sleeping with an ex

LegacyUser

I had a break up last year and although now I realise it is for the best , back then I was all over the place.

This is what helped me:
I had given back all his bits and pieces etc that I had plus his house keys.
I blocked his number and deleted his number so even on the rare occasion I had a desire to contact him, I couldn't.
I had something planned for every weekend, it's even better if you have a busy job take on more tasks and responsibilities.
Join a gym, not just for physical health and fitness , you will feel mentally stronger after going to 4 or more classes a week. Classes are good because you can do some spinning, some cardio so it's not always the same.
Look at all aspects of your life that you want to change and grow and take this as an opportunity to achieve all those goals.
Stay away from men for a time agreed in your head because rebounds only suit some people.
When your mind is racing, ruminating , over analysing, plotting revenge, rethinking, replaying, wishing you could change it , fix it etc write this down get a note book and keep writing till you have nothing left to say!!! I laugh when I look at the five six pages I used to write and I cringe.
Do plot revenge but never carry it out. Revenge I used to think got me through the anger, the hurt and the ego bashing.... I never did anything and held my dignity.
All this time has passed and yes he still pops into my head but maybe once a day... Before a minute couldn't pass without me thinking of him.
Life goes on.. There are loads of good nice decent men out there who would love to meet you . So go and find yourself, the new and improved version and get out and have fun again.
You will love again, just enjoy life while your waiting for that!:)

SarahMollie

aec85 wrote: »

thanks for the replies guys I honestly have tried the no contact but I always cave and message him I just miss him so much I feel robbed of the future I thought I was having I don't want to start again with someone new he was my everything I just feel so bad
and to make it worse hes txting now saying I need to stop living in the past and find a new man...its a total kick in the teeth when he knows all I want is him
when he told me at xmas we would try to work at things after I was so happy it was like I won the lotto but when I realised it wasn't gonna happen I was gutted

He's messing with you. You have to be more disciplined. Delete his number. Keep blockinghim on social media. I know he's confused you by saying that he'd reconsider after christmas, but his actions are speaking volumes. He does not value you (as he's using you for sex even though he knows you're not over him) and does not want to be wtih you.

Tell yourself that however much you loved him, you have to love yourself more.

I had the exact same experience in my early 20's after my first serious relaitonship ended. I just could not accept it. I stopped eating properly, couldnt focus, total nervous wreck, tried to win him back with sex, the works. Eventually i got really run down and cought a pretty bad infection and was in my sick bed for the best part of 2 weeks. I think this forced a bit of a detox and as I got better physically, I started thinking clearly which I hadnt done for a long time.

I asked him to meet me after college (how I graduated from my masters I don't know!) and told him that I couldn't see him again for at least six months. He cried as he dropped me home. i got out of his car and didnt look back.

Turns out we never got in contact again, except one drunk text from him about a year later - telling me that dumping me was the best decision of his life etc, really horrible stuff. Weirdly, this made me smile. The fact that he was still so twisted about how things ended with us when I finally wasnt obsessing over him anymore gave me back a sense of control and also restored my dignity a bit too. I took the high road and deleted the text.

Then about 4 years ago I was out for some drinks with friends from work and he came up and tapped me on the shoulder. I smiled, said "I hope you're well, but I don't want anything to do with you,I hope you can respect that and I wish you well", and just walked away. My friends told me he just stood there, agog. I don't know if I was being amazingly strong or just determined not to have a breakdown in front of my colleagues! My legs were like jelly walking away.

About a year ago (the joys of Facebook and its "people you might know" feature) I found out he'd gotten married. My stomach still did a little flutter when I saw his profile pic of his wedding day. I was so proud of myself for not falling apart.

Once you've loved someone a breakup can be like a bereavement, and you might always carry a bit of it with you, but you have to be strong and put yourself first. In time you'll realise that you won't ever have a healthy relationship with this man again, because once he's had so much power over you, things will never be equal again.

Having been in your shoes, talk to your friends, it really works. Keep yourself distracted, and you might find out that you're stronger than you think

LegacyUser

Well said Sarah Mollie, that was powerful stuff, that will help the OP and many others to know that it can be done, and to take control of our own lives, change our behaviour and stop being the victim of someone else's head wrecking mind games.