Broke up with girlfriend. Feel devastated.

Ursus Horribilis

Does she believe you now when you say you didn't cheat on her after your flatmate's consquest's underwear got mixed up with your laundry?

Kirby42

zoobizoo wrote: »

How fluent are you in her language?

I can manage fine day to day mostly. I understand her very well because I'm so used to her voice.

Kirby42

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Does she believe you now when you say you didn't cheat on her after your flatmate's consquest's underwear got mixed up with your laundry?

That whole argument lasted 2 hours. Ancient history and we laugh about it now and tell our friends.

Alf Veedersane

OP, I get where you're at and why.

But your OP tells a different story.

I'm not going to tell you why you are probably wrong to be on the course you are but I wish you well and hope I'm very very wrong. Don't think I am but for your sake I hope I am.

Best of luck.

Kirby42

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

OP, I get where you're at and why.

But your OP tells a different story.

I'm not going to tell you why you are probably wrong to be on the course you are but I wish you well and hope I'm very very wrong. Don't think I am but for your sake I hope I am.

Best of luck.

Thanks, I hope you're wrong too
Rereading the 6 points there form my OP... There's only 1 or 2 which really concern me. I guess even 1 could be considered enough to end it. I'm going to give it one more whirl. Who knows, maybe it will work out great or maybe we'll have to end it. If it's the latter, I hope we can do it like sensible adults and not have a repeat of that horrible crying match last night.

Alf Veedersane

Kirby42 wrote: »

Thanks, I hope you're wrong too
Rereading the 6 points there form my OP... There's only 1 or 2 which really concern me. I guess even 1 could be considered enough to end it. I'm going to give it one more whirl. Who knows, maybe it will work out great or maybe we'll have to end it. If it's the latter, I hope we can do it like sensible adults and not have a repeat of that horrible crying match last night.

It reads as.something very familiar. Not abroad but the same kind of questions. I know I would have jumped at the chance to reconcile after we broke up but it would have been the wrong option.

I appreciate your position but I totally get why you're doing what you are. If it's wrong and there are only two of you in it, valuable lesson learned.

batmanrobin

Kirby42 wrote: »

That whole argument lasted 2 hours. Ancient history and we laugh about it now and tell our friends.

Only 2 hrs? Really? You made it sound like it was a saga, but then most of your posts are coming across as incredibly melodramatic.

You opened this saying you had broken up and listed all the reasons why (all legitimate reasons) and then continued on to say how devastated you were. Now upset I could appreciate, but devastated? Over someone you're not even really attracted to?

I'm not even sure why you started this thread. You would have gotten plenty of good advice in your other ones.

The pair of you don't sound mature enough for a relationship, quite honestly.

Kirby42

batmanrobin wrote: »

Kirby42 wrote: »

That whole argument lasted 2 hours. Ancient history and we laugh about it now and tell our friends.

Only 2 hrs? Really? You made it sound like it was a saga, but then most of your posts are coming across as incredibly melodramatic.

You opened this saying you had broken up and listed all the reasons why (all legitimate reasons) and then continued on to say how devastated you were. Now upset I could appreciate, but devastated? Over someone you're not even really attracted to?

I'm not even sure why you started this thread. You would have gotten plenty of good advice in your other ones.

The pair of you don't sound mature enough for a relationship, quite honestly.

Maybe you're right and I am indeed an immature idiot. Perhaps to you my relationship issues sound melodramatic and benign, but to me they are disconcerting and upsetting. I was hoping that this section of boards would be a place to receive advice and support. Perhaps I was wrong as some seem quite eager to critique even they do not have the full picture of my situation.

I'm probably being too emotional about the whole thing. Maybe I can't muster up the courage and coldness required to hit the nail on the head and end it. If you find my posts theatrical or historic and don't really have anything positive advice to offer, then there's no real need to post.

Kirby42

batmanrobin wrote: »

Kirby42 wrote: »

That whole argument lasted 2 hours. Ancient history and we laugh about it now and tell our friends.

Only 2 hrs? Really? You made it sound like it was a saga, but then most of your posts are coming across as incredibly melodramatic.

You opened this saying you had broken up and listed all the reasons why (all legitimate reasons) and then continued on to say how devastated you were. Now upset I could appreciate, but devastated? Over someone you're not even really attracted to?

I'm not even sure why you started this thread. You would have gotten plenty of good advice in your other ones.

The pair of you don't sound mature enough for a relationship, quite honestly.

Maybe you're right and I am indeed an immature idiot. Perhaps to you my relationship issues sound melodramatic and benign, but to me they are disconcerting and upsetting. I was hoping that this section of boards would be a place to receive advice and support. Perhaps I was wrong as some seem quite eager to critique even they do not have the full picture of my situation.

I'm probably being too emotional about the whole thing. Maybe I can't muster up the courage and coldness required to hit the nail on the head and end it. If you find my posts theatrical or hysterical and don't really have anything positive to offer, then please, there's no real need to post.

Kirby42

I also can't seem to stop double posting for some reason either. Curses.

batmanrobin

Kirby42 wrote: »

Maybe you're right and I am indeed an immature idiot. Perhaps to you my relationship issues sound melodramatic and benign, but to me they are disconcerting and upsetting. I was hoping that this section of boards would be a place to receive advice and support. Perhaps I was wrong as some seem quite eager to critique even they do not have the full picture of my situation.

I'm probably being too emotional about the whole thing. Maybe I can't muster up the courage and coldness required to hit the nail on the head and end it. If you find my posts theatrical or hysterical and don't really have anything positive to offer, then please, there's no real need to post.

So you only want people who will tell you to stay in the relationship to post?

You're not even sure you're really attracted to her? You're only together 10 months (a VERY short time) and you've already posted on here three times about your relationship and you've broken up once. She takes digs at you and you think that's acceptable cos "you have faults".

Come on, OP. There is loneliness and there is insanity and this "relationship" is the latter. For your own sake, please be extremely careful and use contraceptives. This isn't a healthy relationship and the last thing you should do is run the risk of trapping yourself.

njs030

In your first post you said you're not attracted to her. Has that magically changed overnight?

Also that's possible that the pill doesn't suit every woman, but there's hundreds of different types of pills or safer alternatives like implants, injections, patches etc. The coil doesn't have hormones to react to.

If she claims ALL these don't suit her be very very wary.

clairewithani

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I just KNEW this was going to happen. Bad bad decision Kirby. Don't get her pregnant for god's sake.

Kirby, really. This is serious.

tara73

OP, this 'relationship' is doomed to fail. I give it another few weeks or even only days and you'll be at the same point as you were before. At the drama.

You are decided to stay together with her for the sole reasons of convenience, which are: not wanting to be alone, having some security and not being homeless!! The last ones are your own words. I don't know if the others missed it but you said she bought (!) an apartment, so when you get back from Ireland to this country you won't be homeless.

I think this says it all...

LegacyUser

You seem so full of doubts about the whole thing, but she is to some degree your rock in a foreign country where you have not many good friends I would suspect, and you feel you need her because she's like your home over there. That's why it's so intense and so much over analysis, because there's a lot banking on your relationship for different reasons and those don't include compatibility or romance, but mainly dependance. She wants marriage and babies, while she's your only companion and understands you the most in a foreign country and provides you some stability there.
Attractions waxes and wanes that's for sure. If a couple aren't really getting on, sorry for generalizing but men do seem to need space because they don't know immediately how to fix it which is what they want to do. Women want to talk it out. So it's natural enough when you're pissed off you want a bit of space. But after a relatively short time together there's been a lot of drama and unhappiness, which is the reason nobody here nor you (if you were really honest with yourself) see it working out. Please don't let loneliness or neediness keep you in an unhappy relationship.

Skibunny77

notjustsweet wrote: »

In your first post you said you're not attracted to her. Has that magically changed overnight?

Also that's possible that the pill doesn't suit every woman, but there's hundreds of different types of pills or safer alternatives like implants, injections, patches etc. The coil doesn't have hormones to react to.

If she claims ALL these don't suit her be very very wary.

It frustrates me when men are warned to be wary of women who are reluctant to use hormonal contraception. Your advice is not accurate. Essentially you have multiple versions of combined contraception (the pill/the patch/the ring), progesterone only (minipill/iud/injection/implant) or the copper coil (most coils actually do have hormones, the copper doesn't but has notorious side effects). Many women experience bleeding/acne/weight gain/mood changes on all forms of contraception. Simple health conditions (i.e blood pressure or migraines) can exclude lots of contraception options. Lots of my female friends can't use any form of hormonal contraception or the copper coil and/or find the side effects too difficult to put up with. The fact that a man should be advised to be wary of a woman who doesn't want to or can't use these options is simply offensive. Op, continue to use safe barrier methods. If your partner wanted to trap you, she could obviously just claim to take the pill..

njs030

Skibunny77 wrote: »

It frustrates me when men are warned to be wary of women who are reluctant to use hormonal contraception. Your advice is not accurate. Essentially you have multiple versions of combined contraception (the pill/the patch/the ring), progesterone only (minipill/iud/injection/implant) or the copper coil (most coils actually do have hormones, the copper doesn't but has notorious side effects). Many women experience bleeding/acne/weight gain/mood changes on all forms of contraception. Simple health conditions (i.e blood pressure or migraines) can exclude lots of contraception options. Lots of my female friends can't use any form of hormonal contraception or the copper coil and/or find the side effects too difficult to put up with. The fact that a man should be advised to be wary of a woman who doesn't want to or can't use these options is simply offensive. Op, continue to use safe barrier methods. If your partner wanted to trap you, she could obviously just claim to take the pill..

A coil was released this year that has no hormones and minimal side effects.

I am female and I can hand on heart say I've never met anyone who can't tolerate ANY form of contraception but if you have then I stand corrected

Skibunny77

notjustsweet wrote: »

A coil was released this year that has no hormones and minimal side effects.

I am female and I can hand on heart say I've never met anyone who can't tolerate ANY form of contraception but if you have then I stand corrected

I know many - through my work in health and also know many women personally who cannot tolerate contraception (due to factors as simple as recurrent and chronic thrush!) but perhaps here is a clearer example - I have one unlucky friend who has migraine with aura, can't use any combined contraception as a result, had constant breakthrough bleeding on all progesterone products, including the Mirena, switched to a copper coil which promptly embedded in her uterine wall, she required surgery to remove it and now relies on barrier methods. No woman should have to prove she can't use all forms of contraception!! As previously stated, the only hormone free coil/iud is the copper coil. You may be thinking of one of newer progesterone releasing iuds. I don't want to sidetrack the thread but feel such inaccurate judgements are very unfair on women like the Ops partner. It is certainly more common to tolerate some form of hormonal contraception but not uncommon not to tolerate any, a quick search on Google will highlight women's stories on this.

njs030

Skibunny77 wrote: »

I know many - through my work in health and also know many women personally who cannot tolerate contraception (due to factors as simple as recurrent and chronic thrush!) but perhaps here is a clearer example - I have one unlucky friend who has migraine with aura, can't use any combined contraception as a result, had constant breakthrough bleeding on all progesterone products, including the Mirena, switched to a copper coil which promptly embedded in her uterine wall, she required surgery to remove it and now relies on barrier methods. No woman should have to prove she can't use all forms of contraception!! As previously stated, the only hormone free coil/iud is the copper coil. You may be thinking of one of newer progesterone releasing iuds. I don't want to sidetrack the thread but feel such inaccurate judgements are very unfair on women like the Ops partner. It is certainly more common to tolerate some form of hormonal contraception but not uncommon not to tolerate any, a quick search on Google will highlight women's stories on this.

That's all correct but as you said it'd just dragging the thread off topic and Its just our opinions which we are equally entitled to.

The point was that in this particular instance the woman in question seems quite desperate to stay in the relationship, which isn't quite the same as your friends health condition.

Like every adult it's up to the op to make a decision.

Let's leave it there.

JellieBabie

notjustsweet wrote: »

A coil was released this year that has no hormones and minimal side effects.

I am female and I can hand on heart say I've never met anyone who can't tolerate ANY form of contraception but if you have then I stand corrected

Well I can't. Medically advised not to take ANY due to other medicines I have to take. So just because you don't know anyone doesn't mean it's the case. Quite insulting to warn people to be wary of women who can't take any form of the pill and to be honest just highlights a total lack of any medical knowledge.

njs030

JellieBabie wrote: »

Well I can't. Medically advised not to take ANY due to other medicines I have to take. So just because you don't know anyone doesn't mean it's the case. Quite insulting to warn people to be wary of women who can't take any form of the pill and to be honest just highlights a total lack of any medical knowledge.

Huh? You quoted the post where I said I stand corrected and used that as the reason to be annoyed?
I accepted I was wrong with good grace and tried to move the thread back to the op, maybe you could do the same!

JellieBabie

notjustsweet wrote: »

Did you bother to read the post where I actually said I stand corrected and explained or did you just decide to jump down my throat?

I read you being quite adamant about it until someone else corrected you in detail and then you didn't even acknowledge that you were mistaken but rather said 'we are all entitled to our opinions' and 'let's leave it there'. It's not an opinion, it's fact and I merely felt I should point out that the advice you were giving was not only incorrect but insulting to certain women. Maybe you should acknowledge that.

njs030

JellieBabie wrote: »

I read you being quite adamant about it until someone else corrected you in detail and then you didn't even acknowledge that you were mistaken but rather said 'we are all entitled to our opinions' and 'let's leave it there'. It's not an opinion, it's fact and I merely felt I should point out that the advice you were giving was not only incorrect but insulting to certain women. Maybe you should acknowledge that.

No it's a thread about a man who broke up with his girlfriend it's not about you or your issues or me and my opinion and I'm not discussing it any further on thread as its absolutely nothing to do with the topic.
If you want to discuss it with me feel free to pm but I'm not being part of this off topic conversation.

Edited to say- I apologise for any offence, I'm quite bothered to think people are upset about this it really was an off the cuff remark that this op seems likely not to think in a clear headed way rather than a nasty remark about women in general.

Sorry all

dudara

Posters - please stay on topic and focus on offering advice to the OP

dudara

zoobizoo

poodles123 wrote: »

You seem so full of doubts about the whole thing, but she is to some degree your rock in a foreign country where you have not many good friends I would suspect, and you feel you need her because she's like your home over there. That's why it's so intense and so much over analysis, because there's a lot banking on your relationship for different reasons and those don't include compatibility or romance, but mainly dependance. She wants marriage and babies, while she's your only companion and understands you the most in a foreign country and provides you some stability there.
Attractions waxes and wanes that's for sure. If a couple aren't really getting on, sorry for generalizing but men do seem to need space because they don't know immediately how to fix it which is what they want to do. Women want to talk it out. So it's natural enough when you're pissed off you want a bit of space. But after a relatively short time together there's been a lot of drama and unhappiness, which is the reason nobody here nor you (if you were really honest with yourself) see it working out. Please don't let loneliness or neediness keep you in an unhappy relationship.

This post sums it up for me.