Me vs my friends

FortySeven

Think you played that as well as you could. Hat tip to you. Standing up for your convictions is an admirable trait. Walk tall.

leggo

That_Guy wrote: »

Instead of taking this option, they decided to send me loads of pictures on Facebook about lightening up etc etc etc Tagging everybody else.

Yeah.

So... I'm not even going to entertain the idea of contact if this is how they wanna play it.

I'm done with them and tbh, I guess this thread is probably done too.

Again, I appreciate the advice, nice messages I've gotten.

Ah here. Your mates are kids. You see those kinda things all the time on Facebook, and if they gather steam then generally common sense ends up winning out when someone asks "wait...what's this about?" So you've won either way. Either that happens and they've just outed themselves publicly as idiots or you've just made your life better by losing the dead weight of these guys. Well played on how you handled it.

Dr Strange

[Mod Note - per our charter no vids]

Katgurl

I love it OP. You've said your piece and eloquently at that. The facebook stuff now is because you've shamed them and at least a couple of them are squirming because they agree with you.

Just ignore the lighten up facebook tags or better yet change your settings so you review what gets added to your timeline.

I'd let it all die down now.

HardenendMan

Well done OP. I was somewhat defending your mates in previous posts but I admire you for your conviction.

I think when the dust settles, they will feel sad that they forced away a friend that is very decent.

Sapphire

HardenendMan wrote: »

That is true, it is a bit beyond what I would joke about too.

Let me clarify. As far as I understand the lads aren't actually abusing the person to their face nor does he have any knowledge that he is being joked about.

Listen bud I am not trying to say you are wrong, as I said if you don't like the show then don't go. Just giving another perspective. Don't paint them as scum if they are only having a private laugh among each other.

Did you see the Dani Mathers snapchat furore online? She snapchatted a picture of a fellow gym member stepping into the shower and slagged off the naked woman's body. She claimed afterwards in her apology that it was intended for a private conversation rather than publicly broadcast but that's sort of irrelevant. But, because of her actions, she's faced public backlash, banned from that chain of gyms, been fired from her job, and in the process of being investigated for sexual assault by LA cops because she invaded the poor womans privacy. High price to pay for a cheap laugh at someone else's expense.

I know a workplace where some workmates had basically a chat group slagging off colleagues, management and clients. One or two took it just that little bit too far and it was reported to management. Several got fired, all got warnings, and a few jumped ship before they could get sanctioned but have kissed goodbye to even a neutral reference and possibly damaged their prospects in future careers.

Remember the PrimeTime investigation of Aras Attracta? That was people mostly having fun at residents expense. I'm sure most of it was quite moderate, but was accepted workplace culture. There was maybe one or two who massively stepped over the line with assault and humiliation but now its tainted even the good, diligent workers by association. It started with the tacit acceptance that a joke at a clients expense was ok. Just a laugh and over time evolved into such a horrible toxic environment that it was deemed necessary to investigate with hidden cameras.

Things can get joked about in private, sure (and I've a pretty dark sense of humour myself.) But when one person takes it over the line, even the neutral bystanders suffer in the fallout.

alias06

That_Guy wrote: »

Instead of taking this option, they decided to send me loads of pictures on Facebook about lightening up etc etc etc Tagging everybody else.

Yeah.

So... I'm not even going to entertain the idea of contact if this is how they wanna play it.

I'm done with them and tbh, I guess this thread is probably done too.

Again, I appreciate the advice, nice messages I've gotten.

I knew this would happen. You are not going to win here because people don't change just because someone tells them to. They resent being told there is anything wrong with them and they fight back and blame you. And you are far out numbered. It wouldn't have mattered what you wrote in your response to the group. And it doesn't matter who is right or wrong (I think you are right, by the way, in your point of view, but wrong in how you handled it). You are one person criticising a whole group of people and you never had a chance. This is an issue which means a lot to you, but doesn't mean anything to them and you are not going to see eye to eye. There is no way back from this now I'm afraid, you are going to have to block the whole lot of them, because they will keep ganging up on you now. You have some chance taking people on one at a time, but challenging a group is hopeless. Lesson learnt.

ManOfMystery

What this ultimately boils down to is an incompatibility of views, which can affect all kinds of relationships - friends, colleagues, lovers, whatever. What we're talking about though isn't a differing opinion on your favourite film or who to vote for, but on behaviour of theirs which you find nasty and abhorrent.

I don't see any way to reconcile that with your own views (which are views most people would tend to agree with, which is to treat others with respect regardless of whether they're in earshot or not) if these guys are unwilling to question their own attitudes.

Ultimately, you've taken the high road and their road goes a different way. I think you just have to write this one off and move on in life. Fair play for sticking to your guns, not many do - I see your point completely as a friend of mine has a disabled sister and I've seen him have to tolerate the disabled 'jokes' when out with groups of guys.