Any updates?

Sh1tbag OToole

Who is the inventor of this much-overused corporate catchphrase? I wonder how much time is spent thinking up imaginative answers for people looking for 'updates' when in fact there are none just to keep them at bay.

Is 'any updates' the 'going forward' of 2015? Hopefully we'll see a decline in it's use this year as more and more people see it for what it is - a supposedly polite alternative for "Hurry on ye lazy slow bastards!" and also the related practice where you'd be chatting away by email to some 'any updates' sender and after a while you see some higher-up corporate goon has made his way into the 'CC' list.

Are you feeling angry O'Toole? Do you need a hug?

Sh1tbag OToole

Deleted User wrote: »

Are you feeling angry O'Toole? Do you need a hug?

No, calm as a cucumber. It is strange how 'going forward' has had the piss ripped out of it relentlessly while 'any updates' has managed to stay mostly under the radar

The Sun King

Can we touch base on this later on OP?

Barry Badrinath

I think "calm as a cucumber" is the new "any updates".

DivingDuck

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Hopefully we'll see a decline in it's use this year as more and more people see it for what it is - a supposedly polite alternative for "Hurry on ye lazy slow bastards!"

You're right. We should just say the second one.

Bulbous Salutation

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

No, calm as a cucumber. It is strange how 'going forward' has had the piss ripped out of it relentlessly while 'any updates' has managed to stay mostly under the radar

Take your idea offline for the moment, Sh1tbag.

recylingbin

I'm glad someone has flagged this up.

darkpagandeath

I have no Idea lets brainstorm a thinking outside the box link in meeting.

The Sun King

DivingDuck wrote: »

You're right. We should just say the second one.

Coola boola.

I think we should park this for a while.

Sunnyisland

Hold on and I will get back to ya...

the evasion_kid

sounds like something an american ceo would use....

brevity

A round table conflab is required here. We need to synergise before any action takes place.

The_Valeyard

Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

I have so far managed to avoid the corporate world yet I have experienced the awfulness of those phrases. Once upon a time in a very different type of world I had a manager who would often say to me "Persepoly I'd like to link in with you".

Now it is I who is filled with anger at the memory! The whole damn time I was there kept Bach's Rescue Remedy successful.

The Sun King

The Sun King wrote: »

Coola boola.

Stoppit!! I'm getting shudders. The bad kind.

Sh1tbag OToole

Deleted User wrote: »

Stoppit!! I'm getting shudders. The bad kind.

Stop the lights

me_irl

Blame Microsoft.

whiskeyman

Well, we are where we are...

biko

The overuse of "any" in the English language, and boards, is quite astounding.

McDermotX

When someone figures this thread out, could they waterfall it to the rest of the group ?

I mean, we're hardly re-inventing the wheel here.

kfallon

I'll have to take this away as an action point!

kingchess

I am digesting your original post and will revert back to you when we have reached a consensus -We will keep you up-dated .

mynameis905

Definitely need to drill down and develop a SMART plan. Will revert back after the blue sky 360 degree thinking brainstorming session.

*twitches*

harry Bailey esq

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Who is the inventor of this much-overused corporate catchphrase? I wonder how much time is spent thinking up imaginative answers for people looking for 'updates' when in fact there are none just to keep them at bay.

Is 'any updates' the 'going forward' of 2015? Hopefully we'll see a decline in it's use this year as more and more people see it for what it is - a supposedly polite alternative for "Hurry on ye lazy slow bastards!"

I invented the term, back in the 80s,aged about 6,it's only become popular of late.

Azalea

There are some woeful corporate expressions, like "leverage ideas" but "Any updates" is completely innocuous in my opinion. Ditto "Going forward" - it just means "From now on". I think it's just a bandwagon to claim it's so horrendous.

Ted_YNWA

Due to unforeseen .events, any updates won't be pushed out until Q2

sabat

The Sun King wrote: »

Coola boola.

This totally ruined the character of Fran in Love Hate for me. The only people who say cúla búla are dickheads from 1985, not psychopathic thugs in 2014.

Samsgirl

me_irl wrote: »

Blame Microsoft.

Having worked there, yes I agree with you. The corporate bull**** level was immense.

Sh1tbag OToole

Samsgirl wrote: »

Having worked there, yes I agree with you. The corporate bull**** level was immense.

Have you seen Steve Ballmer getting up on the atage roaring with the sweat dhripping off him

Samsgirl

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Have you seen Steve Ballmer getting up on the atage roaring with the sweat dhripping off him

We had a few video conferences there alright. Bertie even came to visit!! Then to celebrate 15 yrs in Ireland (1999/2000) they brought us to the national exhibition centre and had the Sawdoctors play at us for a few hours.

Lia_lia

I hate "going forward" so much.

Eugene Norman

Any updates is the new any updates. Which is old.

Corpus Twisty

"Any Updates?"
"No"
"Oh - well can we fast-track this please?"
"No"
"erm..any particular reason why not?"
"No - if I think of one, I'll update you"
"I don't think you're being a complete team-player here tbh"
"Grand"
....................

Canterelle

Oops that is one I use a lot eg when you know you're asking for readily available info, like a quote, and the person doesn't get back to you. So then I can't get job done. So it's invariably, "any update on this, thanks" and yes I do mean "hurry up ya lazy sod, Ffs". Don't see why it's so bad though!

PARlance

Drop dead date.

If I hear it once more I'll drop dead the person that says it.

wil

Corpus Twisty wrote: »

"Any Updates?"
"No"
"Oh - well can we fast-track this please?"
"No"
"erm..any particular reason why not?"
"No - if I think of one, I'll update you"
"I don't think you're being a complete team-player here tbh"
"Grand"
....................

So... how are ya getting on?

Azalea

biko wrote: »

The overuse of "any" in the English language, and boards, is quite astounding.

How is it over-used?

Lia_lia wrote: »

I hate "going forward" so much.

Why though? Genuine question.

Sh1tbag OToole

Azalea wrote: »

How is it over-used?

I think he was taking the piss

Larry the Logster

Get it done.

The Hill Billy

Threads like this are fine for low-hanging fruit.
But we need a paradigm shift to adopt a more belt & braces approach.
You guys need to visualize this from the soup to the nuts, a helicopter view, y'know.
Maybe we should socialize this over a decaf latté?

r93kaey5p2izun

Canterelle wrote: »

Oops that is one I use a lot eg when you know you're asking for readily available info, like a quote, and the person doesn't get back to you. So then I can't get job done. So it's invariably, "any update on this, thanks" and yes I do mean "hurry up ya lazy sod, Ffs". Don't see why it's so bad though!

Your contact has obviously stuck a pin in your idea and will revert to you following their department's thought shower. If they have not reverted by the close of play perhaps you should suggest a brown bag meeting to move things forward or suggest sunsetting that particular proposal.

Some recent work with an American tech giant has left me wondering how much these people could actually get done if they didn't have to wade through so much bullsh!t.

Rob Thomas

Why are you guys getting so worked up over this.

It's outside your circle of influence so should be outside your circle of concern.....

Sh1tbag OToole

Lia_lia wrote: »

I hate "going forward" so much.

I concur

Canterelle wrote: »

Oops that is one I use a lot eg when you know you're asking for readily available info, like a quote, and the person doesn't get back to you. So then I can't get job done. So it's invariably, "any update on this, thanks" and yes I do mean "hurry up ya lazy sod, Ffs". Don't see why it's so bad though!

When you get 100 of them they might as well be saying 'hurry up ya lazy sod'. Tis just one of those silly 'go-to' business phrases

That_Guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHg_M_zKA6Y

gramar

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

No, calm as a cucumber. It is strange how 'going forward' has had the piss ripped out of it relentlessly while 'any updates' has managed to stay mostly under the radar

Under the radar is one of those phrases right there Sh1tbag.

fleet_admiral

Can we walk and talk while we work it out op?

Badly Drunk Boy

Azalea wrote: »

Why though? Genuine question.

Going forward is an cringe-worthy term in a business context, but it's grand for "Robbie Brady is going forward on the left wing'.

Azalea

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

I concur

Why? I genuinely think people arent actually annoyed by "going forward" and are just saying it. Not one good reason given as to why its so annoying. Its two totally innocuous words making an innocuous phrase.

osarusan

Azalea wrote: »

Why? I genuinely think people arent actually annoyed by "going forward" and are just saying it. Not one good reason given as to why its so annoying. Its two totally innocuous words making an innocuous phrase.

I dislike it because it contains nothing new whatsoever. As you said, it just means 'from now on' or 'in the future'.

I think it's a great example of people rushing to use a new phrase that contains no new meaning, purely because they think it sounds smart or professional.