18 months old crazy for smartphone and tablet

murfilein

so i think we made a mistake in raising out 18 months old girl.

whenever i and my wife need some time for outselves (talking, cooking, cleaning up the messy apartment), we often give our kid a smartphone or tablet with a youtube video. that settles her down and we can get stuff done.

problem is, she is now crazy for the phone or tablet. there are phases throughout the day where NOTHING works other than the smart device. she will cry and destroy our world if she doesnt get the phone.

damn, she can unlock the device, swipe through the homescreen until she finds youtube, starts youtube and picks a nursery rhyme video from the youtube start screen. and if she doesnt like it, she swipes down and picks a new one if in portrait mode. when in landscape she gets noisy until mommy or daddy start another video.

like, what? has science gone too far? should a 18 months old toddler be so well versed in that regard?

point is: how can we stop this habit? are there any tricks you use or used? we can keep her busy with other things too, but it only for so long. there WILL be a time in the day were a smart device is mandatory.
she will play with us just fine, but when she decides that she wants to watch her videos, there is no going back.

what to do?

/edit: yes we use our phones and tablet too much in her presence. we started to tone that down, but she is still continuing with her tablet-tantrums.

seamus

Giving in is mistake number one. You do need to pick your battles in general, but since you've identified it as a problem, you have to now take a hardline on it. Screen time is given when you say so, not when she does. Yeah, you'll have a couple of bad days breaking the habit, but you have to be the ones in control.

Yeah, being able to poke around is pretty usual. Studies have shown that kids "get" the touch interface very quickly, she's picking out symbols that she recognises (our one knew how to press "play" from about 18 months because she recognised the arrow), or just pressing on pictures she likes.

Put a passcode on your devices. Unlocking is easy, passcodes are not.

dori_dormer

We have the same problem at 21 mths. We used too much tv also. He's completely addicted and will forego all his wonderful toys for screen time. We used it in the same situations, cooking, showering, the 5pm meltdown, restaurants. He'd get the remotes and bring them to us and whinge.

Cold turkey is the only way. Our guy is now 10 days straight no screen time. It's harder and one of us has to be entertaining him all the time but he doesn't ask as much and he's finding ways of entertaining himself once his favourite toys have been played with and he's bored. We try and have the remotes out of view so I would suggest the same of your phones and tablet. Keep them on a high shelf in the kitchen maybe so you can check them if needed but they aren't in her face all the time.

Some kids have little or no interest in tv, others get addicted very fast. It's hard!

Neyite

Like any tantrum you have to see through, the first ones are the hardest. If you give in, then they realise that if they kick off, you'll eventually cave so they know not to. I used to sit quietly at his level until he was spent then offer hugs and alternatives. The first few times it took ages, and on one memorable occasion it was in the detergent aisle in Dunnes (sorry fellow shoppers!) but its a lot better now.

For a start, maybe try to put them somewhere that she cant find them, or up on a shelf where she cant see them then distract her with something else when she goes looking. I change around the play area, putting away some toys and taking out others he hasn't seen for a few months just to keep things interesting and 'new'.

We had to hide the tablets before morning because our toddler would get stuck in first thing and then it would be ructions trying to get him out the door on time. Occasionally we've forgotten so I just turn off the wifi at the wall and he gives it back to me to get the plumber to fix it. (plumber was out repairing our boiler so this must mean he repairs all sorts of things including electronics )

But if we were going somewhere that required him sitting quietly for a bit, we would bring the tablet and headphones, so they do have their uses, but like us, you probably want to encourage different types of play to improve all of their motor skills, so it makes sense to try and vary it for her.

murfilein

Neyite wrote: »

But if we were going somewhere that required him sitting quietly for a bit, we would bring the tablet and headphones, so they do have their uses, but like us, you probably want to encourage different types of play to improve all of their motor skills, so it makes sense to try and vary it for her.

oh absolutely, i would love her to play with all the nice toys she has, but we dont want to get rid of tablets/phones entirely. especially when we're at the dentist, doctor or somewhere its very useful to keep her quite and busy.

but we cant even hide things, she knows how to open drawers, she knows how to pull chairs and get up on places. i suppose we will have to get some kind of locks or so.

dori_dormer

There's not a chance in hell she won't jump at the chance to watch some you tube when you are at the dentist or at dinner or soemthing, I think you just really have to control it in the house. If your daughter doesn't see you put it on a shelf in the first place she won't know it's there. It takes a lot of self control from us to enforce this. It's easy now to get a breather for yourself but you have to remember it's detrimental to your daughter.

We take turns cleaning the house or he follows us around trying to be included so I give him a duster and he has a mini Hoover. Once you set your mind to it it's not too hard. Things just take a little longer than before

ComfortKid

buy her a toy one that educates them as well, like teaching them which number is which rather than being glued to YouTube

LegacyUser

Basically, her behaviour won't change until yours does. And what I mean by that is that as long as she knows that you will give in at some point - any point - and give her the devices, then she'll keep throwing temper tantrums for them. So I'm afraid it's up to you to say no and mean it every single time.

I do have a toddler myself, and although I am not in the habit of giving her phones to play with or distract (it's a 400eur piece of electronic equipment - she ain't getting it!!) I do know it's all too easy to switch on the TV when I need five minutes for something .So I've become really aware of that lately myself too and we are forcing ourselves not to do it. She watches a little in the evening sometimes, and I might watch a bit with her at weekends (maybe half an hour) but that's it.

Science has not come on that far by the way, it's just that how we use technology has done us no favours when it comes to parenting If a one year old can figure out devices to that extent, clearly they're not that difficult to use - and not that necessary a skill to have at that age! Our little one amuses herself a lot - believe me she's by no means perfect and she can wreck my head whining - but she can and will go off and do her own thing for 10 minutes at a time. Personally I'm a firm believer in that....kids don't need constant entertainment, I am not an entertainment centre either. It won't kill her to wait for ten minutes while I empty the washing machine or fold some clothes; in fact one of the best things you can do is teach a child how to wait a few minutes. Like dori-dormer, our little one goes around after the hoover when I'm cleaning, or takes the sweeping brush and puts it in the press for me, that kind of thing. They learn far more from that than they do from any screen or cartoon. Having said that, if I do tell her to wait for a few minutes, I then make a point to go with her and spend a bit of time doing colouring or reading her book or whatever. Fair's fair, let's face it.

To be honest, for what it's worth my advice to you would be - let her scream. What's the worst that can happen? You are the adult in this situation, you make the decisions. I distract occasionally, but really sometimes you just have to let them scream and you keep doing what you're doing. They figure out pretty quickly that the screaming is going nowhere, it's costing them major effort and achieving nothing. I tend to find if that starts, and I go and boil the kettle,clean a few dishes, or wipe a few surfaces, it finishes up relatively quickly because there's no attention being paid to it. They also work out pretty quickly that no means no - which minimises the battles down the road - I'm all for short term pain for long term gain. Do at home first as much as possible and aim to not produce the phone or tablet when leaving the house, mainly for self-preservation for yourself (out of sight, out of mind!). There's no "easy" fix really otherwise, but it will save you a lot of heart ache in the long term, and to be honest, she'll benefit from it too.

pwurple

Of course you can hide things. I tell mine my phone is broken all the time, I put it in my coat pocket by the door when they are not looking, or into the wardrobe. You are much taller and surely have a few more street smarts on you than a toddler.

Yes, they pick up technology very fast, I think the unlocking, YouTube, selecting what they want is fairly normal at that age. They get nifty at making phone calls as well... My brothers have gotten a few middle of the night skypes when I wasn't fast enough.


Cold turkey for a few days Until the demands ease a bit. We had to de-Peppa our 18 month old after a weekend at grannies house previously. A think it only took a day of distraction with other things.

Neyite

de-peppa a toddler - I love it. Kinda like a detox regime or rehab for tots.

OP, if she is getting into drawers and cupboards it's time for the child locks I think. A few hiding spots to try:

In a dummy cereal box.
In the gap between the fridge and the cabinets.
Any kitchen cabinet at adult eye level.
Hollow out the middle of a book??
Any shelf at eye level for an adult.
Tucked inside a folded jumper in a drawer.

If she manages to suss out any of those, then may I recommend she pursue a career in crime scene investigations?

pwurple

Neyite wrote: »

de-peppa a toddler - I love it. Kinda like a detox regime or rehab for tots.

lol, it was exactly like that. Peppa rehab.

From the moment she woke up in the morning, "Hi Mammy" had turned to "PEPPA PEPPA PEPPA". Would not eat, drink, get a nappy change, get in the car or buggy without bloomin' peppa on the tv or a phone.

Had to go total cold turkey on it and put up with a day of PEPPA being screamed in my ear and almighty peppa related tantrums. Luckily, she did not go on hunger strike, sulkily ate a cracker while not looking at me at some stage during the day, and we were friends again after that.

Neyite

Toy Story is the drug of choice in this house. Specifically Toy Story 3, He had dabbled in a bit of Peppa before, a bit of My Little Pony, Mia. Just recreational use like. Now its the hard stuff.

We had a near miss this morning when the tablets were out charging when he got up. Luckily we got them hidden in time otherwise I'd still be pleading with him to get dressed for crèche.

How Strange

We made this mistake with our son and he got far too used to the iPhone. Eventually we just out them away so we didn't use them around him except as a phone. He screamed and threw tantrums for a day or two and then forgot about it. Then when our daughter arrived we let him watch too much TV and he literally became lethargic and didn't even want to go to the playground. Now he can watch TV on weekend mornings from 7-9, evenings from 5.30/6-7 and the odd time I'll let him watch something on Netflix but because it's rare it's a novelty.
Now he plays with Lego, draws, colours etc. Before that he had no interest in playing on his own.

We had to accept that this was all our fault not his so we all had a rough week or so when we got strict on TV time. But we had to stick it out no matter how much he cried and shouted.

I think a little screen time is fine but too much really is bad for them. It's mindless. I love to see mine playing games, making up games, drawing, colouring now. It's nice that they can entertain themselves.

Spread the love

Just a point about the increase in popularity of smartphones and tablets. We have been warned in schools that children with short sightedness and children with speech and language difficulties are on the increase greatly. I loathe to see children on these gadgets in social situations especially. I call them i-babysitters. I think they have some educational use but I do hope that parents see that they do more damage than good if over used.

pooch90

I was actually just going to make the above point. I'm a senior infant teacher and we have recently been having a child assessed with a psychologist. The child has severe speech and language issues and cognitive processing difficulties. When speaking to the psychologist, she insisted that a large part of his issues were from being raised on screens.
It has also led to a massive increase in these ludicrous English and American twangs in children's accents,this then affects their abilities in sounding out and learning phonics.

mckar

Like any kind of tantrums you need to see them through I think they need to understand they can not dictate what happens which is way easier said then done I know. If you stick to your guns and give extra attention with different activities over the time it takes to phase it out. It will help. Sounds like a very clever child that needs more mentally challenging activities to replace it. Went through the very samr thing with my boy he's 3 now and he only gets it for awhile here and there and not every day mabe once a week. If he moans about it going away he know he won't see if for ages I usually have something else up my sleeve when it's finished to take his mind of it so he wont start kicking up a fuss they are so much cleverer then we give them credit for she knows how to work yous to get it.

I've 3 under 3 so believe me I understand.

LegacyUser

pooch90 wrote: »

I was actually just going to make the above point. I'm a senior infant teacher and we have recently been having a child assessed with a psychologist. The child has severe speech and language issues and cognitive processing difficulties. When speaking to the psychologist, she insisted that a large part of his issues were from being raised on screens.
It has also led to a massive increase in these ludicrous English and American twangs in children's accents,this then affects their abilities in sounding out and learning phonics.

As the daughter of a primary school teacher, I second this I've heard quite a few similar stories.

I am allergic to seeing kids out in social situations like family dinners with a screen shoved in their face to keep them quiet. Yes I know it's handy (like I said, I have a toddler) - but I guess I just feel that at the end of the day, if you have the child, then you have to put in the hard yards to keep them entertained and teach them to be quiet and learn to wait. It's part and parcel of the job, even if it is a pain in the ass.

Obviously that's within reason, there's no point in expecting your 18month old to sit through a 3 hour family dinner in a restaurant either, so you have to just tailor your life a bit to suit until they learn.

Lucuma

nope!!! wrote: »

As the daughter of a primary school teacher, I second this I've heard quite a few similar stories.

I am allergic to seeing kids out in social situations like family dinners with a screen shoved in their face to keep them quiet. Yes I know it's handy (like I said, I have a toddler) - but I guess I just feel that at the end of the day, if you have the child, then you have to put in the hard yards to keep them entertained and teach them to be quiet and learn to wait. It's part and parcel of the job, even if it is a pain in the ass.

Obviously that's within reason, there's no point in expecting your 18month old to sit through a 3 hour family dinner in a restaurant either, so you have to just tailor your life a bit to suit until they learn.

Well said.
I'm hoping I can live up to this ideal!
Resisting screens so far here with almost-15 month old...

bp

We allow up to 30 mins on weekends only or if sick for an almost 3 year old.

Cannot control grandparents unfortunately!

farmchoice

as the saying goes everything in moderation, even moderation.
Iphone/ ipad addiction is a major problem in our house, the 5 year old is bad but the 2and half year old is worse, and their mother is an absolute disgrace.

i have limited it for the kids but nothing i can do with the wife. seriously though at the end of the day its a small television so if its a choice between iphone and tele and they pick iphone what harm.


as the eldest got older he actually lost interest in it a bit. he loves it when he gets it but when he doesn't get it he goes off and does something else. he watches some rubbish on it though, un-boxing for gods sake!! but then his mother watches made in Chelsea and i like dog the bounty hunter so who are we to talk. the younger one, like all 2 year olds is less reasonable and creates holy hell so tends to get her way a bit more.

that's kids though, as long as you are feeding them keeping them warm and loving them don't worry too much about how much Peppa pig in Spanish they watch, it will pass and be replaced with underage drinking and drug experimentation. so its all relative!!

Lucuma

farmchoice wrote: »

i have limited it for the kids but nothing i can do with the wife.

Nag!
I went through a few months of being on my phone too much in the house in the evenings and my OH just nagged and gave out so much it wasn't worth it. Now I barely look at the phone when I'm home in the evenings...I have to sneak a peak when he's not looking haha

evolving_doors

By that age they understand the concept of 'broken' and 'gone'.

We disengaged him a while ago by giving him the phone turned off (Battery out if necessary).. if he hands it back to you to fix by all means look like you are really into 'fixing it' for a few seconds until he gets the hint that it aint gonna be fixed. Then shrug your shoulders and ask him what should "we" do! Keep shrugging,questioning and looking puzzled until he goes away.

I used to turn on the TV/chromecast just out of habit but lately I leave it off.. eventually they start to use that 'imagination' thing and get busy with other stuff (playing / colouring /lego etc).

At this age I think they need to look around more than they need to look down.

endacl

Plenty to mull over...

https://www.google.ie/search?q=american+academy+of+pediatrics&rlz=1C9BKJA_enIE657IE657&oq=american+academy+&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l3.5106j1j4&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8&hl=en-US#q=Screen%20time%20site%3Aaap.org&hl=en-US

CiboC

Gebgbegb wrote: »

By that age they understand the concept of 'broken' and 'gone'.

Also quite capable of grasping the meaning of 'No', although they may not like it.....!

evolving_doors

CiboC wrote: »

Also quite capable of grasping the meaning of 'No', although they may not like it.....!

I know what you mean, although I tend to find that with mine when I say 'no' then that means that it's 'game on' so sometimes I prefer to chose my battles and put it on to them.. hence "ya it's terrible it's broken isn't it, what'll we do????". So.. look to your children for answers and they'll soon leave you alone. the more you deny it the more they want it and then there's the tears/explaining/fights, let it fizzle out and they'll get busy themselves with other things without the fight.

CiboC

Gebgbegb wrote: »

I know what you mean, although I tend to find that with mine when I say 'no' then that means that it's 'game on' so sometimes I prefer to chose my battles and put it on to them.. hence "ya it's terrible it's broken isn't it, what'll we do????". So.. look to your children for answers and they'll soon leave you alone. the more you deny it the more they want it and then there's the tears/explaining/fights, let it fizzle out and they'll get busy themselves with other things without the fight.

My problem is that my younger two have an older brother (8) who understands 'broken' & 'gone' but also 'power cable', 'batteries', 'charger', 'power socket' etc....!

I have to resort to plain old 'No' which can cause much amusement in the supermarket to other parents passing by!

In fairness I usually explain why it is 'No' as well and they are pretty good (most of the time!) at accepting it because they know at this stage that the answer is not going to change so they just might as well accept it.

It has also resulted in the beneficial side effect of improving my 8 year old's negotiating skills to a surprising degree.

LegacyUser

Brilliantly put!!!! :-)

It's true though, once they know that no meams no, the battle becomes less.Course as with everything it's up to us parents to make sure they get that concept!!

jobless

i have a one year old and after hearing some recent things on the news about how it affects their mood, concentration etc he wont be getting any screen time until he's a few more years older...

i see families out and all the kids on tablets and parents stuck on their phones... how about actually putting them away and interacting with each other!

puddekat

I have just been to my health nurse with my 20 month old he passed all the normal checks hold stay on dress himself so many words u get the idea I raised the question about the fact he can find the Netflix app sky app YouTube app on my pho e k ow how to pick his cartoons and get a upset if take phon e off him
we were told it's there technology and once there still playing with standard toys books blocks cars etc and it's not affecting there day to day functions it's okay

NIMAN

How did kids manage in the past before smart phones?

I find it amazing, and sad if I'm honest, that kids so young are now being handed screens to occupy them.

Parents really need to think this one over VERY carefully. Kids of 18 months should not be addicted to screens. Kids love parent time and playing with random old school toys. They haven't changed but taking the easy way out and letting a screen rare them is only asking for trouble.

I think cold turkey is the only answer here....hard but it will soon pass. And stop using your phone while your child is about. If your kid grows up seeing mummy and daddy staring at phones and not at them, can only think what this will do to it.

Don't have kids but I imagine cold turkey is the best way. My girlfriend's nephew is two and doesn't have access to a screen; He plays with his bits of Lego and gets on fine, just like I did 30 years ago.

Painful withdrawal for sure but consumption of media instead of creativity with toys can't be the best way for a child to learn.

Someone else here pointed out three years ago that there are educational alternatives. That's also an option I guess.