Being in the now

DivingDuck

DivingDuck wrote: »

This seems like madness to me. If you don't worry/plan for the future, how to you expect to make it not crap?

I think in his defense - though this will sound like an insult - he just sucks at explaining it. Mindfulness is not at all about lacking concern for the future. Rather it is about training yourself to not let your immediate reactions in any given present moment hinge too heavily on it - or on obsessing over past failures or successions.

Any impression you may get that mindfulness is about ignoring or not caring for the future is a false one. It is quite the opposite. It is about training yourself to let your future goals guide you - but not overpower or overly influence you in the moment.

DivingDuck

Deleted User wrote: »

I think in his defense - though this will sound like an insult - he just sucks at explaining it. Mindfulness is not at all about lacking concern for the future. Rather it is about training yourself to not let your immediate reactions in any given present moment hinge too heavily on it - or on obsessing over past failures or successions.

Any impression you may get that mindfulness is about ignoring or not caring for the future is a false one. It is quite the opposite. It is about training yourself to let your future goals guide you - but not overpower or overly influence you in the moment.

Still don't think it's for me --I'm the obsessive sort, and quite happy with that-- but that explains far better as to how it might be beneficial.

AnonoBoy

Living in the now isn't half as much fun as living in the why like toddlers do.

josephryan1989

Sounds like psychopathic behavior to me.

If you don't have shame or guilt or regrets or excruciating embarrassment about negative events in the past how will you avoid the same misbehavior or mistakes in the present or the future? Our memory of the past allows us to live in the present and to plan ahead into the future. If we don't worry about the past, how will we appreciate the present as positive and avoid it becoming negative?
If our future projections don't come true how will we be able to look back and find out where we went wrong if we avoid thinking about it?

Psychopaths are not troubled by the past present or future and live in the moment without thought for the consequences of their actions or the consequences for people around them.

Actually duck being obsessive can be more beneficial than you might expect for things like mindfulness

To joseph - I would give the same answer to you as I did to Duck. It is _not_ about learning nothing from the past - or not having concern for the future. At all. The OP just sucks at explaining it I think - or is new to it and excited by it but not quite yet able to wax lyrical about it

Nothing about mindfulness is about letting go of concerns for - or from - the past or the future. It is solely about observing the current moment for what it is - without letting what came before - or what may come after - overly influence you or distract you.

I just watched "the Martian" in one of my very rare visits to the cinema. And it is a very good example of this. The main character could have gotten bogged down in "what ifs" and "maybes" from the future. And he could have bogged himself down in recriminations from the past - how he got stuck where he was stuck or who was to blame.

Instead he set a goal (so see, you do worry about the future) but rather than getting too bogged down in that goal he broke it down to the immediate moment. What can he do right here and right now to take a step towards where he wanted to be.

And that is part of what mindfullness is.

The OTHER part of what mindfulness is is not missing the moment you are in while you are in it. Think of a person late for his bus - walking along at speed - cuts through the park to get there quicker - thinking "What time is it now - am I going to make the bus - Id I do what time will I get to work - if I miss it what do I do next - and when I get there what work do I have to do - - - - "

He completely misses the moment he is in. He walks through the park without seeing it. He could get to the bus stop - regardless of whether he does so in time or not - and still notice his journey. The squirrels he might see. The beauty of the trees in the world he lives in but misses every day because he is focused on his ritual. The whole works.

And you can apply that to any aspect of life. I have caught myself at it many times - rushing my daughter through her dressing in the morning - and getting impatient when she tries to do something herself and it takes longer than I want it to take. Missing those little moments of beauty of her trying to make her own way in the world - to get something right that she could not do before - and even how beautiful and fragile her little failed attempts can be.

So yeah if anyone like the OP or anyone else gives you the impression that "living in the moment" means giving up all care for the past or future - then they have messed it up. We learn from the past - and we have our goals for the future - and all mindfulness is - is letting those things guide the present moment - but never to rule it.

Reiver

Living in the now has always ended upw ith me disappearing somewhere for several days on a binge, bringing only my wallet with me. Never ends well. Not for the bank account anyways

HugsiePie

HugsiePie wrote: »

I thinl you have too much time to think, asking questions like this, I live in the now alright; gotta clean those cups, gotta walk to college, gotta feed the cat

Real living in the moment right there

and what is your mind doing while you engage with these activities?

ballyharpat

Accept the past, live in the present, and prepare for the future……..I find it hard to believe that people cannot understand what living in the now means and how it can improve one's life, I am hoping that most of the replies on here are trolling…….

http://www.online-literature.com/tolstoy/2736/

ballyharpat

ballyharpat wrote: »

Accept the past, live in the present, and prepare for the future……..I find it hard to believe that people cannot understand what living in the now means and how it can improve one's life, I am hoping that most of the replies on here are trolling…….

There is a risk of hubris when one gets something right that one suspects others are getting wrong I do not find it that hard to believe at all. We appear to be naturally disposed to get it "wrong" in many ways too.

NachoBusiness

I once decided, you know what.. from now on I am not going to worry about things so much. Tbh, I was actually making myself ill with worry at times and so one week I just decided from that point on I'm gonna live each day like it's my last, as sure one day you'll be right, right?

Yeah well, it didn't work out to good as I ended up getting evicted for not paying my rent. But sure I wasn't thinking. Figured it's my last week on Earth, what do I need with a house.

ballyharpat

Deleted User wrote: »

There is a risk of hubris when one gets something right that one suspects others are getting wrong I do not find it that hard to believe at all. We appear to be naturally disposed to get it "wrong" in many ways too.

Thanks for the wake up call there……..:o:) Great use of the word 'hubris' as well, which I had to look up…..

I have one of the word machines of boards to thank for that

But actually there is a lot to "get" there which alas most of us miss.

DivingDuck

ballyharpat wrote: »

I find it hard to believe that people cannot understand what living in the now means and how it can improve one's life, I am hoping that most of the replies on here are trolling…….

http://www.online-literature.com/tolstoy/2736/

I find it hard to believe that some people manage to make it to adulthood without accepting that not everything that's for them is for everyone.

Mindfulness is like anything else-- religion, drinking, meat-eating, sex... Anything else some people derive happiness from. Just because it has meaning for you and its presence improves your life doesn't mean that will be true for everyone else.

Azalea

DivingDuck wrote: »

I find it hard to believe that some people manage to make it to adulthood without accepting that not everything that's for them is for everyone.

Mindfulness is like anything else-- religion, drinking, meat-eating, sex... Anything else some people derive happiness from. Just because it has meaning for you and its presence improves your life doesn't mean that will be true for everyone else.

I think they mean more that there are some strange interpretations of "live in the now" as something with dark connotations, when it's simply quite a practical, positive piece of advice encouraging people not to worry about things that may not happen, and not to beat themselves up about past regrets.

DivingDuck

DivingDuck wrote: »

Mindfulness is like anything else-- religion, drinking, meat-eating, sex... Anything else some people derive happiness from.

The odd one out being religion given it is the only one that requires you to presuppose anything on insufficient basis. Though at least with sex many people derive it from insufficient expectations

DivingDuck

Hatless wrote: »

I think they mean more that there are some strange interpretations of "live in the now" as something with dark connotations, when it's simply quite a practical, positive piece of advice encouraging people not to worry about things that may not happen, and not to beat themselves up about past regrets.

Some people find that to be useful in their daily lives, though.

To go back to taxAHcruel's example above:

Think of a person late for his bus - walking along at speed - cuts through the park to get there quicker - thinking "What time is it now - am I going to make the bus - Id I do what time will I get to work - if I miss it what do I do next - and when I get there what work do I have to do - - - - "

I'm sorry, but to be perfectly honest, I find this kind of thinking immeasurably more useful to me than noticing squirrels. I'm thinking:

Okay, so if I miss the 8am 101 bus, when's the next one? How much time (X) will that add to my journey? How mad will my boss be if I am late by X? Perhaps I can ameliorate his annoyance by offering to make up the time at lunch-- if I do, will I still have time to eat something? I can probably get to the Starbucks next door to grab a sandwich and so I can eat and make up the time, as well.

Alternatively, I could take the next 102, and then transfer at Stop A, and then get the 103. I'd probably be only X/2 late then, and I wouldn't have to work through lunch... Unless this 102 is the one that diverts, in which case I'll be X(2) late instead and I'll have to work through lunch and stay late, as well...

To me, this is more useful than thinking about the parklife en route to see disappearing tail lights as I reach the stop, and then have to try to think all that out and make all those decisions on the spot while the 102 bus is approaching.

Obviously this isn't for everybody, but in my view, neither is mindfulness. Some people find their stress and anxiety in life is immensely alleviated by thinking about the future instead of the present. There's nothing wrong with that, so long as it works for them.

DivingDuck

Deleted User wrote: »

The odd one out being religion given it is the only one that requires you to presuppose anything on insufficient basis. Though at least with sex many people derive it from insufficient expectations

I could have included lots of things in that list, though, but those were just examples which stand out to me as being things that "the majority" enjoy, but which some minorities see as utterly pointless.

I don't think atheists, teetotalers, vegans, or asexuals enjoy their lives any less than their god-fearing, hard-drinking, steak-chomping, nymphomaniac brethren. They just have different interests and different personal needs and wants that have to be fulfilled.

Other less popular examples include things like retail therapy, computer games, building model railways... Anything you like. Apart from basic biological functions, there is no single thing that all people universally take pleasure from or have a need for.

DivingDuck

DivingDuck wrote: »

Apart from basic biological functions, there is no single thing that all people universally take pleasure from or have a need for.

Which generally leads one to query if we have been asking the right question. There are always people seeking the "quick fix" in life - to ask if the right amount of money - or the right penis size - or the right diet - or the right body shape - or knowing the right people - or having the right kharma - is the right way to find happiness in life.

Perhaps the question is better framed - if there is a useful continuum of measuring human happiness or well being exists and if so what is it - and then is there right and wrong ways to move in that operational space.

Mountainsandh

My problem with it is, what if you are pretty certain bad things are indeed going to happen to you ? Ok, mindfulness will have you feeling better for a while, but it's not even going to be one bit helpful in a lot of situations.
Say a person's going to die, unless they get a kidney transplant within days. Living in the moment is a pretty obvious option, and one that many people already choose, without even a notion of the Gimmicky "mindfulness" label. But with all the best will in the world, it might be too hard to keep up with the attempt to fool oneself into happiness, leading to guilt...

It reminds me of the joke Hubert keeps thinking about in La Haine, about a man who's falling to his death and keeps repeating to himself : "jusqu'ici, tout va bien" (so far, so good). Mais l'important ce n'est pas la chute, c'est l'atterrissage. The fall matters little, it is the landing that matters.

Sometimes, of course.

DivingDuck

Deleted User wrote: »

Perhaps the question is better framed - if there is a useful continuum of measuring human happiness or well being exists and if so what is it - and then is there right and wrong ways to move in that operational space.

Dear god, man, that's way too deep for 0100 on a Monday morning...!

Notavirus.exe

Regretfully I am living in the now.

I have work in a few hours and I'm sitting here sipping Baileys while browsing boards.ie. What has my life come to?

I may be drunk ATM.

elstingeo

JupiterKid wrote: »

Do you live in the now? Do you savour every moment of your life or do find
yourself dwelling in the past or projecting into the future?

Have you heard of the concept of mindfulness? Current thinking in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is to encourage people to be in the present moment and to avoid thinking too much about the past or worrying about the future.

So - do you live in the "now?"

First of all, I would view this as a serious question.. To be honest you're not going to get a serious answer in After Hours, unless you want a sarcastic, passive agressive answer....

But I feel that I can relate to what you're asking.. So here's my two cents...

An emotionally stable person will try their upmost best to live in the present moment, it's actually a feature of a healthy personailty trait... Google the Big 5 personaility traits and you'll see what I mean..

The majority of people out there should live in the moment as in my opinion that is reality... You're living, you are existing in the now.. Not the past or future, so to me it only makes sense to think in terms of the here and now..

I'm not a frequent poster but I logged in to add an opinion to your answer because I've been attending CBT for the past 4 years of my life and found that it makes logical sense to live in the here and now simply because you cannot change the past, as in what's done is done.. Live with it, learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them again..

In terms of the fututre, you can somewhat influence the outcome of your fututre by what you do today but cannot influence all of it simply because there's too many variables in life that may hinder your plans.. I know some people always say "Oh there's always a way, you'll find a way to reach your goal.. etc" But in reality it can go south in a second..

So I would suggest to just try to savour every moment of the here and now because one could inhibit themselfs from leading a healthy and happy life by staying stuck in the past or being caught up in the what ifs of the future...

Please enjoy the here and now of life as you only have one shot at this and not another.. This is coming from someone who always worries about their future or what if I did this in past situations..

Good luck...

Gongoozler

I was looking at this thread around 11pm, going to bed, thinking of my answer, and I thought I'd leave it and respond tomorrow. But the reason I'm writing now is I woke up a while ago, with noise and a big man standing in my bedroom in the dark. I, oddly enough, said 'what?', and he responded 'fire'. It was a fireman. I ran out of the building and met my housemate outside, with one of the neighbours. She thought I wasn't home, because she had knocked on my door. I sleep with ear plugs in. I slept through a reasonably loud fire alarm, trucks outside, people talking and walking around and someone knocking on my door. No fire in the building, all ok. Now I have to consider whether or not to continue using ear plugs.... Still a bit shook. If I lived alone, and there was an actual fire, I could be dead.

So what I was going to say....

Yes, every so often I remember, or re-realise that one day I will be dead and it tends to have an almighty kick up the arse effect. Every time, it makes my heart skip a beat and I think Jesus what am I doing.

I think I remember the first time it happened - I was probably around 9, and I don't know where it came from, I was just getting something from the fridge. It just hit me, and made me instantly depressed.

It's a hard thing to explain, the effect of it, the fear it puts into me. But it's effective. Well somewhat. I still worry about things, things that don't need worrying about, but it helps. It's just a feeling of none of this (worry or anything) will matter. I do actively try to remember that, from time to time, to help me focus on what I should/want to be doing, but it's uncomfortable to live like that also, so it's obviously not the best approach, but until I work out something better, it'll do.

take everything

Good description by taxAHcruel.
It's essentially training your attention to savour the moment you're in right now.
Philosophically it makes sense as this moment is the only reality you have if you think about it. Your past or future don't exist for you now. So dialling up the experience of what you're dealing with right now- whether good or bad makes sense. And savouring or experiencing both deeply. The thoughts of future and past are still relevant but are given their proper place.

RobertKK

I prefer to learn from the past, live in the now while planning for the future.

lazeedaisy

I consciously live in the now.

There was a period over 8 years ago that every month for 4 or 5 years we got hit with **** from everywhere, and it was life altering, i.e sudden death of a close member....

If I wrote a book no one would believe me,

The bottom, top left and right side of my life fell apart.

Then I tred to live for about 2 years trying to make plans for the future,

That went pear shaped.

I live with someone with mental health issues and I have a drink problem. It does not pay to look very far ahead, some times it's hour to hour but that suits me.

I had to change my outlook on life, lost my job and now work part time. I am in a position that by working part time, I get to smell the roses.

It's different things for different age groups though

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

JupiterKid wrote: »

Do you live in the now? Do you savour every moment of your life or do find
yourself dwelling in the past or projecting into the future?

Have you heard of the concept of mindfulness? Current thinking in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is to encourage people to be in the present moment and to avoid thinking too much about the past or worrying about the future.

So - do you live in the "now?"

Didn't we answer this for you back in August?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=96476640

take everything

DivingDuck wrote: »

Some people find that to be useful in their daily lives, though.

To go back to taxAHcruel's example above:

I'm sorry, but to be perfectly honest, I find this kind of thinking immeasurably more useful to me than noticing squirrels. I'm thinking:

Okay, so if I miss the 8am 101 bus, when's the next one? How much time (X) will that add to my journey? How mad will my boss be if I am late by X? Perhaps I can ameliorate his annoyance by offering to make up the time at lunch-- if I do, will I still have time to eat something? I can probably get to the Starbucks next door to grab a sandwich and so I can eat and make up the time, as well.

Alternatively, I could take the next 102, and then transfer at Stop A, and then get the 103. I'd probably be only X/2 late then, and I wouldn't have to work through lunch... Unless this 102 is the one that diverts, in which case I'll be X(2) late instead and I'll have to work through lunch and stay late, as well...

To me, this is more useful than thinking about the parklife en route to see disappearing tail lights as I reach the stop, and then have to try to think all that out and make all those decisions on the spot while the 102 bus is approaching.

Obviously this isn't for everybody, but in my view, neither is mindfulness. Some people find their stress and anxiety in life is immensely alleviated by thinking about the future instead of the present. There's nothing wrong with that, so long as it works for them.

That's perfectly fine once you're aware that that (anxiety and stress) is what floats your boat.
But I suspect there are many people who may not have that awareness.

So again mindfulness can be applicable here.
Being mindful that this thinking is something you are OK with.

A lot of people may have this thinking and still have a lot of resistance to it. It's more about stopping and connecting with this experience right now (whether watching the squirrels (i’d prefer watching the squirrels myself) or thinking all the stuff you mentioned).

People mistake it as hedonistic . It's actually experiencing deeply both good and bad right now. Not dismissing the bad. Which is an exercise in training your attention. The training your attention bit is the bit that people don't like tbh.

It's basically a decision about how you want to live your life. Works for some. Not for others.

Dude, please stop creating threads that you've already created previously.

Threads merged.