on from this chapter in your life and start a new one.

Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone. But sometimes people seem to do all they can to sabotage their own happiness.

DeltaWhite

OP no matter how I say the following, it really is going to sound like an insult but I truly don't mean it in a derogatory way but. You are making yourself sound more vile than the vile description you gave of her family.

I remember your other posts very well and I think you believe you are over your ex and doing good (apart from your horrific girlfriend and her family) but you aren't. Everyone can see it from your posts, it is not healthy and I urge you to please go to a counsellor. Because you are going to do more damage to yourself the longer you keep up like this. How you described her family, no matter how repulsive you think they are - it was a total character assassination. I'm pretty sure if your girlfriend was on here describing your family in the same way you would unleash hell.

Go and get the help you need, because you do really need it. I really don't think posters are being hysterical here suggesting you do the same. This should be a wake up call for you now. You need to talk these feelings out with a professional, and it can honestly be so beneficial to have an unbiased opinion/advice from a counsellor.

LegacyUser

The truth is you have been using her for the past 7 to 8 months. Your last relationship ended badly 12 months before you got involved with your current girlfriend.

You start to go out with this woman and realise quickly that she is not the right person for you. Your quite happy to have sex with her but can't deal with her lack of maturity and her having talks on fb re your sex life. She put up on fb that she is pregnant. Are you sure that she is not pergnant? I would be getting out off this so called realtionship as soon as possible. You don't want to have a child with this woman.

Yes you don't like being single. Yes it is not easy to be single when your freinds are in couples, living with people or having children. Being honest you better on your own that being in a bad realtionship with someone you don't care about/who does not care about you and who puts up things about your sex life on fb when they know this will annoy you.

It is not always easy to admit that you have made mistakes in your life. It is not easy to say to someone I need help to sort out this problem or to make my life better.
Rather than rushing into another realtionship after you end this one I would spend some time on your own. I would go to counselling and be willing to make changes to improve your own life and to help you make better relationship choices.

squonk

You've been round these parts before OP. I remember you.

Look, before I even recognised you, your comment that you just got with this woman to avoid being alone spoke volumes.

Now, you don't like her, you don't like her family so there's really no point in coming on here rehashing the same issues over and over again. You know what you have to do here. It's plain as day.

Stop having sex with this woman. Better still, break up with her. Actually, just break up with her full stop. Don't do it Saturday, Sunday, Monday or next Tuesday. Do it now. Text her and end it that way if you must. Yes it's **** but not as **** as sleeping with someone you've no interest in. Just do it!!! Stop the pissing around. Rip the bandage off and make like easier for you both.

Get some help. You need it I think. Get help and get out of this relationship right now.

LegacyUser

God you're not cool at all are you. What a load of drama over absolutely nothing. You're not very confident and terribly insecure and that's the reason you're still in this. Your girlfriend and her friends are all having a laugh while you're deeply unhappy. You critisise everything. Absolutely everything. That can't make you feel good. In fact it makes you feel ****, and guilty and why you're still stuck in this.
You only have control and reponsibility for yourself and your actions.
Your posts are quite scary. And that is nothing to do with your gf or her family. But you're not mature enough to see that outer circumstances are absolutely irrelevant to the type of person you are, your reactions to those circumstances and your own temperament and moods. You are who you are. This is not your gf's fault. This is all you.
Deep down you know it's you. That's why you are still with her. If you were a mature and responsible person you would have ended it and removed yourself from an unsuitable relationship. But you know there's problems there and they are all yours. But it's too hard to look at yourself. It's far far easier to point the finger and come out with all that bile directed at everyone but you.

jimd2

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She lives a significant distance away, I can't do the trip today or tomorrow.

Why do you need to do the trip? Call her and break it off, not the best thing to do but it won be the first time someones done it.

Unless there is some of your stuff in her place I wouldnt make the journey just to go up & break it off.

silverbolt

zcorpian88 wrote: »

I just got with her because I was sick of being on my own at the time, now that I’ve been with her a while, I really can’t stand her, she’s a chore to be around in many ways,.

Thats the only part thats needed. Stuff this waiting around crap.

That family and you have completely different lifestyles and views that are totally incompatible.

Get out of it. Just end it, before an accident happens like pregnancy that will make it so much worse.

elstingeo

I'm going to be as kind as possible here and give you an extremely honest opinion as an outsider looking in at the situation you have described.

This is entirely your own doing as you got with the woman because you were sick of being alone. That is a fatal mistake. Getting with someone for the sake of it as a huge mistake as you will not be as emotionally invested in the other person as much as they would be with you.

I can somewhat understand your annoyance with her family etc. But please keep in mind that everyone's family unit operates differently and is different. This means that it helps to be able to see this and accept them for where they are in life and how they behave.

To be blunt with you, man to man would be like this. It seems that you are still having sex with her. So if you are just invested in the sex and feel good factor than this is not good at all. You're in this relationship for all the wrong reasons and have a bit of maturing to do.

You can't keep attacking the character of her family in comparison to you and act as if you are without fault because that porcelain pedistool you're standing on will eventually crack and break once again leaving you to pick up the pieces.

I believe from reading your posts that you're not over your ex and feel hard done by. So you adopted this persona as a coping mechanism to shield you from the emotional pain.

Emotional pain hurts and can change people's personalities. And I believe it may have altered yours and your outlook on future relationships as a whole. This is not going to help you in the future as it will hamper any future romantic or personal relationships you have with other people in the long run.

Keeping a diary or speaking to a professional to vent these feelings will most certainly help as you may feel a weight has been lifted off your chest. So maybe think about doing this.

To be short, you're not in this for the right reasons so save her the heartbreak and yourself the wrecked head in the long run and break up with her and also look into the idea of sorting out some emotional problems you have going on.

I wish you the very best of luck in the future.