Any tips for motivating teenagers?

Deer

Banging my head off a brick wall here.

She needs to lose weight. I'm watching the food intake like a hawk but I also need to get her active. Am making her do cardio and light weights going forward 3 times a week but I don't want to be seargent major either because I don't want the experience to be too negative.

So if anyone has any tips or links that I could show her that would be great

gerarda

Will you join in when she starts doing cardio/weights? Try working out together as its a great motivator for kids

Joe's fanclub

What about getting her to do a team sport? I know some teens are allergic to them but my teen trains four/five times a week now (football) and thrives on it, having fun while keeping fit

runawaybishop

What did she say when you spoke to her about it, is there any things she likes or particularly dislikes?

The Diddakoi

Are you fairly active yourself ?
I started doing the C25k programme with my kids a couple of years ago, having never run in my life. They were happy to join in, as I said I needed them to keep me motivated, and resuscitate if the worst came to the worst Still doing 5k three times a week.
As gerarda said, kids love it when you get involved.

Peregrinus

An exercise regime is useless unless she is going to stick to it and at 15 your determination that she will stick to it, or your recognition that she needs to, counts for nothing. She needs to want to do this. And I don't get the sense from your OP that she has really bought into this.

Which means plan B - you need to find something she enjoys, and something that she will incorporate into her routine. If it's a team game, so much the better - there's the social side, plus since your friends depend on you you have an added incentive to turn up and play.

If she's not a team games kind of person, then try and find something that will enhance her quality of life. Cycling to school? I cycled a lot a a teenager/young adult, because it gave me much more freedom and flexibility than using the bus.

The other point worth bearing in mind is that if the goal is weight loss, this is largely going to depend on diet. Not to discourage you from getting her exercising, but in terms of weight loss it doesn't matter greatly what form of exercise she does. Any kind of exercise she will do cheerfully is better than the most brilliantly aerobic exercise that bores or alienates her.

Joe's fanclub

Plus OP, maybe stay conscious of not creating any negative associations she may form with her weight/shape, young girls are under so much pressure these days as it is - I always focus on being 'healthy' with my teen as opposed to using any other terminology (losing weight/staying slim etc.)

Alf Veedersane

It's good that you're taking an interest in her health and wellbeing but a couple of things spring to mind:

1) Try and leave weight out of it. If it becomes just about weight, it's not a good thing for her to be overly conscious of. Spin it so that it's about being health and happy rather than controlling weight.

2) Find something she enjoys doing so she doesn't end up resenting you making her do it. She might like cardio and weights but she might not. If she doesn't, it will ultimately be pointless.

3) Make it about spending time together. Speak to her and get an idea of some sort of activity she might like to do with you. Have a few ideas up your sleeve.


Just my 2 cents.

Squeeonline

You'll know her personality better than anyone here, but if she could be competitive, it could motivate her to beating her parents in a goal to be the first to run 5k, or in the quickest time, or lose weight fastest, or eat healthiest.

I know my mother and sister were doing this for a while and it worked well for them. They both dropped stones.

Deer

Hi,

The problem is that she doesn't want to do anything. I've run everything past her and she is just not interested in any sport. The only thing she has shown an slight interest in is that Charlotte crosby belly blitz which I've gotten for her. She is bridesmaid at a wedding in sept and is busting out of the dress. She is upset about that but not upset enough to want to do anything.

I agree re diet - we have been to a dietician and I finally got her dad on board. I was watching her eating myself and couldn't understand why nothing was coming off but she was eating a load of junk at her dads also. So that's sorted - I've sent him what she can eat when she is wi him and how much. She has no thyroid so hence the dietician.

I am also leading by example - I lost a lot of weight, got active and improved the diet of the whole house.

It's very hard.

Alf Veedersane

Deer wrote: »

Hi,

The problem is that she doesn't want to do anything. I've run everything past her and she is just not interested in any sport. The only thing she has shown an slight interest in is that Charlotte crosby belly blitz which I've gotten for her. She is bridesmaid at a wedding in sept and is busting out of the dress. She is upset about that but not upset enough to want to do anything.

I agree re diet - we have been to a dietician and I finally got her dad on board. I was watching her eating myself and couldn't understand why nothing was coming off but she was eating a load of junk at her dads also. So that's sorted - I've sent him what she can eat when she is wi him and how much. She has no thyroid so hence the dietician.

I am also leading by example - I lost a lot of weight, got active and improved the diet of the whole house.

It's very hard.

It might be a case of looking at doing something like switching driving to cycling/walking where possible. Is there any option for that?

How does she react to the cardio and weights you do with her as it is?

Deer

Yeah I might take her out and start the 5k with her. The reason I do my own thing at home is I don't have time to do after husband gets back from work but I'm sure I could figure something out

strelok

even just heading out for an hours walk 4-5 times a week would be a good start. getting the ball rolling is the hardest part, once the momentum has picked up you might find it easier to direct it here or there

Deer

She reacts with zero enthusiasm but will do it half heartily. I was kind of hoping once she lost a few pounds and got a bit more energy she would want to do it

Alf Veedersane

Deer wrote: »

She reacts with zero enthusiasm but will do it half heartily. I was kind of hoping once she lost a few pounds and got a bit more energy she would want to do it

Do you do it with her?

Do you get on well with her that doing it together would make it much better? I just mean from the point of view that some teenagers around that age can let on they don't want to do anything with their parents

kieran.

gerarda wrote: »

Will you join in when she starts doing cardio/weights? Try working out together as its a great motivator for kids

Think this is solution, my wife goes to the gym 3 times a week and now my lazy sod of teenage son (14) goes with her at least twice. For a girl why not try to take her to Zumba class or something like that she might enjoy.

Joe's fanclub

It is hard Deer but it sounds like you're giving it all you can which stands to you as a parent, the 5k would be a great idea, do you know if any other parents & daughters that would do it with you? Does she have a friend that could go with you too? They could jog together with you behind/in front ( I know what teens are like ) It might make it a bit more fun for her

Deer

She has me out of the room when she is exercising lol! We get on very well so maybe the walking running might be a better idea. She doesn't have many friends unfortunately but... I am transferring her to a new school in September and I am hoping for a very positive change where I will be encouraging her to join teams in order to meet new friends.

But I think I will take her out tonight instead of going to Starbucks. Or we could walk there and back. Now to fit whatever she will drink there into her calories for the day!

Joe's fanclub

Maybe she's self conscious, hence the lack of enthusiasm in being seen out running or trying a new sport where she might feel foolish - have you thought about encouraging her to try a fitness dvd she can do on her own? Jillian Michaels is great and she has workouts that only require 20 minutes a day - with great results

Deer

Have the DVDs - lots of them. That's what I am trying to get her to do. She opted for the Geordie shore girls one but that is well over an hour and I'm trying to get her to understand that it might be too much to start with and Jillian Michaels might be better for her.

I will see what she is like tonight running. Hopefully more enthusiastic !

Caliden

Why not try getting her to join a dance class or something like that.

When I was a teenager, running was boring.

runawaybishop

Deer wrote: »

Have the DVDs - lots of them. That's what I am trying to get her to do. She opted for the Geordie shore girls one but that is well over an hour and I'm trying to get her to understand that it might be too much to start with and Jillian Michaels might be better for her.

I will see what she is like tonight running. Hopefully more enthusiastic !

As far as those DVDs go Jillian's is pretty good in that it's tough and incorporates some good circuits. Are you rewarding her when she does well, it goes a long way. Finding something she doesn't hate and reinforcing good behaviour is probably your best bet in the short term. In the long term she needs educating about nutrition and how to have a healthy diet and outlook on food. Sounds like you are starting well though.

chanelfreak

Deer, that belly blitz one might not be the best one to start her on if she isnt that active - a lot of the exercises require really good form (squats, lunges, burpees) and the pace is fast enough, so she might be turned off from the start if she cant master it.

Are there any classes in your area which use trampolines? I have to say, they are serious craic (something even a teenager would enjoy!) and they are really great cardio workouts IMO.

seamus

Caliden wrote: »

Why not try getting her to join a dance class or something like that.

When I was a teenager, running was boring.

This is the way I'd be inclined to go. Team sports sound great, but my experience of team sports growing up was that you go to training twice a week and then go to a match on Saturday to spend most of the time on the sideline. It's only being an adult that I have the understanding to know that putting in the training means you get the matches. But as a teenager with a self-centric worldview all you have is a coach who ignores everyone except the best players, so you have no motivation to stick with it.

Whereas sports with more of a focus on personal achievement - such as dance or martial arts - tend to have better coaches and are easier to get motivated about.

Zillah

Watching her food like a hawk and forcing her to do exercise she doesn't enjoy is a perfect way to give your daughter an eating disorder, screwed up body image, and contempt for fitness. You can't bully someone into motivation - the moment she is old enough to ignore you she will, and then she'll deal with the legacy of an overbearing parent who badgered her into hating herself.

You can talk to her, you can provide healthy food, you can educate her, but you can't force her and if you try you're going to do life-long damage. She needs to find her own motivation, and if that isn't for a few years then so be it.

strelok

there is a massive difference between encouraging your child to eat better, lose weight and try to find a sport or activity they enjoy and driving a child towards an eating disorder

mother of christ

ShaShaBear

strelok wrote: »

there is a massive difference between encouraging your child to eat better, lose weight and try to find a sport or activity they enjoy and driving a child towards an eating disorder

mother of christ

Sorry, but messaging her dad with a list of what she is allowed to eat and how much of it is very strict and not what I would consider encouraging at all.
My mother had me on a "diet" when I was 14, and I didn't know about it until she told me when I was 25.
Why not take her to a Slimming World group as one of those free kid members that are there to learn healthy eating instead? Far less pressure, less counting and less feeling horrid because your parents are watching you like a hawk as you eat?!

Alf Veedersane

Zillah wrote: »

Watching her food like a hawk and forcing her to do exercise she doesn't enjoy is a perfect way to give your daughter an eating disorder, screwed up body image, and contempt for fitness. You can't bully someone into motivation - the moment she is old enough to ignore you she will, and then she'll deal with the legacy of an overbearing parent who badgered her into hating herself.

You can talk to her, you can provide healthy food, you can educate her, but you can't force her and if you try you're going to do life-long damage. She needs to find her own motivation, and if that isn't for a few years then so be it.

While I get what you're saying, the OP has said there is a thyroid issue with the daughter, which has meant visits to a dietician so it's not straight up controlling what she eats.

Zillah

strelok wrote: »

there is a massive difference between encouraging your child to eat better, lose weight and try to find a sport or activity they enjoy and driving a child towards an eating disorder

mother of christ

There is a difference, and the difference is whether you're doing it in a gentle, supportive fashion, or if you're becoming a judgmental, nagging presence in their life. When I see the language below it certainly sounds like the latter.

I'm watching the food intake like a hawk...Am making her do cardio...She is bridesmaid at a wedding in sept and is busting out of the dress...I've sent him what she can eat when she is wi him and how much

Does not sound like a supportive atmosphere to me. Teenagers have enough problems with self image without having a parent constantly hovering and expressing dissatisfaction that they're fat and lazy all the time.

I don't want to sound too negative myself, I know it must be very difficult Deer and your heart is in the right place, but I know what it's like to have a nagging parent as a teenager, and you've no idea how negative a force it can be in your life. I can only imagine how bad it would be if the topic had been a fat body, and how damaging that could be in the long run.

groovyg

Op its a hard one you can't be too strict and heavy handed with her as you don't want her to end up with a hang up about food.

Has she put on weight or something since the original dress fitting ? If she's upset that the dress is too tight on her and its not looking well has she come up with any solutions ? With teenagers you can nag all you want but if they don't want to do something they won't. I was like that as a teenager myself.

I think the ball is in her court really and she has to decide if she really wants to be bridesmaid or not. You can watch her diet and get her out exercising everyday but for all you know she could be secretly eating or when she's over at her dads still eating junk food.

She needs to realise that in order to fit into that dress she needs to do something about it and if she's not willing do that then I don't what the options are. Could the dress be let out? Could the job of bridesmaid go to somebody else? Does she really want to be a bridesmaid?

When you visited the dietician what was the general mood like after that appointment? Was she given a diet plan or anything of what she needed to do? Sometimes all it takes is a chat from somebody not known to the person to spring them into action to do something.

Unfortunately all the exercises and dance classes in the world won't shift weight if the diet is bad. I see this line a lot "abs are made in the kitchen" and its true if you want to get abs and get a lean body, sugar, junk food, alcohol, processed foods are off the menu. If you daughter really wants to change her lifestyle then she has look at educating herself about diet, exercise and healthy eating not you.

seamus

I would also like to mention that as a former fat person, pussyfooting around their weight will not help. I'm not saying you have to take a tough love approach, but don't try to spare her feelings. Don't say it's puppy fat, or that she just needs to tone up, or that she's big-boned or "robust", or anything else. My mother did this for years, and in retrospect all it does is re-enforce the denial in your head.

When it's from other people externally you can brush it off as just assholes being assholes. But if it was from someone you trust to be looking out for your best interests, like a parent, and said in a way that's honest without being brutal, then it can be effective. She has to make this change, she has to come to her own realisation before she can change her habits. You can't do it for her.

Alf Veedersane

Deer wrote: »

She has me out of the room when she is exercising lol! We get on very well so maybe the walking running might be a better idea. She doesn't have many friends unfortunately but... I am transferring her to a new school in September and I am hoping for a very positive change where I will be encouraging her to join teams in order to meet new friends.

But I think I will take her out tonight instead of going to Starbucks. Or we could walk there and back. Now to fit whatever she will drink there into her calories for the day!

If she has thyroid issues that requires her to eat certain foods etc then make sure that any input you have into food intake is couched in those terms. After that you can only keep an eye on it and look at a bit of reverse engineering so that you can remove any bad sub-conscious habits she has.

On that note, this is a really good podcast on addressing mindless eating, just in case that's an issue and it's something you can address without your daughter realising anything has been done.

Gettting out for a walk and a chat is a good idea. Maybe start with that before you look into getting her onto a C25K for now because again that might seem like you're tring to foist an exercise regime onto her. Just reinforce the notion that being active is something you can do without it being a chore.

I do think your heart is in the right place but I just think you need to be careful that how you deal with the issue because if it becomes an issue for her and she becomes overly self conscious of her weight, then it can manifest itself in a bad way, and I don't just mean now but down the line it's a risk as well. I say this as someone who ended up with an eating disorder a long time after havinhg any weight issues but those past issues were partly to blame for how my coping mechanism manifested itself as an ED.

Clearlier

As others have said you need to start preparing your daughter for life after you, give her the tools and opportunities to make good decisions. No more than adults teenagers rebel against the idea of someone controlling their every move.

For exercise depending on affordability why not make a list of every possible sport that she can access, there's the mainstream, walking, running, cycling, swimming etc. but she might be more interested in something a little different - a martial art/self defence classes, trampolining, yoga, pilates, basketball, waterskiing, skydiving, free running, indoor climbing. Depending on your location there's a pile of activities that can be done. Maybe find out about taster sessions and go along together at least initially - try something that's so far out of both of your comfort zones and she may feel freer to take a full part in the activity.

Teyla Emmagan

I wouldn't tell any teenager they were "fat" I have to say. I think it's completely the wrong message to send them at such a vulnerable stage in their lives. I volunteer a lot with teenage girls and when you get them talking about the pressure they are under appearance-wise it is really frightening.

You are not dealing with an adult, you can't use logic based arguments around weight loss. You have to push "healthy healthy", and not put the idea in her mind that there is anything wrong with her appearance. It is better to have a chubby bridesmaid than a self hating daughter with no confidence. My mother spent years trying to control my weight and it is the one thing we ever fell out about. I was always too thin or too big. Don't let this drive a wedge between you.

As for exercise, I would also suggest dancing. Find a zumba class and.let her at it.

Deer

Okay first of all with regards to watching like a hawk - I have to. I've dropped the ball in the past and it's led to this. I also have to watch her taking her tablets like a hawk too because she won't take them if I don't remind her.

I'm not the big mean mammy watching over her every bite of food. If she comes back home with twenty euro worth of junk - yeah I'll say it to her because it's not right. Same if she is in and out of the kitchen eating five or six pieces of toast, then pasta, then making a big pot of popcorn etc - she can't be doing that.

She is crying about the dress. Crying about the clothes she can't fit into. I'm being realistic with her about it, telling her she needs to take personal responsibility and exercise and watch what she eats.

This is going on for the past two years. I've said nothing for fear of the whole bad body image thing and the weight is creeping up and up. She is not learning for herself and while I would love to let her learn things for herself she is not mature enough yet and she is still a child and her health is my responsibility. The consultant keeps bringing up the weight gain, each time we go it's up.

With regards to the dietician I was very positive coming out of there but that was about five months ago and really she hasn't adhered to what she has been told by the dietician. Which is why now for the past month I have been watching like a hawk, making sure what the dietician has suggested is being adhered to and making sure there is nothing at all in the house that will be tempting because my daughter asked me to do that. She asked me to watch her portion sizes (well actually screamed at me that it was my fault for giving her too much food at dinner). My daughter asked me to do these things. Her dad is on board too which is great and he will be keeping an eye on things for himself.

So food wise I am not too concerned because she is starting to cooperate and understand but she has been told by both the consultant and the dietician that with her condition she needs to exercise as well as diet. So it's not just a case that I want her to look pretty in a dress, she has been told medically she has to exercise.

So want am I to do? If I do nothing I am in the wrong (rightly) and if I am proactive with her I am nagging her? I'm doing the best I can and I am trying to get her into a place where once she gets over the initial huffing and puffing that she likes what she is doing, that she wants to do more and that she loves her body again. She also asked me to help her with exercise but at the same time she is completely unmotivated and gets cross with me for making her do it but she asked. And I told her if she wanted my help then this would happen and I was doing it for her own good and she agreed to progress. So that is why I am looking for tips on how to motivate her.

Not being bridesmaid isn't an option. I'm sure we will figure something out in relation to dress.

Deer

I have some things to do for the afternoon but thanks everyone for the input I am taking it all on board.

To the poster who referenced calling her fat - never, never, never would I call her that. Ever. I tell her how gorgeous she is, how clever she is, now talented she is. Never fat.

Joe's fanclub

Deer, sounds like you have a typical teenager and most know there's no handbook in how to manoeuvre these situations when it comes to parenting. There is some great advice on this page, along with some harsh criticism, only you know what's right for your daughter so take what's useful to you from here and leave the rest behind. Personally I think you seem very aware around the do's and don'ts and you're headed in the right direction with it all, best of luck.

groovyg

Op thats very frustrating for you, she knows deep down what she needs to do but no motivation to do it. I guess the only thing you can do is to keep doing what you are doing, get her out for activities and going to the fitness classes she enjoys and hopefully the hard work will pay off. best of luck

MagicMarker

Frankly, all you can do and all you should do is make sure when she's in your/her dad's house she's eating healthy. Other than that, it's all down to her. Making her more miserable by dragging her to a weights session is completely pointless.

Once she's eating good food with the occasional treat then the weight will start to drop off slowly but surely.

Zillah

Not to get too pop-psychology, but have you considered a counselor for her? The split between asking you to help her eat less and then going off and gorging on toast suggests she's eating for reasons other than hunger. Could be anxiety, boredom, looking for an emotional lift. Might be helpful to have someone lead her into a better mental attitude towards herself and the process.

Does she have any interests at all, non-fitness related? If she had something - anything - in her life that she was passionate about it might help her direct her energy and find satisfaction in other ways.

MightyMandarin

I'm in a similar situation with my younger brother at the moment.

He's not massively overweight or anything, but he could do with losing a bit of fat and improving his fitness and strength levels. I've been encouraging him to start lifting for the past few months and he started going to the gym with me 2 weeks ago. I thought he would end up loving it just like I did when I started, but he just doesn't see the point in spending 3-4 hours a week in a gym or trying to clean up his diet. He's tried other things like running and cycling before, and he played football as a kid but gave up a few years ago, and while he's really interested in sport, playing it is just not for him.

I don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't want to, and while I'd love for him to look and feel better about himself I just have to accept that it's not for him.

Deer

We had a nice chat and a walk and I feel she is in a more positive frame of mind. We are going to focus on working on diet and she will do a bit of exercise and we agreed on some Tabata style to start with, which won't take the wind out of her too much. And we will go for a walk twice a week and start from there.

Thanks for,all the help

atilladehun

I haven't read every post but just have a little suggestion. Can you take her to nice places for walks at the weekend? Ireland is full of places worth walking around. And the weather is never as bad as you think. something like lets go see howth/glendalough/powerscourt/pheonix park/Avondale house/japanese gardens/newgrange/carlingford etc.... today. Don't mention the walk, just allow it to be implied.

IrishLoriii

Hi Deer,
Im 18 so I suppose you could say im still teenager enough!! First of all do any of her close friends like exercising? THey could go to zumba together which is fun..I used to do that with my friends and I can honestly say i am the worst dancer in the world but in zumba it didnt matter! Second of all, I really would recommend slimming world if it goes in conjunction with the dieticians advice. Its very motivating and there is rewards for every half stone,stone etc If she is 16 or undr she can be a free to go member and she may meet a few girls her own age! Next Id maybe consider do you have a dog? If not why not suggest to her she can have one on the condition she walks it every night?

Personally, I wouldnt suggest swimming, if shes uncomfortable with her size she isnt going to want to be in a swimsuit because shel feel self concious (Maybe that one was just me?). I also wouldnt keep saying it to her, I know your trying to help but sometimes the best method is letting her think its her idea..leave a pamphlet on exercise somewhere shel see it but not somewhere that its obvious its for her..tell her that you want to lose weight and were wondering could she help YOU..that way she thinks shes helping you..

Finally, I just want to say Well done you for caring about your daughter and her health maybe if more parents were like you Irelands obesity rate in kids wouldnt be rising so rapidly!

carefulnowted

Hi, I'm 16, female, and thought you might like a teenager's perspective on this. I don't have much to say about food and diet unfortunately as I'm no role model!

I've been exercising for around 3-4 years now. I started off with a Youtube channel called Blogilates, which offers short (8 to 15 minute) Pilates videos set to top 40 songs. I just started doing a few of the videos out of boredom, but ended up finding it very enjoyable. The instructor is very bubbly and friendly, which could help motivate your daughter. There's also a free beginner's workout calendar on the website that I found very helpful and rewarding. I'm aware that Pilates may not be the fat-burner you're looking for but it could help to spark your daughter's interest in working out. The atmosphere in the videos is very positive and the whole 'exercise' aspect isn't focused on too much, I think. There are also some cardio/HIIT videos on the channel if I remember correctly.

I've moved on to Fitness Blender videos now, because I find them more challenging, but I'd really recommend that you check out Blogilates as it gave me a great enthusiasm for exercise and looking after my body, etc.

Hope this was of some help to you.

Deer

Carefulnowted and Irishlorii thanks so much for your perspective - I really appreciate it . I will definitely consider slimming world if we are not successful with going it by ourselves and it's a great idea to meet friends as I would love her to meet new people as she is a bit on her own, so that is a great idea. And there are some great suggestions re the YouTube that might appeal to her and when she is back home we will take a look at them

juicydublin

I would recommend suggesting to try new things together - would you attend a fitness class with your teen?! I have recently started to teach really fun fitness classes on mini trampolines, it is perfect for motivating teenagers - I have disco lights and it has a great party atmosphere and I have a lot of parent + teenagers joining together! Boogie Bounce - fun, funky and fat burning and is suitable for all ages (7-70 years)! Do you happen to live in Dublin? look up boogiebounce.ie if you want more info!

Deer

I just wanted to update this thread nine months or so later. My daughter is 10kg down. She moved to a new school, made friends, goes for long walks most evenings and twenty minutes walk to the bus stop every day. I also got her to start cycling to school some days which is 9k on the flat each way. Now she is not crazy about this method of getting to school so we compromised and she will go for a cycle some evenings instead as she is mortified being the only person cycling to school and her bag is a bit heavy.

She is far less stressed out and so much happier in herself.

All in all a happy ending and the confidence is sky high - both from a happier life and from seeing her body change for the better. Her consultant was delighted to see the great result and told her she should be proud of herself - which she should

Zillah

9km with a full backpack is no mean commute for a teenager! It makes me sad that apparently teenagers think cycling to school is something to laugh at. Is this common these days???

Deer

No she is not being laughed at school just completely self concious being the only one. Now in the last school some of the kids there would definitely be the type to poke fun at anything different like cycling to school. Depends on the group of teens really.

She is in transition so bag wouldn't be heavy at all. It's great to see her hop on the bike in the brighter evenings to see her friends though as they live by the school. Great independence for her.

blegg

Hello Deer,

Congratulations on such great success with your daughter. I would be very interested to know what worked best for her in relation to how she lost so much weight? Thanks.