House broken into

PTH2009

If someone broke into your house and u caught them what would you do ?? Invite them to a cup of tea lol

Sheep Lover

Pretend I was robbing the place too and tell them to fcuk off and find their own.

pappyodaniel

Great thread man.

TheBody

"It rubs the loting on it's skin......."

nullzero

Help them with stealing my knives by storing them neatly in their face

StupidLikeAFox

Lol

It depends. If it were just me and they didn't have any obvious weapons, I'd defend myself and my possessions. If they did have weapons, I'd leave them to it. Things can be replaced, my life and my health cannot. However if I had children or a partner, I'd fight them tooth and nail regardless.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Well they're already in so no invitation would be needed. It's hard to know how you'd react unless you are put into the situation, I'd imagine nine times out of ten the thieves will just leg it once they cop somebodies home.

K4t

Ask them politely to stop what they're doing and leave the scene, in a tone similar to the one used by Patrick Swayze towards Warchild in Point Break - Seriously.

punisher5112

I would ask them to wait while I wait for kettle to boil or a pan of oil.

Then plant it right on their face.

Use anything that comes to hand such as lynx as the lynx affect and eyes don't mix well.

Mag lite torch to the face along with a base ball bat.

El Weirdo

As I've said before when this thread has come up, no one has a fucking clue what they will do until they are in that situation.

That won't stop many of the torture porn fantasists in here though.

NachoBusiness

I caught a guy coming in the window one night and all his friends were out side, waiting for him to open the door I suppose. I was half asleep and just started roaring and when he heard me he dragged his legs back out. I opened the door and they all just legged it. I'm glad though as I had no idea what I would have said. Also opened the door when I heard gunshots many years ago, rather foolishly. Sounded like fireworks in my defense though.

punisher5112

El Weirdo wrote: »

As I've said before when this thread has come up, no one has a fucking clue what they will do until they are in that situation.

That won't stop many of the torture porn fantasists in here though.

Burn em burn em all..... Burn the house down

RayM

Like most people, I'd probably freeze. Then I'd spend the rest of the evening thinking of all the things I should have done.

efb

I'd be all hard ass like the guys here- more likely I'd gtfo and call the gardai

Señor Fancy Pants

No heroics, it's not TV. This is what I would do.

Start a thread here saying that I heard a noise, it's dark, I'm all alone and scared.

Start another thread in Paranormal looking for advice about the ghost that's making noises in my house.

Start another thread in Emergency Services requesting AGS and ghostbusters assistance.

Start a thread in the Pet forum about my cute cat that's freaking me the Fcuk out because it's hissing at **** I can't see.

Start another thread in AH after I cop that its actually not a ghost but a breaker iner of houses.

Start a thread in Personal Issues because I now love the breaker iner and want him to have my babies.

Start a thread in Travel and ask if anyone else went to Stolkholm and got the syndrome.

Start a thread in Survival & Self Suffiviency about what to have in my bug out bag as I'm planning my escape.

Update my thread in the Pet forum asking if anyone seen my cat.

Start a thread in Motors looking to know how fast my 1.1 litre red car can go and if I hit 88mph while leaving the house will I really go into the future.

Get banned for opening loads of threads across different forums.

Open a DR thread, then get a site ban, open a prison thread appealing the site ban.

Close account, re reg 158 times then sulk for a week.

Fcuk it, the guy that breaks in can just have it all, that all sounds like waaaay too much effort!

The Backwards Man

I'd beat the crap out of them, then I'd go round El Weirdo's gaff and beat the crap out of him too.

Not a NSA agent

Set up a series of traps like in Home Alone but they wouldnt work and I end up violently murdered.

Otherwise I'll leave and replace my stuff by stealing from the backwards man he's out beating el weirdo.

foggy_lad

I'd ride them sideways

PizzamanIRL

I'm prepared for a house break in. I have the Angelus recorded and ready to play at the click of a button. As soon as I set it off, they will have no other choice but to stop what they're doing and stare aimlessly into space.

Trudiha

Start screaming at my Missus, 'now aren't you sorry not to have given me the code to the gun cupboard?' Just the way I did when we had a cat in the garden.

(In case there is any confusion, I didn't want to shot a cat, I'm just a bit jumpy and she thinks this would translate into me being a bit trigger happy.)

suicide_circus

I'd grab my mini bat and make a lot of noise in the hope they'd leave. only if they actually came into the room would the mini bat come into play

Ruu

Exchange numbers to catch up later and have dinner, seems the polite thing to do.

SmilesInMass

Get my cock out and start doing the helicopter. It'll either get rid of him or I'll end up getting lucky. Win win.

mad m

Happened to me one night, was in a rage I went after them, caught up with one and had a base ball bat. Bat seemed to hit him on the shoulder for some reason, bat had a mind of its own.

Just as my trusty bat hit him, an unmarked squad car flashed their lights. Scumbag hit the ground rolling in pain as my trusty bat fell to ground. Gard's came over wondering what was going on, I said this fecker broke into mine.

As soon as they seen him they knew him and their was a warrant out for his arrest, he was screaming on ground saying how my trusty bat had hit him, they looked at him and said, we didn't see any bat.......

Scumbag got 3months..

Gongoozler

Well I can say what I would do, as I have been in that situation...
Thumped the living sh*t out of my boyfriend to try and wake him up, when that didn't work I, stupidly, decided to go ask them wtf were they doing. They ran off. Got in through a broken window. Never really considered how badly that could have gone. but as far as I was concerned, they were going to come stab us in our sleep. dunno, guess you could call it instinct.

I'm only little though, I shouldn't be doing things like that.

wil

PTH2009 wrote: »

Invite them to a cup of tea lol

Tealol

Is that herbal?

RayM

wil wrote: »

Tealol

Is that herbal?

'tea lol'?

I don't like any of that funny tea.

Son Of A Vidic

PTH2009 wrote: »

If someone broke into your house and u caught them what would you do ??

Shake their hand and crack open a few beers, to celebrate them making it past my German Shepherds alive.

wil

Gongoozler wrote: »

Thumped the living sh*t out of my boyfriend to try and wake him up, when that didn't work I, stupidly, decided to go ask them wtf were they doing. They ran off. ....

I'm only little though, I shouldn't be doing things like that.

Neat idea, beating the **** out of your bf to scare the **** out of burglars:eek:.

Cookie_Dough

Clicked into thread thinking someone's house had been broken into & it turns out to be a hypothetical question type thread...disappointing

Eugene Norman

What exactly are people breaking into to steal in houses these days? Everything movable is pretty cheap unless your a fan of expensive jewellery or watches etc. Back in the day people did have money and valuables in the house, either not trusting banks or having cash reserves to tide them over the weekend bank closures. What's to steal now? A €500 laptop? The android tablet? The kettle?

The TV is probably too big to move these days. I can't see anybody stealing a bed or a sofa.

Samaris

Going by past experience when shocked/frightened, I suspect I would probably fly into a righteous rage and give out stink to them before ordering them out.

It surprisingly often works, although admittedly, it only has to fail to intimidate once and I'm in trouble!

Cookie_Dough

Gongoozler wrote: »

Well I can say what I would do, as I have been in that situation...
Thumped the living sh*t out of my boyfriend to try and wake him up, when that didn't work I, stupidly, decided to go ask them wtf were they doing. They ran off. Got in through a broken window. Never really considered how badly that could have gone. but as far as I was concerned, they were going to come stab us in our sleep. dunno, guess you could call it instinct.

I'm only little though, I shouldn't be doing things like that.

One of the perils of living in a house with a broken window...

Junkyard Tom

I came eye-to-eye with a would-be burglar peering in the window, from the back garden, at about 3am after I entered the kitchen and turned on the light. I ran to the front door, grabbing a golf club on the way, so he couldn't get by me up the side of the house. I walked into the back garden with the golf club over my shoulder, ready to swing, but he'd disappeared.

I walked out to the front of the house and saw him emerging from a front garden a few doors down. He saw me and I him, he bolted and I bolted after him across the wet grass of the green in front of the house, the chase was on.

As we were rounding a corner on the damp grass, just before a footpath, I slipped and fell and he made good his escape. If I'm being honest I'm glad it ended that way because I wouldn't like to hit someone with a golf club unless it was self-defence. My intention was to scare the bejaysus out of him and judging by his running pace I accomplished that.

gitane007

Went to bed one Thursday night a few years ago , had a few beers and was comatose......... until the missus wakes me up saying there was someone down stairs. She hadn't even finished the sentence before the Adrenalin kicked in, i just remember leaping out of the bed and charging out of the bedroom. I remember the rage i felt as i loudly bounded down the stairs, teeth ground together.........i even remember thinking "no matter what they have just attack", Adrenalin and what it can make you do is amazing. Halfway down in the dark i could see the front door open, the street light streaming in and the back legs of some little **** legging it back out. I ran out after and chased them down the end of the road (there was two of them, saw this when i started chasing on the street) They went round the corner and i stopped then. Went back to the gaf and spent the rest of the night trying to calm down and thinking about what might have happened. While chasing one of them turned around to see how far away i was before they turned the corner. I got a look at the face and have done my homework , i am not violent and try to keep my temper in check but some day i'm gonna give the c*nt something he will regret for about 6 months from out of the blue. I hate anyone who upsets people by invading their home, its fookin scum and takes a while to get over, i can't imagine the stress these cu*ts cause if there are kids in the house too.

VisibleGorilla

I'd probably have a panic attack and faint, or attack them like a crazy man.

Impossible to tell without being put in that exact situation.

Mesrine65

Introduce them to my Akita's

shakencat

my dog started barking last week during the night,

my other half grabbed the crow bar and raced downstairs,

Im actually delighted there wasn't anyone in the house....

there would be an awful mess I'm sure!

Sky King

I've often though, if someone broke into your house and you mauled the hell out of them with a wrench, what happens when the burglar recovers? They DO know where you live like.

shakencat

also..

two knack balls broke into his car once,

we spotted a random light through the front door (silly beggars didn't have the cop on to turn off the interior light )

Anyway..

he legs it after them in his boxers up the road (He is quite well built, you wouldn'twant to look wrongly at him in fairness)

So heres this wilder beast chasing these two scrotes down the road and they stop and whip out a knife each.. scum.



he said ' ah f off then' and turned round to walk home.

he's lucky they didn't go for his back for 'the craic'

antodeco

You wouldn't steal a movie

You wouldn't steal a car

Wright

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It depends. If it were just me and they didn't have any obvious weapons, I'd defend myself and my possessions. If they did have weapons, I'd leave them to it. Things can be replaced, my life and my health cannot. However if I had children or a partner, I'd fight them tooth and nail regardless.

Wouldn't your health and life be all the more important then? As a father. Just leave them at it in that case as well, just lock the little wans and the SO in a room with you.

Wright

Sky King wrote: »

They DO know where you live like.

Yes, in prison.

Mesrine65

Sky King wrote: »

I've often though, if someone broke into your house and you mauled the hell out of them with a wrench, what happens when the burglar recovers? They DO know where you live like.

1/ Go out to the street & stealthily take out the lamp-post fuse, rendering complete darkness to aid you in your nefarious endeavours.

2/ Drag the body, once rendered unconscious/brain damaged, out of the house & leave them lying in the middle of the road after giving the perp one final smack on the napper.

3/ Hope the bin lorries are out early that morning

Enjoy Heroin Responsibly

Eugene Norman wrote: »

Back in the day people did have money and valuables in the house, either not trusting banks .

Given all the news coverage over the past decade I'm a bit surprised it hasn't come back into fashion ?

Mesrine65 wrote: »

2/ Drag the body, once rendered unconscious/brain damaged, out of the house & leave them lying in the middle of the road after giving the perp one final smack on the napper.

3/ Hope the bin lorries are out early that morning

They wont lift it unless its in the correct coloured bin ?

Mesrine65

Enjoy Heroin Responsibly wrote: »

They wont lift it unless its in the correct coloured bin ?

That they won't see him & finish the job off :eek:
:pac::pac::pac:

Rezident

Sheep Lover wrote: »

Pretend I was robbing the place too and tell them to fcuk off and find their own.

That is actually brilliant. If it ever does happen, I hope I do have the balls to shout that at them first.

Galwayguy35

I keep a hammer beside the bed, I'm no hardman but if it was only one guy it would be tempting to give him a wallop or two of it.

Mesrine65

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I keep a hammer beside the bed, I'm no hardman but if it was only one guy it would be tempting to give him a wallop or two of it.

Two is better than one...to be sure

Summer wind

Well if you are home alone you could shout "Jimmy and Tommy lock the back door" and "Mick and Johnny go upstairs and look out the back window". Then start doing your impression of a huge dog and hope for the best.