men who expect sex

musiclady904

I was out tonight and this guy was so nice to me until I would not go back to his place, why do men think a few compliments and one drink means ill jump into bed with them??? My last boyfriend waited 9 months and didn't hassle me, now every guy I talk to thinks im easy I just dont get it, do all women have same problem or is it just me?

Addle

Because anyone who wants sex, male or female, can get it without any effort now.

Pawwed Rig

You have proved in the past that you had good judgement in choosing men (your ex) so where has that judgement gone now? Are you passively waiting for guys to approach you in pubs? If so then the kind of guy you will attract is the guy who wants a one nighter. If you are more proactive by taking control and doing the choosing rather than being the chosen you have a much higher chance of getting with someone more suitable

DoYouEvenLift

musiclady904 wrote: »

I was out tonight and this guy was so nice to me until I would not go back to his place, why do men think a few compliments and one drink means ill jump into bed with them??? My last boyfriend waited 9 months and didn't hassle me, now every guy I talk to thinks im easy I just dont get it, do all women have same problem or is it just me?

It's that so many more women nowadays here in the West are easy so it can become the expected experience for a lot of men, especially if you're going out to clubs etc.

Boards probably isn't the best place to discuss this kinda thing anyway, there are lots of people on here who consider sleeping with 100 people totally acceptable lol.

newmug

Fair play to you OP. I am a man and I cant stand the attitude some men have towards women, "expect" is the right word. Society in general, western culture, the media, the internet etc. all sexualise and objectify women to the point that some people think its normal. I cant stand it. Some women even go along with it! I'll say this much, if anyone ever treats my mother, my fiance, or my two daughters as lesser people or "objects", they will have to deal with the objects on my feet!

eviltwin

I don't think it's inappropriate to ask, it's when you decline and they still push I get angry.

It's part of the whole experience of being outside your door to be approached. It's when you're polite to (not all but many) a man who approaches you and they assume it's a green light that it becomes problematic. You're nice to a certain type and you'll be accused of leading them on and wasting their time, you tell them straight up you're not interested and you're a stuck up bitch. Sometimes the aggressive resentment is really unsettling.

musiclady904

Candie wrote:

It's part of the whole experience of being outside your door to be approached. It's when you're polite to (not all but many) a man who approaches you and they assume it's a green light that it becomes problematic. You're nice to a certain type and you'll be accused of leading them on and wasting their time, you tell them straight up you're not interested and you're a stuck up bitch. Sometimes the aggressive resentment is really unsettling.

Spot on Candie, I was being polite didnt see any harm in talking to him

bee06

Candie wrote: »

It's part of the whole experience of being outside your door to be approached. It's when you're polite to (not all but many) a man who approaches you and they assume it's a green light that it becomes problematic. You're nice to a certain type and you'll be accused of leading them on and wasting their time, you tell them straight up you're not interested and you're a stuck up bitch. Sometimes the aggressive resentment is really unsettling.

That's why I'm never polite to any guy who talks to me in a club or pub. This guy started to talk to me last weekend and I told him straight out that I was married. He still persisted to hit on me so I just turned my back on him and ignored him. Horrendously rude but what's the point in being polite and giving the wrong impression.

bee06

bee06 wrote: »

That's why I'm never polite to any guy who talks to me in a club or pub. This guy started to talk to me last weekend and I told him straight out that I was married. He still persisted to hit on me so I just turned my back on him and ignored him. Horrendously rude but what's the point in being polite and giving the wrong impression.

I know, it's a ridiculous dilemma. Being polite isn't giving the wrong impression, it's what they take from it though. Thats the problem.

You should be able to chat with people and be nice without them assuming it's a signal that you want them in your pants. You should certainly be able to tell them politely that you're married or not interested without them screaming that they don't think much of you anyway, you stuck up bitch, as has happened me.

And yet you'll see countless guys on here complaining that women - and especially Irish ones! - are stuck up bitches, for being upfront with them. The same ones would probably have a field day complaining about women leading them on, if those same women took the time to be polite to them about it.

Only Thursday night I was lamenting this trend. Was out with my boyfriend and female friend, when she caught the attention of a guy at the bar. I had a bit of a laugh and a joke with his friend while she was chatting to this guy, then returned to sit with my boyfriend. The two guys, one obviously enamoured, came over and joined us. No problems. The guys, boyfriend included, went outside for a smoke. They told him that my friend was a stuck up bitch, and that I was a slut, chatting up every man in the bar right in front of him. He was as shocked and confused by the report as we were! It very much saddens me that I can't speak to another man in a bar without "chatting him up" - in a conversation that my boyfriend was included in even! Granted I have done, and made friends with guys I met while sitting in a pub, but usually these are the mad eccentrics that I gravitate towards! (like does attract like...)

kylith

I was texting a guy I'd met on a dating site a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't reply to him for a few hours because I was busy in work and what did I see when I picked up my phone again? I'm a bitch, I'm a whore, I'm a fat, ugly nerd that he didn't want to sleep with anyway. Then a round of apologies; he was only messing, it was a joke, I was still up for drinks, yeah? Then, when I hadn't replied to that I was an ugly slut again.

Bullet fcking dodged there, I think. I shudder to imagine what he'd have been like if we'd met up and I'd rejected his advances in person.

MrWalsh

kylith wrote: »

I was texting a guy I'd met on a dating site a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't reply to him for a few hours because I was busy in work and what did I see when I picked up my phone again? I'm a bitch, I'm a whore, I'm a fat, ugly nerd that he didn't want to sleep with anyway. Then a round of apologies; he was only messing, it was a joke, I was still up for drinks, yeah? Then, when I hadn't replied to that I was an ugly slut again.

Bullet fcking dodged there, I think. I shudder to imagine what he'd have been like if we'd met up and I'd rejected his advances in person.

Jaysus! I got the chills reading that - what a psycho!

lazygal

kylith wrote: »

I was texting a guy I'd met on a dating site a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't reply to him for a few hours because I was busy in work and what did I see when I picked up my phone again? I'm a bitch, I'm a whore, I'm a fat, ugly nerd that he didn't want to sleep with anyway. Then a round of apologies; he was only messing, it was a joke, I was still up for drinks, yeah? Then, when I hadn't replied to that I was an ugly slut again.

Bullet fcking dodged there, I think. I shudder to imagine what he'd have been like if we'd met up and I'd rejected his advances in person.

What a nutter. I was reading about revenge porn recently and this guy sounds like that'd be something he'd think served you right. Who thinks that kind of stuff is a joke and you'd want to see him after that tirade?

kylith

When I replied to him to tell him that the reason I hadn't been in contact was work, and that he was never to contact me again after the way he spoke to me what did I get? "You weren't too busy yesterday". I deleted everything then and blocked him, I wasn't getting into a back and forth about varying workloads. I wasn't giving him the power to demand my attention by picking arguments. Stink of abusive nutjob off him.

Stay safe out there ladies!

Dolbert

kylith wrote: »

I was texting a guy I'd met on a dating site a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't reply to him for a few hours because I was busy in work and what did I see when I picked up my phone again? I'm a bitch, I'm a whore, I'm a fat, ugly nerd that he didn't want to sleep with anyway. Then a round of apologies; he was only messing, it was a joke, I was still up for drinks, yeah? Then, when I hadn't replied to that I was an ugly slut again.

Bullet fcking dodged there, I think. I shudder to imagine what he'd have been like if we'd met up and I'd rejected his advances in person.

Sounds like a classic case of Bye Felipe :eek:

I don't know a lot about this works at the moment as I am married and obviously not looking to meet anyone, I do think its important to keep in mind most men/people are grand are not nutters are just getting on with their lives and maybe hoping to meet someone.

While not excusing anything creepy or worse it must be confusing for men at times, some women will happy or at least not mine about being asked, some will be annoyed to be asked, the potential for misunderstanding must be huge.

This seem to divide in a few different views.

Don't mind being asked as long as its not pushy.

Annoyed at being asked.

Annoyed at being asked because he seemed nice and the women didn't want him to be that type of man.

DoYouEvenLift

Thought OP and a couple of others would be interested in this, it's the most reasonable viewpoint I've ever read regarding the topic.

http://ie.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/42_dating_advice.html

endacl

kylith wrote: »

I was texting a guy I'd met on a dating site a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't reply to him for a few hours because I was busy in work and what did I see when I picked up my phone again? I'm a bitch, I'm a whore, I'm a fat, ugly nerd that he didn't want to sleep with anyway. Then a round of apologies; he was only messing, it was a joke, I was still up for drinks, yeah? Then, when I hadn't replied to that I was an ugly slut again.

Bullet fcking dodged there, I think. I shudder to imagine what he'd have been like if we'd met up and I'd rejected his advances in person.

:eek: I hope the site has a facility to boot his account based on the texts you forward to them?

B0jangles

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Thought OP and a couple of others would be interested in this, it's the most reasonable viewpoint I've ever read regarding the topic.

http://ie.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/42_dating_advice.html

That unmitigated bollocksology qualifies as reasonable to you?

eviltwin

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Thought OP and a couple of others would be interested in this, it's the most reasonable viewpoint I've ever read regarding the topic.

http://ie.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/42_dating_advice.html

Not really sure what relevance that has to the OP's story tbh.

MrWalsh

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Thought OP and a couple of others would be interested in this, it's the most reasonable misogynistic viewpoint I've ever read regarding the topic.

http://ie.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/42_dating_advice.html

FYP

Seriously? What adult woman gives a flying f*ck about some loser who feels insecure over the number of previous partners she has had?

desertcircus

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Thought OP and a couple of others would be interested in this, it's the most reasonable viewpoint I've ever read regarding the topic.

http://ie.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/42_dating_advice.html

That's the most reasonable viewpoint you've read? It reads like a Gamergate diatribe.

DoYouEvenLift

MrWalsh wrote: »

FYP

Gottemmm

MrWalsh

MrWalsh wrote: »

FYP

Seriously? What adult woman gives a flying f*ck about some loser who feels insecure over the number of previous partners she has had?

Because it a women job to stroke his ego, its never his job to sort our his insecurities.

MrWalsh

mariaalice wrote: »

Because it a women job to stroke his ego, its never his job to sort our his insecurities.

Thank you for reminding me sister-wife. I will return to my embroidery.

DoYouEvenLift

The "insecurity" label's a funny attempt at trying to shame men into just accepting it lol, it's funny because it's heading towards the same fate as 'misogyny' with regards to holding absolutely no power due to over and misuse.

eviltwin

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

The "insecurity" label's a funny attempt at trying to shame men into just accepting it lol, it's funny because it's heading towards the same fate as 'misogyny' with regards to holding absolutely no power due to over and misuse.

Its only insecurity if you let it impact on your relationship. If a person has a number in their head that is acceptable that's fine. You meet someone who is above that and you move on? That's fine too. But when you become angry and irrational and use it as a stick to beat that person with and call them names like whore and slut what else can it be but insecurity. And women can be just as guilty of this as men. If some men find the idea of a woman with an active sex life distasteful that's okay but they don't have to judge her over it or refer to her in disgusting terms.

MrWalsh

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

The "insecurity" label's a funny attempt at trying to shame men into just accepting it lol, it's funny because it's heading towards the same fate as 'misogyny' with regards to holding absolutely no power due to over and misuse.

Into just accepting what? The fact that women like sex too?

I couldnt care less if a man cant accept the number of previous sexual partners I have had. I would rather know that up front than waste time with someone who thought there was something wrong with a woman having multiple different previous partners. It just wouldnt work, Id think someone who held a view like that was a gob****e and Id be only too pleased that they didnt want to go out with me because I certainly wouldnt be interested in dating someone with weird sexual hang ups like that.

DoYouEvenLift

eviltwin wrote: »

Its only insecurity if you let it impact on your relationship. If a person has a number in their head that is acceptable that's fine. You meet someone who is above that and you move on? That's fine too. But when you become angry and irrational and use it as a stick to beat that person with and call them names like whore and slut what else can it be but insecurity. And women can be just as guilty of this as men. If some men find the idea of a woman with an active sex life distasteful that's okay but they don't have to judge her over it or refer to her in disgusting terms.

That I actually would agree with, it's also a lack of self control. The right thing to do is just tell them you don't judge them but your outlook on sexuality's different and they're not right for you but you're glad they were honest with their number and that they'll find someone who's completely accepting (plenty of men actively seek women with high partner counts - MrWalsh here strikes me as one, that's fine) of it and on the same page. It's not that difficult really, I don't know why some people on here always seem to get rhiled up over this issue. It's just another personal preference in the same way personality, height etc. are.


Edit: MrWalsh is a woman - my bad lol.

crazygeryy

Addle wrote: »

Because anyone who wants sex, male or female, can get it without any effort now.

i would love to know where you hang out. what an utterly rubbish statement to make,unless your talking about paying for it, for most people it isn't easy i would think.

desertcircus

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

The "insecurity" label's a funny attempt at trying to shame men into just accepting it lol, it's funny because it's heading towards the same fate as 'misogyny' with regards to holding absolutely no power due to over and misuse.

You keep telling yourself that. And a man who judges potential partners based on the number of sexual partners they've had deserves to be called far worse things than insecure.

MrWalsh

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

That I actually would agree with, it's also a lack of self control. The right thing to do is just tell them you don't judge them but your outlook on sexuality's different and they're not right for you but you're glad they were honest with their number and that they'll find someone who's completely accepting (plenty of men actively seek women with high partner counts - MrWalsh here strikes me as one, that's fine) of it and on the same page. It's not that difficult really, I don't know why some people on here always seem to get rhiled up over this issue. It's just another personal preference in the same way personality, height etc. are.

Its the referencing of the utterly nonsensical article as a "reasonable viewpoint" that raised my hackles.

DoYouEvenLift

MrWalsh wrote: »

Its the referencing of the utterly nonsensical article as a "reasonable viewpoint" that raised my hackles.

Seemed reasonable to me - not to you. Look at those opinions going to work!

DoYouEvenLift

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

That I actually would agree with, it's also a lack of self control. The right thing to do is just tell them you don't judge them but your outlook on sexuality's different and they're not right for you but you're glad they were honest with their number and that they'll find someone who's completely accepting (plenty of men actively seek women with high partner counts - MrWalsh here strikes me as one, that's fine) of it and on the same page. It's not that difficult really, I don't know why some people on here always seem to get rhiled up over this issue. It's just another personal preference in the same way personality, height etc. are.

That's kinda a good point and its back to the OP, she was upset that the man who she probably liked and maybe saw potential in turned out to be something she didn't like the kind of man who was pushy about sex.

MrWalsh

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Seemed reasonable to me - not to you. Look at those opinions going to work!

You do realise that you are posting in The Ladies Lounge and suggesting that women who dont value their vaginas as precious pink treasures only to be shared to the chosen few men are somehow wrong isnt going to be a popular viewpoint?

DoYouEvenLift

desertcircus wrote: »

You keep telling yourself that. And a man who judges potential partners based on the number of sexual partners they've had deserves to be called far worse things than insecure.

Touching. You go, girl!

eviltwin

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Touching. You go, girl!

Really letting yourself down with the patronising comments.

Ave Sodalis

MrWalsh wrote:

You do realise that you are posting in The Ladies Lounge and suggesting that women who dont value their vaginas as precious pink treasures only to be shared to the chosen few men are somehow wrong isnt going to be a popular viewpoint?

I really hope it's not a popular viewpoint in general, and I think the attitude towards women and sex are starting to change (although, if the woman gets pregnant, there's still huge stigma). It's a ridiculous viewpoint to have, in my opinion and stinks of backward, judgemental thinking. Women aren't some innocent bunch of people who need to be tricked and pushed into having sex. They're perfectly capable, like men, to decide whether or not they want sex and when they do, they shouldn't be judged for it... sex is perfectly natural. We're designed to enjoy it. To have such an attitude towards women for enjoying it is, quite frankly, sexist.

DoYouEvenLift

Edit: it may not be apparent but I actually hold this same viewpoint for both men and women.

eviltwin wrote: »

Really letting yourself down with the patronising comments.

That's not patronising, that's a phrase to boost morale I thought

desertcircus

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Seemed reasonable to me - not to you. Look at those opinions going to work!

Opinion: that article was a unspeakably offensive heap of garbage that should only be classed as reasonable if set beside an opinion piece that literally calls for women with more than three sexual partners to be sacrificed to Smaldik, the God of male pride.

eviltwin

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Edit: it may not be apparent but I actually hold this same viewpoint for both men and women.

That doesn't make it any better Why should anyone judge another person on their sexual history?

It interesting how a thread about a woman who was uncomfortable about a man being pushy about sex has been turned around to be about men and their( one persons view ) of women's sex lives.

zeffabelli

desertcircus wrote: »

Opinion: that article was a unspeakably offensive heap of garbage that should only be classed as reasonable if set beside an opinion piece that literally calls for women with more than three sexual partners to be sacrificed to Smaldik, the God of male pride.

There is evolutionary pyschology which would back it, that men have very different criteria for long term partners than they do for one night stands or fings, promiscuity is something they dont like in the former - uncertain paternity... resources....anthropological atavistic - unconcious motivators.

desertcircus

zeffabelli wrote: »

There is evolutionary pyschology which would back it, that men have very different criteria for long term partners than they do for one night stands or fings, promiscuity is something they dont like in the former - uncertain paternity... resources....anthropological atavistic - unconcious motivators.

"Evolution made us that way" is a terrible justification for any human behaviour. Evolution also gave us an organ that does nothing except sometimes explode and kill us, but nobody talks about holding onto their appendix because evolution gave us one.

DoYouEvenLift

eviltwin wrote: »

That doesn't make it any better Why should anyone judge another person on their sexual history?

I don't openly judge or shame anyone IRL, it's all internal thoughts but we all judge. Look around your work place and you'll probably see some woman wearing a dress you don't like or pass a man who smells bad - you'll think/judge them in your head but you wouldn't openly say it to them or insult them about it to their face. That's the difference between me and the men you mentioned earlier who will throw names and insults at the person as a weapon. In prospective partners we also judge their personalities, humour, mannerisms, morals etc. so this is just another element of the 'judging' process in deciding whether or not they're suitable but, once again, it's all internal and a simple "we're not compatible" is usually suffice.


I don't want to derail OP's thread, by the way, so I'll stop replying from this personal viewpoint, probably shouldn't have engaged from the start lol.

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

Really letting yourself down with the patronising comments.

This is the same gentleman who, on another thread, stated that he is of the opinion that a woman who isn't open to approach when on a night out, should stay at home with her friends.

So, basically unless your vagina is available, stay behind your doors.

And if your vagina is available, he'll judge you for that too.

Quite the 'egalitarian'.

zeffabelli

desertcircus wrote: »

"Evolution made us that way" is a terrible justification for any human behaviour. Evolution also gave us an organ that does nothing except sometimes explode and kill us, but nobody talks about holding onto their appendix because evolution gave us one.

Give me a break with the politically correct crap. Im not twelve years old.

DoYouEvenLift

Candie wrote: »

This is the same gentleman who, on another thread, stated that he is of the opinion that a woman who isn't open to approach when on a night out, should stay at home with her friends.

So, basically unless your vagina is available, stay behind your doors.

And if your vagina is available, he'll judge you for that too.

Quite the 'egalitarian'.

I won't fill in the gaps in your conclusion you've arrived at about me, but I feel proud to be called a gentleman, M'lady!

zeffabelli

Candie wrote: »

This is the same gentleman who, on another thread, stated that he is of the opinion that a woman who isn't open to approach when on a night out, should stay at home with her friends.

So, basically unless your vagina is available, stay behind your doors.

And if your vagina is available, he'll judge you for that too.

Quite the 'egalitarian'.

What he says on another thread has no bearing on the validity of what he says on this topic.

And the ad hominems....seriously....

MrWalsh

Candie wrote: »

So, basically unless your vagina is available, stay behind your doors.

And if your vagina is available, he'll judge you for that too.

Shamed for giving it away, shamed for not. Id hoped we'd grown as a society in terms of attitudes towards sex.