Alan Partridge Superthread - Sponsored by Dettol

padd b1975

On his sex life.....


"Occasionally I doth venture south."

padd b1975

"Occasionally I doth venture south".

Jimbob1977

Classic from the political debate 'A Partridge over Britain'. His jaw just dropped


Alan Partridge: The phone lines are open, we have a call: David Silk from Leeds. David, are you there?

David Silk: [voice] Yes, I am.

Alan Partridge: Are you wearing any silk?

David Silk: [voice] No, I'm naked.

Ormus

Alan talking about the Irish famine:

"If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater. If you can afford to emigrate, you can afford to eat in a moderately priced restaurant."

fussyonion

Calling all pigeons.
There's a cat amongst you.
That cat's name is Dave Clifton purr-opping up the bar in his fictional "Nightclub".

Better being in a fictional nightclub than in a fictional bath, Alan.
It's better than having fictional listeners.

It's bad enough sitting on your own in a real nightclub, which you do, but a fictional one is the worth of boast worlds.
Don't you mean the worst of both worlds? No.
I do mean the worth of boast worlds.
In the world of boasters - not the biscuits but people who boast, like you - their worth is worth OK.

stimpson

We normally have three clocks on the wall, there. Telling the time in London, Paris and Dublin. Which is the same as London, but I do think sometimes you need to be reminded of that.

Apparently you do. I was working in our London office this week and they had this on the wall:

Realt Dearg Sec

stimpson wrote: »

Apparently you do. I was working in our London office this week and they had this on the wall:

Reminds me of the story of the Englishman travelling in Ireland. He arrives at a train station fifteen minutes early according to the clock outside, so he stops to have a smoke. When he goes in, he realises he's missed his train. The train, he's told, runs according to the clock INSIDE the station, not the one outside. "Why on earth do you have a different time on the clock inside to the one outside?" he asks. "Sure, if they both had the same time on them, why would we need the two of them?"

Ipso

Gentlemen, choose your weapons.

Welsh Megaman

Ipso wrote: »

Gentlemen, choose your weapons.

Aaaah...ladyboys.

MillField

Close your mouth Lynn.

Grayditch

"Have you ever shaved your crackling?"

Welsh Megaman

Alan: Right, OK. Shoestring, Taggart, Spender, Bergerac, Morse. What does that say to you about regional detective series?

Tony Hayers: There's too many of them?

Alan: (Pause) That's one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it is, people like them, let's make some MORE of them. A detective series based in Norwich called Swallow. Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. He's not a criminal, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if he, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly...

[Tony Hayers shakes his head.]

Alan: Think about it. No-one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. I mean, this will put Norwich on the map.

Tony Hayers: Why would I want to do that?

Alan: (Pause) Yep, fair point.

groucho marx

It's great to be back at my old school, I almost sent my son Fernando here but I came into some money and was able to educate him privately

tipptom

groucho marx wrote: »

It's great to be back at my old school, I almost sent my son Fernando here but I came into some money and was able to educate him privately

Ah,Hello,is she your latest,you both sound exhausted,have you been running.


I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a drink?


No?


Fernando,your 22 years old and your spending your Saturday afternoon in bed with a girl.Your wasting your life.Its a beautiful day.


Take her out to a local fort or a Victorian folly.

groucho marx

Who's this beautiful man with a lovely voice, it's annie lennox

Realt Dearg Sec

Lynn: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Alan: The good news.
Lynn: Well, Rawlinson's say you can have another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow.
Alan: Excellent. And the bad news?
Lynn: The accountants say that since you've definitely not got a second series at the BBC you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions and close the office down. Otherwise they're going to declare you bankrupt on Friday.
Alan: Right. Still, good news about the chocolate oranges.

keano_afc

I love this thread. Am I right? I'm not wrong.

stoplooklisten

Iron, fish or war? After the break will talk about which is the worst type of monger!

groucho marx

Are you hairy mary.

tipptom

groucho marx wrote: »

Are you hairy mary.

You need to have the visual of the face with that one

Grayditch

"Why are you wearing that snazzy cardigan"

loyatemu

"Get rid of her, Lynn, she's a drunk and a racist! I'll tolerate one, but not both."

RayM

So, the Alan Partridge forum isn't happening then.

Unbe-bloody-lievable.

BMMachine

Naysayers

Grayditch

"bitter bastards"

stoplooklisten

I like you. And I'll tell you why, because you are - and I mean this phrase in the original sense - full of gay spunk.

fussyonion

""All this wine nonsense! You get all these wine people, don't you? Wine this, wine that. Let's have a bit of red, let's have a bit of white. Ooh, that's a snazzy bouquet. Oh, this smells of, I don't know, basil. Sometimes you just want to say, sod all this wine, just give me a pint of...mineral water.""

""Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle""

furiousox

fussyonion wrote: »

just give me a pint of...mineral water..

"Still or sparkling?"
"Half & half"

ronnie3585

stoplooklisten

Well at this stage of the show, some of my viewers maybe thinking "Alan, You're a liar! You promised that this show would be hot and now you're chatting to three senior citizens." But if I said I am now going to jump into a TARDIS, go back in time and recreate the Berlin Olympics with these three old women, you'd say "Alan, that is hot, we were wrong earlier."