Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Gremlinertia

bridgettedon wrote: »

What do other people do to fill their days? Sometimes I ask myself is this it, is this all there is to life. I'm not down but I'm just blah. What am I missing?

I hear that, some people always seem to be doing something and i just work, eat, sleep, repeat a lot. Though energy levels are a problem aswell as motivation for me..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I hear that, some people always seem to be doing something and i just work, eat, sleep, repeat a lot. Though energy levels are a problem aswell as motivation for me..

Exactly the same here, Grem. You know, I wouldn't really mind that cycle if I could do it without the anxiety. Feels doublely crap.

bridgettedon

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I hear that, some people always seem to be doing something and i just work, eat, sleep, repeat a lot. Though energy levels are a problem aswell as motivation for me..

I only work part time so have an extra few days. I still don't do anything though. I mean I can't tolerate people for long periods of time. Sometimes they just annoy me yet I do crave to be around people at times. I'd love to have people to go on day trips, just sit and watch tv with or go for a walk. But I have no one to do it. Maybe I just have to keep persisting and it will be worth it in the end. Energy levels are also an issue for me.

Gremlinertia

Just so tired all the time because of the double whammy of sadness and nerves..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Just so tired all the time because of the double whammy of sadness and nerves..

It can be oh so exhausting.

bridgettedon

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Just so tired all the time because of the double whammy of sadness and nerves..

You know I have found the sadness and nerves have reduced but the tiredness hasn't reduced. Everything tires me out. Maybe I'm just missing something about life.

Calibos

carzony wrote: »

Been out and about for the last few days, I have even challenged myself by walking in crowded areas and places I know are usually gonna set me off. Agorophobia completely gone thank god, Just shows me how much I have been missing even in the short time i've been stuck in the house.

As far as I know the Beta Blockers are only to prevent cardiac events?, If true this means it's mostly me, in my normal function. The pills have defo taken the edge off though

I've moderately high blood pressure that I take Bennetor for. My normal resting pulse is at the extreme high end of normal @100bpm. One of my main indicators that anxiety is coming on is the edgyness and hyper sensitive nervous system where I feel my pulse nearly all over my body. After reading about Beta Blockers use for stage fright and its use for mild anxiety I asked my doctor about prescribing it to me to help kill two birds with one stone. Help with my high pulse rate and maybe help a little with the anxiety. As I started to describe my thought process he interrupted before I even mentioned Beta Blockers and said he wanted to put me on Beta Blockers so I knew I might be onto something.

When I was taking them every day they helped in two ways. On the one hand they kept the pulse rate down and thus removed a lot of my false positives where I might misinterpret increased pulse or what I thought were palpitations or something like that as anxiety or edgyness coming on. Pop a xanax only to find I'd wasted it on what turned out not to be anxiety. I'd know this because when its really anxiety, the xanax brings me back to normal and gets rid of the physical edgyness and the racing thoughts. When it was a false positive where I had misinterpreted sensations as anxiety coming on, the xanax would take be below normal and make me slow, dopey and unsteady on my feet. The Beta Blocker reduced the false positives.

The other way they helped was with the Bucket analogy. Where a number of things combine and reinforce to over fill the bucket whereupon the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety come on. The Beta Blockers acting like a small overflow pipe near the rim of the bucket. A lot of the time taking one would be enough to stop the bucket overflowing and only if that didnt work would I then take a xanax. ie. I'd use them as my first line of defence before taking a xanax. Its probably why I can make my limited prescription of Xanax last so long. (That said probably the main reason is I have limited my work and social life to the point that I probably have a lot less triggers than someone trying to lead a semi normal life)

I've stopped taking them regularly like in the early days due to them exacerbating my already chronic tiredness and fatigue that never left even after the mild depression and major anxiety did years ago. Now I just take them as needed. ie. whenever I feel my pulse/heart rate is too strong or high or whenever I feel I might have a bit of an anxiety episode coming on.

carzony

Massive kick in the arse tonight and lucky enough I'm on tablets now..

Was out in the car tonight as i'm trying to be outside the house as much as possible, when, I suddenly come across a checkpoint. Long story short the Guards took my new car off me for no nct even though I only bought it on the 10th March ffs.. I even had the appointment in my phone to prove I had the intentions of getting it sorted as soon as I could. Left me to walk home like an ejit. Now i've to find 125 euro to get the car out of the garage and get it nct'd within 2 weeks or else a court date will follow.

I had my insurance, tax and everything usually needed. After the last few months this is all I need financially and mentally. Never had a problem with the Guards but it really changes my attitude toward them.

After recent events in the city you'd think they'd be dealing with more pressing matters.. ffs

Hugo Stiglitz

carzony wrote: »

Massive kick in the arse tonight and lucky enough I'm on tablets now..

Was out in the car tonight as i'm trying to be outside the house as much as possible, when, I suddenly come across a checkpoint. Long story short the Guards took my new car off me for no nct even though I only bought it on the 10th March ffs.. I even had the appointment in my phone to prove I had the intentions of getting it sorted as soon as I could. Left me to walk home like an ejit. Now i've to find 125 euro to get the car out of the garage and get it nct'd within 2 weeks or else a court date will follow.

I had my insurance, tax and everything usually needed. After the last few months this is all I need financially and mentally. Never had a problem with the Guards but it really changes my attitude toward them.

After recent events in the city you'd think they'd be dealing with more pressing matters.. ffs

So sorry to hear that they did that to you.

bridgettedon

carzony wrote: »

Massive kick in the arse tonight and lucky enough I'm on tablets now..

Was out in the car tonight as i'm trying to be outside the house as much as possible, when, I suddenly come across a checkpoint. Long story short the Guards took my new car off me for no nct even though I only bought it on the 10th March ffs.. I even had the appointment in my phone to prove I had the intentions of getting it sorted as soon as I could. Left me to walk home like an ejit. Now i've to find 125 euro to get the car out of the garage and get it nct'd within 2 weeks or else a court date will follow.

I had my insurance, tax and everything usually needed. After the last few months this is all I need financially and mentally. Never had a problem with the Guards but it really changes my attitude toward them.

After recent events in the city you'd think they'd be dealing with more pressing matters.. ffs

That's very annoying. However you are coping with it all so well. You managed to interact with the guards and walk home. I know it's so annoying about the fine though. But well done.

Turtle_

In a bit of a funk. Being attacked on several fronts by my own mind. Helpful. Future seems overwhelming beyond belief. Feel like I don't possess enough energy for life.

Also have a cold, so an added dose of misery for the day.

Hugo Stiglitz

Turtle_ wrote: »

In a bit of a funk. Being attacked on several fronts by my own mind. Helpful. Future seems overwhelming beyond belief. Feel like I don't possess enough energy for life.

Also have a cold, so an added dose of misery for the day.

*hugs*

Sorry to hear that, Turtle.

Has anything in particular brought this on?

Turtle_

Thanks Hugo.

Few things combined today... Bombings, inquest into the suicide of a 17 year old with an uncanny resemblance to Johnny Sexton, watching too much House of Cards. I'm being a bit silly.

Can't really elaborate, new charter and whatnot.

F`uck.

Hugo Stiglitz

Turtle_ wrote: »

Thanks Hugo.

Few things combined today... Bombings, inquest into the suicide of a 17 year old with an uncanny resemblance to Johnny Sexton, watching too much House of Cards. I'm being a bit silly.

Can't really elaborate, new charter and whatnot.

F`uck.

I know what you mean. It can be so easy for the carrying ons in the world to affect us greatly, especially the last few days and this morning.

Turtle_

I really should stop picking at the (metaphorical) wound. Found an old forum haunt of mine from my teenage years. All those adults who knew and who stood idly by.

bridgettedon

Turtle_ wrote: »

I really should stop picking at the (metaphorical) wound. Found an old forum haunt of mine from my teenage years. All those adults who knew and who stood idly by.

Bear in mind that this is totally different from your situation. When I was in school I was bullied and was felt absolutely miserable. I remember one time crying in class and the teacher didn't even ask me what was wrong. What's worse is that my neighbour was a teacher and a friend of my mom and she never asked me either. For years I was so angry. I still don't have much time for that neighbour but i have let go. Only because it was more harmful for me to keep on to it. Also people make mistakes. I feel that school let me down but that reflects badly on them, not me. I was a child but they had a duty of care to me which was ignored.

trixychic

Today has been the first really difficult day since I started doing stay at home mammy by myself.

Kinda nearly cried when I was in post office and kids drove me mental. I shouted loads today which I now feel so guilty about. We suspect our eldest son has aspergers and are getting it sorted in May.

I know alot of what he does he can't help. So because I gave out to him I'm feeling so upset now. Ugh. Hate this feeling. Even my dose of chocolate hasn't helped.

Dam and I thought I was doing so well.

Hugo Stiglitz

trixychic wrote: »

Today has been the first really difficult day since I started doing stay at home mammy by myself.

Kinda nearly cried when I was in post office and kids drove me mental. I shouted loads today which I now feel so guilty about. We suspect our eldest son has aspergers and are getting it sorted in May.

I know alot of what he does he can't help. So because I gave out to him I'm feeling so upset now. Ugh. Hate this feeling. Even my dose of chocolate hasn't helped.

Dam and I thought I was doing so well.

That sounds tough, TC. Please don't beat yourself up though. We've all snapped at children before, even as an aunt, uncle or cousin.

I can tell you're a great mother from what you've said here.

trixychic

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

That sounds tough, TC. Please don't beat yourself up though. We've all snapped at children before, even as an aunt, uncle or cousin.

I can tell you're a great mother from what you've said here.

Thanks Hugo. Hope your keeping well!!!

Hugo Stiglitz

trixychic wrote: »

Thanks Hugo. Hope your keeping well!!!

Not too bad here at the minute, thanks. Have been a bit all over the place the last few weeks. I'm seeing a counsellor recently so hopefully things will fall into place soon.

whatismyname

On my way to the funeral of the man who died wgo used to attend my support group.

Had a really bad cold come on Monday and am feeling rotten, and barely slept all night as my whole body was aching.

Seriously hate the world sometimes.

Turtle_

whatismyname wrote: »

On my way to the funeral of the man who died wgo used to attend my support group.

Had a really bad cold come on Monday and am feeling rotten, and barely slept all night as my whole body was aching.

Seriously hate the world sometimes.

That's very tough. Mind yourself x

whatismyname

Turtle_ wrote: »

That's very tough. Mind yourself x

Thank you. It's my first time losing someone to suicide, and giving my own experiences around suicide, and of course what a wonderful, wonderful man he was, it's bound to be hard, but adding the cold and lack of sleep is really tough.

I'm not going on my own though which helps. A friend who used to attend the support group, who was really very fond of this man, is picking me up from the station and driving to the crematorium. So I'm really glad I'm not gonna be there on my own as that, I think, would make it harder.

Turtle_

I'm glad you will have someone with you.

mickstupp

Also very glad you have someone going with you! Take good care of each other.

Hugo Stiglitz

whatismyname wrote: »

On my way to the funeral of the man who died wgo used to attend my support group.

Had a really bad cold come on Monday and am feeling rotten, and barely slept all night as my whole body was aching.

Seriously hate the world sometimes.

I'm sure his family really appreciated your being at the funeral.

I hope you feel better soon.

whatismyname

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I'm sure his family really appreciated your being at the funeral.

I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks Hugo. Went for tea with a friend this evening ,as although I feel horrible physically, figured that mentally I was better getting out.

Just home, and glad to be in bed.

The funeral went well, and had a really good turnout, which I wasn't surprised by at all.

It was a humanist cremation, and I'd only been to catholic burials before, but there was a lovely talk of his life. They mentioned his depression, which I felt kinda glad that they did as it was also a part of his life, but at the same time glad that they didn't make a big thing out of it.

There was a get together in the local hall afterwards, with lots of people.

I got a chance to talk to his daughter and his wife, but his daughter in particular I got to talk a little more with.

They said the night they spoke to me on the phone had helped them a lot.

I told her if she'd like to meet up for a proper chat at some point I'd be happy to. I know it must be really hard to come to terms with losing her dad to suicide, but also to have people to talk to about this, and my gut instinct was that offering her this felt like the right thing to do. She seemed really touched by that.

When I was chatting to her by myself before we left, some of what she mentioned I wouldn't repeat as it may have been in confidence, but I felt so, so sad for her and what she's been through, and some of what she told me was so heartbreaking.

My over-riding feeling on it all has been a feeling that at least this man does not need to live in the pain he was in anymore, and that he'd fought it for so long. But it was hard seeing quite how much pain his family are in.

Especially as someone who came close to suicide several times in the past, including a few times last year, but I'm not focusing on that aspect right now.

I am just glad that my presence there seemed to give some comfort to them, and that the group I ran made a genuine difference in this man's life.

Hope you are as ok as possible, Hugo.

whatismyname

mickstupp wrote: »

Also very glad you have someone going with you! Take good care of each other.

Thanks. Sorry just saw this now.

The other person with me was someone else who used to attend the group who is someone I don't see often, but I would now consider a friend.

TBH from what I saw today I think he's finding it a lot harder than me to deal with.

So far, it seemed to me that working in suicide prevention helped me deal with this. Applying some of what I say to others to myself - the type of stuff I've advised others, but never quite being sure if I would be able to apply to myself if / when I lost someone to suicide.

(Don't get me wrong though, it it was someone I was much closer to in my personal life, I know that would be so, so much harder to do).

But yes I am certain that this friend is struggling with it more than I seem to be. He's not very good at keeping in contact, but I'll do what I can to keep an eye on him over the next while.

Hope your trip is going well :-)

Gremlinertia

It's been a long week, funerals for young people are so very very tough. Keeping my head down for much needed recovery time.. Hugs to you all, seems there's tough times around for a few of ye..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

It's been a long week, funerals for young people are so very very tough. Keeping my head down for much needed recovery time.. Hugs to you all, seems there's tough times around for a few of ye..

Hugs back to you too, Grem. x