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Can open relationships work?

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Comments

  • #32
    Emme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    OP is your boyfriend living an openly polyamorous lifestyle or is he having an open relationship because it's good for him and his girlfriend is happy to put up with it? Polyamory can work but there has to be mutual respect all round. Some people are naturally polyamorous and can deal with multiple partners in a relationship, others aren't. You may not be polyamorous and there's nothing wrong with that. Polyamory is a lifestyle choice and you are either suited to it or you are not.

    In some cases a man's secondary partners (can be male, female or TG) have other primary relationships and that can be with other men, women or TG people. Basically it's whatever works for them and it's all open and understood.

    You don't seem to be getting much from your current arrangement (it doesn't merit being called a relationship). You'd get as much out of an active Tinder account as you are getting from your current arrangement. At best he's polyamorous, at worst his girlfriend is a doormat and he's sh@gging all around him.

    If the situation doesn't suit you cut loose asap. Stay single for a while or find a guy who wants a proper relationship with YOU.


  • #33
    ast245543
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14 ✭ast245543


    Well... to be honest, everyone is assuming I'm not getting anything from it and he's just shagging around but we've had several dates. Every time is fun and we have a great laugh. Also, we haven't had sex. From what he's told me, his girlfriend can see who she likes. As I said, I'm dating other guys. I don't know exactly what I want but I'm not expecting a "proper relationship" What I do know is I've started to have feelings for him and I don't know what that means for me


  • #34
    Lavinia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,099 ✭✭✭Lavinia


    ast245543 wrote: »
    Well... to be honest, everyone is assuming I'm not getting anything from it and he's just shagging around but we've had several dates. Every time is fun and we have a great laugh. Also, we haven't had sex. From what he's told me, his girlfriend can see who she likes. As I said, I'm dating other guys. I don't know exactly what I want but I'm not expecting a "proper relationship" What I do know is I've started to have feelings for him and I don't know what that means for me
    Well as first do not fool yourself that it will be easy

    It can work, but are you ready?
    I think it is a hard work, for this kind of relationship to become anything close to long term..

    so just ask yourself what do you want. do you want to challenge yourself? to work on your jealousy? level of acceptance? opening of your heart to accept your lover's lovers?

    do you want to experiment? nothing wrong with it. you can always try and see where it leads.

    know you can always stop if it becomes too much.
    hope you will be kind to yourself and your partner and all people involved with both of you.


  • #35
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,617 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Do you know the rules of his open relationship? He says his gf "is free to see" whomever she pleases. Is there a no sex rule? Is there a limit on the number of times/frequency they are allowed see other people? As in, is there a point where "seeing" someone else becomes "being in a relationship" with someone else? And do they have to stop short of that? Would you be able to go away for a weekend together?

    You're only a month in. You are developing feelings. And you are questioning whether it can work or not. The only way you're going to know is if you ask him what are the conditions attached to your relationship and then you decide if that works for you.


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