Bridesmaids conformity

Speedwell

If you all need to be the same, the bride might as well hire bridesmaids. The point of having your friends stand by you at your wedding is to have your friends stand beside you, not so you can make like Gwen Stefani and Love, Angel, Music, and Baby.

every_other

ChampagnePop wrote: »

Did you enjoy it?

Is the anything that you were asked to do that you felt was unfair/step too far?

Did I enjoy it? Yes it was fun in parts but wholly down to the bride and her attitude to the wedding. Two of my brides/hubbies to be were super relaxed and it shone throughout the entire duration of the wedding.

My last outing was tougher, the bride was incredibly specific about what she wanted (how we looked with make up, dress, shoes, accessories etc). However it was the emotional demands that was tougher than anything (asking me intervene in family issues which I would never dream of), was exhausted after it. However when I look back on it, I did my 'bridesmaid' job.

Gatica

every_other wrote: »

I've worn exactly I've been told to wear, cut my hair as Ive been told to cut it, fake tanned to orangutang levels, been there for numerous meltdowns/dramas/wardrobe malfunctions/tears/puke (you name it and Ive probably have done it!). And remember whatever dress is chosen for ye... roll with it....

Personally, I would very much disagree with this. I think there's requests of bridesmaids within reason, but asking people to undergo transformations that will affect them the next day/week/year, like haircuts, awful tans, is just ridiculous. Who can call themselves a good friend and do that to their friends? Whatever about turning a bit wedding-crazy, being inconsiderate and selfish, is just no on. B&Gs are adults, and should behave as such.

ChampagnePop

Speedwell wrote: »

If you all need to be the same, the bride might as well hire bridesmaids. The point of having your friends stand by you at your wedding is to have your friends stand beside you, not so you can make like Gwen Stefani and Love, Angel, Music, and Baby.

You could make a similar argument about white dresses to be honest - its traditional and a tradition that I think is nice.

Each to their own!

Kash

My two bridesmaids were as different as chalk and cheese, one tall and dark, the other short and fair. They wore the same dress, shoes and jewelry and have the same first name - i joked about having the same knickers in my speech

As for their make-up, and their hair - well, that was all them. They looked fab, and were great bridesmaids. I would never have dreamed of asking someone to get a spray tan or hair-cut on my behalf.

CaraMay

I really don't see why people have more than one bridesmaid. It seems so dated to me. It's just 3 grown women dressed in the same dress, shoes etc. Dunno....

Speedwell

ChampagnePop wrote: »

You could make a similar argument about white dresses to be honest - its traditional and a tradition that I think is nice.

Each to their own!

Did you know it's actually more traditional for brides to wear blue, in imitation of the way the Virgin Mary is traditionally depicted? White is a recent affectation, intended to show the wealth of the bride's family by dressing her in an expensive, delicate dress that could never be worn usefully again. I found this out when I wore a deep blue dress to my wedding a couple years ago in the Aberdeen registry office. All I cared about was matching the heather in my bouquet and the Scottish colors in the room, but the registrar amusedly told me about the ancient tradition. The moral of the story is, if you don't like one tradition, pick another one, there are many.

Oh, and I didn't have bridesmaids. I was on a business trip. I would have had to get Siobhan from the front office and a couple girl engineers from the production lab. So we just had the registry clerks.

Faith

CaraMay wrote: »

I really don't see why people have more than one bridesmaid. It seems so dated to me. It's just 3 grown women dressed in the same dress, shoes etc. Dunno....

Because they want to.

baby and crumble

CaraMay wrote: »

I really don't see why people have more than one bridesmaid. It seems so dated to me. It's just 3 grown women dressed in the same dress, shoes etc. Dunno....

I'll be honest, the 2 women and 1 man who I have picked as my bridal party are 3 people I could never in my life imagine getting married without them beside me. I'm closer to them than pretty much any of my own family. Of course I could get married very successfully without them. I don't want to. We've already shared so much together in the 20+ years we've known each other that it would feel truly bizarre doing it without them. I don't really need a bridal party- I am terrible at delegating so tbhni don't really know what I'm
Going to be asking them to do. All I know is I want them beside me.

hotmatottie10

Speedwell wrote: »

Did you know it's actually more traditional for brides to wear blue, in imitation of the way the Virgin Mary is traditionally depicted? White is a recent affectation, intended to show the wealth of the bride's family by dressing her in an expensive, delicate dress that could never be worn usefully again. I found this out when I wore a deep blue dress to my wedding a couple years ago in the Aberdeen registry office. All I cared about was matching the heather in my bouquet and the Scottish colors in the room, but the registrar amusedly told me about the ancient tradition. The moral of the story is, if you don't like one tradition, pick another one, there are many.

Oh, and I didn't have bridesmaids. I was on a business trip. I would have had to get Siobhan from the front office and a couple girl engineers from the production lab. So we just had the registry clerks.

Before Christianity in Ireland we had Brehon Law and the color of the wedding dress was indeed Blue. So its even older tradition. And you would get you hand bound to your intended and thats where the saying tying the knot comes from.

Speedwell

hotmatottie10 wrote: »

Before Christianity in Ireland we had Brehon Law and the color of the wedding dress was indeed Blue. So its even older tradition. And you would get you hand bound to your intended and thats where the saying tying the knot comes from.

Heh, very awesome. Just goes to show, when someone wants you to do something "traditionally", you can always respond with "Sure, which tradition".

Where most of my family live, in Southern California, they tell a joke: What's a California tradition? "We did it that way last year."

Meangadh

Jesus, some of the posts in this thread (including the OP) make me so sad

So a bride asks her friends/sisters to be bridesmaids- but with a list of conditions??? Screw that. I've no problem with picking the same colour or the same dress, so long as the bridesmaids are comfortable and happy wearing them. No one should be made to wear anything they don't like or makes them feel less than their best on the day. That's such an awful thing to do to someone- especially someone who you're supposed to love as a friend/family member! Remember, it may be the bride & groom's day (or 2 brides/grooms, whatever), but the *whole* bridal party are on show for the day. Everyone will be looking at them too, and they'll be in all the photos/the video.

It can be so nerve wracking for the bridesmaids- and some people here are saying that they would make them wear their hair or makeup or tan a certain way, even if it wasn't what the bridesmaid would like herself??? Jesus. That's absolutely cruel.

dudara

My sister had 3 bridesmaids - us 2 sisters and her best friend. We were allowed to pick our own dress and shoes. Between us all, we settled on navy with nude-type shoes. Even though we all went shopping individually, the three different dresses all tied together on the day (Coast, Monsoon and Hobbs) and the photos looked great. Hair and makeup was individual too.

baby and crumble

What's the best way to talk about budgets etc with bridesmaids, if they're getting their own dresses? Obviously we'll be paying but we want to make sure no-ones out of pocket too long, but also don't want to get into a thing where we're asking to see receipts and stuff. We obviously have to keep things under our budget- not that I think any of our BM's would take the piss- exactly the opposite!

Meangadh

baby and crumble wrote: »

What's the best way to talk about budgets etc with bridesmaids, if they're getting their own dresses? Obviously we'll be paying but we want to make sure no-ones out of pocket too long, but also don't want to get into a thing where we're asking to see receipts and stuff. We obviously have to keep things under our budget- not that I think any of our BM's would take the piss- exactly the opposite!

Is it an option just to transfer whatever your budget is for each dress into each of their accounts and tell them to work away themselves then? That way you don't need to keep receipts and if they spend above budget, it has to come from their own pocket?

finooola

If it was me I'd accommodate the bride's requests insofar as possible but anything unreasonable (fake tan, extremely high heels) I'd have to say no to. I've been a bridesmaid once. Me and the other bridesmaid were allowed pick our own dresses, and we went for two Vivienne of Holloway dresses in the same fabric but different styles. We both did our own makeup, wore our usual jewellery and I wore my hair up and the other bridesmaid had hers in her usual bob. Nothing was mentioned about tan, thankfully.

SarahMollie

baby and crumble wrote: »

What's the best way to talk about budgets etc with bridesmaids, if they're getting their own dresses? Obviously we'll be paying but we want to make sure no-ones out of pocket too long, but also don't want to get into a thing where we're asking to see receipts and stuff. We obviously have to keep things under our budget- not that I think any of our BM's would take the piss- exactly the opposite!

In a wedding I was recently at, the bride gave each of her bridesmaids a budget of €200, and they were told to buy a full length black dress.

I don't believe she asked for receipts, they just said how much they'd spent and she transferred the money to their accounts. I think only one girl went over and she put the remainder to it herself.

That said, she was quite a chilled bride, so not sure everyone would be ok not approving the dresses!

baby and crumble

Meangadh wrote: »

Is it an option just to transfer whatever your budget is for each dress into each of their accounts and tell them to work away themselves then? That way you don't need to keep receipts and if they spend above budget, it has to come from their own pocket?

TBH I'm not a big fan of that- I also don't think we have the cash to whack over the guts of €1000 into random accounts in one go. (We have 5 ladies, and I don't trust my guy to buy his own suit so I'll be going with him...) They mightn't find something for months, no point the money just sitting there. You know?

I was just wondering how other folks who have been bridesmaids in similar situations did it.

Meangadh

baby and crumble wrote: »

TBH I'm not a big fan of that- I also don't think we have the cash to whack over the guts of €1000 into random accounts in one go. (We have 5 ladies, and I don't trust my guy to buy his own suit so I'll be going with him...) They mightn't find something for months, no point the money just sitting there. You know?

I was just wondering how other folks who have been bridesmaids in similar situations did it.

Yeah in fairness that is a lot of money to hand over in one go. I think then I'd be telling them what the budget is and for them to keep an eye out, and once they've found something to let me know so that I can organise getting them the money (be it reimbursing my friend or paying directly for the dress myself). I haven't been in that situation though, so that's just my two cents.

Best of luck with it, and fair play for letting everyone pick their favourite look- I'm sure they'll appreciate it on the day.

Extraplus

baby and crumble wrote: »

TBH I'm not a big fan of that- I also don't think we have the cash to whack over the guts of €1000 into random accounts in one go. (We have 5 ladies, and I don't trust my guy to buy his own suit so I'll be going with him...) They mightn't find something for months, no point the money just sitting there. You know?

I was just wondering how other folks who have been bridesmaids in similar situations did it.

I told the girls what the budget was, and asked them to keep an eye out and let me know when they'd seen something. One found something online and sent me the link and I paid directly for it. The other 2 bought it themselves and I transferred the cash into their accounts. I didn't think of asking for receipts!