Pale Shaming

panda100

I came across this YouTube video earlier and thought there was some really relevant points raised in it:
http://youtu.be/D3SnZZ4xiHo

Having skin type 1 that doesn't tan I regularly get comments on how pale I am. These comments are generally not flattering. I would rarely go out without fake tan on especially if I'm wearing an outfit that shows off my legs. I feel sad that I am not comfortable enough with my own skin tone that I have to mask it in fake tan constantly. Just wondering what other boardies feel about this and do they agree with video?

dearg lady

I had to stop, yer one goes on a bit much! I've never worn fake tan, but I used to always keep my legs mostly covered. Couple of years ago when we had that scorcher of a summer I just thought feck this! Got the legs out, no one cared, don't think anyone even noticed. I suppose there'll always be a few eejits who'll make comments, but honestly I wouldn't let it bother me.

Dolbert

I've always gone out with the milk bottles on show, not bothered at all tbh. It feels like there's a 'shaming' for everything these days.

rainbow kirby

Dolbert wrote: »

I've always gone out with the milk bottles on show, not bothered at all tbh.

Same here, it's my natural colour so why should I be bothered with it? My skin has three natural states - pale as fcuk, pale as fcuk with more freckles and burnt. Since I try and avoid the latter, I don't really try and mask either of the other two at all. I'm just not a fake tan person at all.

Das Kitty

Ah here.

Being shamed for being too white?

Like, I know everyone's problems are relative to their own experience. But seriously...

Vojera

Really? I thought it had swung more the other way with people slagging off people for taking the time to fake fan. Maybe just among the people I know.

For the record, I'm like rainbow kirby; pale and freckly or lobster red.

ancapailldorcha

Why do people need to be "shamed" exactly?

MrWalsh

I remember being taken aback when my sister in law exclaimed upon seeing me ready for a night out "Are you really going out like that, OMG!!". I didnt even know what she was talking about, shouting about actually, in front of a number of people, trying her best to embarrass me. Anyway it turned out she was on about fake tan. Apparently she wouldnt be seen dead without it.

Meh, Im quite happy with my colour. I dont feel the need to fake tan myself. I have done occasionally but its not a normal state of affairs for me. More than anything I hate how it "feels" on my skin. Like my skin cant breathe when its drying.

Mind you, Im from a generation before fake tan and fake nails. So it probably just shows my age

Neyite

I tried the fake spray tan thing for a while, I found it tedious, messy and felt manky going to bed 'coated' and wake up to wash it off. Very occasionally, it was expertly done, taking into account my normal skin tone and the beautician was light on the trigger, meaning I had a glow rather than a tan, but more often than not, it was darker than I felt looked natural for me. I stopped bothering.

Now, I'd tend to wear a wash-off variant occasionally in the summer and if I'm going somewhere special if I feel the need to offset the blue tinge off my arms, but its very sparingly and the pale sunshimmer one. I never bothered with legs, I found you could never get a realistic even shade all over them. So I just used to wear tights or stockings. Now I've discovered maxi dresses and they are the business!

I have friends and relatives who wear fake tan all the time. At this stage they are so far from their natural hue and its been so long since they've seen it properly that their perception of pale/tanned is very skewed, and visibly so to others.

Toto Wolfcastle

I'm very pale and I've never been shamed for it. In my teens I was a bit more self conscious about it but now I don't care. I love my skin. I do remember trying on bridesmaids dresses a few years back and the others were taken aback when I mentioned I wouldn't be wearing fake tan. I ended up not being in that wedding so I don't know what would have happened next, but that was their issue, not mine.

The best way to counteract shaming of any kind is to work on being your best self. It's not easy, but once you realise that all that matters is that you're happy with yourself, life is so much better.

Gunslinger92

I'm a pale redhead, and I get this from my own mother and my own older sister.

"Would you not put a bit of tan on"

"You can't go out like that (ie without tan)"

I was bridesmaid at my sisters wedding and was practically forced into the tanning booth. Even though I told the girl doing it I wanted the palest shade possible I still think that I look like an Oompa Loompa in the wedding photos. Everyone else says I look gorgeous.. I'm like how can you say that, look at the cut of me :S

Nobody else cares about my pale skin except them, so hopefully it's something that's on the way out. Seems to be from responses here.

The meaning of the word 'shame' seems to have undertaken a huge shift lately. Now it seems to mean 'contrary to someone elses preference' or even just 'uncomfortable'.

Theres really no need for a fully functioning adult to volunteer feeling ashamed because some rude person thinks they're too pale. Let it go, move on, value yourself for how you feel about yourself, not how others think you should be. It's really the only way to be happy in life.

Scarinae

I am quite pale, but I do get a bit of colour (and freckles) when I’ve been out in the sun – I wouldn’t call it brown, it’s more of a golden colour. I like having my own natural colour in the summer but it doesn’t bother me at all when I’m white in the winter.

I spent six weeks doing fieldwork in Louth when I was in college and I picked up a great farmer tan on my arms. When I got home one of my colleagues was like “I love your tan, which one is it?” and I didn’t understand at all what she meant at first – she was asking which brand of fake tan I’d used

I’ve never felt shamed or pressured about being really white. My mum says I’m like a marble statue but she means it more in an affectionate way (her skin is darker than mine). I was a bridesmaid at a wedding a few weeks ago and refused to wear fake tan, the bride was fine with that but she and the other bridesmaids had it done. To be fair though their tan was very natural and I don’t stand out that much in the pictures.

I have to say I find it very strange that some people feel the need to get tanned, either with fake tan or by sunbeds, before they go on holidays.

MrWalsh

Candie wrote: »

The meaning of the word 'shame' seems to have undertaken a huge shift lately. Now it seems to mean 'contrary to someone elses preference' or even just 'uncomfortable'.

Theres really no need for a fully functioning adult to volunteer feeling ashamed because some rude person thinks they're too pale. Let it go, move on, value yourself for how you feel about yourself, not how others think you should be. It's really the only way to be happy in life.

I think the point is not that I felt ashamed about my whiteness, but that my sister in law TRIED to shame me with it. Her perception is that it is something to be ashamed of.

I must admit I havent watched the video in the OP but I thought we were talking about people who were trying to shame other people for their lack of fake tan.

MrWalsh

MrWalsh wrote: »

I think the point is not that I felt ashamed about my whiteness, but that my sister in law TRIED to shame me with it. Her perception is that it is something to be ashamed of.

I must admit I havent watched the video in the OP but I thought we were talking about people who were trying to shame other people for their lack of fake tan.

Well sod her perception. If you won't be shamed about it then she hasn't got that power over you, and she shouldn't.

We give other people far too much power to hurt us, sometimes. Over silly things too.

Dortilolma

I'd never say I felt shamed. I grew up in a sunny country and all my friends were beautiful bronze in the summer and I just went red. I'd have loved to be able to tan back then but I never actually used fake tan.

When I moved to Ireland I found I was not actually incredibly pale, in fact my skin tone is a bit rosey.

I don't really think about it any more - I wear what is comfortable.

My grandmother was obsessed with it for years and constantly pestered my about not wearing any
I stuck to my guns though and now i wouldn't give it a second thought

IvyTheTerrible

And some black women buy skin bleaching soaps to try to be paler.

People can always be convinced there is something about their appearance that needs to be "fixed".

meeeeh

I never wear tan. Way too much hassle for something that never looks exactly right. But then while I am quite pale, I am more olive tone, so I was never overly fussed about the whiteness of my skin.

I do come from a warmer country and while I don't like expression "shaming" there was definitely some slagging of people with paler skin. I remember talking to some locals at the sea side that they picked some really pale tourists and were collecting bets how soon and how red they will get. Fake tan was always considered ridiculous so it wasn't exactly a solution.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I came across situations where pale skin was commented upon (just not in Ireland) and I would have imagine some people could get uncomfortable because of it.

Scarinae

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

And some black women buy skin bleaching soaps to try to be paler.

That’s a really good point. I’ve noticed this on my travels as well – I spent a summer in Central America, and some of the local people would make comments like “Oh no, your skin is going brown!” if we picked up the sun because it’s something they tried to avoid.

The tanning trend is fairly recent in our culture as well – paler skin was a sign of wealth, as it showed that you didn’t need to work in the fields like the peasants did. At some point that flipped around, and tanned skin became a signifier that you were wealthy enough to afford sun holidays.

silverfeather

I look like an albino. Maybe this year I will try fake tan. It's not permanent I guess. But yeah ...fine line between pale and albino....I cross it sometimes.

grumpynerd

silverfeather wrote: »

I look like an albino. Maybe this year I will try fake tan. It's not permanent I guess. But yeah ...fine line between pale and albino....I cross it sometimes.

Pale skin on women is really sexy.

Nymeria

Bobblehead Panda wrote: »

I do remember trying on bridesmaids dresses a few years back and the others were taken aback when I mentioned I wouldn't be wearing fake tan. I ended up not being in that wedding so I don't know what would have happened next, but that was there issue, not mine.

Gunslinger92 wrote: »

I was bridesmaid at my sisters wedding and was practically forced into the tanning booth. Even though I told the girl doing it I wanted the palest shade possible I still think that I look like an Oompa Loompa in the wedding photos.

This seems to be a bridezilla thing nowadays....my beautiful pale and freckley friend got basically bullied into having fake tan done for an old friends wedding, as she was a bridesmaid, and 'would look odd' compared to the other nuclear-orangey looking ones apparently, how ridiculous.

sullivlo

I'm lucky if I remember to MOISTURISE before a night out, never mind be prepared enough to tan.

Pale all the way.

Sunny Dayz

While I haven't watched the OP's video clip - is "pale shaming" much of a thing anymore??


Maybe it's just my age (30) but I rarely bother with fake tan anymore. Mainly because I don't go out on the town anymore, I can't be ar$ed with the hassle of it, I just don't have the time and also because knowing my luck I'd streak it and it would look really obvious that I've fake tan on.


I only really bother when I take an odd notion to do it. Or if I had an occasion coming up.


When I was a teen and early 20's tanning was done every week. Now most of my friends rarely bother with fake tan and even my little sister who's in her early 20's and can be pale doesn't bother with it that much anymore, maybe for a big night out.

MrWalsh

sullivlo wrote: »

I'm lucky if I remember to MOISTURISE before a night out, never mind be prepared enough to tan.

Pale all the way.

lol - I read this and thought - Ive never moisturised!

Scarinae

Much as I'm all for pale skin, I don't want anyone reading this thread to feel judged for wearing fake tan! Sure, if it's done badly it can make you look like a stripey oompa loompa, but if it's done well it can look nice. I just personally wouldn't be arsed with it.

fits

meeeeh wrote: »

I do come from a warmer country and while I don't like expression "shaming" there was definitely some slagging of people with paler skin. I remember talking to some locals at the sea side that they picked some really pale tourists and were collecting bets how soon and how red they will get. Fake tan was always considered ridiculous so it wasn't exactly a solution.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I came across situations where pale skin was commented upon (just not in Ireland) and I would have imagine some people could get uncomfortable because of it.

I am actually surprised at the replies on this thread because I know exactly what OP is on about and its not pressure to wear fake tan, its this. My paleness is universally commented on by colleagues ( I thought you went on holiday etc) and strangers in summer months. Last summer in Barcelona a group of men beside me at a cafe were talking about me and referred to me as the "Blanco". Its not nice. I don't like feeling like I stick out but obviously I do based on this stuff. a Sicilian woman told me that if I came to Sicily it would sort out my pale skin. People are always asking me if I have enough sunscreen on etc. God I feel irritated just thinking about it tbh.
I never wear very revealing clothes or fake tan.

bee06

I'm very pale as well to the point of translucent and I've had a few comments over the last few years about going out without tan or not getting tan done for my wedding. I usually just shrug my shoulders and say I can't be arsed and if my husband fell in love with the pale me he won't have much problem marrying me the same way and thankfully he didn't run out of the church screaming about the ghost walking up the aisle.

Ice Storm

fits wrote: »

I am actually surprised at the replies on this thread because I know exactly what OP is on about and its not pressure to wear fake tan, its this. My paleness is universally commented on by colleagues ( I thought you went on holiday etc) and strangers in summer months. Last summer in Barcelona a group of men beside me at a cafe were talking about me and referred to me as the "Blanco". Its not nice. I don't like feeling like I stick out but obviously I do based on this stuff. a Sicilian woman told me that if I came to Sicily it would sort out my pale skin. People are always asking me if I have enough sunscreen on etc. God I feel irritated just thinking about it tbh.
I never wear very revealing clothes or fake tan.

I experience the same. I was on holiday in Turkey and a local man shouted at me on the street that I "need to get a sunburn". People always comment on my paleness when I'm in hot countries and wearing shorts or whatever and not in a complimentary way!

The same with colleagues. I've come back from holiday and been asked if I spent the entire time under an umbrella. A colleague told me when I'd got my hair done that it made me look less pale. And one time when I was going to donate blood, someone remarked "you, that's so pale!" While there's no malice in any of these comments, it grates after a while.

I did receive a few compliments on my skin in Asia. It's already been mentioned but it's hard to find skin products in parts of Asia that don't claim to whiten the skin, so my skin is appreciated there!

shalalala

The worst culprits for me have been my mother and Aunt. Though if I am honest, I think my mother looks WAY better with no fake tan on and I would say it to her.

I have been asked if I am sick, had people stare on holidays, my old boss and his wife were awful for saying I needed more makeup on and my current boss actually said it too at one point. It became apparently clear that they actually meant more of a tan.

Every time I go on holiday I get comments when I get home about my almost blue legs. I also get slagged for wearing factor 50 (I have to for medical reasons).

At this point I actually don't care. I was recently on holidays and it would have been nice to be a little bit darker, stretch marks etc are not as noticeable on tanned skin, but it doesn't suit me and I am really bad at making the effort.

So yeah, I am pale and kinda interesting

meeeeh

I'm not a great fan of Sun holidays because I find laying on the beach quite boring. I remember I never understood friends mother who would spend at least three weeks every summer on the nudist beach turning from side to side to get even tan. There is nothing wrong with nurturing beaches but I know she was there principally so she wouldn't have streaks from clothing. I don't know weather we are becoming less dumb lately or maybe because I live in different country but it is refreshing that there is less obsession with sun tan around me. If I want I can tan quite easily but I prefer a holiday where I am not supposed to be bored senseless on the beach just so I can thick criteria for dark enough skin tone. I never got overly negative comments but quite a few of my friends had to listen to them every year.

I don't mind discrete use of tanning products but I must admit I find dark tan absolutely ridiculous. And mean streak in me makes me giggle every time I see patchy orange legs. I guess I am rambling a bit but I am trying to say that people in the west are often pressured to darken their skin tone. And unlike the overweight issue darker skin tone is often perplexingly and wrongly associated with being healthy.

Shelga

I definitely get the comments too, in work when I come back from a holiday maybe. "Oh lovely tan!" followed by a snigger. I just roll my eyes. I find it absurd that slathering oneself in orange goop is considered attractive.

Also, some people just cannot seem to fathom that some people just do NOT tan! I go from very pale to lobster red with nothing in between, a fact that's lost on my colleagues. The only chemical I'm willing to put on my skin is my factor 50 Why people are so willing to risk their health for a tan, I do not know.

I wouldn't call the comments 'shaming' though, just normal workplace teasing.

silverfeather

Shelga I hear you I have never gotten anything but teasing and joking. I have no issues with fake tan maybe if I was going on a beach. But for nights out it's not always necessary and it doesn't suit everyone.

It's not shaming ...it's just I can light up photos sometimes..it's like the flash bouncing off the moon! You have to find the one that works for you more than likely.

I joke about it myself!

No one has ever said anything nasty unless it's you look a bit pale are you well? It's never bothered me or anything I think it's funny.

I don't burn but I would never tan ..it's not healthy ...i always use a high factor.

If you want to use fake tan go for it. Healthier than the sun. I might for a beach or anything but not all year round.

I would not tease anyone for using it. It can look nice on some ...you have to find the right tone for you though. Pale skin can look good too though. But I have never been 'shamed'.

meeeeh

I've heard nasty comments aimed at others (not myself) just not in Ireland. Often very mean laughing at people especially if they get burned but frankly I might be a bit more aware of it because I understand language spoken in one or two Mediterranean countries.

fits

I know people mostly don't mean ill by it but I am fairly sick of it and those comments can make me feel bad. Its not funny, and why comment on my appearance anyway. Say nothing if you are not going to say something nice imo.

skallywag

My daughter's doctor asked was she always that colour at a recent check-up, we live outside of Ireland. The concern passed though when her mum told him that her dad looks the same :-)

kylith

I've never been bothered with fake tan, and having the kind of skin that burns really easily, I don't bother much with actual tans either; if I'm out in the sun I Slip, Slap, Slop, and if I catch some sun through whatever I'm doing that's grand but I find lying out in it really boring. If anyone comments on it I have two standard responses: "Pale and interesting" and, for those who try get me to sun-worship "No thanks, I have a terrible allergy to skin cancer". The trick is to interrupt them with how much you enjoy being pale before they can say more than 'You're very pale' and get onto the 'you should...' part of their spiel.

I'll never forget the horror I felt as a teenager watching a friend slather herself in baby oil before lying out in the sun. More recently one of my late-teens nieces was at a family event covered in fake tan and it had caked in all the creases of her ankles, knees, and elbows and it honestly looked like she'd been out digging praties and not washed. She was mank with it.

greenfrogs

My legs and arms would be extremely pale. I have had people comment on how pale I am. But I would prefer to be pale rather than wear fake tan regularly. I find fake tan can often look quite bad. I would wear fake tan for big occasions but I would pay to have it done. I am very self conscious of my legs and I think fake tan can cover up some imperfections. Here's hoping anyway.

I would rarely sit out in the sun as well. I can't understand why people do it. To me a sun tan is the sun damaging your skin. I would ensure that I always wear a high sun factor if I'm out and about in the sun.

meeeeh

Just as by the by, I think that tights or hold ups should be worn for formal occasions like weddings anyway.

Boskowski

Funny thing is it's more of a thing between women. All fellas I know like pale skin and find fake tan terrible. Including myself.
Don't get me wrong we like darker women too but we also like the pale ones. The only thing that looks crap to us is pales trying the dark look and vice versa I suppose.
If you must use fake tan use it like you should be using your make up. To a degree where no one thinks you're wearing it.

fits

Boskowski wrote: »

Funny thing is it's more of a thing between women. All fellas I know like pale skin and find fake tan terrible. Including myself.
t.

I completely disagree. I am just as likely to get comments from men. And there are a fair few comments about pasty Irish women from male users on boards.

skallywag

meeeeh wrote: »

...Often very mean laughing at people especially if they get burned but frankly I might be a bit more aware of it because I understand language spoken in one or two Mediterranean countries.

I have full sympathy for the paler skinned people, considering that I am so pale myself that I am a light shade of blue. That said any pale skinned person in this day and age who manages to get themselves sunburned deserves to be ridiculed in my opinion. There is no excuse for it really, particularly if one is abroad in a warmer climate, and it's the height of irresponsibility.

meeeeh

Oh years because the fact that it hurts like a b@tch isn't enough?

Vanity isn't the only reason why people get burned and quite often it happens completely unintentionally.

greenfrogs

meeeeh wrote: »

Oh years because the fact that it hurts like a b@tch isn't enough?

Vanity isn't the only reason why people get burned and quite often it happens completely unintentionally.

Exactly. For example a person may forget to put sun screen on a part of their body, may be wearing too low a factor, forgot to reapply every few hours, didn't reapply after going in the water etc. There are loads of reasons. I got burnt very badly as a teenager. Never again though.

Cold War Kid

Just my opinion, but I don't think really really pale bare legs (e.g. mine) look good. I always cover them in the summer (they don't tan) with long skirts/pants - I don't like fake tan. I wear short dresses/skirts and tights in the winter constantly.

Otherwise I love my pale skin. I went through a phase of wanting to be tanned all right as a teenager, but that was more pressure being put on me by me, than by anyone else.

Scarinae

greenfrogs wrote: »

Exactly. For example a person may forget to put sun screen on a part of their body, may be wearing too low a factor, forgot to reapply every few hours, didn't reapply after going in the water etc. There are loads of reasons. I got burnt very badly as a teenager. Never again though.

Or their boyfriend might be crap at applying suncream! I once got sunburnt on my upper back and shoulders, you could see a white handprint in the middle of all the red. Kind of like a burnt Uruk Hai

FouxDaFaFa

I got sucked into a bit of a 90s r&b music video nostalgia marathon on youtube recently, videos featuring a lot of black women. You scroll down to the comment section (I know, my first mistake) and they're all talking about so-and-so getting their skin bleached or being photoshopped to have lighter skin because it's more desirable to be black but light-skinned than black and dark-skinned. That's sad. It is sad to teach a young black girl that she'd look prettier if her skin weren't so dark. Like, there's something intrinsically wrong with her. And it's different than saying someone would look better with a bit of a tan. Because a fake tan is just a minor coverup of how you already are but bleaching your skin is dramatically altering your natural state because it's not good enough.

We're going through a time now where white pale skin is seen as the archetype of female beauty. It may be annoying to get rude comments (In California, I had a stranger come up to me on a tram and give me directions to a tanning salon), or to ruin photos because the flash bounces off your skin or to struggle to find a light enough foundation but it seems a little churlish when it's unlikely your skin colour has ever been the reason you lost out on a job or were refused tenancy or service or whatever.

feamainn

Boskowski wrote: »

Funny thing is it's more of a thing between women. All fellas I know like pale skin and find fake tan terrible. Including myself.
Don't get me wrong we like darker women too but we also like the pale ones. The only thing that looks crap to us is pales trying the dark look and vice versa I suppose.
If you must use fake tan use it like you should be using your make up. To a degree where no one thinks you're wearing it.

I find this to be true. I've never heard anything negative from men about pale skin. Even dating foreign men they say they like it.

Irish girls trying to cover it up is such a self hating thing. Like pale skin is kind of defining feature in Irish beauty, no?
It doesn't bother me but it's sad that so many girls obviously feel like they're worth less because of their skin.

meeeeh

I don't necessarily agree with that. Darker skin often makes you look slimmer so sometimes is just optics not some exercise in self hate.

Lia_lia

I have very pale skin. Not the palest, it has a slight yellow tone to it and does tan (eventually!). I also have no freckles which I find kinda odd for someone with pale skin and blonde hair. I was always a lot more tanned when I was a child, but I lived abroad in a hot country and was outside a lot!

Cannot be arsed with fake tan. It can look good on some people, but I just don't have the patience to apply it properly! I'll wear a gradual tanner the odd time for whatever reason, but only a couple of times a year.

I have actually get quite a lot of compliments on my skin. It's happens quite frequently where I'll mention to other girls (who always wear fake tan) that I rarely wear fake tan, and they reply saying something like "oh yeah but you have nice pale skin, you don't need fake tan"! Even-though it's as pale/paler than theirs Maybe they were just being kind..

My Mother is always trying to get me to tan more, she thinks it makes me look healthier. Her skin is much darker than mine, almost Spanish looking. She has mentioned sunbeds a few times. Nope nope. I detest the things.

The only time I was "pale shamed" was when I was on a night out at home and two French lads were speaking to each other in French about my white legs and how I should go to the French Riviera for a few weeks. :rolleyes: They got the shock of their lives when I started speaking back to them in French!

Actually I was in a shop the other day and there was a sales assistant working there with the most AMAZING pale skin. It was so pale, I couldn't stop looking at it. Had never seen skin that pale. Was beautiful. I was going to say to her "I love the colour of your skin", but would have been a little weird!