Do you disrespect someone you love like this?

Stavro Mueller

Be prepared for your girlfriend to put the relationship out of its misery if you don't. I'm not seeing what it is she's getting out of this other than the convenience of having a boyfriend. All I can add really is that it is possible to love someone who is wrong for you. Have a think about that.

Big Bag of Chips

If you want to continue the relationship, then the only thing you can do is accept your gf's faults. And do not keep bringing up 3 month old arguments.

kylith

nothappy1 wrote: »

Yeah but now its too late, the feelings for her are there, im too deep now. I do love her - is this not good reason to stay together ? we are not compatible on many aspects of relationship... So we should break off based on that even if we have feelings for eachother?

Look, you can end it now and be miserable for a couple of months.

OR

You can not end it and continue to seethe about her not making time for you, not putting herself out for you, smoking, drinking, and being thoughtless and be miserable for the next few years until one of you reaches breaking point and it all gets messy.

strobe

nothappy1 wrote: »

I do want to continue this relationship, I just dont know what to do since you advice me to break it off and that we are not compitable...

Try sitting down with her and having one big relationship conversation. Ask her if she's happy in the relationship, and if not ask her what the specific issues are for her. Then tell her the things you're unhappy about (your sex life, that you feel she doesn't put in as much effort as you in terms of doing things the other person would like to do together, anything else if you feel it's a major issue), it may help to wrote it out in an email or something, as it can be hard to think of the things or put them across properly face to face in the heat of the moment.

Then ideally, you will listen to each others issues, talk about them each separately, and try to arrive at a compromise on them/ determine to do better in relation to them in future... at least ideally that's what'll happen.

But if that doesn't happen, then you'll either have to accept that the issues aren't going anywhere and accept that and settle for this being the relationship. Or end it and meet someone else to fall in love with where these issues aren't there from the get go.

Best of luck man.

Dark Phoenix

Op with the way you keep going on about how much you have put into the relationship etc etc you would swear you were going out with her for years - its been a year and two months - this is way too much intensity and drama given the time frame.

I cant get my head around you still harbouring anger towards her over something that happened almost four months ago to be honest. You both sound like melters based on what you have written about that night - you treated her like a child (seriously telling her to take a shower and telling tales to her parents) and then sulking all night and obsessing about where she was. The level of detail in your post about new years night is astounding and shows that you spent the whole night monitoring what she was doing, with who and when. Yes you could argue she was meant to be with the family and kept leaving to go off with a gruop of other people but you could have either left her to it or joined her instead of monitoring her and sulking.

As for the future - like many others have said do you actually want to be in a relationship with her - if not - break up! You may be better suited to someone who has the same strict defined social norms that you have defined for yourself around what is / isnt acceptable. Ive a friend like that, she has her own odd set of rules around what she feels should be done in social situations and whats respectful and what is not - I dont at all - each to their own.

nozipcode

NotHappy1 - what do you do with your GF that you do not like to do, but do it anyway to keep her happy? How many examples can you provide?

And going to stay with her family over NYE when you only are going out less than 18months is a bit pre-mature if you ask me, but that's besides the point.

You probably don't realise how selfish you sounds yourself when presenting your arguments.

Stench Blossoms

nozipcode wrote: »

NotHappy1 - what do you do with your GF that you do not like to do, but do it anyway to keep her happy? How many examples can you provide?

And going to stay with her family over NYE when you only are going out less than 18months is a bit pre-mature if you ask me, but that's besides the point.

You probably don't realise how selfish you sounds yourself when presenting your arguments.

Eh? I don't think that's too soon at all.

nozipcode

Lets agree to disagree then. I think being introduced to her family at that stage is fine, but unless someone was engaged to my sister or brother I would prefer to spend family time with, well, my family.

nothappy1

What i do for her ?
- I drive to her hometown (20 min away which is not far) at least 3 times a week, at the same time she comes to my place around 1 time per month... it happened she did not come even once in 9 weeks
- I help her with her work and when seh needs help (example: painting her room)
- I go to all her friends/relaitves bday parties (i do not like bday parties at all, not even mine, she knows it , but i go because it means something to her)
- Dont pressure her for sex even if we dont have sex for 2 or more weeks in a row

I can go on and on...

Stench Blossoms

There you go again.

Saying all the nice things you do for her but not anything that she does for you.

Seriously, just end it. You have yourself up on a pedestal that you're perfect.

nothappy1

I do not think its too soon, Iwas invited at er mothers 50 years bday party after just 3 months of relationship, and i hated it but went for her...

And FYI i spent christmas eve with her family at her home and slept there...

nothappy1

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

There you go again.

Saying all the nice things you do for her but not anything that she does for you.

Seriously, just end it. You have yourself up on a pedestal that you're perfect.

Hey I was asked what I DID for her not her for me!

Stench Blossoms

nothappy1 wrote: »

Hey I was asked what I DID for her not her for me!

And what does she do for you?

Tell us ONE nice thing about her?

nothappy1

She is caring (always asks me how was work), when i have health problems she brings me medication,she gave me massages from time to time, she always invites my to go somewhere she is heading with(out) friends, she is very affectionate, she is fair about splitting/paying for dinners, she is giving in terms of little gifts from time to time to remind me she thinks of me and she swallows LOL when we have sex (once a month)

there could be more but that is what i remember right now thinking about it...

Stench Blossoms

nothappy1 wrote: »

She is caring (always asks me how was work), when i have health problems she brings me medication,she gave me massages from time to time, she always invites my to go somewhere she is heading with(out) friends, she is very affectionate, she is fair about splitting/paying for dinners, she is giving in terms of little gifts from time to time to remind me she thinks of me and she swallows LOL when we have sex (once a month)

there could be more but that is what i remember right now thinking about it...

You are actually disgusting.

nothappy1

Alright, now i see you just dont like me - whatever I say is wrong...

Im not the one who swallow... so i do not see how am I disgusting? (and i do not see any abnormal/strange/disgusting activity here)

nozipcode

nothappy1 wrote: »

Alright, now i see you just dont like me - whatever I say is wrong...

Im not the one who swallow... so i do not see how am I disgusting? (and i do not see any abnormal/strange/disgusting activity here)

LOL. Man, you're warped.

Sounds like you want your GF to be the pretty little princess when it suits you, and then the cum-swallowing ho, when it suits you.

Potatoeman

nothappy1 wrote: »

She is caring (always asks me how was work), when i have health problems she brings me medication,she gave me massages from time to time, she always invites my to go somewhere she is heading with(out) friends, she is very affectionate, she is fair about splitting/paying for dinners, she is giving in terms of little gifts from time to time to remind me she thinks of me and she swallows LOL when we have sex (once a month)

there could be more but that is what i remember right now thinking about it...

There are loads of threads on here where guys complain about sexless marriages and many of them seem to start before marriage. If your sexlife is bad now, what so you think will happen in the long run? You mentioned she never climaxed, was this just with you? Maybe get her to pleasure herself in front of you to to see what she likes.

nothappy1

nozipcode wrote: »

LOL. Man, you're warped.

Sounds like you want your GF to be the pretty little princess when it suits you, and then the cum-swallowing ho, when it suits you.

I like it I admit, but it looks like its something she prefers since i have never suggested this, I even tell her before I come so she knows and is able to avoid it .. but she doesnt.
again, Im the bad guy...

nothappy1

Potatoeman wrote: »

There are loads of threads on here where guys complain about sexless marriages and many of them seem to start before marriage. If your sexlife is bad now, what so you think will happen in the long run? You mentioned she never climaxed, was this just with you? Maybe get her to pleasure herself in front of you to to see what she likes.

She said it doesnt bother her and she only gets an O with masturbaing.
I was trying really hard many things but no results so far... Maybe i could try more things/get better with it with her if we did this more then once every blue moon.
That might be the root of our sex problem.
And yeah, she is on the pill for a very long time too. Maybe its the sex drive.

LegacyUser

nothappy1 wrote: »

Maybe its the sex drive.

Or maybe it's just you, because right now you come across as a horrible creep with an awful attitude to your girlfriend. All your responses to crticism so far have been to act like people pointing out your issues are the ones in the wrong, but really, they're right and you should be listening and addressing your behaviour.

giggle84

I can't believe some of the posts you're writing now OP seriously. Like gross.

Exactly what advice are you looking for here?

retro:electro

nothappy1 wrote: »

She is caring (always asks me how was work), when i have health problems she brings me medication,she gave me massages from time to time, she always invites my to go somewhere she is heading with(out) friends, she is very affectionate, she is fair about splitting/paying for dinners, she is giving in terms of little gifts from time to time to remind me she thinks of me and she swallows LOL when we have sex (once a month)

there could be more but that is what i remember right now thinking about it...

Ugh you're just gross. And you're one to talk about being disrespected. If your girlfriend ever saw how you've written about her here I suspect she would run for the hills, and rightly so.

dudara

A warning to posters - please refrain from attacking the other posters and remember to post constructively and on topic.

dudara

nozipcode

nothappy1 wrote: »

I like it I admit, but it looks like its something she prefers since i have never suggested this, I even tell her before I come so she knows and is able to avoid it .. but she doesnt.
again, Im the bad guy...

Yes, but you're only the bad guy for letting the world know she swallows. Pretty ****t thing to say about your GF!

Cannot you not see how disrespectful to her it is to tell the world what you get up to in bed????

K_P

From your overly detailed account of a bad night out 3 months ago to you getting dragged into all sorts of tangents with other posters here, I get the feeling that you quite like an argument OP. You've been given very constructive advice and asked to reflect on your relationship. All very valid to me, but you're not taking it on board.

This relationship seems doomed in that you seem fundamentally incompatible. Incompatibility is not a matter of who's right and who's wrong, it just means you're not suited. You won't "win" this argument with your girlfriend, whatever that could possibly mean at this stage. But you'll keep losing every day if you stay in a relationship that makes you so unhappy. Sadly though, I get the feeling you'd rather be right than be happy.

nothappy1

Telling bunch of strangers my gf swallows is disrespectful? Do you know her? Does she knows you? You will never met her and dont even know her and yet you are saying what a bad guy am I.

I can understand what you saying if i d tell that to people who knows her or knows us. but to bunch of strangers? i dont get it... Did what I just tell you affect/hurt her in any way? It doesnt so, therefore I do not agree with you...

And to people saying its gross. For some it is for some it isnt... people do in badroom far more gross things... i thing its a natural thing, why not if both people in relationship like it right...

And i did realize i f****d up that night too and that we are both responsible, and I admit it but some of you still want to crucify me . I dont know why I still getting the heat for that...

tinz18

nothappy1 wrote: »

Telling bunch of strangers my gf swallows is disrespectful? Do you know her? Does she knows you? You will never met her and dont even know her and yet you are saying what a bad guy am I.

OP I'm assuming you are in Ireland. If so, you should know what a small place it is and boards.ie is widely known and read. There's always a chance that someone who knows you or your girlfriend and knows that ye spent a drama-filled nye in a hotel in the mountains. They could easily will stumble upon this thread and put two and two together. (I came across a friend recently on boards anonymously that I recognized solely by his style of writing.) Therefore putting personal details about her swallowing can be construed as disrespectful, crude and plain wrong.

On another note, I'm with the other posters when I say that chances are your relationship is doomed to fail. Yes, love counts for something but when I say I love I mean I love everything about my bf even his faults (even when he annoys the head off me). I don't hold something he did three months ago against him, I don't go running to his mam when he hasn't showered- if anything I protect him from criticism. Love isn't wanting to change a person or sulking the whole night when they go against your ideals or creating a drama at a family event (I get that she participated in this too). Respect is a big part of a relationship and from your one-sided account it doesn't seem that either of you have any respect for each other.

It's your first relationship, I get the wanting to hold on to it but when two people are bad for each other they are better off apart than together and given what you've said you sound bad for each other.

retro:electro

nothappy1 wrote: »

And to people saying its gross. For some it is for some it isnt... people do in badroom far more gross things... i thing its a natural thing, why not if both people in relationship like it right.....

Nobody is saying the act is gross, each to their own. What's gross is you having such blatant disrespect for your girlfriend in telling us that and the irony that you started this thread because you yourself felt disrespected. And it doesn't matter that we here don't know her. I could scream from an intercom in a crowded shopping centre in the middle of Kentucky that my boyfriend is an asshole or something to that effect, just because nobody there knows me doesn't mean that it wouldnt be disrespectful to my boyfriend and a trashy thing to do. You honestly need to cop on.

Penny Tration

Op, if one of the best things you can say about her is that she swallows, that really says it all. That's hardly the foundation of a good relationship.

You speak about disrespect. You're worse than she is. You started that ridiculous argument by telling her family that she refused to shower. She's not five years old, and it's her choice whether or not to shower. You completely humiliated and embarrassed her!

And now, you tell people on the internet that she swallows.

Seriously? If my boyfriend EVER spoke about me like that, even on an anonymous site like boards or reddit, he'd be dumped.

You can't change her, and it's not something you have any right to try to do. Accept her the way she is, or leave her to find someone else.