Christmas can be hard

whatismyname

We say 'Happy Christmas' over and over, yet behind it all we know that Christmas isn't necessarily a happy time for many.

The exact nature of Christmas with its hype, pressure and expectations can make it quite a painful time for many.

Yet can't there maybe be quite a stigma attached to saying you don't enjoy Christmas, and that you maybe struggle with it?

There's things that I like about Christmas, but on the whole I've pretty much always struggled with it for many reasons.

A few years ago I started being a bit more open about that. More people 'got it' than I expected. One year I basically skipped Christmas altogether and went off travelling on my own at Christmas, and was very surprised by quite how many people said they were envious of that, when I expected judgement and criticism for it.

If you're struggling this Christmas, I'm sorry. It's hard struggling for any reason generally, but it can be even harder struggling at Christmas.

There could be any reason you're struggling be it emotionally, financially, for practical reasons, maybe Christmas brings back bad memories for you, maybe you've difficult relationships with your family, maybe you're spending Christmas alone for whatever reason, maybe you've lost a family member and Christmas without them will be hard.... The list goes on...

The general message society often gives us is to just shove it to one side, put on your happy face cos it's Christmas and get on with it.

If that's what works for you, and you can do it, great. If not, that's ok too.

If you need to admit to others that you're finding Christmas hard, that's ok.

If you need to be yourself and you can't be happy and chirpy and cheerful because you don't have it in you, that's ok.

However you are, that is how you are, and that is absolutely fine.

For me, although I struggle hugely with Christmas this year's tactic was to identify several things about Christmas that I do like, to focus on them, to take the joy from them, and to try to chuck the rest to one side.

Easier said than done sometimes, I know.

And the times that I didn't return to family for Christmas because it would be too difficult for me because of difficult relations with family? A very difficult decision to make, but I realised that I needed to put myself first, and stop putting myself in situations which are too painful, and leave me struggling.

If you too struggle emotionally (or in any other way) at Christmas, I guarantee you are not alone with that. So many more all around you will be struggling too, even if they are not saying it.

And society tells us a lot about what is expected from us at Christmas.

If it's a tough time for you, and you decide to make it like any other day, that's ok.

Or if you're struggling but decide to embrace Christmas in all its glory, to try to reclaim it, again that's ok.

It can be hard to do, but... do what is right for you...

Whether Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year for you, or one of the most difficult times, I'll be thinking of you all, and hope it is the best it can be for you

MaryAntoinette

Have a glass of wine op.

LeinsterDub

Is there a condensed version?

Kristopherus

OP, is that a sermon, or a rant??????

dubal

After hours can only read 2 paragraphs..

The Randy Riverbeast

dubal wrote: »

After hours can only read 2 paragraphssentences..

FYP, at least this OP appears to have a good meaning, usually when we're assaulted by a wall of text it is an idiot giving out about some group.

kneemos

Jesus was born at a busy time of year.

FloatingVoter

kneemos wrote: »

Jesus was born at a busy time of year.

He was an unlucky kid to be born on Santa's birthday. Only one extra special present a year for him.

Bongalongherb

I understand folk worried about being alone on christmas, but seriously ? I'm sitting here on my own with the wind howling outside with a few beers all on my lonesome, and do you know what ?... It's deadly... No-one to annoy you while you are wrapped up in super-speaker ear-phones with muffles, Yes I said muffles, those big ones, It's just like sticking one Angela Merkel flumletty on each ear perfectly spongy and I must add comfortable.

Christmas can be hard if you allow yourself to feel this way, it's what you make it. I'm basically a hermit and I removed myself slightly from society for the last few months and it's great. no ass-holes in your ear or crying, just put those big Angela Merkel earphones on each ear and play the most beautiful music you can find and fcuk the world of robots.

No matter where you are, no matter who you are, I want you to get those earphones or if you have no earphones just get up and stand up and say........ where's my fcuking earphones at the top of your voice out the window...

Ally Dick

Bongalongherb wrote: »

I understand folk worried about being alone on christmas, but seriously ? I'm sitting here on my own with the wind howling outside with a few beers all on my lonesome, and do you know what ?... It's deadly... No-one to annoy you while you are wrapped up in super-speaker ear-phones with muffles, Yes I said muffles, those big ones, It's just like sticking one Angela Merkel flumletty on each ear perfectly spongy and I must add comfortable.

Christmas can be hard if you allow yourself to feel this way, it's what you make it. I'm basically a hermit and I removed myself slightly from society for the last few months and it's great. no ass-holes in your ear or crying, just put those big Angela Merkel earphones on each ear and play the most beautiful music you can find and fcuk the world of robots.

No matter where you are, no matter who you are, I want you to get those earphones or if you have no earphones just get up and stand up and say........ where's my fcuking earphones at the top of your voice out the window...

Is your mother in her favourite rocking chair Norman ?

Bongalongherb

There's two kinds of crazy.

They always let me out for christmas.

donegaLroad

its the grey and empty void of January in the Northern Hemisphere that can be hard.

Eugene Norman

donegaLroad wrote: »

its the grey and empty void of January in the Northern Hemisphere that can be hard.

Yes. We need another big festival end of Jan.

Then the days get longer so we're grand.

kneemos

donegaLroad wrote: »

its the grey and empty void of January in the Northern Hemisphere that can be hard.

A day without rain at this stage would be a godsend in fairness.

MaryAntoinette

kneemos wrote: »

A day without rain at this stage would be a godsend in fairness.

Caravan leaking again?

Your Face

I love booty.

Nomis21

My cottage is isolated from other houses so thankfully I can ignore Christmas.

I have a Japanese girl staying here with me and they don't do Christmas in Japan.

It will be a great day.

kneemos

Nomis21 wrote: »

My cottage is isolated from other houses so thankfully I can ignore Christmas.

I have a Japanese girl staying here with me and they don't do Christmas in Japan.

It will be a great day.

Nobody will hear the screams.

Jesus Wept

Bongalongherb wrote: »

I understand folk worried about being alone on christmas, but seriously ? I'm sitting here on my own with the wind howling outside with a few beers all on my lonesome, and do you know what ?... It's deadly... No-one to annoy you while you are wrapped up in super-speaker ear-phones with muffles, Yes I said muffles, those big ones, It's just like sticking one Angela Merkel flumletty on each ear perfectly spongy and I must add comfortable.

Christmas can be hard if you allow yourself to feel this way, it's what you make it. I'm basically a hermit and I removed myself slightly from society for the last few months and it's great. no ass-holes in your ear or crying, just put those big Angela Merkel earphones on each ear and play the most beautiful music you can find and fcuk the world of robots.

No matter where you are, no matter who you are, I want you to get those earphones or if you have no earphones just get up and stand up and say........ where's my fcuking earphones at the top of your voice out the window...

There is a world of difference between being alone because you want to be and enjoying the solitude and being alone when you'd rather not be, and are lonely.

P.S Where's my ****ing earphones joe?!

Nomis21

kneemos wrote: »

Nobody will hear the screams.

She only screams in Japanese, and even then, not every time.

LeeLooLee

Nomis21 wrote: »

My cottage is isolated from other houses so thankfully I can ignore Christmas.

I have a Japanese girl staying here with me and they don't do Christmas in Japan.

It will be a great day.

They do eat KFC at Christmas though.

ectoraige

Nomis21 wrote: »

She only screams in Japanese, and even then, not every time.

He was referring to your screams, giseisha...

Bongalongherb

donegaLroad wrote: »

its the grey and empty void of January in the Northern Hemisphere that can be hard.

Basic life can be hard enough, rats everywhere. Control your destiny even if it only lasts two weeks. Block all negativity and enjoy your own company to your best ability.

Don't forget the music ? listen..._________________ I want to see a beat instead of a straight-line. Put that good music on flowing through the wires to the ears.

RayM

It'll be the fourth Christmas without my mum, and the first without my granny. For me, Christmas isn't necessarily 'hard', just tinged with sadness. It'll still be colourful, noisy and full of people, but with the inescapable feeling that some really important people are missing.

Bongalongherb

Je suis Mario wrote: »

There is a world of difference between being alone because you want to be and enjoying the solitude and being alone when you'd rather not be, and are lonely.

P.S Where's my ****ing earphones joe?!

I understand that perfectly. I should know, I've been there in the encapsulating breath of it all for a long time. Well, for any folk on this thread that feels a bit lonely... Here's a big virtual electromagnetic hug to you over the airwaves. We are all connected in an electrical way. Be well.

MPFGLB

Christmas like about every other thing in modern life is somehow wrapped up in the need for perfection

If you are not producing the Christmas meal like Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson and are not sitting around a big tree like in the John Lewis ads or walking with laughing friends in snow like in the endless Christmas songs video ...your Christmas is just not right

Seems to me the only ones who like it that I know (kinda) are the retailers and the kids

I have been alone in the past for Christmas and loved it....ate Lamb & ice cream and watched videos...but I didn't let anyone know I was alone because they look at you like you are weird or to be pitied

Bongalongherb

Nomis21 wrote: »

My cottage is isolated from other houses so thankfully I can ignore Christmas.

I have a Japanese girl staying here with me and they don't do Christmas in Japan.

It will be a great day.

They do tonight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgdBhTl44Yc

Jesus Wept

Bongalongherb wrote: »

I understand that perfectly. I should know, I've been there in the encapsulating breath of it all for a long time. Well, for any folk on this thread that feels a bit lonely... Here's a big virtual electromagnetic hug to you over the airwaves. We are all connected in an electrical way. Be well.

/hug

leavingirl

Moan moan moan. Move to a country where christmas is not celebrated then.

After a few years your thread will start like 'Ramadan can be hard'..

Now back to the jamie oliver videos of how to make the perfect christmas dinner

Graces7

Je suis Mario wrote: »

There is a world of difference between being alone because you want to be and enjoying the solitude and being alone when you'd rather not be, and are lonely.

P.S Where's my ****ing earphones joe?!

It is what you make of your situation. Sure you can be miserable and woe is me about being alone and lonely; I did that for years. No family and ostracised and ill...Then I grew up. I am a Christian so Christmas has meaning for me and it means no huge excess and thinking of and acting for others. Blessed to be part of a large extended family and friends who work with the homeless in many lands. My illness means I am alone and much abed and that is fine with me. No intention of feeling sorry for myself and I will enjoy a small feast. Worked the markets until they stopped so am resting now. Life is rich in what matters ,and good. No angst here and a great love for others.

iamstop

Just be glad you're not spending this Christmas alone in Winnipeg like I am.

https://img.ie/image/jx8

If that link works, good. If not, yeah, it's going to be about -15C on the 25th and about -21C on the 26th.

Goodnight...

pickarooney

No flights to Ireland in the winter is a major downer. I wouldn't go every year but I do miss having the choice.

kneemos

iamstop wrote: »

Just be glad you're not spending this Christmas alone in Winnipeg like I am.

https://img.ie/image/jx8

If that link works, good. If not, yeah, it's going to be about -15C on the 25th and about -21C on the 26th.

Goodnight...

Whenever you look at an American city (I know) they always have colossal housing estates with featureless row after row of grid pattern houses,seldom see a park or any sort of amenities.Do you ever end up on the wrong street?
Also will the Red River freeze over?

Clampdown

Well you can either be lonely or fight with your family. That's your options. Which is why alcohol sales at this time of year are sky high.

Armchair Andy

This thread is fuchin depressing.

LeinsterDub

LeinsterDub wrote: »

Is there a condensed version?

Kristopherus wrote: »

OP, is that a sermon, or a rant??????

leavingirl wrote: »

Moan moan moan. Move to a country where christmas is not celebrated then.

After a few years your thread will start like 'Ramadan can be hard'..

Armchair Andy wrote: »

This thread is fuchin depressing.

Mod

If you can't judge the tone of a thread you might want to take a break from the Internet.

The 'don't be a dick' rule applies in this forum.

Diamond Doll

Christmas Eve morning and I'm still undecided about going home for Christmas.

It's going to be so depressing either way.

If I stay in Dublin, I get to see my son for a couple of hours tomorrow, but I'll be alone the rest of the day.

If I go home to my family in Sligo, I'll just feel like sh*t because their grandson won't be with me.

I want to stay in Dublin, but I know my family will worry about me. And I guess it would mean it would be the first Christmas ever where all of us aren't there. So I feel obliged to go. Definitely don't feel up for the drive, so I guess I should really book a train. Meh.

Still have to do my Christmas shopping too.

Very unmerry Christmas for me. It's going to be sh*t whatever I decide to do.

Menas

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Christmas Eve morning and I'm still undecided about going home for Christmas.

It's going to be so depressing either way.

If I stay in Dublin, I get to see my son for a couple of hours tomorrow, but I'll be alone the rest of the day.

If I go home to my family in Sligo, I'll just feel like sh*t because their grandson won't be with me.

I want to stay in Dublin, but I know my family will worry about me. And I guess it would mean it would be the first Christmas ever where all of us aren't there. So I feel obliged to go. Definitely don't feel up for the drive, so I guess I should really book a train. Meh.

Still have to do my Christmas shopping too.

Very unmerry Christmas for me. It's going to be sh*t whatever I decide to do.

Do whatever pleases YOU most DD. Good luck.:)

ASoberThought

I'm completely alone this Christmas and it's a beautiful thing. Nothing to get fussed about other than having a shower and then going to an Indian restaurant tomorrow

whatismyname

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Christmas Eve morning and I'm still undecided about going home for Christmas.

It's going to be so depressing either way.

If I stay in Dublin, I get to see my son for a couple of hours tomorrow, but I'll be alone the rest of the day.

If I go home to my family in Sligo, I'll just feel like sh*t because their grandson won't be with me.

I want to stay in Dublin, but I know my family will worry about me. And I guess it would mean it would be the first Christmas ever where all of us aren't there. So I feel obliged to go. Definitely don't feel up for the drive, so I guess I should really book a train. Meh.

Still have to do my Christmas shopping too.

Very unmerry Christmas for me. It's going to be sh*t whatever I decide to do.

Hey Diamond Doll

Sorry it's so tough. I hope it works out as best it can in the circumstances.

I'm not gonna start with the 'It's just another day' crap, cos realistically it's not, when you're faced with the above.

But I hope that you can make the best of the situation, and who knows, that hopefully it's maybe even better than you expect.

I hate that you feel obliged to be there, as it'll be the first xmas everyone isn't. I felt the same for years, and when I finally decided to put myself first and not do something mainly cos I felt obliged to, I felt better for it overall, but it was a very tough decision to take, so I know this is complicated.

Wishing you all the best for the period, Diamond Doll.

I do hope that it's better than you expect - but if it's not, we'll have to look on the bright side, and remember that at least there'll be another 12 months before we've gotta do it again

whatismyname

Menas wrote: »

Do whatever pleases YOU most DD. Good luck.:)

Definitely agree, Menas.

So much expectations on people this time of year, but overall I think we'd be better if more people could do this

Happy Christmas Menas.

LowOdour

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Christmas Eve morning and I'm still undecided about going home for Christmas.

It's going to be so depressing either way.

If I stay in Dublin, I get to see my son for a couple of hours tomorrow, but I'll be alone the rest of the day.

If I go home to my family in Sligo, I'll just feel like sh*t because their grandson won't be with me.

I want to stay in Dublin, but I know my family will worry about me. And I guess it would mean it would be the first Christmas ever where all of us aren't there. So I feel obliged to go. Definitely don't feel up for the drive, so I guess I should really book a train. Meh.

Still have to do my Christmas shopping too.

Very unmerry Christmas for me. It's going to be sh*t whatever I decide to do.

Is it possible to see your son early in the morning and drive down to Sligo aftrwards? Its a prety crap situation to be in

Hemerodrome

Ally Dick wrote: »

Is your mother in her favourite rocking chair Norman ?

I think his mother is Angela Merkel.

whatismyname

LowOdour wrote: »

Is it possible to see your son early in the morning and drive down to Sligo aftrwards? Its a prety crap situation to be in

Good thinking!

esforum

Graces7 wrote: »

It is what you make of your situation.

Last year a mother and father woke up on Christmas morning, went to wake their 2 year old son for pressies. He had died of cot death.

Tell them to buck up tomorrow morning when they celebrate that anniversary.

MPFGLB

LowOdour wrote: »

Is it possible to see your son early in the morning and drive down to Sligo aftrwards? Its a prety crap situation to be in

Good idea ...Roads are usually pretty empty on Christmas Day
If you left at about 12pm you could be there in plenty time

But agree you must do what is right for you....there is too much expectation of people to be seen to be in a certain place and doing a certain thing

If you don't go will the others have a worse time ?? You could Skype or phone etc

My friend has to spend it with her in laws who she cannot stand ...well her husband insists ...thus she hates Christmas ...she would love to be alone with a bottle of wine and a good movie...she doesn;t even want to be with the husband ...I guess he wants all the Christmas razz a ma taz but she wants to just do nothing

FalconGirl

esforum wrote: »

Last year a mother and father woke up on Christmas morning, went to wake their 2 year old son for pressies. He had died of cot death.

Tell them to buck up tomorrow morning when they celebrate that anniversary.

That is truly heartbreaking.

JustTheOne

I don't get it, all I hear is Christmas is the best time of the year.

Then I keep reading these posts on Facebook and boards moaning its a hard time of the year.

Make up your minds people!!

MPFGLB

JustTheOne wrote: »

I don't get it, all I hear is Christmas is the best time of the year.

Then I keep reading these posts on Facebook and boards moaning its a hard time of the year.

Make up your minds people!!

Its the best of times ...its the worst of times

Sam Kade

Bongalongherb wrote: »

I understand folk worried about being alone on christmas, but seriously ? I'm sitting here on my own with the wind howling outside with a few beers all on my lonesome, and do you know what ?... It's deadly... No-one to annoy you while you are wrapped up in super-speaker ear-phones with muffles, Yes I said muffles, those big ones, It's just like sticking one Angela Merkel flumletty on each ear perfectly spongy and I must add comfortable.

Christmas can be hard if you allow yourself to feel this way, it's what you make it. I'm basically a hermit and I removed myself slightly from society for the last few months and it's great. no ass-holes in your ear or crying, just put those big Angela Merkel earphones on each ear and play the most beautiful music you can find and fcuk the world of robots.

No matter where you are, no matter who you are, I want you to get those earphones or if you have no earphones just get up and stand up and say........ where's my fcuking earphones at the top of your voice out the window...

Those earphones will fcuk up your hearing eventually, then you'll wish you could hear someone's moaning in your ear.

whatismyname

FalconGirl wrote: »

That is truly heartbreaking.

Agreed. Unimaginable.