Any tips for motivating teenagers?

Deer

Banging my head off a brick wall here.

She needs to lose weight. I'm watching the food intake like a hawk but I also need to get her active. Am making her do cardio and light weights going forward 3 times a week but I don't want to be seargent major either because I don't want the experience to be too negative.

So if anyone has any tips or links that I could show her that would be great

gerarda

Will you join in when she starts doing cardio/weights? Try working out together as its a great motivator for kids

Joe's fanclub

What about getting her to do a team sport? I know some teens are allergic to them but my teen trains four/five times a week now (football) and thrives on it, having fun while keeping fit

runawaybishop

What did she say when you spoke to her about it, is there any things she likes or particularly dislikes?

The Diddakoi

Are you fairly active yourself ?
I started doing the C25k programme with my kids a couple of years ago, having never run in my life. They were happy to join in, as I said I needed them to keep me motivated, and resuscitate if the worst came to the worst Still doing 5k three times a week.
As gerarda said, kids love it when you get involved.

Peregrinus

An exercise regime is useless unless she is going to stick to it and at 15 your determination that she will stick to it, or your recognition that she needs to, counts for nothing. She needs to want to do this. And I don't get the sense from your OP that she has really bought into this.

Which means plan B - you need to find something she enjoys, and something that she will incorporate into her routine. If it's a team game, so much the better - there's the social side, plus since your friends depend on you you have an added incentive to turn up and play.

If she's not a team games kind of person, then try and find something that will enhance her quality of life. Cycling to school? I cycled a lot a a teenager/young adult, because it gave me much more freedom and flexibility than using the bus.

The other point worth bearing in mind is that if the goal is weight loss, this is largely going to depend on diet. Not to discourage you from getting her exercising, but in terms of weight loss it doesn't matter greatly what form of exercise she does. Any kind of exercise she will do cheerfully is better than the most brilliantly aerobic exercise that bores or alienates her.

Joe's fanclub

Plus OP, maybe stay conscious of not creating any negative associations she may form with her weight/shape, young girls are under so much pressure these days as it is - I always focus on being 'healthy' with my teen as opposed to using any other terminology (losing weight/staying slim etc.)

Alf Veedersane

It's good that you're taking an interest in her health and wellbeing but a couple of things spring to mind:

1) Try and leave weight out of it. If it becomes just about weight, it's not a good thing for her to be overly conscious of. Spin it so that it's about being health and happy rather than controlling weight.

2) Find something she enjoys doing so she doesn't end up resenting you making her do it. She might like cardio and weights but she might not. If she doesn't, it will ultimately be pointless.

3) Make it about spending time together. Speak to her and get an idea of some sort of activity she might like to do with you. Have a few ideas up your sleeve.


Just my 2 cents.

Squeeonline

You'll know her personality better than anyone here, but if she could be competitive, it could motivate her to beating her parents in a goal to be the first to run 5k, or in the quickest time, or lose weight fastest, or eat healthiest.

I know my mother and sister were doing this for a while and it worked well for them. They both dropped stones.

Deer

Hi,

The problem is that she doesn't want to do anything. I've run everything past her and she is just not interested in any sport. The only thing she has shown an slight interest in is that Charlotte crosby belly blitz which I've gotten for her. She is bridesmaid at a wedding in sept and is busting out of the dress. She is upset about that but not upset enough to want to do anything.

I agree re diet - we have been to a dietician and I finally got her dad on board. I was watching her eating myself and couldn't understand why nothing was coming off but she was eating a load of junk at her dads also. So that's sorted - I've sent him what she can eat when she is wi him and how much. She has no thyroid so hence the dietician.

I am also leading by example - I lost a lot of weight, got active and improved the diet of the whole house.

It's very hard.

Alf Veedersane

Deer wrote: »

Hi,

The problem is that she doesn't want to do anything. I've run everything past her and she is just not interested in any sport. The only thing she has shown an slight interest in is that Charlotte crosby belly blitz which I've gotten for her. She is bridesmaid at a wedding in sept and is busting out of the dress. She is upset about that but not upset enough to want to do anything.

I agree re diet - we have been to a dietician and I finally got her dad on board. I was watching her eating myself and couldn't understand why nothing was coming off but she was eating a load of junk at her dads also. So that's sorted - I've sent him what she can eat when she is wi him and how much. She has no thyroid so hence the dietician.

I am also leading by example - I lost a lot of weight, got active and improved the diet of the whole house.

It's very hard.

It might be a case of looking at doing something like switching driving to cycling/walking where possible. Is there any option for that?

How does she react to the cardio and weights you do with her as it is?

Deer

Yeah I might take her out and start the 5k with her. The reason I do my own thing at home is I don't have time to do after husband gets back from work but I'm sure I could figure something out

strelok

even just heading out for an hours walk 4-5 times a week would be a good start. getting the ball rolling is the hardest part, once the momentum has picked up you might find it easier to direct it here or there

Deer

She reacts with zero enthusiasm but will do it half heartily. I was kind of hoping once she lost a few pounds and got a bit more energy she would want to do it

Alf Veedersane

Deer wrote: »

She reacts with zero enthusiasm but will do it half heartily. I was kind of hoping once she lost a few pounds and got a bit more energy she would want to do it

Do you do it with her?

Do you get on well with her that doing it together would make it much better? I just mean from the point of view that some teenagers around that age can let on they don't want to do anything with their parents

kieran.

gerarda wrote: »

Will you join in when she starts doing cardio/weights? Try working out together as its a great motivator for kids

Think this is solution, my wife goes to the gym 3 times a week and now my lazy sod of teenage son (14) goes with her at least twice. For a girl why not try to take her to Zumba class or something like that she might enjoy.

Joe's fanclub

It is hard Deer but it sounds like you're giving it all you can which stands to you as a parent, the 5k would be a great idea, do you know if any other parents & daughters that would do it with you? Does she have a friend that could go with you too? They could jog together with you behind/in front ( I know what teens are like ) It might make it a bit more fun for her

Deer

She has me out of the room when she is exercising lol! We get on very well so maybe the walking running might be a better idea. She doesn't have many friends unfortunately but... I am transferring her to a new school in September and I am hoping for a very positive change where I will be encouraging her to join teams in order to meet new friends.

But I think I will take her out tonight instead of going to Starbucks. Or we could walk there and back. Now to fit whatever she will drink there into her calories for the day!

Joe's fanclub

Maybe she's self conscious, hence the lack of enthusiasm in being seen out running or trying a new sport where she might feel foolish - have you thought about encouraging her to try a fitness dvd she can do on her own? Jillian Michaels is great and she has workouts that only require 20 minutes a day - with great results

Deer

Have the DVDs - lots of them. That's what I am trying to get her to do. She opted for the Geordie shore girls one but that is well over an hour and I'm trying to get her to understand that it might be too much to start with and Jillian Michaels might be better for her.

I will see what she is like tonight running. Hopefully more enthusiastic !

Caliden

Why not try getting her to join a dance class or something like that.

When I was a teenager, running was boring.

runawaybishop

Deer wrote: »

Have the DVDs - lots of them. That's what I am trying to get her to do. She opted for the Geordie shore girls one but that is well over an hour and I'm trying to get her to understand that it might be too much to start with and Jillian Michaels might be better for her.

I will see what she is like tonight running. Hopefully more enthusiastic !

As far as those DVDs go Jillian's is pretty good in that it's tough and incorporates some good circuits. Are you rewarding her when she does well, it goes a long way. Finding something she doesn't hate and reinforcing good behaviour is probably your best bet in the short term. In the long term she needs educating about nutrition and how to have a healthy diet and outlook on food. Sounds like you are starting well though.

chanelfreak

Deer, that belly blitz one might not be the best one to start her on if she isnt that active - a lot of the exercises require really good form (squats, lunges, burpees) and the pace is fast enough, so she might be turned off from the start if she cant master it.

Are there any classes in your area which use trampolines? I have to say, they are serious craic (something even a teenager would enjoy!) and they are really great cardio workouts IMO.

seamus

Caliden wrote: »

Why not try getting her to join a dance class or something like that.

When I was a teenager, running was boring.

This is the way I'd be inclined to go. Team sports sound great, but my experience of team sports growing up was that you go to training twice a week and then go to a match on Saturday to spend most of the time on the sideline. It's only being an adult that I have the understanding to know that putting in the training means you get the matches. But as a teenager with a self-centric worldview all you have is a coach who ignores everyone except the best players, so you have no motivation to stick with it.

Whereas sports with more of a focus on personal achievement - such as dance or martial arts - tend to have better coaches and are easier to get motivated about.

Zillah

Watching her food like a hawk and forcing her to do exercise she doesn't enjoy is a perfect way to give your daughter an eating disorder, screwed up body image, and contempt for fitness. You can't bully someone into motivation - the moment she is old enough to ignore you she will, and then she'll deal with the legacy of an overbearing parent who badgered her into hating herself.

You can talk to her, you can provide healthy food, you can educate her, but you can't force her and if you try you're going to do life-long damage. She needs to find her own motivation, and if that isn't for a few years then so be it.

strelok

there is a massive difference between encouraging your child to eat better, lose weight and try to find a sport or activity they enjoy and driving a child towards an eating disorder

mother of christ

ShaShaBear

strelok wrote: »

there is a massive difference between encouraging your child to eat better, lose weight and try to find a sport or activity they enjoy and driving a child towards an eating disorder

mother of christ

Sorry, but messaging her dad with a list of what she is allowed to eat and how much of it is very strict and not what I would consider encouraging at all.
My mother had me on a "diet" when I was 14, and I didn't know about it until she told me when I was 25.
Why not take her to a Slimming World group as one of those free kid members that are there to learn healthy eating instead? Far less pressure, less counting and less feeling horrid because your parents are watching you like a hawk as you eat?!

Alf Veedersane

Zillah wrote: »

Watching her food like a hawk and forcing her to do exercise she doesn't enjoy is a perfect way to give your daughter an eating disorder, screwed up body image, and contempt for fitness. You can't bully someone into motivation - the moment she is old enough to ignore you she will, and then she'll deal with the legacy of an overbearing parent who badgered her into hating herself.

You can talk to her, you can provide healthy food, you can educate her, but you can't force her and if you try you're going to do life-long damage. She needs to find her own motivation, and if that isn't for a few years then so be it.

While I get what you're saying, the OP has said there is a thyroid issue with the daughter, which has meant visits to a dietician so it's not straight up controlling what she eats.

Zillah

strelok wrote: »

there is a massive difference between encouraging your child to eat better, lose weight and try to find a sport or activity they enjoy and driving a child towards an eating disorder

mother of christ

There is a difference, and the difference is whether you're doing it in a gentle, supportive fashion, or if you're becoming a judgmental, nagging presence in their life. When I see the language below it certainly sounds like the latter.

I'm watching the food intake like a hawk...Am making her do cardio...She is bridesmaid at a wedding in sept and is busting out of the dress...I've sent him what she can eat when she is wi him and how much

Does not sound like a supportive atmosphere to me. Teenagers have enough problems with self image without having a parent constantly hovering and expressing dissatisfaction that they're fat and lazy all the time.

I don't want to sound too negative myself, I know it must be very difficult Deer and your heart is in the right place, but I know what it's like to have a nagging parent as a teenager, and you've no idea how negative a force it can be in your life. I can only imagine how bad it would be if the topic had been a fat body, and how damaging that could be in the long run.

groovyg

Op its a hard one you can't be too strict and heavy handed with her as you don't want her to end up with a hang up about food.

Has she put on weight or something since the original dress fitting ? If she's upset that the dress is too tight on her and its not looking well has she come up with any solutions ? With teenagers you can nag all you want but if they don't want to do something they won't. I was like that as a teenager myself.

I think the ball is in her court really and she has to decide if she really wants to be bridesmaid or not. You can watch her diet and get her out exercising everyday but for all you know she could be secretly eating or when she's over at her dads still eating junk food.

She needs to realise that in order to fit into that dress she needs to do something about it and if she's not willing do that then I don't what the options are. Could the dress be let out? Could the job of bridesmaid go to somebody else? Does she really want to be a bridesmaid?

When you visited the dietician what was the general mood like after that appointment? Was she given a diet plan or anything of what she needed to do? Sometimes all it takes is a chat from somebody not known to the person to spring them into action to do something.

Unfortunately all the exercises and dance classes in the world won't shift weight if the diet is bad. I see this line a lot "abs are made in the kitchen" and its true if you want to get abs and get a lean body, sugar, junk food, alcohol, processed foods are off the menu. If you daughter really wants to change her lifestyle then she has look at educating herself about diet, exercise and healthy eating not you.

seamus

I would also like to mention that as a former fat person, pussyfooting around their weight will not help. I'm not saying you have to take a tough love approach, but don't try to spare her feelings. Don't say it's puppy fat, or that she just needs to tone up, or that she's big-boned or "robust", or anything else. My mother did this for years, and in retrospect all it does is re-enforce the denial in your head.

When it's from other people externally you can brush it off as just assholes being assholes. But if it was from someone you trust to be looking out for your best interests, like a parent, and said in a way that's honest without being brutal, then it can be effective. She has to make this change, she has to come to her own realisation before she can change her habits. You can't do it for her.