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Best comeback response you got.

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  • Options
    #32
    Agent Smith
    Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 21,502 Mod ✭✭✭✭Agent Smith


    I'm not angry.... Just disappointed.....


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    #33
    eisenberg1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,387 ✭✭✭eisenberg1


    Julez wrote: »
    I was in the comedy tent at Electric Picnic a good few years ago, it was carpeted floor, so everyone was sitting down. Des Bishop was on stage and mid routine a guy stood up with a donkey head mask thing on and began to walk off. So, Des, thinking he'll have a bit of fun with it it, calls him out "Hey, where are you going?", the guy stops, turns, looks at him and says "This rooms only big enough for one ass". Oh, the laughs we had.

    What was Des Bishop doing in a comedy tent?


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    #34
    eisenberg1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,387 ✭✭✭eisenberg1


    Mrs E was in a shop trying on a dress and came out to walk up and
    Down, as women do.

    The sales lady says "that's really gorgeous on you, shows of your figure"

    I throw in my tuppence and jokingly say " ah yeah, she's in great shape for a seventy year old"

    Quick as a flash, and without batting an eyelash,sales lady retorts with
    "I see she prefers older men"


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    #35
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Did someone take over your account, OP?! That's a horrific story.


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    #36
    JustShon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,404 ✭✭✭JustShon


    Friend's ma is chopping potatoes, we're slagging each other as you do. Forget most of the slagging but I'll always remember this bit:

    Friend's ma: "I'll get my boyfriend after you."

    Me: "Is that the one you're paying, or the one that's paying you?"

    Then she chased me out of the house with a knife.


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    #37
    Julez
    Registered Users Posts: 2,844 ✭✭✭Julez


    eisenberg1 wrote: »
    What was Des Bishop doing in a comedy tent?

    Mainly shouting things in an Irish accent.


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    #38
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Gordon wrote: »
    Did someone take over your account, OP?! That's a horrific story.
    He who has the power to quote the original post, should post the original post!


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    #39
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    smash wrote: »
    He who has the power to quote the original post, should post the original post!
    OK here you go, but I've made it inconsonant to protect the innocent.
    Sweetemotion wrote: »
    u o I a oi iie e ie e ae I o a aua.

    Aa, e ou ia i i a e ie. ae u aua oi ie a e o ee ea i ea a ou o ei u o eoue, e ie ei i o u o ie o a oee o o.

    o ae a e ue a a oee e ia e e iea a e e ou.

    I o' o i a uie o o u i a ea ou a a ee u ai a ie i o i o o e o i a e e i ai ie,

    oi I a, e oe ee i e ao a e ee ee I a ui i, a e a a aee. I o i a ou a aua ae ou o ii I a oi e a a I' o ae ou o u.

    e I o a, ou ae ue i ie a a e:(


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    #40
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Gordon wrote: »
    OK here you go, but I've made it inconsonant to protect the innocent.

    Still just as legible.


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    #41
    maudgonner
    Registered Users Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭maudgonner


    Gordon wrote: »
    OK here you go, but I've made it inconsonant to protect the innocent.

    Old McDonald had a Farm...
    Sweetemotion wrote: »
    u o I a oi iie e ie e ae I o a aua.

    Aa, e ou ia i i a e ie. ae u aua oi ie a e o ee ea i ea a ou o ei u o eoue, e ie ei i o u o ie o a oee o o.

    o ae a e ue a a oee e ia e e iea a e e ou.

    I o' o i a uie o o u i a ea ou a a ee u ai a ie i o i o o e o i a e e i ai ie,

    oi I a, e oe ee i e ao a e ee ee I a ui i, a e a a aee. I o i a ou a aua ae ou o ii I a oi e a a I' o ae ou o u.

    e I o a, ou ae ue i ie a a e

    That's a bit longer than the version I remember? :confused:


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    #42
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    maudgonner wrote: »
    That's a bit longer than the version I remember? :confused:

    The basics from what I remember was something along the lines of:

    OP was hungover and horny but was too tired to knock one out so he asked his girlfriend for a hand shandy. She obliged but it was too dry and now 3/4 days later his mickey's still killing him.


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    #43
    maudgonner
    Registered Users Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭maudgonner


    smash wrote: »
    The basics from what I remember was something along the lines of:

    OP was hungover and horny but was too tired to knock one out so he asked his girlfriend for a hand shandy. She obliged but it was too dry and now 3/4 days later his mickey's still killing him.

    I was making a bad Old MacDonald joke :):o

    But I'll add the comeback line from the OP - she told him that if he wasn't happy with how she treated his wee chap (the now chapped wee chap :eek:) he should have had it do a man's work, or something along those lines.


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    #44
    Sweetemotion
    Registered Users Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭Sweetemotion


    maudgonner wrote: »
    I was making a bad Old MacDonald joke :):o

    But I'll add the comeback line from the OP - she told him that if he wasn't happy with how she treated his wee chap (the now chapped wee chap :eek:) he should have had it do a man's work, or something along those lines.


    Comeback was, it wouldn't be sore if you had of used it like a man :-)


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    #45
    Sweetemotion
    Registered Users Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭Sweetemotion


    Sorry for the thread folks, white wine and 7up is just to easy to drink.


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    #46
    riffmongous
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 12,690 Mod ✭✭✭✭riffmongous


    eisenberg1 wrote: »
    What was Des Bishop doing in a comedy tent?

    What was someone doing at a Des Bishop show??


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    #47
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Sweetemotion wrote: »
    Comeback was, it wouldn't be sore if you had of used it like a man :-)
    Did you not tell her it takes two to tango?


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    #48
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    A few years ago, two young lads I know who worked together at the time had got a lift off one of their aunties somewhere.

    They were sitting in the back seat when the nephew said to his aunt, "and how's aul Ann doin?". The aunt said "oh not good, she's a dropped rectum now"

    The two lads were sitting in the back of the car in stitches trying to hold in the laughter at the phrase and detail that she used.

    So the next day, they were in work and still laughing about it and wrecking the foremans head, who was already having a shiit day.

    Later that day, they forgot all about it but something went wrong in the workshop which pushed the foreman to the limit and he picked up some tool, threw it on the floor and said "ah fcuk this place, I don't give a rats rectum anymore" and he stormed out!


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    #49
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    rectum? Nearly bleedin killed em!


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    #50
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    smash wrote: »
    rectum? Nearly bleedin killed em!

    Ah ye but the thing that went wrong in the workshop wasn't their fault so he wasn't storming out over them. He just threw a joke in, in his anger :)


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    #51
    LizT
    Registered Users Posts: 29,089 ✭✭✭✭LizT


    Olishi4 wrote: »
    Ah ye but the thing that went wrong in the workshop wasn't their fault so he wasn't storming out over them. He just threw a joke in, in his anger :)

    whooooosh.


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    #52
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    LizT wrote: »
    whooooosh.

    Jeez, fair enough! Maybe you would have to know the people to find it fun but anyway, next time save it for someone who actually gives a rat's rectum :p


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    #53
    Birneybau
    Registered Users Posts: 10,254 ✭✭✭✭Birneybau


    Olishi4 wrote: »
    Jeez, fair enough! Maybe you would have to know the people to find it fun but anyway, next time save it for someone who actually gives a rat's rectum :p

    The whoosh was referring to you not getting the joke in the subsequent post.


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    #54
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    Birneybau wrote: »
    The whoosh was referring to you not getting the joke in the subsequent post.

    Oops! Just googled it. Sorry Liz


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    #55
    worded
    Registered Users Posts: 4,560 ✭✭✭worded


    Was asked once by one person in a group of skangers in the city ...

    What are you looking at?

    I replied .... I don't know I'm not very good at puzzles

    Thankfully the group burst out laughing as they hadnt heard that before and I got to live and walk away the verbal victor


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    #56
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 17,856 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    worded wrote: »
    Was asked once by one person in a group of skangers in the city ...

    What are you looking at?

    I replied .... I don't know I'm not very good at puzzles

    Thankfully the group burst out laughing as they hadnt heard that before and I got to live and walk away the verbal victor

    another one is to ask them where they live (in your best skanger accent) whatever answer they give respond with "dem big posh houses!"

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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