Smoking in the House

chops018 · 03-10-2015 12:45am #1

So my parents smoke in the house. Like troopers.

Look, that's fine, it's their decision to smoke and it's their house etc.

But, I am living here and it's quite small, so it's hard to get away from.

I absolutely detest smoking and always have but the last while it just gets more and more on my nerves. They don't give a toss about what I think and when I try to address it calmly with them they just turn around and be all aggressive and tell me to move out. Now, don't get me wrong, they are correct in that If I don't like it I can move out but I am currently in training and won't be on a good salary for a while yet so that's not an option.

Is there any good way to persuade them to have an area for them in the house? Even that would be hard because as I said the house is small and it gets everywhere. My clothes do stink from it too, it's vile. Like sometimes I would nearly have to wash my clothes straight away again from the smoke getting on them. I do keep the clothes grand most of the time by keeping well out of their way and usually changing right before I've to head out but it's not easy. Not to mention being very unhealthy and having a horrible smelling house in general.

Any tips to resolve this?

Merv the perv · 03-10-2015 12:47am

Not much you can do about that tbh, it's their house.

major bill · 03-10-2015 12:49am

Move Out

their house their rules.

chops018 · 03-10-2015 12:49am

Merv the perv wrote: »

Not much you can do about that tbh, it's their house.

Just continue my usual routine so:

Avoid them in the house as much as possible and stay in my room.

Accept it for a while, then go mad again.

Continue on changing clothes before going out, and bide my time until I can move out.

Merv the perv · 03-10-2015 12:53am

chops018 wrote: »

Just continue my usual routine so:

Avoid them in the house as much as possible and stay in my room.

Accept it for a while, then go mad again.

Continue on changing clothes before going out, and bide my time until I can move out.

Not unless you could have a chat with them and suggest would they mind smoking outside or just have one room in the house where they could smoke till their hearts content.

chops018 · 03-10-2015 12:55am

Merv the perv wrote: »

Not unless you could have a chat with them and suggest would they mind smoking outside or just have one room in the house where they could smoke till their hearts content.

As per my OP I have already tried that on numerous occasions, and I always try to address it in a calm manner and say how I am embarrassed to bring people over with the smoke, clothes and house in general stinks, and finally bad for a persons health.

It's always met with a hostile reaction.

Junkyard Tom · 03-10-2015 12:55am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp9K4-DHsBA

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 12:55am

buy them both vaping kits and encourage them to give up..as an ex smoker i know how hard it is to give up and deep down they probably really want to give up but can't..Its a frightening addiction and it wasnt until months after i gave up that i realized how much i hated the smell.

Witcher · 03-10-2015 12:56am

Obviously trying to smoke you out, time to pack your bags OP.

Merv the perv · 03-10-2015 12:58am

chops018 wrote: »

As per my OP I have already tried that on numerous occasions, and I always try to address it in a calm manner and say how I am embarrassed to bring people over with the smoke, clothes and house in general stinks, and finally bad for a persons health.

It's always met with a hostile reaction.

Well I'm afraid there's now much you can do. Like I said it's their house you're living in. Maybe you could try introducing them to E-cigs. They've helped a lot of people break the habit, just a thought.

chops018 · 03-10-2015 1:00am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

buy them both vaping kits and encourage them to give up..as an ex smoker i know how hard it is to give up and deep down they probably really want to give up but can't..Its a frightening addiction and it wasnt until months after i gave up that i realized how much i hated the smell.

They actually have no intention of giving up at all, unfortunately they say it's the only thing they "do" these days. As they rarely go out and my father hasn't drank since his 20's and the mother never drinks much.

Does the vaping leave a smell and would they enjoy it just as much?

freshpopcorn · 03-10-2015 1:03am

This is my honest opinion. Even if they smoked outside/in one room. You'd probably still stink of smoke. The smell basically sticks to everything.
If they did give up you'd have to shampoo/clean all the carpets/furniture/curtains/etc and parents paint all the walls and celling(which can often be nearly yellow from smoke.

Filmer Paradise · 03-10-2015 1:06am

Their house & all that......

Speaking as an ex-smoker: DO NOT EVEN TRY TO MAKE THEM HAVE A 'SMOKING AREA'!!!!

You will make the situation 10 times worse. Fact!

1. Chill out, roll with it. Take up smoking yerself. Family business & all that...

2. Give them Vaping kits. It worked for me & I'm 3 years off them now.:)

3. Move out.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 1:07am

chops018 wrote: »

They actually have no intention of giving up at all, unfortunately they say it's the only thing they "do" these days. As they rarely go out and my father hasn't drank since his 20's and the mother never drinks much.

Does the vaping leave a smell and would they enjoy it just as much?

No most vaping products are odourless. Which is great. Ask them to consider giving it a go. I mean surely one of them must have tried giving up in the past? Even the most commited smokers get fed up of smoking. Count yourself lucky that you didnt follow in their footsteps thats all i can say. Some smokers would kick their own son out of the house rather than giving up, or even trying to give up. so thread carefully

chops018 · 03-10-2015 1:08am

I'm liking the Vaping kits idea. I could give these kits as a present.

However, it will probably be met with hostility, as usual.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 1:14am

chops018 wrote: »

They actually have no intention of giving up at all, unfortunately they say it's the only thing they "do" these days. As they rarely go out and my father hasn't drank since his 20's and the mother never drinks much.

Does the vaping leave a smell and would they enjoy it just as much?

To be honest, i enjoy vaping much more than i ever enjoyed cigarettes because there is no smell and you dont get cough/phlegm. I vape menthol which is very refreshing. It may not work for everyone and it may take a while for them to get the hang of, but theres no reason they couldnt make it work if they want it to of course

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 1:17am

chops018 wrote: »

I'm liking the Vaping kits idea. I could give these kits as a present.

However, it will probably be met with hostility, as usual.

The stink of attitude and entitlement reeks in here!
It's their house.... Dont like it then leave...

If they don't want to give up then you have no options but to stick it out or leave.
+1 on the Vaping kits. Perhaps you could learn a little about them so as to politely educate them about them, their benefits both health and cost wise but then you gift them a starter pack. Honestly us ex smokers will tell you, if anyone had of came at us about giving up smoking even if we wanted to we would raise hell.

Vaping for some is about giving up smoking for others it's a great hobby. If that's "all they do" then perhaps they may welcome vaping if you help them. No point forcing it on them however as they will feel pressured and resent you no matter how good your intentions.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 1:21am

jamesbondings wrote: »

The stink of attitude and entitlement reeks in here!
It's their house.... Dont like it then leave...

If they don't want to give up then you have no options but to stick it out or leave.
+1 on the Vaping kits. Perhaps you could learn a little about them so as to politely educate them about them, their benefits both health and cost wise but then you gift them a starter pack. Honestly us ex smokers will tell you, if anyone had of came at us about giving up smoking even if we wanted to we would raise hell.

Vaping for some is about giving up smoking for others it's a great hobby. If that's "all they do" then perhaps they may welcome vaping if you help them. No point forcing it on them however as they will feel pressured and resent you no matter how good your intentions.

I dont like this saying. He is there son and he is living there, isnt he entitled to an opinion?

chops018 · 03-10-2015 1:25am

jamesbondings wrote: »

The stink of attitude and entitlement reeks in here!
It's their house.... Dont like it then leave...

If they don't want to give up then you have no options but to stick it out or leave.

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

I dont like this saying. He is there son and he is living there, isnt he entitled to an opinion?

I don't like this saying either.

While I do agree that at the end of the day it's their house their rules etc. as the above poster said I am their son and residing their and it's just so annoying that they can be so stubborn and resort to saying this right away, instead of listening to my concerns, I'm just met with hostility - they would nearly make it their business to smoke more if I ever bring it up.

kneemos · 03-10-2015 1:25am

Annoy the fcukers by commenting on your inheritance.

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 1:25am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

I dont like this saying. He is there son and he is living there, isnt he entitled to an opinion?

No.... It's their house.
He is entitled to worry about them in terms of their health etc but not hassle them about their habits in their home regardless of if he likes or doesn't like it.

B.A._Baracus · 03-10-2015 1:26am

You answered your own question there op in your first post.
It's their house so... they set the rules. Just like you'll eventually set your own rules in your house.

So if smoking is really annoying you then it adds to the reasons of why you should move out and get some space for yourself. But it is interesting as to why you posted this. As you are fully aware that it is their house. So be honest.... Like really be honest. You wanted people to get back to your post saying how vile smoking was? that you are in the right to tell them to stop smoking.

You wanted some big circle-jerk about how smoking is vile...

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 1:30am

chops018 wrote: »

I don't like this saying either.

While I do agree that at the end of the day it's their house their rules etc. as the above poster said I am their son and residing their and it's just so annoying that they can be so stubborn and resort to saying this right away, instead of listening to my concerns, I'm just met with hostility - they would nearly make it their business to smoke more if I ever bring it up.

I would imagine by your posts that you may be pushing their buttons by not bringing the topic up in the right way. For a smoker it's a sensitive issue that can easily lead to arguments... The y will listen if you bring it up in a calm and helpful manner. Perhaps highlighting that you love them, are worried of their health etc rather than you are sick of the smell and you have to keep changing your clothes before you go anywhere.

kneemos · 03-10-2015 1:30am

Course he can tell them to stop smoking,they're not strangers.

Nagging is the key,enough annoyance and they'll eventually move outside.

chops018 · 03-10-2015 1:31am

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

You answered your own question there op in your first post.
It's their house so... they set the rules. Just like you'll eventually set your own rules in your house.

So if smoking is really annoying you then it adds to the reasons of why you should move out and get some space for yourself. But it is interesting as to why you posted this. As you are fully aware that it is their house. So be honest.... Like really be honest. You wanted people to get back to your post saying how vile smoking was? that you are in the right to tell them to stop smoking.

You wanted some big circle-jerk about how smoking is vile...

Yes and no.

I wanted to vent about how horrible I think smoking is and my experiences of living at home with two parents who smoke a lot.

But also I was looking for some insight from anyone who tackled trying to sort out something with their parents who smoke while living at home. Could have got advice from others who were in the same situation.

As I said, if I wasn't a trainee I would be looking for alternative living arrangements. I was close to doing it last year when I had a good job and salary but I knew I would be going to back to train in the area I went to college for so I saved up a lot to last year to be able to do what I'm doing now. Hopefully in time I can move out but I am not in a position to do that for a while. Hence venting.

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 1:33am

kneemos wrote: »

Course he can tell them to stop smoking,they're not strangers.

Nagging is the key,enough annoyance and they'll eventually move outside.

I lolled at this. I assume it's a joke.
But if not.... Nagging is the key..... Enough annoyance and they will kick him out.....

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 1:33am

chops018 wrote: »

I don't like this saying either.

While I do agree that at the end of the day it's their house their rules etc. as the above poster said I am their son and residing their and it's just so annoying that they can be so stubborn and resort to saying this right away, instead of listening to my concerns, I'm just met with hostility - they would nearly make it their business to smoke more if I ever bring it up.

I dont think you are doing anything wrong, and if anything i commend you for standing up for something that you believe in and what you think is right. However this is a battle you may not be able to win. If no middle ground can be met, then i think it may be time to spread your wings and move out. But good luck with whatever happens.

Tony EH · 03-10-2015 1:47am

chops018 wrote: »

So my parents smoke in the house. Like troopers.

Look, that's fine, it's their decision to smoke and it's their house etc.

But, I am living here and it's quite small, so it's hard to get away from.

I absolutely detest smoking and always have but the last while it just gets more and more on my nerves. They don't give a toss about what I think and when I try to address it calmly with them they just turn around and be all aggressive and tell me to move out. Now, don't get me wrong, they are correct in that If I don't like it I can move out but I am currently in training and won't be on a good salary for a while yet so that's not an option.

Is there any good way to persuade them to have an area for them in the house? Even that would be hard because as I said the house is small and it gets everywhere. My clothes do stink from it too, it's vile. Like sometimes I would nearly have to wash my clothes straight away again from the smoke getting on them. I do keep the clothes grand most of the time by keeping well out of their way and usually changing right before I've to head out but it's not easy. Not to mention being very unhealthy and having a horrible smelling house in general.

Any tips to resolve this?

Frankly, if they're going to be cunts about it. There's not that much you can do. However, I kicked up so much of a "stink" about my parents smoking, that they did their smoking in the conservatory. In fairness to them, they understood (and agreed).

It still fucked them up. One died of COPD and the other had five strokes and now regrets every cigarette he ever went near.

In fairness to you, your parents are NOT correct. You didn't ask to be here. They made the decision to bring you into the world.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 1:59am

Tony EH wrote: »

Frankly, if they're going to be cunts about it. There's not that much you can do. However, I kicked up so much of a "stink" about my parents smoking, that they did their smoking in the conservatory. In fairness to them, they understood (and agreed).

It still fucked them up. One died of COPD and the other had five strokes and now regrets every cigarette he ever went near.

In fairness to you, your parents are NOT correct. You didn't ask to be here. They made the decision to bring you into the world.

haha theres an acheivement! Actually a lot smokers would appreciate that because it would mean they would smoke less as it creates a greater effort to go and have a smoke, hence a greater reward! Plus it keeps theyre house cleaner smelling.

pillphil · 03-10-2015 2:04am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

haha theres an acheivement! Actually a lot smokers would appreciate that because it would mean they would smoke less as it creates a greater effort to go and have a smoke, hence a greater reward! Plus it keeps theyre house cleaner smelling.

Speaking as an ex smoker, none of that is true.

Except the smell bit.

OP what do you mean by trainee? No wages at all?

Tony EH · 03-10-2015 2:08am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

haha theres an acheivement! Actually a lot smokers would appreciate that because it would mean they would smoke less as it creates a greater effort to go and have a smoke, hence a greater reward! Plus it keeps theyre house cleaner smelling.

To their credit, they were pretty sensible about it. plus, we had a place in our house where they could go and have a fag.

While it made living there a better situation, it didn't help them in the long run.

I'd much rather they just gave up and were still around.

chops018 · 03-10-2015 2:09am

pillphil wrote: »

Speaking as an ex smoker, none of that is true. Except the smell bit.

OP what do you mean by trainee? No wages at all?

Trainee Solicitor. And yes, no salary at all until next April, and even then it will be minimum wage so as I said I am stuck here for a while.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 03-10-2015 2:12am

I'm a smoker and will always step outside to light up. It's ingrained in me as I took up the habit after the public ban was in place.

I actually can't stand the lingering smell tobacco leaves in a room for hours, anything I have a get together on my premises I insist that people smoke outside. I actually would become quite angry if somebody disobeyed that request.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 2:19am

Tony EH wrote: »

To their credit, they were pretty sensible about it. plus, we had a place in our house where they could go and have a fag.

While it made living there a better situation, it didn't help them in the long run.

I'd much rather they just gave up and were still around.

Sorry i missed the end of your post where you said one of them died because of it, apologies

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 2:23am

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

I'm a smoker and will always step outside to light up. It's ingrained in me as I took up the habit after the public ban was in place.

I actually can't stand the lingering smell tobacco leaves in a room for hours, anything I have a get together r on my premises I insist that people smoke outside. I actually would become quite angry if somebody disobeyed that request.

And that's a very reasonable request and you would be fully entitled to get angry but that's your abode and your rules..... But not really pertinent to the current discussion...... While i agree wholeheartedly with the op about it being disgusting and ruins the smell in the house and all the clothes etc.... It is the ops parents house. They make the rules and regardless he should respect that. He doesn't HAVE to live there rather, he would like the home owners to change their lives to suit his. I think op needs to grow up a little.

Honestly op get a few vaping kits and a small selection of e liquids and ask them that they try it for one week for you. And promise them that if they give it a good go and are serious about it but choose after the week to go back to smoking you will no longer make an issue out of it. One of them will stick with it as it's surprisingly easy.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 2:46am

jamesbondings wrote: »

No.... It's their house.
He is entitled to worry about them in terms of their health etc but not hassle them about their habits in their home regardless of if he likes or doesn't like it.

and his own health..damage from passive smoking is not a myth

kneemos · 03-10-2015 2:51am

Don't get it's their house attitude in fairness. Sounds like the OP is a lodger.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 2:58am

kneemos wrote: »

Don't get it's their house attitude in fairness. Sounds like the OP is a lodger.

yeah i dont like how people make assumptions that he is home freeloading his parents, even if that is the case, he is within his rights to make a stand about smoking in the house. His parents seem extremely selfish about the issue whatever way you look at it. Im becoming more of the opinion that smokers are inherently selfish people by nature who couldnt give a damn about their own health or anyone elses. i saw one of the most disgusting scenes recently in a car park when i saw a woman puffing a fag in the car with 4 young children in the car and none of the windows even rolled down. I felt like getting out of the car and smacking her

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 3:03am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

and his own health..damage from passive smoking is not a myth

I never said nor implied it was a myth..... If he is worried about the dangers of passive smoking he can move out.

Billy86 · 03-10-2015 3:05am

Every smoker should be legally obliged to read Allen Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking book.

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 3:07am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

yeah i dont like how people make assumptions that he is home freeloading his parents, even if that is the case, he is within his rights to make a stand about smoking in the house. His parents seem extremely selfish about the issue whatever way you look at it. Im becoming more of the opinion that smokers are I hi nherently selfish people by nature who couldnt give a damn about their own health or anyone elses. i saw one of the most disgusting scenes recently in a car park when i saw a woman puffing a fag in the car with 4 young children in the car and none of the windows even rolled down. I felt like getting out of the car and smacking her

Who made assumptions op was a freeloader? I don't think even a lodger has a say.... I know a licensee certainly hasn't.
I agree re smoking with kids in the car. Should be a criminal offence imo we all know the dangers so to inflict that on a helpless child is stupidity of the highest form.

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 3:08am

Billy86 wrote: »

Every smoker should be legally obliged to read Allen Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking book.

Why? Read it and it did nothing to me.... Like nothing perhaps made me smoke more.....

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 3:11am

jamesbondings wrote: »

I never said nor implied it was a myth..... If he is worried about the dangers of passive smoking he can move out.

I wasnt attacking you or your post, i was just pointing out the fact as it sometimes gets ignored/forgotten re importance in these situations

Billy86 · 03-10-2015 3:14am

jamesbondings wrote: »

Why? Read it and it did nothing to me.... Like nothing perhaps made me smoke more.....

The way it speaks to a smoker is completely different than almost anything else, and far more effective. It got me off the smokes (with the odd lapse here and there) and has got almost everyone I have shown it to quit, or at least lower their amount.

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 3:17am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

I wasnt attacking you or your post, i was just pointing out the fact as it sometimes gets ignored/forgotten re importance in these situations

But in this situation it isn't important.... Trying to guilt your parents over the dangers of passive smoking will only lead to one thing..... The op looking for somewhere new to live! Unless you were a smoker in the past you will never know the hold on you fags can have on a person. Its unreal. And don't for one second believe the ops parents don't know the dangers..... The y do and they feel it's worth it. Otherwise they would give up.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 3:17am

Billy86 wrote: »

The way it speaks to a smoker is completely different than almost anything else, and far more effective. It got me off the smokes (with the odd lapse here and there) and has got almost everyone I have shown it to quit, or at least lower their amount.

its a clever book, very common sense. In many ways it tells smokers what they already know but dont want to admit. however many smokers will always find ways to convince themselves to smoke again

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 3:20am

Billy86 wrote: »

The way it speaks to a smoker is completely different than almost anything else, and far more effective. It got me off the smokes (with the odd lapse here and there) and has got almost everyone I have shown it to quit, or at least lower their amount.

I understood what the author was trying to do. Repetition used constantly (looking back I do remember the taste of fags being rotten after I read it) but just didn't work for me. That's not to say it doesn't work. I too have lots of mates that it worked for (that's how I ended up on it)

It's online freely available to read on a laptop or phone that's how I read it.

Stacksofwacks · 03-10-2015 3:21am

jamesbondings wrote: »

But in this situation it isn't important.... Trying to guilt your parents over the dangers of passive smoking will only lead to one thing..... The op looking for somewhere new to live! Unless you were a smoker in the past you will never know the hold on you fags can have on a person. Its unreal. And don't for one second believe the ops parents don't know the dangers..... The y do and they feel it's worth it. Otherwise they would give up.

yes i am an ex smoker, and i do know how tough it is to give up. But if was still smoking or if i ever did start smoking again the least i would do is to try not inflict my habit on other people, and definitley not those begging me not to smoke in their living space. thats just common decency

Billy86 · 03-10-2015 3:26am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

its a clever book, very common sense. In many ways it tells smokers what they already know but dont want to admit. however many smokers will always find ways to convince themselves to smoke again

Oh yeah it's far from bullet proof, but the whole "you WANT a smoke, you don't NEED one" as well as "you are a drug addict, just like a crack head or heroine junkie... or that guy in the office who insists he NEEDS his morning coffee" bits in particular, and how those points are made, are almost impossible to not stick with you if you have ever been a smoker.

He makes greats points on the awfulness of "cigarettes are killing you" ads as well, and how they make smokers feel bad. Because guess what smokers do when they feel bad or down... yep, light on up!

It's just a fascinating book imo, should be part of school curriculums in health-related classes if you ask me.

The Dogs Bollix · 03-10-2015 3:27am

jamesbondings wrote: »

No.... It's their house.
He is entitled to worry about them in terms of their health etc but not hassle them about their habits in their home regardless of if he likes or doesn't like it.

So a grown aduld "child" has no right to an opinion in their home. Continue being treated like a child. They had a long enough child hood of taking rules, abuse and their parents opinions including their smoking. It's about time all people are treated like adults in the house.

Good luck with it OP. From someone who once got someone to smoke outside, they came back in the winter because it was too cold. It doesn't work.

jamesbondings · 03-10-2015 3:32am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

yes i am an ex smoker, and i do know how tough it is to give up. But if was still smoking or if i ever did start smoking again the least i would do is to try not inflict my habit on other people, and definitley not those begging me not to smoke in their living space. thats just common decency

And I would be the same, NOW
As I know my clothes smell clean now (I can actually smell them hahaha) and I know that it's horrible to be around. But it's their home. Theirs. Why should they change the way they live to suit their son or even a lodger. (unless they rely on any money from rent then it IS a different story) it's their life, their house and their rules. They have raised a very intelligent kid (perhaps more than one) and have (I assume) smoked for years.

It is extremely unfair of the op to hassle them about it. You don't have to agree with their decision to smoke you don't have to support it (ie buy them smokes when in the shops etc) but you do have to respect that especially when living under their roof (paying or not). Otherwise op runs the risk of getting kicked out or even falling out with his family.

Smoking in the House

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