Am I an alcoholic? Please help.

Amazingfun

Firstly forget about putting labels on yourself e.g. alcoholic, heavy drinker, problem drinker etc. these only add to your guilt and won’t help your struggle.

Advice -or is this your personal experience Stanford?

For me, finally getting an understanding of what alcoholism is, and what my drinking and outrageous behavior with the bottle meant , did anything but "add guilt and not help my struggle"; in fact, once I accepted it, the struggle mercifully ended, thank God.

I am 3 weeks shy of being 14 years away from my last drink. I take no meds (except for thyroid replacement hormone), and I have never had to see a counselor of any description during this period. Not against it, to each their own, but I never found it necessary.

Finding out I am an alcoholic and can never, ever safely drink alcohol again felt like the end of the world in the beginning, like losing a best friend.
In reality, and as the wonderful sober years rolled by, I realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Glad you are going to try an AA meeting, Susan. Welcome and good luck

Stanford

It is my advice based on my personal experience. I was trying to stress the point that from her postings the lady is clearly unable to control her drinking and hence she poses a serious risk to her continued health and safety. The first stop, in my view, is for her to stop drinking and for that she may need professional medical assistance to detox. After that it is her choice as to how she maintains her sobriety and that may need counselling help or going to AA meetings.

I have the highest regard for the work which AA does and never meant to impugn that work.

However the first urgency is for her to stop drinking safely, dealing with continued abstinence will then pose its own problems and rewards.

G

chicorytip

Alcohol is a depressant so your continued drinking is also diminishing the effects of the medication you are taking.You simply cannot combine both.
Alcohol dependency is not as difficult to overcome as it may appear. The critical thing is that the alcoholic must really, truly, deep down WANT to stop drinking. Many, unfortunately, do not.
What I would recommend for you would be a period of in - patient treatment in an addiction treatment facility. Talbott Grove in Castleisland, for instance, offers a month long residential programme incorporating excellent counselling and therapy which, crucially I think, involves the input of other family members in the treatment process.
It is expensive, of course, but there are other organisations such as Cuan Mhuire and Aisri which can cater for those who are unable to afford private treatment.
I wish you well and hope you will find both the courage and assistance you will need to overcome your difficulties.

susan2k15

Stanford wrote: »

It is my advice based on my personal experience. I was trying to stress the point that from her postings the lady is clearly unable to control her drinking and hence she poses a serious risk to her continued health and safety. The first stop, in my view, is for her to stop drinking and for that she may need professional medical assistance to detox. After that it is her choice as to how she maintains her sobriety and that may need counselling help or going to AA meetings.

I have the highest regard for the work which AA does and never meant to impugn that work.

However the first urgency is for her to stop drinking safely, dealing with continued abstinence will then pose its own problems and rewards.

G

Hi,

Thank you for your helpful advice. I get where both of you are coming from. For me, it was about finally accepting that I have a problem that if I am not already then I will likely become an alcoholic. I think its been really important to accept that internally for me because previously I was like oh I'm a binge drinker but so are all my friends and nobody even cares what I do.

But I agree with you in the sense that for me it helps not to identify or label myself to others. I am trying to get into the mindset that its just my choice not to drink now, and not just say to others that I can't because I'm an alcoholic because its not a label I want to carry - nor one I should feel the need to justify to others!

I doubt, although have little knowledge, that I would need to go to a detox treatment as my drinking was normally limited to weekends and I don't drink at home or with meals (1 attempt to "moderate").

I was always opposed to going to AA meetings but I'm older now (25) and think who cares, I'm going to go and see what I make of it. My stepfather is sober for 25 years and went to AA for the first 7 years which he stated has saved his life. I doubt its for me but I'm still willing to take any help at the moment.

I have found self-help books really helpful the past few weeks. I went out last night and was on the dry from 9pm-2.30am and drove my friends home, I actually had a good night because no one made me feel bad for not drinking so I was on a great buzz for the night!

susan2k15

chicorytip wrote: »

Alcohol is a depressant so your continued drinking is also diminishing the effects of the medication you are taking.You simply cannot combine both.
Alcohol dependency is not as difficult to overcome as it may appear. The critical thing is that the alcoholic must really, truly, deep down WANT to stop drinking. Many, unfortunately, do not.
What I would recommend for you would be a period of in - patient treatment in an addiction treatment facility. Talbott Grove in Castleisland, for instance, offers a month long residential programme incorporating excellent counselling and therapy which, crucially I think, involves the input of other family members in the treatment process.
It is expensive, of course, but there are other organisations such as Cuan Mhuire and Aisri which can cater for those who are unable to afford private treatment.
I wish you well and hope you will find both the courage and assistance you will need to overcome your difficulties.

Thank you for your advice and kind words.

Yeah I realised that over Christmas after I had a bad few days... personally, I don't think I would go to treatment facility as a) I don't know what to tell my employer and he would be less than understanding of such a situation and b) none of my friends or family (albeit my ex) think I have a drinking problem to the extent that I need to stop drinking completely nevermind go to treatment.

Although in saying that if it wasn't for that then I wouldn't mind going.

bilbot79

Don't know if it is absolutely imperative that you stay drinking. Is it imperative for anyone? However, given the risks outlined and the history I honestly think you'd be better off without. Give it up and never look back.

Lady Mac

Well done Susan you've made great progress over the Christmas. Best of luck to you!

susan2k15

Lady Mac wrote: »

Well done Susan you've made great progress over the Christmas. Best of luck to you!

Slowly but surely it seems Thank you

twibbles

Hi there Susan2k15,

I have read the thread to this point and I think that going to AA meetings is a very positive step. As another poster said you're not under any pressure to say anything. If it's a smaller meeting there's a greater chance of being asked if you have something to say. If you're not comfortable saying anything you can just state that you don't have anything to say at the moment and that you are happy to listen. That would be 100% fine.

I have never regretted giving up the drink myself. However, this was after a long period of heavy drinking. I used to black out and do regrettable things etc. In the end I just felt that it simply wasn't worth it.

It can be a challenge at times to go on the dry because a lot of socialising in this country is done in the pub. However, you can start meeting people for lunch or for coffee and so on. Or get involved in a sport. You could join the Sober Slice group on meetup.com maybe. There are plenty alcohol-free events there.

Something that you might consider doing is reading the AA Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition.) As far as I know it is available for free online (as a PDF) or you could purchase a hard copy at a meeting. It should be under 10 euro.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. You won't regret giving up alcohol. I promise you.

Twibbles.

FirefighterT7

Hi Susan2k15,

I hope life has been good to you since giving up alcohol ! Don't let it ruin your life, I can honestly say you will have a far better life without it and also will have better relationships with family/loved ones, someone close to me destroyed her and my life because of her drinking and please don't let it happen to you and yours..

PMBC

Hope you are still doing well. I stopped 30 years ago and never missed it although the first week or so it was difficult doing ordinary things. Just one or two things you mentioned that struck me. You say you are the life and soul of the party or something akin to that. But when you have consumed that much alcohol you cant possibly know that. Also your drinking mates are at the same level as yourself - well so were mine, one, my best friend died from alcohol, another is still at it, another died but not from booze and another is still going strong. I found the things I feared/was bad at such as meeti9ng new people, formal dining, talking to people for the first time, public speaking/speaking at meetings are now my strong points. I went to my doctor after being dried out a few times and failing and he helped me with medication. I suppose he took a leap of faith as my record was poor. Any way it worked and here I am now. My present circumstances are dire but drink is the last thing I would think of.
You will succeed as thousands have, for the record. Keep up your faith in yourself and best wishes

hubba

Posting this again as it's so powerful yet so sad. It really highlights the dark side of addiction.

http://www.fastcocreate.com/3039010/this-animated-short-cleverly-reveals-the-truth-about-addiction-and-its-devastating

Hunter101

Seen this before and have to say its very accurate to how i feel with drink. right now im looking positively to the future. only day one and thats no achievment but feel i can proberly do it, sorry i couldnt quote you hubba im a new user

PMBC

Hunter101 wrote: »

Seen this before and have to say its very accurate to how i feel with drink. right now im looking positively to the future. only day one and thats no achievment but feel i can proberly do it, sorry i couldnt quote you hubba im a new user

Congratulations for your first day. Today just take it easy; one hour at a time if necessary. Days will turn into weeks, soon.
Since I and countless others could, you too can. Treat yourself to something nice at the end of today. Your'e on the right road.

Hunter101

PMBC wrote: »

Congratulations for your first day. Today just take it easy; one hour at a time if necessary. Days will turn into weeks, soon.
Since I and countless others could, you too can. Treat yourself to something nice at the end of today. Your'e on the right road.

thanks PMBC, biggest fear i have right now and it will sound stupid is the fear of never being able to drink again, how do some of ye on here stop that feeling

Lady Mac

Hunter101 wrote: »

thanks PMBC, biggest fear i have right now and it will sound stupid is the fear of never being able to drink again

Doesn't sound stupid at all. I'm not in AA but I do like the one day at a time outlook. On May 4th it will be a year since I last drank. I couldn't see how I could possibly get through the month last May never mind the year but here I am and I am so much happier without alcohol. Well done on taking the 1st step. Don't think about what's to come. Think about looking after yourself like you would a baby for the next few weeks and you can open your mind to the future a little bit more then.

Hunter101

Lady Mac wrote: »

Doesn't sound stupid at all. I'm not in AA but I do like the one day at a time outlook. On May 4th it will be a year since I last drank. I couldn't see how I could possibly get through the month last May never mind the year but here I am and I am so much happier without alcohol. Well done on taking the 1st step. Don't think about what's to come. Think about looking after yourself like you would a baby for the next few weeks and you can open your mind to the future a little bit more then.

Thank you for the advice Lady Mac, dont know whet i wouldhave done if i didnt find a forum like this. just want to say thank you to everybody on here aswell. i cant go to aa either because i cant drive but i can in just under a year if i could just get that far i know i would be fine because id have an excuse not to have to drink.

PMBC

Lady Mac wrote: »

Doesn't sound stupid at all. I'm not in AA but I do like the one day at a time outlook. On May 4th it will be a year since I last drank. I couldn't see how I could possibly get through the month last May never mind the year but here I am and I am so much happier without alcohol. Well done on taking the 1st step. Don't think about what's to come. Think about looking after yourself like you would a baby for the next few weeks and you can open your mind to the future a little bit more then.

Hunter101 that's exactly how we all felt - we needed it because we couldn't live/function without it. Since alcohol is a chemical depressant it screws up your thinking and gives you thoughts like that. Try to put them to the back of your mind for the moment and concentrate on the main job today, and for the next few days. When your system has cleared you will begin to think more rationally. It took me a long time, and a few failures, before I could see clearly that I couldn't function with alcohol. The 'buddy' system in AA is great that way as there would be someone you could confide in/phone up when temptation strikes. I support Lady Macbeth completely as she stated one day etc. Stop worrying about tomorrow and next week and concentrate on today. Also remember that we are all 'rooting' for you and thinking of you.

PMBC

Hunter101 wrote: »

Thank you for the advice Lady Mac, dont know whet i wouldhave done if i didnt find a forum like this. just want to say thank you to everybody on here aswell. i cant go to aa either because i cant drive but i can in just under a year if i could just get that far i know i would be fine because id have an excuse not to have to drink.

My AA sponsor used drive me to the meetings; he was that helpful. So ask around. Not everybody needs/makes use of AA. I didn't but still recommend it highly. Perhaps consider also talking with your doctor as you will be in a very powerful, positive position having stopped. Do you have any friends or know anyone local to you who has been through this - they also would help. All my old drinking friends have stopped except two - one is dead and the other still at it!

Amazingfun

Hunter101 wrote: »

biggest fear i have right now and it will sound stupid is the fear of never being able to drink again, how do some of ye on here stop that feeling

I found that really tough to accept, that alcohol and I just weren't working anymore, and that we had to "get a divorce"

AA is where I found my answer. Not just in meetings, although they were an important part of my staying sober, but in the AA program itself.


There is a portion of the Book called "The Doctor's Opinion". There he explained that after watching thousands of alkies in his hospital over the years, he theorized that we had something physically different going on, and he called it "a physical allergy". It means that once I take the first drink, it's like starting up a motor....I lose control of the amount I take once I start to drink. http://anonpress.org/bb/docsopin.htm

When I took that information, and went back through my drinking years, I could see that this theory fit me and my crazy obsession with boozing. I began to accept my alcoholism, and strangely enough, once I really faced the truth and stopped fighting it, it wasn't so hard anymore. I got busy with the rest of the program, and the yearning for drink was simply removed.

I am over 14 years away from it now, and I owe it all to AA.

There are meetings all over Ireland everyday, always for fun and for free:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

Lots of free talks here by alcoholics who've recovered:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting


There is a beautiful life awaiting you, if you really, really want it.

Hunter101

PMBC wrote: »

My AA sponsor used drive me to the meetings; he was that helpful. So ask around. Not everybody needs/makes use of AA. I didn't but still recommend it highly. Perhaps consider also talking with your doctor as you will be in a very powerful, positive position having stopped. Do you have any friends or know anyone local to you who has been through this - they also would help. All my old drinking friends have stopped except two - one is dead and the other still at it!

ya i know one guy whos off it 7 years now and i rang him yesterday, he gave me some good advise but said i might be better going further afeild to a meeting as i live in a very rural area. i have to visit my gp in 3 weeks so im going to discuss my options with her then. thank you so much for your kind words, i really truly believed i would have to do this on my own until i found this fourm and others like it. from the bottom of my heart thank you all.

Hunter101

Amazingfun wrote: »

I found that really tough to accept, that alcohol and I just weren't working anymore, and that we had to "get a divorce"

AA is where I found my answer. Not just in meetings, although they were an important part of my staying sober, but in the AA program itself.


There is a portion of the Book called "The Doctor's Opinion". There he explained that after watching thousands of alkies in his hospital over the years, he theorized that we had something physically different going on, and he called it "a physical allergy". It means that once I take the first drink, it's like starting up a motor....I lose control of the amount I take once I start to drink. http://anonpress.org/bb/docsopin.htm

When I took that information, and went back through my drinking years, I could see that this theory fit me and my crazy obsession with boozing. I began to accept my alcoholism, and strangely enough, once I really faced the truth and stopped fighting it, it wasn't so hard anymore. I got busy with the rest of the program, and the yearning for drink was simply removed.

I am over 14 years away from it now, and I owe it all to AA.

There are meetings all over Ireland everyday, always for fun and for free:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

Lots of free talks here by alcoholics who've recovered:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting


There is a beautiful life awaiting you, if you really, really want it.

thank you soo much too. 14 years, you truly are an inspirsation

PMBC

Hunter101 wrote: »

thanks PMBC, biggest fear i have right now and it will sound stupid is the fear of never being able to drink again, how do some of ye on here stop that feeling

The feeling will go, over time. A friend some years ago asked my wife -2how does he feel without the drink"? My wife told her what I had said years before:cool: -"I miss it like I miss a hole in the head"

It gets to the point for some people who drink to calm their nerves or be relaxed that they have a drink to calm their nerves before they go (out) for a drink to calm their nerves.

I could also recommend the hospitals particularly St. Pats who years ago had an open talk every week at Friday mid-day which was part medical and part anecdote and could be quite funny.

Concentrate on the main task now; don't try too hard to do other things e.g. saving all the money you would have spent on drink; be nice to yourself.

Amazingfun

I just saw your post about living in a rural area and the challenge with getting to meetings. As others have said, ask around, most AA members will move heaven and earth to help you get to meetings Asking for help is difficult I know, but helping others is how we stay happy and free, so I am sure there will be some in your neck of the woods who will help:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Contact-Us

Also, listening to AA talks online is a good way to start connecting if you can't get to a meeting yet.

Take good care of yourself.

Amazingfun

Hunter101 wrote: »

thank you soo much too. 14 years, you truly are an inspirsation

Believe me Hunter, I didn't do it on my own, it's always about today.

Those "one day at a time"'s began to add up into years, and no one is more amazed than me, lol. Sobriety is the greatest gift I've ever received.

Today the journey begins for you, it's not easy, but know there are loads of us sharing it with you.

Glad you are posting here, lots of lovely people to talk with and it's open for business 24 hours a day

Hunter101

thank you AmazingFun and everyone else, open for business 24hrs a day is a good way to look at it, hope my one day at a times someday equals yours

Stealthfins

AA works for some,it might not make one a saint or do-gooder.
But it's a great laugh sometimes you'll get annoyed with it like anything else.

As an old timer once said to me,he was a bit of a bad rogue before he got sober now he's a better rogue lol

Hunter101

i am seriously considering going but havent told my family yet, not sure how they take it. need to do something, so to start i made a list that im going to carry with me at all times and hope just having it with all the reasons i want to quit on it will help me

Amazingfun

Stealthfins wrote: »

AA works for some,it might not make one a saint or do-gooder.
But it's a great laugh sometimes you'll get annoyed with it like anything else.

As an old timer once said to me,he was a bit of a bad rogue before he got sober now he's a better rogue lol

I think my fav line in the whole book is "we are not saints".
Very reassuring, since I am far from it!

Hunter101

great to see some fun on these fourms too, kind of makes it easier on a beginner