Alan Partridge Superthread - Sponsored by Dettol

artvanderlay

Alan talking about his childhood (From I,Partridge):


"I’d look on with longing as I saw my fellow children greedily enjoying their friendships. I remember being especially jealous of a lad called Graham Rigg. Graham was too cool for school (though he did still attend). He’d not only been the winner of the sports day slow bicycle race for three straight years, he was also the first boy in our class to properly kiss a girl. There’d been cheek pecks before, not to mention inter-sex handshakes, but he was the first kid in the playground to ‘go French’. None of the rest of us could figure out where he’d learnt to do this, but the general consensus was ‘from porno films’. Eight-year-old Jennie Lancashire was the cock-a-hoop recipient, and she was rightly grateful. But when I look back I often think how fortunate it was that Graham was the same age as her, because if he’d been 20 years older he would have been up in Crown Court. And quite right too!



I bumped into him for the first time in decades the other week. It was at the returns desk in my local Homebase. We were both taking back kettles (him – faulty filament; me – didn’t like colour). ‘Still French-kissing eight-year-olds?’ I said, pointing an accusing finger at his potentially paedophilic mouth. ‘No,’ he replied. ‘Good,’ I said. Then for extra emphasis I said it again, but slightly more slowly. ‘Gooood.’ I’d made my point. Anyway, after that, talk naturally turned to motor vehicles and I was bowled over to learn that Graham had been the first person in Norwich to own a car with a catalytic converter. From playground lothario to environmental trailblazer in under 50 years. It quickly dawned on me that here was a man whose number I needed to take, but before I had the chance he’d collected his refund, mimed taking his hat off to me and disappeared off into the sunset/down the paint aisle."




Still French-kissing eight-year-olds?!!! :pac::pac::pac:

El Tarangu

artvanderlay, I am your scout leader, DO AS I SAY!!

artvanderlay

"Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly."

artvanderlay

Alan: So depressing isn’t it.
Michael: Aye.
Alan: Have you ever thought that suicide might be the answer?Michael: Well, sometimes, aye.
Alan: Really? When?
Michael: Well, when I’ve seen ya looking all depressed and that, you know.

artvanderlay

Alan: Will you stop saying you threw your monkey in the sea. All I can see is a monkey spinning towards the water.

Mushy

artvanderlay wrote: »

Alan: Will you stop saying you threw your monkey in the sea. All I can see is a monkey spinning towards the water.

He bounced off a rock first!

Big Vern

Oh, Michael! That’s such a pointless death. At least when they experiment on them, they sort of get something out of it. Nice perfume or something.

artvanderlay

"You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you?...I've seen the big-eared boys on farms."

Welsh Megaman

artvanderlay wrote: »

"Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly."

Think about it...no one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. This will put Norwich on the map.

Ash.J.Williams

I recall enjoying the tex episode last night “he’s intoo all ‘Merican stoof”

Duckworth_Luas

Alan: If you could invite anyone to a dinner party, who would it be, dead or alive?

Simon: Who would you have at yours?

Alan: Jesus Christ, Margret Thatcher .. Dennis Thatcher … Carol Thatcher and ….. mmmm ... mmmMark Thatcher!

Simon: So it would be just Jesus and the Thatcher family?

Alan: Yeah!

silliussoddius

Riddle me that, you nutters

Thargor

Is anyone following the Accidental Partridge World Cup over on Twitter? Its been on a while nearly at the semis so you'll have to do a good bit of scrolling to get back to the start but its worth it, solid gold all the way, basically all the cringiest AP videos of all time going head to head and people vote them through to the next rounds, great banter it really is:

https://twitter.com/accidentalp/media

https://twitter.com/AccidentalP/status/1363574139383140360

TheAnalyst_

That account posts a bit too much but when its good its something else.
I reckon Its a man vs The Hotel or maybe Barrymore for the final. All so good.

sligojoek

I'll just leave this here

silliussoddius

Nice Lexi!

sligojoek

silliussoddius wrote: »

Nice Lexi!

They all have lovely headlamps.

Thargor

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

That account posts a bit too much but when its good its something else.
I reckon Its a man vs The Hotel or maybe Barrymore for the final. All so good.

Its amazing to think that That Hotel Video:

https://twitter.com/AccidentalP/status/1362843971656052737

Is the same guy that did It’s A Man Actually, Derek:

https://twitter.com/AccidentalP/status/1358504906425049089

Like there are actual real life Alan Partridges like that wandering around the world right now.

artvanderlay

https://www.reddit.com/r/AlanPartridge/comments/m1hq2l/idea_for_a_programme_called_free_spirits_no/

artvanderlay

Alan recalling his initial meeting with Sidekick Simon:


"I suggested that we partake of some flagons of foaming ale and quaff merrily, whereupon we alighted at the, ah, ....I'm going to stop being a presenter from the past now. Um, we went in and we decided to, ah, quaff...(annoyed) I'm doing it again. WE WENT IN A PUB AND HAD A PINT OF BITTER!"

AdrianG08

Really looking for that moment where I can say to someome:P

"See you in Strasbourg"

And then walk out of the room with conviction

artvanderlay

Another one from Nomad:


"I spent last night in the Oakmore Guesthouse in Feering, where for £89 I got bed, breakfast and a wake-up call I hadn't asked for.

I have no issue with those who rise at 4 a.m. What I do have an issue with is when those people (or in this case 'that blackbird') proceed to spend the next four hours hollering from the top of a tree. I'm well aware that males of all species are randy in the morning, and the blackbird is no exception. But surely his desire to make love to a lady bird (i.e. a female bird) has such a low chance of success at that time in the morning that he'd be better off flying down to ground level and finishing himself off in a bush."


I love Alan encouraging a bird to go have a **** :pac:

AdrianG08

artvanderlay wrote: »

Another one from Nomad:


"I spent last night in the Oakmore Guesthouse in Feering, where for £89 I got bed, breakfast and a wake-up call I hadn't asked for.

I have no issue with those who rise at 4 a.m. What I do have an issue with is when those people (or in this case 'that blackbird') proceed to spend the next four hours hollering from the top of a tree. I'm well aware that males of all species are randy in the morning, and the blackbird is no exception. But surely his desire to make love to a lady bird (i.e. a female bird) has such a low chance of success at that time in the morning that he'd be better off flying down to ground level and finishing himself off in a bush."


I love Alan encouraging a bird to go have a **** :pac:

Spiceworld!

Welsh Megaman

siblers

There's a podcast called St.Elwick's Neighbourhood Newsletter Podcast by Mike Wozniak.

It's well worth a listen as it has a very Mid Morning Matters inspired feed to it. The below episode with Greg Davies is really funny

https://podtail.com/en/podcast/st-elwick-s-neighbourhood-association-newsletter-p/

https://anchor.fm/s/f6fb9cc/podcast/play/25925574/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2021-0-29%2F150146506-44100-2-3aea0c99aa6f4.m4a

fryup

siblers wrote: »

It's well worth a listen as it has a very Mid Morning Matters inspired feed to it. The below episode with Greg Davies is really funny

him and that word don't go together:cool:

toonarmy1

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058173061&page=44

My "great banter" answer on the Best quiz question thread

artvanderlay

https://alan-partridge-celebrity-rumour-generator.netlify.app/

Try it. Funnier than a lot of his recent stuff tbh.

"Two things that will stick with me for all of my days: The death of my father, and the time I saw Bobby Davro de-seed enough peppers to feed the crew of a submarine."

"I was forever changed after seeing Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall climb a tree."

"Simple fact is: once you've seen Jim Bowen twerk you're changed forever."

:pac:

Mike Litoris

^^ lol

"I endlessly relive the moment I watched Heston Blumenthal sing the opening line of 'Amazing Grace'."

"I've not been this worried about health and safety since I saw Jeremy Kyle do a cover of Toto's 'Africa' using only an iphone and a harmonica."

artvanderlay

"If you think you had a few 'vivid' nights in the nineties, imagine watching Tommy Vance rollerskate off the end of Blackpool pier at 2am."