Friends girlfriend cheated

TheOtherBloke

So, I just found out my friends girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him a few months ago. I wasnt the first to know.. A few of our friends know but refuse to tell him. I feel bad hiding it from him. I know its bad hiding the truth but it would be such a shame to ruin their relationship. What would you do? Thanks

Banjo String

TheOtherBloke wrote: »

So, I just found out my friends girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him a few months ago. I wasnt the first to know.. A few of our friends know but refuse to tell him. I feel bad hiding it from him. I know its bad hiding the truth but it would be such a shame to ruin their relationship. What would you do? Thanks

Is she hot?

Blackmail her. 'Blow job or I'm telling him'

Doh.

heldel00

Do your homework, find out all the facts and is not just hearsay and then man up and tell him if needs be

The_Valeyard

Could be best not to get involved in peoples relationships, have seen it backfire spectacularly.

Panthro

I think the best thing you can do in this situation is.....

Blackmail the hell out of mates missus.

You'll make s fortune!

Once youve had your fill...then tell the mate.

He'll understand, surely.

TheOtherBloke

Banjo String wrote: »

Is she hot?

Blackmail her. 'Blow job or I'm telling him'

Doh.

So effectively making her cheat again?

893bet

Just tell him.

He is your best friend.


Edit: actually not your best friend. Dunno so. Make sure you know the facts and are sure before you say anything though.

cml387

One piece of advice...follow none of the suggestions you're given on AH.
In fact that also goes for life in general.

Are you sure YOU'RE not the other guy, OP?

Magico Gonzalez

Take him for a pint, tell him. Man up.

Banjo String

TheOtherBloke wrote: »

So effectively making her cheat again?

Whats the problem? it's like she can be a half cheater, she's already broke the ribbon and crossed the line man!

Plus it doesn't count if it's 'covered'.

Up to youuuuuuu..... .

TheOtherBloke

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Are you sure YOU'RE not the other guy, OP?

If I followes some of the suggestions on here I would be said guy

MagicMarker

TheOtherBloke wrote: »

So, I just found out my friends girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him a few months ago. I wasnt the first to know.. A few of our friends know but refuse to tell him. I feel bad hiding it from him. I know its bad hiding the truth but it would be such a shame to ruin their relationship. What would you do? Thanks

Tell him.

If I found out friends knew about something like that and didn't tell me, they would be friends no longer.

Panthro

Magico Gonzalez wrote: »

Take him for a pint, tell him. Man up.

Take her for a pint. Blackmail. Get laid.

They usually do shoot the messenger, don't they?

Best to tell her to tell him.

Custardpi

As with most dilemmas in life, the answer can be found in the wisdom of Vince Vaughn.

Arsemageddon

Seduce your best friend and then ride him sideways....

....it's the only way for him to get even and it's your duty as a best friend.

TheOtherBloke

Banjo String wrote: »

Whats the problem? it's like she can be a half cheater, she's already broke the ribbon and crossed the line man!

Plus it doesn't count if it's 'covered'.

Up to youuuuuuu..... .

Do not put tempting thoughts into my mind.. You rascal you

DareGod

If my friend heard a rumour I'd been cheated on, I'd be seriously pissed off if they didn't tell me about it.

Tell him what you heard and let him do with the information whatever he wants.

Just say to him "This is what I've heard, and you can do with this whatever you want."

You'd have to be a real ****up for that to somehow backfire.

Jjiipp79

Keep stum op, nothing to be gained by telling him. When it comes out and it will, act like you're hearing it for the first time....

No one wants to break that news to a mt8

Lux23

Confront her and see what she says, it good be a load of crap, but if it was my friend I think I would tell them.

TheOtherBloke

Jjiipp79 wrote: »

Keep stum op, nothing to be gained by telling him. When it comes out and it will, act like you're hearing it for the first time....

No one wants to break that news to a mt8

Yes but if he finds out.. Then finds out that a heap of us know.. Humiliation and a big loss of friends would be coming his way. So good suggestion, thanks

fleet_admiral

http://howtodateinlv.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/woman_logic_cheating-s500x323-342564.jpg

Gbear

I'm a fan of the "blackmail bad person into doing the right thing" school of thought.

Contact the girlfriend and tell her she has a week to come clean. If she refuses then get your friends to back you up and tell your other friend the truth.

Someone isn't Satan just because they cheated. If they've had a good relationship it might be salvageable.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I wouldn't say it to him, you don't know if could have been a one off and maybe they were going through s rough patch and have come through it and are good again BUT I would say it to her and just let her know that you know and that if she's serious about him then good enough but if she's unsure, do the decent thing and tell him and finish with him rather than leaving it till they're possibly deeper involved.

suicide_circus

Tell her to tell him or you will

the evasion_kid

Tell him,I made the mistake of not telling a friend and had to watch him walk down the aisle with her,she knows I know and hates my guts for it I even got a spiteful look at the wedding

DareGod

the evasion_kid wrote: »

Tell him,I made the mistake of not telling a friend and had to watch him walk down the aisle with her,she knows I know and hates my guts for it I even got a spiteful look at the wedding

Why does she hate you for knowing? It's not your fault you know!

Mechanical Clocktail

Tell him, no doubt. I don't know why anyone is suggesting contacting the cheater. The first thing she'll do is talk bad about you, maybe make something up about how you hit on her etc. to discredit you. That way be crazy town. Just tell the guy, he's being made a fool out of. Some friends he has.

strobe

This is what you do man. Next time you're out you point out some little ride to him to check out. Then after a minute you say "would you ever cheat on Mary, man?", if he says no. Ask why. This is a weird ass line of conversation. He'll ask why you're being weird. Then you tell him what you know.

Of course you have to tell him.

I don't word so good and I'm also a busy, busy man... no not busy, what's the other one? Lazy! I'm a very lazy man. So this video here will explain why you have to tell him in my place.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG2Pwt6xiUI

(Skip to 2:20 or so for the applicable part)

the evasion_kid

DareGod wrote: »

Why does she hate you for knowing? It's not your fault you know!

Probably afraid I'll let it slip someday and her meal ticket will leave

Custardpi

This thread needs a poll.

StewartGriffin

Custardpi wrote: »

This thread needs a poll.

Where's Wojciech when you need him?

jamesbere

Have a cup of tea

biko

Yes, AH is the place to ask.

Tbh, unless you have proof I don't think you should say anything.
"John, I heard from Martin who heard from Steve your gf was cheating on you" isn't great proof.

How about you instead tell her?
Tell her it's your mate and she should come clean.

DareGod

the evasion_kid wrote: »

Probably afraid I'll let it slip someday and her meal ticket will leave

She should be bowing at your feet and worshipping the ground you walk on, considering.

Fratton Fred

biko wrote: »

Yes, AH is the place to ask.

Tbh, unless you have proof I don't think you should say anything.
"John, I heard from Martin who heard from Steve your gf was cheating on you" isn't great proof.

How about you instead tell her?
Tell her it's your mate and she should come clean.

Best way forward.

If she cheated with another mate, punch him in the face.

tomwaterford

Fratton Fred wrote: »

Best way forward.

If she cheated with another mate, punch him in the face.

Why???
She is Equally if not more responsible??
Esp if the Mate is single....takes two to cheat imo



As for op....stay outta it....not your business

Cold War Kid

heldel00 wrote: »

Do your homework, find out all the facts and is not just hearsay

This.

It's a difficult one. I understand people not wanting to stick their oar in, but if you go with that approach, there are risks: they could find out eventually and also find out that their friends knew. That would be horrendous for them. Or what if the relationship gets dialled up to engaged, like someone else on the thread experienced?

I think, ideally, tell him, but obviously only once all facts are established conclusively.

Then again, if it was just a one-off and the person cheating felt horrendous after it and it was enough of a wake-up call for them never to do it again, maybe let sleeping dogs lie.

It's a dilemma. Wouldn't fancy being in that situation if it were a close friend.

G_R

Custardpi wrote: »

This thread needs a poll.

I agree. Give me a min...

Tigger

in this day and age an anonymous email should be the job

G_R

Grand_Rajnah wrote: »

I agree. Give me a min...

Poll's up, have at it folks!

UCDVet

Do you actually 'know' she cheated. Or did you 'hear it' from someone who 'totally knows'?

Because there is a world of difference.

If you KNOW she cheated, you should tell him.

One eyed Jack

TheOtherBloke wrote: »

So, I just found out my friends girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him a few months ago. I wasnt the first to know.. A few of our friends know but refuse to tell him. I feel bad hiding it from him. I know its bad hiding the truth but it would be such a shame to ruin their relationship. What would you do? Thanks

Honestly, if I were in your position (and I often have been, and ten times out of ten that's all they were - unfounded rumours) I would feel worse if I were involved in spreading malicious rumours about my friend's girlfriend, having only heard it from someone else who heard it from someone else, etc.

Unless the girl herself comes and tells you, I'd say absolutely nothing more to anyone about it.

hatrickpatrick

TheOtherBloke wrote: »

So, I just found out my friends girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him a few months ago. I wasnt the first to know.. A few of our friends know but refuse to tell him. I feel bad hiding it from him. I know its bad hiding the truth but it would be such a shame to ruin their relationship. What would you do? Thanks

Definitely tell him. You're not ruining their relationship, she already did that by cheating on him. He has a right to know the facts so that he can decide whether he wants to continue that relationship.

ToddyDoody

Drop a few hints such as... isn't she such a fun loving girl?

Summer wind

I wouldn't tell him. Trust me you would be opening a huge big can of worms for yourself. My friends boyfriend told me he wanted to finish with her and I didn't tell her because he was drunk when he said it and I thought they would be ok because she was nuts about him and he had always seemed really into her too.

A couple of weeks later to all our shock they broke up. When I spoke to her I mentioned that he had said he wasn't too happy awhile ago. She went mental and told me I should've been loyal to her and told her. I said I just thought it was the drink talking and they'd be fine. We had a huge row and even though we made up a week later things have never been the same and nowadays which is a few years later we don't really speak much. Maybe ask your friends girlfriend what exactly happened but think long and hard before you say anything.

TheOtherBloke

Mechanical Clocktail wrote: »

Tell him, no doubt. I don't know why anyone is suggesting contacting the cheater. The first thing she'll do is talk bad about you, maybe make something up about how you hit on her etc. to discredit you. That way be crazy town. Just tell the guy, he's being made a fool out of. Some friends he has.

Some friends he has? We know in the back of out minds that its wrong, we feel bad but we just dont want to ruin their relationship. His girlfriend should have told him herself.. Admit the mistake and hopefully make amends

nullzero

Summer wind wrote: »

I wouldn't tell him. Trust me you would be opening a huge big can of worms for yourself. My friends boyfriend told me he wanted to finish with her and I didn't tell her because he was drunk when he said it and I thought they would be ok because she was nuts about him and he had always seemed really into her too.

A couple of weeks later to all our shock they broke up. When I spoke to her I mentioned that he had said he wasn't too happy awhile ago. She went mental and told me I should've been loyal to her and told her. I said I just thought it was the drink talking and they'd be fine. We had a huge row and even though we made up a week later things have never been the same and nowadays which is a few years later we don't really speak much. Maybe ask your friends girlfriend what exactly happened but think long and hard before you say anything.

I read that and in my head it was narrated by Vicky Pollard.

fleet_admiral

Would you tell her if he cheated?

TheOtherBloke

biko wrote: »

Yes, AH is the place to ask.

Tbh, unless you have proof I don't think you should say anything.
"John, I heard from Martin who heard from Steve your gf was cheating on you" isn't great proof.

How about you instead tell her?
Tell her it's your mate and she should come clean.

The only proof we have is that she ran to a friend of ours in tears and guilt after it happened