how dependent are you on your parents still?

Mollyd90

Just wondering on dependent are you on your parents.

I am in my mid 30s and completely independent but I know loads of people who are similar of age and still getting constant financial help from their parents these are people who are working. I'm not talking about people who are in bother because of losing jobs or because of hard times. eg one person I know got work done on their house and their parents gave them money towards it. another went a spent a heap on their credit card and her parents gave her money to clear it.

I know you never know what position people are really in but I would never dream of asking or accepting money from my parents at my age. I believe you should paddle your own canoe as best you can.

Speedwell

Mollyd90 wrote: »

Just wondering on dependent are you on your parents.

I am in my mid 30s and completely independent but I know loads of people who are similar of age and still getting constant financial help from their parents these are people who are working. I'm not talking about people who are in bother because of losing jobs or because of hard times. eg one person I know got work done on their house and their parents gave them money towards it. another went a spent a heap on their credit card and her parents gave her money to clear it.

I know you never know what position people are really in but I would never dream of asking or accepting money from my parents at my age. I believe you should paddle your own canoe as best you can.

I believe families should help each other without regard to age.

Very. It's the best moonshine around.

Speedwell

Deleted User wrote: »

Very. It's the best moonshine around.

Well played

Rubberlegs

I wouldn't say I was dependent on my mother at all. Well, besides for being there, knowing that she is always on the other end of the phone. I do know that if I was ever stuck financially she would help me out in an instant, but I've never been in that situation. I'd be very independent in that I'm living away from home with a family of my own since I was 21. Since then, beyond emotional support, and once in a blue moon babysitting, I didn't depend on my parents at all.

Mr. CooL ICE

I was until I finished college, but not at all since. One of the things I wanted for a long time was independence. I don't like needing to rely on other people.

I was incredibly emotionally dependent upon my mam. She was my world.

My dad does help me out financially. I consider myself very lucky in that regard. He has his faults, like us all, but I'm proud of him and proud to be his daughter.

greenbicycle

I sound a bit like that person you are talking about whose parents are contributing to building work. I didnt ask for it, they are just strongly insisting. Their reasoning for it is that they would rather contribute now when they are alive rather than leave it all as inheritance for the tax man to take half of. They earned their money and do not want it going to the state, they would rather it stays in their family.

I feel very lucky and grateful and very indebted to them.

In terms of emotional dependence, I dont know what I will do when they are gone, it is going to happen and I live in fear for it every day. I try and spend as much time with them as possible because they are two of my favourite people in the world and I value their opinions and their company.

sbsquarepants

Not at all - but then I am over 40, so I really shouldn't be!

PandaPoo

Not at all, which is a really good feeling. My mother was always rushing to help for anything reason but then would always use it against you later. So now I ask her for absolutely nothing, and I know that bothers her because she has that Irish mammy martyr complex.

My in laws are the opposite, we ask them to mind the kids sometimes and they either do it or they don't, and are very nice about it

I think the only dependency me and the gfs have on the parents these days is for babysitting. I think we would be totally lost without that. Not that we over use it or anything. It is just _when_ we use it we normally really really need it.

I suppose any paid baby sitter would do the job just as well - but I think in general we just feel better with the kids grandparents doing it.

Other than that I think all dependency has been severed. Certainly no financial dependency any more.

Xyzforsure

No shame in asking the parents for a helping out when needed.

Id imagine it is more common in today's cash strapped society.

It would be interesting to look at dependency upon partners.

Speedwell

My parents are both gone. I believed in doing the best I could too, and refused to turn to them for help except in really critical emergencies, but they refused to help even in those really critical emergencies (one of which was having to escape a violent relationship; I'm not talking about a bill being late or something). I would never treat a child of mine that way.

seamus

Dependent? No. But both sets of parents will sometimes throw some money at us because it's a special occasion or, "because you gave me a hand with that thing", or just because. We're in our mid-thirties.

I see nothing wrong with accepting it. As a parent myself, I would do it in a heartbeat for my children. Because the only thing I can do with my money is spend it on myself or my children. What's the point in sitting on it?

My own Dad is pretty good at spotting when things might be getting a bit tight and sticking some cash in my pocket, such as when we're getting work done on the house. I would never go into anything banking on anyone helping us out, but it's nice to receive when you do get it.

If they're in need of some help when they're older and fully dependent on a pension, I will return the favour without condition. Need a few grand to give the house a paint? Done. Dishwasher packed in? Here's a new one.

Shenshen

Not at all, I would say. I don't live in that same country as them, and haven't even spoken to my father in over 20 years now. They're separated, and I still have contact with my mother, but it's really just a phone call every couple of weeks to catch up, nothing more.

Hollister11

Fully. I'm 20 and in college, while living a home. So other than the bit of cash i get when i'm working, I'm more or less fully dependent on them.

Lady is a tramp

I'm 30 now, I used to be really independent, was working from my young teens, paid my way through college etc, worked throughout my twenties, never wanted/needed much from them.

At the moment I'm going through a rough patch and they've had to help me out financially a bit. And are always there for me emotionally, which means a lot more.

I'll repay them eventually, both financially, and by making sure I stick them in a nice nursing home when the time comes! :cool:

kjl

For me I am not financially dependent on my parents, but I am definitly emotionally dependant on them.

I don't think I could go more than a few hours without talking to my Mum. When I moved out from home I bought an apartment less than 10 mins walk away. I call into the everyday for chats.

Recently I've been upset about something and really had nobody who I felt I could talk to except them. They are always on my side and really give great advice.

A lot of my friends thinks is strange talking to my parents so much, but the way I look at it is that I don't have an unlimited time left with them and I want to spend as much time as I can with them.

They are also pretty dependant on me. I am constantly being called over to fix a wifi or tv issue or help them with something.

mansize

Right now I'm in an independent position regarding my parents but I do things so them and they for me, so a healthily adult family relationship I think

RobertKK

My mother died 5 years ago and my father needs full time care which I contribute to.
My father and mother were great when they were around to help, couldn't do enough to help, but we all did the same for each other.

TMJM96

Full dependent. I'm 20 and in college, living away from home. I'm also unemployed despite the amount of CVs I've handed out. Have been rejected for the grant two years in a row now too.

I try to do the odd cash in hand job or once off jobs now and again to try and have some savings for college. RedC surveys helped the odd time throughout the college year :rolleyes: €2 reward could get you a few packets of noodles in Aldi.

I feel terrible taking the money off my parents and plan on paying them back once I graduate and get a job (how long will that be though?)

r93kaey5p2izun

I'm not in any way financially dependent on my parents. They are pretty dependent on me though. I am probably too emotionally dependent on my mother. I see nothing wrong with families helping each other out if necessary, so long as nobody abuses it. For me that's a more desirable family structure than one where people are left to suffer or seriously struggle for no good reason other than insisting on independence at all costs.

Malari

I haven't been since I graduated. I have helped them and another family member out financially since then though! And we are all supportive for each other so I don't think there's a huge imbalance of dependence really.

andekwarhola

Completely financially independent of them for years. Rely on them sometimes (but not an outrageously) for help with the kids, babysitting and what not.

That said, they're getting older now and also rely on us now for stuff too, which is fine.

Winterlong

Right now my mother is dependent on me.
And that is ok.
I was dependent on her for long enough.

Not financially dependent on them at all, but dependent on them and other family members for all other kinds of support.

The parents and grandparents try to fling money at me sometimes, but I resist. There may come a time when I need to accept it and if that happens, I'll be very grateful.

messy tessy

kjl wrote: »

For me I am not financially dependent on my parents, but I am definitly emotionally dependant on them.

I don't think I could go more than a few hours without talking to my Mum.

They are always on my side and really give great advice.

A lot of my friends thinks is strange talking to my parents so much, but the way I look at it is that I don't have an unlimited time left with them and I want to spend as much time as I can with them.

This is my relationship with my parents exactly! Would talk every day without fail, and rely on them more than any one else in my life for advice.

I am financially independent with about 5 years when I started working, and since I bought my car two years ago I would consider myself very independent. They put me through college and financed me living away from home for this, so I wouldn't dream now of asking for help. In saying that I know they would help out in a heartbeat if I was struggling.

caille

Not dependent on them financially, very dependent on my Mum emotionally, she is my best friend and when I eventually lose her, my world will never be the same. I have had a fractious relationship with both my parents, when young, but all resolved now and both of them have been really there for me, when I was in trouble. They helped me out financially some time back, and I have repaid them and they both know that I will help them with anything should they need it. They are both very fit and well and could pass for people 20 years younger, but I don't forget that they are getting on and won't always be around. Emotionally, the dependence on them, in particular, my Mum, is very strong.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I'm financially independent. When I'm sick, or sad, I'm not very independent at all. My parents aren't around but I'm very close to my partners parents. They treat me like I'm one of theirs and if I had a problem I could go to them

Harry Palmr

/knocks once for money
/knocks twice for washing to be done.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Robsweezie

bitty....

johnnyskeleton

greenbicycle wrote: »

Their reasoning for it is that they would rather contribute now when they are alive rather than leave it all as inheritance for the tax man to take half of. They earned their money and do not want it going to the state, they would rather it stays in their family.

Lucky for you they dont know that the tax on gifts during life and on inheritance are the same thing.

Unless you mean they intend to evade tax this way!

Fluffy Cat 88

Not dependent on them at all, unless Mr Fluffy and I are on holidays - they feed the menagerie (cats, dog, hens) whilst we are away.

When they're away we feed their pets. Its great to be able to trust someone to do that.

xLisaBx

Pretty independent, 100% financially independent too. I'm 20, so would be theoretically part of the whole "generation snowflake" thing, but I moved out to college at 18 and have funded everything since. I find it quite upsetting to see some people in college with me take and take from their parents. Talking 6,000 a year for rent, 3,000 for fees and then living expenses. Crazy.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Shint0

One has passed and the relationship with the other has always been almost non-existent but there has been some financial contribution many years ago which in some ways was a blessing and a curse.

rubadub

Mollyd90 wrote: »

I know you never know what position people are really in but I would never dream of asking or accepting money from my parents at my age.

If you ever get inheritance I have a "charity account" set up at the bank you can donate it all too. I would hate to see your "dream" ruined.

Many older people have more than enough money and would like to see it being enjoyed right now, rather than later on when they are gone, and by the taxman. It's just sensible for both parties in many cases, no asking or begging going on.

Lia_lia

I haven't been financially dependent on my parents since I was in school. I did live at my Mother's place during college holidays so I guess I was dependent that way. Never got any money of them though. And never will in the future. My parents don't have much money, if anything I would be helping them out financially.

I am very close to my Mother though and speak to her on the phone everyday. I go down and visit about once a month. My father lives abroad so only talk to and see him the odd time.

boobar

Not at all, in my 40s with my own family now.

I have one daughter and can say without any hesitation that I will help her financially when she wants to buy her own home. I'd rather give it sooner rather than leaving it in the will.

FTA69

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

That's only because you've loads of money and they'll automatically assume then that it's solely your responsibility; "ah sure he's out in America earning a bomb, he'll take care of it. Book the old holiday to Spain there sure..."

It's a very common thing in families and something I've had myself to a much lesser extent than yourself - dumping everything on a relative and opting out of responsibility. The sad thing is, it's not even about the money most of the times in these cases but about someone's basic willingness to help out a sibling in caring for someone who mattered to you both.

LCD

Odd bit of dog setting is all I ask of my parents. they supported me through my degree & have asked for nothing since. When I went back to do my masters I funded that myself.

I had an accident recently & my dental bills are going to be massive. I was telling my dad & he offered me money. Wouldn't take it, he should spend his money on himself & mum. They worked hard all their lives

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

roscommmon1980

Shint0 wrote: »

One has passed and the relationship with the other has always been almost non-existent but there has been some financial contribution many years ago which in some ways was a blessing and a curse.

Both of mine have passed but what I was left paid for a site and helped me get a mortage

Speedwell

My father's medical bills ate almost all of what he had, and my mentally ill brother who lived with him "lost" his will (he didn't know that my other brother and I had agreed to give him everything anyway because he was unable to work, oh well). My mother, quite out of the blue, bought me a good used car as soon as she knew she was not going to recover from the latest round of breast cancer. I needed it and it would have been very mean-spirited to refuse as she knew I needed it and was trying to keep the inheritance from going the same way as Dad's. She left a little after that, though, just barely enough to invest. I bought gold when it was nearly at the bottom and sold it when it was nearly at the top, and it financed my move to Ireland and a year's expenses while I looked for work. But I would not have asked for any of it.

cocker5

Not at all..

roles have reversed i help my parents (well my dad as my mum passed away but before she passed away i helped both).. i help him financially and in many other ways.

RedXIV

Definitely not financially dependent but I would use my Dad's handiness around the house regularly enough (DIY is not a strong suit of mine) and I would definitely take advantage of my parents doting on their grandkids for the occasional night of freedom, but like many others, I have gotten to the point where I just enjoy talking to my parents as people who know me well and have plenty of life experience to call upon when I need advice.

Speedwell

You know, I don't have kids, but I have several teenage nieces and nephews and a handful of teenage online chat buddies (I think I've been cast in the role of "cool adult"). None of them are dependent on me financially, of course, since they're not my kids, but for the nieces and nephews especially, my husband and I are prepared to be "backup parents" if something were to happen to their actual parents, god forbid. Even without that, I'm ready to help in case of an emergency. Regarding one of the nieces and her two brothers, I think their father is a colossal jerk who is likely to leave them to sink or swim when they first leave home. If I'm the only aunt willing to stand between them and homelessness because of a lost job, hunger because of a late paycheck, or an unwanted pregnancy due to contraceptive failure, well, I understand that sh!t happens that isn't always your fault. With the cash help will go lessons in coping and doing for yourself, though, because I believe in teaching a person to fish as much as giving them a fish when they're hungry. If it means driving them to work for a few weeks until they get enough money to start paying for a car, or talking to a landlord on their behalf, or buying a plane ticket, I'm good for it. Vulnerable fledgling kids need friends.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

The One Doctor

Mollyd90 wrote: »

I know you never know what position people are really in but I would never dream of asking or accepting money from my parents at my age. I believe you should paddle your own canoe as best you can.

I know you're on the internet so you can have any outlandish opinion you want, but I'd take whatever help is offered. Myself and my fiance are unemployed and we have an 18 month old daughter. If my fiance's parents hadn't offered us the use of their hope we would be homeless.

I'm sure if that happened to you you'd take the homeless option, but I care very deeply for my daughter and fiance. I'm not a fan of living with my inlaws but I'll gladly do it if it means my family is safe, warm and happy.