what should I do about this situation?

LegacyUser

Yea iv met family and some friends. It sounds like I'm making excuses but his friend that left the comment is a wild idiot anyway that's why I don't know what to believe. Also why would he leave it up if nothing happened

Big Bag of Chips

You can complicate this as much as you like, and bring as many different factors in as you want. But, it's actually very simple.

Are you happy?
Does he make you happy?

If overall, the answer is 'yes', then carry on.
If overall the answer is 'no', then you really do have options. Discussing it with your bf and seeing if you can come to a compromise that makes you happier is one. If he's not willing to compromise, then you have options. You accept that and carry on, or you don't accept it, and don't carry on.

You're 5 months in. Things that happen now will set a precedence and will become what your relationship is like down the line. No point in being upset about something now, addressing it, nothing changes, and then being even more upset about the same thing in a years time.

Penny Tration

OP, honestly why are you with him?

It's five months. This level of anxiety at 5 months isn't normal. He refuses to go out at night with you or bring you with him, adds girls on Facebook during these nights out and his friends comment about him kissing them. This isn't normal.


Have you said to him "Why is it that other girlfriends come along but you refuse to allow me?" What kind of truthful answer can he give to that?


Maybe your past is making you accept this crap. It's arguably better than the situation you were in with your ex, so I bet you feel like you're overreacting? But just because it's better doesn't mean it's okay. it's not okay, it's not normal behaviour.


He's hiding you. Think about that. There are only two reasons to hide you. A, he's pretending to be single or B, he's ashamed of you. Neither are good!


Lastly, remember that this time is the honeymoon period. The honeymoon period is when you see the best of a person. If this bullish!t is the best, do you really want to stick around and see the worst?

Ursus Horribilis

OP, did you post about this guy a few weeks ago? It sounds familiar, just minus trouble from one of his female friends.

Lady is a tramp

Meh ... I'm going to go against the majority here and say that it's possible you're overreacting. Your ex sounds like an asshole, and it's inevitable that you're going to be influenced by your experience with him.

There are quite a few potential "genuine" reasons for this ... maybe he's had bad experiences with ex-girlfriends not getting on with his friends on nights out. Maybe he prefers quiet nights alone with you and wants to keep his nights out with his friends separate (and in fairness, only going out with them every few weeks isn't excessive.) Maybe he's aware of your insecurities and doesn't want to end up falling out with you if you're jealous of him chatting and messing with his female friends. Lots of maybes, but the only one that can really explain it to you is him. And I mean, as you said, you have met his family and friends ... so it's not like he's ashamed to introduce you.

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with a boyfriend adding female friends on Facebook; the shifting comment though, I wouldn't let that go without asking him about it! To be honest I wouldn't jump to the worst conclusions though ... Ireland is such a small place, he's not going to get away with it for very long if he's cheating on you on nights out without it getting back to you.

If everything else is good in the relationship, and if he treats you well in general, I guess this wouldn't be a major issue for me personally.

timmy880

Lets be real. It's 5 months together, he is hiding you away and there are issues that are already wrecking your head and making you feel bad and insecure. And adding girls on Facebook after a night out?? Sorry but that's rarely innocent. Does he even acknowledge he has a girlfriend when you're not around? Sounds unlikely.

Simple fact is that this is supposed to be the honeymoon period of the relationship where everything is rosy in the garden before ye find out more about each other and things become naturally more challenging over time. If it's wrecking your head already, then best to just move on for your own sanity. People don't change. He doesn't see a problem in his behavior even though its making you this upset already. It sounds like he is just hiding you away so he can act like the single lad when he wants to and massage his ego.

Augme

gestalicious wrote: »

Mods please post this post, you didn’t post my reply last night.

We do go out to have date nights just not in a pub situation. I want to get to know his friends better, have fun join in is that not normal? Yes I know he needs lads nights im totally ok with that but when other lads have their gfs I wonder why am I not invited. He didn’t even ask me out for his birthday when other girls (friends) were there. At that point I told him how I felt, he didn’t realise how much it hurt. Its only when I asked him to join me for one and declined that brought it back again.

Chancer you make another good point. There has been nights out when there is a new female friend on FB the day after. I do trust that he wouldn’t do anything but still get paranoid. Most recently he became friends with a girl and all his mates liked it and made a comment on it implying that they were together. I know this guy is dope anyway so I don’t know if he was messing or not. Her friend also commented calling her a dog (messing obv). This makes me feel uneasy. I guess I pathetically want to be the girl he brings out and shows off like I see other guys doing, not the one at home

Can you give a time-line on all these events? If there's hasn't been a lads night out since his birthday and you got mad because he didn't want to join you and your friend then I'd say you were over-reacting.

LegacyUser

There had been about 3/4 nights following the birthday, including one the day after I asked him to join me

Augme

Guestilicious wrote: »

There had been about 3/4 nights following the birthday, including one the day after I asked him to join me

Best to end it then. He doesn't seem like he's going to change and you're not happy.

Keane2baMused

OP regardless of the rights and wrongs of your relationship you're not happy.

I would have a frank conversation about it with him and if he is not understanding and willing to include you in his life outside of your relationship, then you know he is very unlikely to be a keeper.