Does this happen much?

Fox_In_Socks

I draw pictures of the woman I'm with, in stick figure form. Or else I fashion a stick figure image of them out of pipe cleaners.

http://image.shutterstock.com/z/stock-photo-two-pipe-cleaner-stick-figures-shaking-hands-focus-is-on-the-shaking-hands-with-a-medium-dof-1252786.jpg

Fox_In_Socks

Fox_In_Socks wrote: »

I draw pictures of the woman I'm with, in stick figure form. Or else I fashion a stick figure image of them out of pipe cleaners.

http://image.shutterstock.com/z/stock-photo-two-pipe-cleaner-stick-figures-shaking-hands-focus-is-on-the-shaking-hands-with-a-medium-dof-1252786.jpg

That's so weird! I love it!!

K-9

Penny Tration wrote: »

you'd be surprised how often that happens.

When I was 19-21, male friends of a similar age took joy in showing the friend group nudes of women they were with.

My boyfriend's friends (two lads out of a group of 7) have shown everyone who'll look videos of their long term girlfriends. Scumbags.

What?

I assume the girlfriends don't know?

Penny Tration

K-9 wrote: »

What?

I assume the girlfriends don't know?

Not that I'm aware of, no. I don't know them so haven't told them. I strongly recommended the other 5 lads tell them but dunno if they did!

El Weirdo

lawlolawl wrote: »

... Young lads nowadays are arseholes who will show them to their friends.

Yep.

Scumbags the lot of 'em. Every single last ****ing one of 'em. To a man. Scum.

Every.
Single.
One.

Scum. All of 'em. Especially nowadays. Never had this problem in my day, but ever since nowadays began...

lawlolawl

El Weirdo wrote: »

Never had this problem in my day, but ever since nowadays began...

Ubiquitous smartphone ownership and sexting didn't exist until relatively recently so, yeah, it is a "nowadays" problem and you are deluding yourself by thinking it isn't widespread.

armaghlad

lawlolawl wrote: »

Ubiquitous smartphone ownership and sexting didn't exist until relatively recently so, yeah, it is a "nowadays" problem and you are deluding yourself by thinking it isn't widespread.

I don't think it's widespread at all. I remember about ten years ago when camera/video phones became popular every now and again you'd get the odd video or picture being passed about. Nowadays there is none of that IME.

PARlance

armaghlad wrote: »

I don't think it's widespread at all. I remember about ten years ago when camera/video phones became popular every now and again you'd get the odd video or picture being passed about. Nowadays there is none of that IME.

The people doing it were probably 10 when camera phones came out. I.e you're old(er) and probably out of the loop. I am too but have younger brothers and it's fairly prevalent.

armaghlad

PARlance wrote: »

The people doing it were probably 10 when camera phones came out. I.e you're old(er) and probably out of the loop. I am too but have younger brothers and it's fairly prevalent.

I play GAA and there'd be a lot of younger 18/19 year old lads involved with the senior team. There's next to nothing like that anymore. When I was that age it seemed more commonplace. Everything is captured through snapchat nowadays and people tend to leave it at; rather than use the record function on their smartphones.

eviltwin

I've heard it being done by young guys to prove they've had sexual contact with a girl, kinda the modern interpretation of stealing her underwear. Seems to be considered normal by a lot of young people. I do despair of the internet generation, they seem to have lost any kind of social skills or emotional intelligence. Respect seems to be an alien concept to many of them.

melissak

Some people are disgusting. Sharing these videos should be treated as sexual assault. And not on the minor end of the scale like slapping someone's arse. Closer to the worst end of the scale carrying jail time. It is such a violation of a person's trust. Could have worse long term effects than rape on a person. Thank God video phones didn't exist when I was young and stupid. If I knew someone who did this I would never speak to them and if it was someone close to me who was the victim I would seriously consider organising a **** kicking. Horrible scummy thing to do.

Wibbs

I dunno about sexual assault, certainly not at "the worst end of the scale". Let's not lose the run of ourselves and go overboard here. Comparing it to rape is beyond the Pale of silliness.

But yes those who publicly share such intimate images and vids without permission should be done for breach of privacy and like the UK and their laws concerning "revenge porn" legislation is needed. There is also the aspect of the subject of such pics/vids agreeing to same. In this day and age that's daft and not a little naive.

More education is needed on online etiquette and dangers and it should start early in school.

racso1975

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno about sexual assault, certainly not at "the worst end of the scale". Let's not lose the run of ourselves and go overboard here. Comparing it to rape is beyond the Pale of silliness.

But yes those who publicly share such intimate images and vids without permission should be done for breach of privacy and like the UK and their laws concerning "revenge porn" legislation is needed. There is also the aspect of the subject of such pics/vids agreeing to same. In this day and age that's daft and not a little naive.

More education is needed on online etiquette and dangers and it should start early in school.

It is close to the top end though Wibbs. It is a full intrusion of privacy and while some might allow pics or videos to be taken they don't agree to it being distributed to general public or people on the internet to have a w@nk over. Most definitely the ones recorded without permission is exceptionally vile and disgusting

eviltwin

racso1975 wrote: »

It is close to the top end though Wibbs. It is a full intrusion of privacy and while some might allow pics or videos to be taken they don't agree to it being distributed to general public or people on the internet to have a w@nk over. Most definitely the ones recorded without permission is exceptionally vile and disgusting

Yeah I'd work with people affected by sexual assault and the release of private footage of consenting acts and its always the knowledge that something is out there forever that causes the greatest distress.

Also worth remembering if the person is under 17 it's child porn

Keane2baMused

A bestie mate of my exes had no issue showing the lads videos of his on/off again (permanently off now!) girlfriend giving him bj's etc. She had no idea.

And this guy was over 30.

Scummy scummy thing to do.

zSparc

racso1975 wrote: »

posting pics and videos online of girls he was having sex with

Some people have way too much time on their hands, a no respect for privacy; be it someone else's or their own.

melissak

eviltwin wrote: »

Yeah I'd work with people affected by sexual assault and the release of private footage of consenting acts and its always the knowledge that something is out there forever that causes the greatest distress.

Also worth remembering if the person is under 17 it's child porn

Not in anyway to trivialise rape but I have discussed this amongst people who were victims and many felt that this kind of thing recorded secretly and doing the rounds would be worse. I would never get over it I think. I'd have to move to North Korea where there is limited Internet. These videos will still be there fifty years from now. A person's grandkids could see it. It like violating a person's trust privacy and body again and again for infinity. And those who watch these videos are participating in this abuse. Shame on all concerned. Never trust such a person. They have no soul. They should do society a favour and die lest their scummy genes br passed to the next generation to further taint humanity.

Another symptom of era we live in, where matters like propriety and respect go out the window and the depiction of a woman having sex, without her consenting to the publication, might be considered great "craic".

Penny Tration

melissak wrote: »

So can this. It depends on the person. This is why lots of rape victims never tell a soul of their experiences because the thought of people knowing intimate details of their life is scarier than their already disgusting experience. By your previous posts on other threads, and if you will excuse me as I mean no offence, your user name, you don't have huge hangups about sexual discussions etc. I totally admire you for it BTW it's just I was raised a bit sheltered in this matters and prone to embarrassment. Not all men and women think the same as you. This kind of thing would be one of the most awful things I could imagine happening to me and I have had my share of **** experiences. I am not naive to the bad in humanity believe me.
Again not trying to trivialise your experience but not everyone reacts to terrible things in the same way. I am truly sorry that you have been so unfortunate as to meet two such bad examples of" humanity"
Just because we have locked horns on this issue before penny, would this be better or worse than a drunken fool slapping your arse in a club in your opinion? I am not being thick BTW just like to hear different people perspectives as I suffer sometimes from assuming everyone thinks like me. I love boards in this regard.

any chance you could delete the quoted post please? I actually deleted it


I had massive sexual hang ups for years. But therapy works wonders!

Picture sharing would be a LOT worse to me than an arse grab. That's mainly because if someone grabs my arse, I can push them away, or give them a dig if they try it a second time. I have the ability to end the situation. With photos, I don't have that ability, because once they're online, they're there forever.


Don't get me wrong, I think video and photo leaking is on the higher end of sexual crimes. it has terrible consequences for many people. I just don't think it quite hits the same level as rape, in terms of the consequences for the victim.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Rape is much worse than having your private photos being distributed. I'm seriously offended you would even compare the two. They're completely different. Yes I'd be devastated if someone posted an intimate video of me, but so what? People have sex all the time. Most people have seen porn, or at the very least, a naked human body before. It would be mortifying but it does not in any way shape or form compare to having someone much bigger on top of you, your phone in your bag, too far away to reach, begging him to stop but he's not even listening, hurting you but not caring at all. Tears streaming down your face seemingly turning him on even more. And you're wondering if he's ever going to stop, or what will he do when he's finished to stop you from telling someone what he did? Are you even going to get out of his room? Is his face the last face you're ever going to see? How disappointed are your parents going to be with you when they find out?

You cannot compare that to a video being shared. They're both horrific but it's not a competition. They're just not even comparable. They're not on the same scale at all.

And to suggest someone clearly has no hang ups about sex? How sure are you about that?? Are you the one in a relationship with her?

Penny Tration

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Rape is much worse than having your private photos being distributed. I'm seriously offended you would even compare the two. They're completely different. Yes I'd be devastated if someone posted an intimate video of me, but so what? People have sex all the time. Most people have seen porn, or at the very least, a naked human body before. It would be mortifying but it does not in any way shape or form compare to having someone much bigger on top of you, your phone in your bag, too far away to reach, begging him to stop but he's not even listening, hurting you but not caring at all. Tears streaming down your face seemingly turning him on even more. And you're wondering if he's ever going to stop, or what will he do when he's finished to stop you from telling someone what he did? Are you even going to get out of his room? Is his face the last face you're ever going to see? How disappointed are your parents going to be with you when they find out?

You cannot compare that to a video being shared. They're both horrific but it's not a competition. They're just not even comparable. They're not on the same scale at all.

And to suggest someone clearly has no hang ups about sex? How sure are you about that?? Are you the one in a relationship with her?

I'm not gonna lie, saying I have no hang ups despite my past is something I found insulting. I probably have LESS hang ups than most people who've been through assault/rape, because I worked damn hard to get past it.

But my username being a silly innuendo doesn't mean sh!t. My posts don't mean sh!t.

I don't have many sexual hang ups anymore, partly because I have a wonderful boyfriend who is fantastic, but posts and usernames? They could also easily be a defence mechanism.


Edit to add: my reactions or experiences may not be usual in somebody's eyes. However, those somebodies haven't seen my life for the past ten years. They haven't seen the 8-9 years of therapy. The medications I've been on. the panic attacks. the suicidal ideations. The lack of trust. the cutting off of most of my friends. The pain I caused my family. the harmful behaviour. the dependency on medication and alcohol. I'm well now. I'm happy mostly. I have massive self esteem issues, but I'm good. I'm actually pretty typical. I just came through it with help.

Shergar6

Nobody cares about anybody's privacy any more. Look at all the videos posted online of accidents - people who could be rushign to help but instead they are obsessed with recording it for a few likes ir retweets, or people falling around drunk for everyone to laugh at? You could be sat on a train with your fly undone and next thing some loser posts it on FB to make a mockery instead of having the decency to tell you. Ed Sheeran did this skit for an aussie radio show - look how fast phones are whipped out instead of actualy LOOKING at the famous singer 2 steps from you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaUlBYqGuiE



I know porn revenge is something much more sinister. I imagine it's horrifying and it seems to be mainly guys doing it - even showing their long term gfs naked? There's clearly a lack of respect towards women and deep misogyny - and i am sure the comments made about their bodies etc are along the same lines - nasty and abusive.

Thandie Newton said that when she was a young actress she did a naked sex scene in a movie and found out after that the producer or someone involved in the movie used to screen all the footage for his friends at parties.

But yeah, i would definitely advise young girls, or women in general to not allow photos to be taken, no matter how much you trust these guys. The secret recording are what you really have no control over

melissak

Penny Tration wrote: »

any chance you could delete the quoted post please? I actually deleted it


I had massive sexual hang ups for years. But therapy works wonders!

Picture sharing would be a LOT worse to me than an arse grab. That's mainly because if someone grabs my arse, I can push them away, or give them a dig if they try it a second time. I have the ability to end the situation. With photos, I don't have that ability, because once they're online, they're there forever.


Don't get me wrong, I think video and photo leaking is on the higher end of sexual crimes. it has terrible consequences for many people. I just don't think it quite hits the same level as rape, in terms of the consequences for the victim.

Good for you. You should be massively proud of yourself. You are a credit to women. I mean that. I will delete post now.

melissak

Penny Tration wrote: »

I'm not gonna lie, saying I have no hang ups despite my past is something I found insulting. I probably have LESS hang ups than most people who've been through assault/rape, because I worked damn hard to get past it.

But my username being a silly innuendo doesn't mean sh!t. My posts don't mean sh!t.

I don't have many sexual hang ups anymore, partly because I have a wonderful boyfriend who is fantastic, but posts and usernames? They could also easily be a defence mechanism.


Edit to add: my reactions or experiences may not be usual in somebody's eyes. However, those somebodies haven't seen my life for the past ten years. They haven't seen the 8-9 years of therapy. The medications I've been on. the panic attacks. the suicidal ideations. The lack of trust. the cutting off of most of my friends. The pain I caused my family. the harmful behaviour. the dependency on medication and alcohol. I'm well now. I'm happy mostly. I have massive self esteem issues, but I'm good. I'm actually pretty typical. I just came through it with help.

I actually meant it as a compliment.. I wish I was more like that. Sorry if it came across differently.

melissak

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Rape is much worse than having your private photos being distributed. I'm seriously offended you would even compare the two. They're completely different. Yes I'd be devastated if someone posted an intimate video of me, but so what? People have sex all the time. Most people have seen porn, or at the very least, a naked human body before. It would be mortifying but it does not in any way shape or form compare to having someone much bigger on top of you, your phone in your bag, too far away to reach, begging him to stop but he's not even listening, hurting you but not caring at all. Tears streaming down your face seemingly turning him on even more. And you're wondering if he's ever going to stop, or what will he do when he's finished to stop you from telling someone what he did? Are you even going to get out of his room? Is his face the last face you're ever going to see? How disappointed are your parents going to be with you when they find out?

You cannot compare that to a video being shared. They're both horrific but it's not a competition. They're just not even comparable. They're not on the same scale at all.

And to suggest someone clearly has no hang ups about sex? How sure are you about that?? Are you the one in a relationship with her?

Yes but everyone in their right mind knows rape is wrong. Not so with this **** and people have committed suicide over it

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

melissak wrote: »

Yes but everyone in their right mind knows rape is wrong. Not so with this **** and people have committed suicide over it

Yes and people have committed suicide over being raped so why are you even comparing the two? Your posts generally smack of contempt for rape survivors, not just in this thread. You have actually stated that it's WORSE than rape. They're not even comparable. It's like comparing oranges and a bottle of shampoo. There is absolutely nothing in common.

You know what, I'm not even getting into this with you. I'm absolutely furious and I'm just gonna end up getting myself banned. I'm done with discussing this with you, but you need to take a good hard look at yourself if you think they are in anyway comparable.

One eyed Jack

Shergar6 wrote: »

Nobody cares about anybody's privacy any more.

Well that's clearly untrue. I don't think it's fair at all to be tarring everyone with the same brush on the basis of what is in reality only a minuscule number of people. It's that sort of exaggeration that fuels scaremongering and distrust and actually encourages blowing things out of proportion among people.

But yeah, i would definitely advise young girls, or women in general to not allow photos to be taken, no matter how much you trust these guys. The secret recording are what you really have no control over

Doesn't matter how much you advise some people, they're going to do what they want anyway regardless, because they think these things will never happen to them, and for the most part, they're absolutely right. For those people that it does happen to though (and it's not just young girls, but also young boys and people in general), the best thing to do is teach them how to cope with the situation, and how to handle the aftermath. They absolutely shouldn't feel like their life is over or any of the rest of it, and eventually people do move on.

Heckler

I think what Melissak means is that while everybody understands the horrific nature and consequences of rape some might incorrectly see the likes of sharing private photos and videos as harmless or inoccuous.

I'm so glad I grew up in the era before mobile phones and this insane obsession with trying to be popular.

ThrillCosby

Is revenge porn not illegal? Should be

Penny Tration

Let's be real.

People saying nobody respects privacy and that all lads do it, they're wrong. That's kinda misogynistic too, like we can't trust any 16-30 year old man? Nah.

Some men and women are dicks and share these images.

The majority are normal, trustworthy people. My boyfriend gets images and has taken videos with my consent. I trust him 100% not to show anyone. I also have some from him that nobody sees. He's big on privacy, so much so that anything I send him, he deletes after a few days in case he ever loses his phone, to protect me. Similarly I have one ex I sent images too. He deleted them all when we broke up, and we're still mates.

You can trust most people. However, you shouldn't share images with a partner unless you can deal with any potential fallout. I can, so I don't mind. If my boyfriend were to pull a 180 and share pics, so what? Wow, someone else will see my boobs. don't care.