Wedding Abroad - Bridal party paying for own accomodation

rosboy

Hi all.

Got engaged recently, and looking at a wedding abroad. We have a price for a 5 bed villa for 5 days where the wedding party will stay, and the reception will be held by caterers (there will be approximately 60 guests outside of the wedding party; they'll stay in accommodation in local hotels/apartments).

The plan would be for the bride/groom, parents of the bride/groom, and families of the bridesmaid/bestman to stay in the five rooms.

Our problem is that the only way the villa becomes viable for the wedding is if we ask the bridal party to pay for their own rooms for the 5 nights. We'd be asking them to pay the equivalent of what they'd pay in a local hotel, so they wouldn't be overpaying.

I'm not sure if this is good form or not. If we were having the wedding in Ireland, we'd be looking to pay for our parents rooms, but abroad we'd have to ask them to pay for their own, and the bridesmaid/best man to do the same.

What's the norm for weddings abroad like this?

Having the wedding in the villa would be a dream for me and my fiance (mainly my fiance ), but at the same time, we don't want to appear stingy, or offend anyone.

Thoughts?

Milly33

Uhh tis a tough one so it is... Cognrats too.. In the end and you are going to hear this a lot "Do want ye would Like to Do"..

I don't think there is any particular straight forward answer to this.

Of course it would be great if ye could afford to pay for all those going in the house, as I am sure they are paying for the flights etc to go with ye for yer dream day.. But that is where everything is perfect.

I would think ok if ye could afford it, then go for it pay for their rooms. It will make life so much easier on them. And would probably ease their minds knowing they have to pay no more extras.

If ye cant afford to then I would think charge them as little as possible if ye want to be nice.
If not and no of them aren't really worried about the cost then let them pay their own accomdation.

You really need to sit down and talk to them see what kinda they are expecting.

I know we went to one wedding and the himself was groomsman and their was no mention about a free room or anything, or even getting a room in the hotel. It was more here is a list of accommodation go for it. And we went and paid our own way. We didn't mind it was fine but then the accommodation was close by and all that goes.

Then on the other hand our own, my sister is travelling over for it, along with her kids and hubbie so they are incurring a hefty enough cost just to be there. She is also making our cake and will be helping out a lot, so we are saying they get a room for free... While a brother who is in Ireland and also will be helping out we are kinda saying maybe €40 for the stay for the weekend...

It is all politics really to be honest. You need to sit down and talk to all id say get a feeling for what ye can afford, what they can afford and make sure ye aren't putting pressure on anyone going with the price, and all else will fall into place..

stickybookmark

my sister got married in Portugal and I was chief bridesmaid. All of us in the wedding party not only paid for, but organised our own accommodation. I didn't even question it at the time, it's only now years later that I'm planning my own wedding and reading all these forums that I realise in some circumstances the bridal party's accommodation would have been paid for in that instance.
It's always an awkward one but as long as the money you're charging them is comparable with local hotel prices it's fine. If there's cheaper options available nearby then it's a bit cheeky to ask them to stump up more than the going rate for the villa.

rosboy

Thanks for the feedback Milly and stickybookmark.

I suppose my question was more for the parents rather than the bridesmaids/bestman.

Milly, I know what you're saying about the politics. There can often be someone who "awkward" that you have to handle with care to make sure their nose isn't put out of place, but I think we're lucky that we don't have that. Even if we overcharged them, I still think they wouldn't complain! I just want to make sure we are being fair to everyone.

stickybookmark, it's a whole different ball game when you're organising your own wedding...loads of tightropes to navigate

Milly33

It is madness the world of weddings haha.. It does sound loverly I will say, the plan sounds great.

With parents I don't know I would tend to pay for their room, places to stay. That would just be me though everyone is different.. Like I know it has been mentioned already with our own that the parents both sides don't mind paying but at the same time I would like us to pay for their room. It was a big deal breaker with one hotel when they said no they would only give our room for free

Faith

Why are you paying for the families of the bridesmaid and best man? The actual bridal party should of course get priority. Unless you mean the bridesmaid and her +1, and the best man and his +1 when you say 'families'?

The general rule is - if you're asking someone to do something specific, you pay for them. That means you pay for accommodation for your bridal party if they must stay somewhere specific. Same if you're asking them to wear a particular outfit or have their hair/makeup/whatever done. If you can't afford it, don't do it

eviltwin

I think asking people to pay their own way is fine but if you do you can't expect them to stay where you want. That's the drawback.

MrWalsh

eviltwin wrote: »

I think asking people to pay their own way is fine but if you do you can't expect them to stay where you want. That's the drawback.

Yes, if I were asked to pay my own way Id much rather choose my own hotel accommodation rather than have a room in a shared villa with 4 other couples.

Hotel prices would also include breakfast and room cleaning, villa probably doesnt.

Uno my Uno.

rosboy wrote: »

Hi all.

Got engaged recently, and looking at a wedding abroad. We have a price for a 5 bed villa for 5 days where the wedding party will stay, and the reception will be held by caterers (there will be approximately 60 guests outside of the wedding party; they'll stay in accommodation in local hotels/apartments).

The plan would be for the bride/groom, parents of the bride/groom, and families of the bridesmaid/bestman to stay in the five rooms.

Our problem is that the only way the villa becomes viable for the wedding is if we ask the bridal party to pay for their own rooms for the 5 nights. We'd be asking them to pay the equivalent of what they'd pay in a local hotel, so they wouldn't be overpaying.

I'm not sure if this is good form or not. If we were having the wedding in Ireland, we'd be looking to pay for our parents rooms, but abroad we'd have to ask them to pay for their own, and the bridesmaid/best man to do the same.

What's the norm for weddings abroad like this?

Having the wedding in the villa would be a dream for me and my fiance (mainly my fiance ), but at the same time, we don't want to appear stingy, or offend anyone.

Thoughts?

Its a difficult one, I was at a wedding where exactly this happened and it did cause problems. It turned out quite expensive for the bridal party (who were only staying there because they were asked to) and whilst nothing was said, there was a little resentment as people couldn't help but feel that they were paying for the wedding venue.

In fairness it was a fantastic wedding, everyone really enjoyed themselves and it has all been long forgotten but it was an issue at the time.

PhoenixParker

MrWalsh wrote: »

Yes, if I were asked to pay my own way Id much rather choose my own hotel accommodation rather than have a room in a shared villa with 4 other couples.

Hotel prices would also include breakfast and room cleaning, villa probably doesnt.

Also, the five days is what stands out to me. For a friends wedding I'm ok with paying for a nights accommodation, maybe even two - three nights if I'm in the bridal party, but five nights?

That's really stretching things.

magicmushroom

I think that if you are expecting them to pay for themselves, you need to give them the freedom of choosing their own accommodation.
I would prefer to stay in a hotel with my partner, than to share a villa with other couples.

You also need to be prepared that weddings abroad are costly for guests in general; flights, accommodation, new clothing etc...so not everyone may be able to go. I know people who have planned weddings abroad and expected everyone to just treat it as their summer holiday, but not everyone can afford a summer holiday these days.

You'll have a fab time if it all comes together though, congratulations and I hope your planning runs smoothly

Uno my Uno.

PhoenixParker wrote: »

Also, the five days is what stands out to me. For a friends wedding I'm ok with paying for a nights accommodation, maybe even two - three nights if I'm in the bridal party, but five nights?

That's really stretching things.

I agree, I don't think people have a problem paying their way but five nights is lot to ask. You're essentially asking the bridal party to spend their holiday at your wedding. Obviously for your parents that isn't a big deal but for others it might be too much.

irelandrover

If I was part of the wedding party i wouldn't have a problem paying for accommodation for a night or two.

Being asked to pay for 5 nights accommodation at a location of the bride and grooms choosing, which also holds the wedding ceremony would annoy me.

It wouldn't be enough to make me avoid the wedding but I would try to get out of being best man.

.red.

To be honest i think your asking for trouble. Your almost forcing people to have their annual holiday at a villa that you want to book. What are they supposed to do if they want to make a week or fortnights holiday out of it? Check out and go elsewhere after the wedding?
I was best man at a wedding abroad last year and my wife was bridesmaid. The couple getting married picked accommodation for themselves that was reasonably priced and emailed links to everybody that was going. If people wanted to book it they could. If they didnt they went elsewhere. The wedding itself was in a hotel nearby that was pretty expensive, the self catering accommodation they picked was perfect as they ran busses to and from the hotel to the place most people were staying. They also paid for a room in the hotel for the night of the wedding for myself and my wife which was nice of them and not expected by us.
If i thought they were picking a villa or hotel that suited them and i HAD to pay whatever it was to stay there id have been a bit miffed about it.
Maybe thats not what you want to hear but from someone whos was in your bridal partys situation thats my opinion on it.

lazygal

We attended a wedding abroad recently. We have two children so flights and the hassle that goes with that was a cost but we got a good hotel deal. I wouldn't be going to a wedding if I was told I had to stay somewhere the couple had picked and quite honestly unless it was an extremely close friend or sibling I wouldn't sign up for five nights. We did three and it was enough. I'd expect to contribute to accommodation costs for a bridal party, when we got married one of the first things we budgeted for was the bridal party's expenses. People might not say it to you but these kind of arrangements can be costly in more than monetary terms.

Milly33

see there are lots of different opinions haha if it all fails maybe let us know, have'nt planned the honeymoon yet and love meeting new people

An Bhanríon

I have been bridesmaid twice. Both times I have had everything paid for. Once was a wedding abroad. I did try to pay for a few things but was told on no uncertain terms not to put my hand in my pocket!

Maybe some people do it differently but that would be my experience of Irish weddings, i.e. that there is no cost to be in the bridal party.

It probably depends a bit on the financial situation of the people you want to ask. Currently, if I was asked to be bridesmaid and expected to pay to my own flights and accommodation I probably wouldn't mind too much since I would be going to the wedding anyway. If my financial situation were different there would be no way I would be attending the wedding if it was abroad!

One way around the whole thing, of course, would be not to have a bridal party and just to have two witnesses. We did that and it suited us down to the ground. But you may not want to go down that road...

theteal

I was best man for a Spanish wedding and the idea of my accommodation being covered never came into my head.

Our own Spanish wedding is only around the corner and we're covering all guests accommodation for the night of the shindig (I'm dragging people up a Spanish mountain, its the least I can do) but people are telling me I'm mad.

So OP, as you've already surmised, there is no official answer. Just communicate with everyone and try not to piss anybody off.

CaraMay

How much round it cost you to cover the cost for 5 nights? Can you not reduce it to 3 or 4 and cover the cost of the villa. As others have said, people traveling to a wedding wouldn't necessarily expect their Accomodation to be paid but then rigid scorch to be able to choose the location and timing of their stay.

I wouldn't be happy being tied into the wedding villa for 5 nights tbh.

amdublin

I am sorry but it would be incredibly rude of you to ask people to pay to stay in a villa that you want but cannot afford.

At the end of the day the people have to stay somewhere but it is up to them where they stay.

IF on the other hand they asked for suggestions you could of course put it out there that there was the option of you all staying in the villa.

I think you need to cut your cloth, either pay for the whole villa yourself, or else stop looking at villas/places outside of your budget.

Spanish Eyes

Personally I would absolutely dread sharing accommodation with five other couples/singlies in a villa. I would just like a hotel room with my partner, and have some privacy and peace and quiet if and when we want it.

OK for starters how many bathrooms are in the villa? There will be B+G getting ready and everyone else. Recipe for friction if one or more spends too long in the bog!

Do all people you propose staying in the villa get along REALLY well? That is the big question. Throwing people together who do not normally live together for five days in my view is a recipe for disaster.

If it were me, I would pay for the B+Gs parents in a hotel somewhere, and let everyone else do their own thing.

Please reconsider this. Everyone values their privacy, and everyone has their own way of doing things. That doesn't always translate into harmony when they are all thrown together.... especially at a wedding when there is, whether we like it or not, a bit of stress involved on the day!

Best of luck to you, and congratulations!!

Thoie

I've been put in a similar situation to what you're describing, and haven't spoken to the groom since. I came away at the end of the wedding about €1,000+ out of pocket, and the feeling that I had only been selected for the wedding party for my ability to fork over cash. I'm sure the bride and groom would be horrified to hear that, but it's the truth.

Like your plan, I was "forced" to pay over x amount for a small room (no ensuite), then do a lot of cooking and cleaning during the week (the bride and groom were always too busy to clear the table after their ginormous meals). While the cost of a hotel would have been comparable in the groom's eyes, in a hotel I'd have had a bathroom of my own, and wouldn't have been expected to do the cleaning. Nor would I have been expected to sleep in a storage room (as things started to arrive for the wedding, they ended up being placed in people's bedrooms).

I know the happy couple are probably thinking "Huh, a grand? We paid over 15k feeding and watering you ungrateful lot", but it's their wedding, not everyone elses. If they can't afford the type of wedding they want, it is unfair to expect other people to make up the difference (which seems to be a recurring theme around here - we'll get it back in cash gifts).

At some point, ask yourself if you were a guest/bridesmaid/groomsman at this wedding, how much would it cost you. Flights, dress, shoes, accommodation, gift, eating out, taxis to and from airports, even the bloody cost of suncream, travel insurance, whatever.

MrWalsh

amdublin wrote: »

I think you need to cut your cloth, either pay for the whole villa yourself, or else stop looking at villas/places outside of your budget.

Have to echo this, if the villa is dependant on other people's financial contributions then it's not the wedding venue you can afford.

stickybookmark

Our wedding venue (not abroad) has a mandatory stay of 2 nights and we have to book out/pay for the entire venue for the 2 nights. The rooms are 250/night. So afraid was I of asking our families to pay this (esp my scary SIL) that we are subsidising 175 p/n and only charging them 75 per room per night. I felt we had to offer rates that were comparable with local B&B prices

cookiecakes

My husband was best man at a wedding in Portugal and we paid for all our own accommodation. To be honest, it didn't even cross our minds that we wouldn't pay for it ourselves. However, if we'd be told we had to share a villa for the best part of a week with other couples and still pay I would have been unimpressed.

Wabbit Ears

Also had a wedding abroad. My dad paid for a small hotel for a few days for himself and his family. It was in my wife's town so that side didn't need accommodation. The night of the wedding we paid the hotel we had the wedding in for anyone who had travelled from abroad for the wedding.

Guests coming before the day and staying after stayed where they wanted. Most just stayed in the same hotel but some stayed at a much cheaper hotel only a walk away.

We also arranged all airport transfers for those travelling that came on a set number if flights that covered most travel times.

As for 5 nights. If not pay that but I wouldn't expect my guests to either.

Call a spade a spade , you can't afford it. Look elsewhere as it's the lowest of the low to have your guests fund your wedding.

MadDog76

rosboy wrote: »

Hi all.

Got engaged recently, and looking at a wedding abroad. We have a price for a 5 bed villa for 5 days where the wedding party will stay, and the reception will be held by caterers (there will be approximately 60 guests outside of the wedding party; they'll stay in accommodation in local hotels/apartments).

The plan would be for the bride/groom, parents of the bride/groom, and families of the bridesmaid/bestman to stay in the five rooms.

Our problem is that the only way the villa becomes viable for the wedding is if we ask the bridal party to pay for their own rooms for the 5 nights. We'd be asking them to pay the equivalent of what they'd pay in a local hotel, so they wouldn't be overpaying.

I'm not sure if this is good form or not. If we were having the wedding in Ireland, we'd be looking to pay for our parents rooms, but abroad we'd have to ask them to pay for their own, and the bridesmaid/best man to do the same.

What's the norm for weddings abroad like this?

Having the wedding in the villa would be a dream for me and my fiance (mainly my fiance ), but at the same time, we don't want to appear stingy, or offend anyone.

Thoughts?

I can't believe you're even asking this .......... when a person is asked to be part of the Wedding Party it should cost them zilch, absolutely nothing.

fits

stickybookmark wrote: »

Our wedding venue (not abroad) has a mandatory stay of 2 nights and we have to book out/pay for the entire venue for the 2 nights. The rooms are 250/night. So afraid was I of asking our families to pay this (esp my scary SIL) that we are subsidising 175 p/n and only charging them 75 per room per night. I felt we had to offer rates that were comparable with local B&B prices

Wow, thats fairly generous! Wheres the venue? by pm if you dont want to say..

Thankfully our place are only asking us to book out the place for one night. that helps a lot. I wouldnt have booked it if they wanted us for two nights.

Uno my Uno.

MadDog76 wrote: »

I can't believe you're even asking this .......... when a person is asked to be part of the Wedding Party it should cost them zilch, absolutely nothing.

That's not fair either, I'm getting married abroad (my fiancé is from foreign) and we won't be paying the bridal party's costs and they don't expect us to. If we had to pay for flights and accommodation for our party (and their partners) we wouldn't be able to have them at all.

I have been a groomsman a couple of times and it never occurred to me that my travel and accommodation would be paid for, having said that I wasn't asked to stay in a particular place for 5 nights either. OP as I said before I have seen this exact situation before and people were put out about it. Sounds to me like this venue is beyond your budget, I don't think its fair to put that cost onto your guests.

Unless you and your friends are the kind of people who would go on group holidays like this anyway I think you should consider another venue.

fits

Btw, I also think OP should pay for villa themselves. Its only five rooms. It shouldnt be that bad!

MadDog76

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

That's not fair either, I'm getting married abroad (my fiancé is from foreign) and we won't be paying the bridal party's costs and they don't expect us to. If we had to pay for flights and accommodation for our party (and their partners) we wouldn't be able to have them at all.

I have been a groomsman a couple of times and it never occurred to me that my travel and accommodation would be paid for, having said that I wasn't asked to stay in a particular place for 5 nights either. OP as I said before I have seen this exact situation before and people were put out about it. Sounds to me like this venue is beyond your budget, I don't think its fair to put that cost onto your guests.

Unless you and your friends are the kind of people who would go on group holidays like this anyway I think you should consider another venue.

Whenever I've been part of a Wedding Party I've never had to pay for anything .......... why would I?
Why would anybody think they can have their Wedding anywhere in the world they choose and expect the expense of that decision to be put onto individuals who have no say in these decisions whatsoever???

rosboy

Hi all.

Thanks for all the feedback. It seems that this is something that really divides opinion, and there is no consensus!

I actually thought I posted a reply to this thread two days ago when it was still only a few posts old, but it didn't seem to post. It's unfortunate, because it would have cleared up a few points that I was vague on that people seem to have take issue with quite rightly.

Firstly, we will not be compelling anyone to stay in the Villa. We will be giving the bridal party and parents first refusal on the villa> if they decline, we'll open it up to all members of the wedding.

Secondly, I've priced the local cost of cheap accommodation for the bridal party at other places (self catering apartments and budget hotels). It comes in at about €120 per night. For the villa, we're asking anyone that stays to pay €100 per night...cheaper that elsewhere. Plus the villa is plush. Infinitely nicer than any of the budget options.

Thirdly, we have considered all our guests budgets before we decided to go abroad. We have consulted almost all our guests, to get their thought. The eyes of most have lit up when we told them our location, saying that they wanted to go their for ages, and that they were delighted that they had next years holiday sorted. We've gone to great lengths to make sure we weren't upsetting anyone, or pushing them beyond their financial imitations

Fourthly, regarding cutting our clothe to measure, I couldn't agree more. That was the point of this post. I wanted to see what the consensus was on asking people to cover the cost of their own accommodation. If the consensus was that it was unreasonable, then then obviously it was out of our budget. If the consensus was that it was perfectly acceptable, then it was in our budget. Unfortunately there is no consensus

Fifthly, while I' not going to talk about the specifics of the cost, if the other four rooms in the villa are taken by our guests, they will cover less than half the cost of the villa. We'll be covering the rest. So we're not asking anyone to cover the cost of our wedding. Also, because it's abroad, we are very aware of the extra cost to people form a normal wedding. As such, we're requesting that people don't give us any gifts...just put it towards their flights/accomodation. On the day of the wedding, we'll be supplying food, obviously, but also an open bar for the day. We'll also be proving a BBQ and open bar the next day.

I've just come home from a wedding in Killarney. Between the accommodation (two nights) and food/gift/drinks, we spent close to €700. The figure of €500-€800 seems to be the general consensus among my friends for how much it costs to go to a wedding these days. That money will go a long way to a week away for our wedding (where there will be no costs on the wedding day, an minimal the day after.

We are also laying on a bus to collect people and bring them from Limerick to Dublin airport for the flight, as we know that is another expense.

Sixthly (is that even a word?), the bridesmaids/groomsmen/parents will have no additional cost to any other guest. Their clothes, makeup, flowers, etc will all be covered my us. So whether you are in the bridal party or not, it's the same cost

Sevently (definitely not a word!) we are looking at two destinations for the wedding (in different countries). For both, we are calculating the cost of flights, accomodation, food etc for our guests. This will have a serious impact on which location we pick, as we are acutely aware of the extra cost we'll be putting on all our guests.

I hope this addresses most of your comments. Please believe me when we I say that we are very conscious of the cost to our guests, and it's something that weighs heavily on us. That's why I asked this question. Not to see what I could get away with, but to see what is fair and reasonable.

fits

It sounds AWESOME! and it does sound like you are putting a lot on already.

My family were actually encouraging me to organise a wedding abroad. I didnt as felt it would require too much organisation but we're having a destination wedding of sorts in Ireland. Hopefully the weather will play ball.

rosboy

Hi Maddog.

Thanks for the feedback. As previously mentioned by another poster there is no consensus on this thread on whether to ask a bridal party to pay for their rooms or not.

I fully agree that the bridal party should not be asked to pay anymore than any other guest to that is attending the wedding. That is incredibly unfair. If you'll see my last post (posted just after you posted your last), it will actually work out cheaper for the bridal party to stay in the villa if they chose. And if they chose not to, we'll open it up to others to avail of the cheaper rates.

As I also mentioned, we're not expecting anyone to cover the cost of our wedding. We're asking for people not to give gifts, just turning up is enough.

MadDog76 wrote: »

Whenever I've been part of a Wedding Party I've never had to pay for anything .......... why would I?
Why would anybody think they can have their Wedding anywhere in the world they choose and expect the expense of that decision to be put onto individuals who have no say in these decisions whatsoever???

rosboy

fits wrote: »

It sounds AWESOME! and it does sound like you are putting a lot on already.

My family were actually encouraging me to organise a wedding abroad. I didnt as felt it would require too much organisation but we're having a destination wedding of sorts in Ireland. Hopefully the weather will play ball.

Thanks fits!.

We've engaged with a few wedding planners in each location. This should theoretically make it a lot easier...we have someone local doing all the hard work and organisation for for us:)

rosboy

Oh, and one last thing...we are working on a budget based on how much we can save between now and the wedding. The budget assumes that we get zero presents from people, and cover as much of our guests costs as we can (regarding food, transport, wine, baby sitters for kids, etc). I just wanted to reiterate this to point out that we are not looking for others to pay for our wedding. We want to give as much back to our guests as possible to that they come away from the wedding thinking it was well worth it.

P.S. We are planning on having it on the Sunday of a bank holiday weekend. This way people won't have to take loads of time off work if they can't afford it. They can fly out on the Saturday and back on the Sunday...that would make it cheaper than going to an Irish wedding!

What if no one wanted to stay in the villa with you?
Would you still stay there and cover all the costs?
If yes, then just pay for it and let your guests stay for free.
If no, then maybe you should stay somewhere within budget.

Thoie

I think the main thing is to let everyone staying in the villa know how it will pan out. How many bathrooms, how you'll decide who gets an en suite (if any), distance to nearest _whatever_ if people want to escape for a while (do they need to factor in car hire/taxis if the villa is a bit out of the way).

What will be the dining arrangements, what else will be expected of them (some people like impromptu make and do sessions, where they're suddenly going to fold 500 napkins, or assemble 200 chinese lanterns or where they have to be up at 5am because the caterers need their bedroom for the day. If they have an ensuite, will people be in and out of their bedroom the day of the wedding using the bathroom?

It's great that your friends and family are all pleased by your choices - you're very lucky. I think most people may not mind if they know what they're agreeing to, but if they have the idea that this will be a 5 day holiday in a luxury villa, with one day for the wedding, and then they can't do any of their normal holiday things, that's when friction can start. So maybe draw up a list of things that will be going on in the villa during the duration, and what you'd expect the residents/bridal party to be helping with. That way everyone knows in advance what they're committing to, and can decide if they'd be happier spending the extra money on a nearby hotel.

lazygal

No one will say they have a problem with your choice of wedding to your face but I'm never thrilled by a wedding abroad. Of course people will be interested and tell you it sounds great. I've never known a couple not to cover all bridal party expenses including accommodation, to me it was part and parcel of.having a bridal party to pay for them.

rosboy

bubblypop wrote: »

What if no one wanted to stay in the villa with you?
Would you still stay there and cover all the costs?
If yes, then just pay for it and let your guests stay for free.
If no, then maybe you should stay somewhere within budget.

That's a very valid point, and one I had thought about a lot. Another angle on that is what happens if some of the bridal party decide to only stay 3 nights instead of 5...we'd be left covering the extra cost.

The answer to this is that it would push us outside our budget. It wouldn't bankrupt us, but we'd have to look at getting a small loan to cover the cost.

I think what Milly suggested earlier is the best idea. Ask the potential guests if they want to stay or not. If they decline, then we know the real cost us us, and the risk of going over budget.

rosboy

Fantastic advice.

Thoie wrote: »

I think the main thing is to let everyone staying in the villa know how it will pan out. How many bathrooms, how you'll decide who gets an en suite (if any), distance to nearest _whatever_ if people want to escape for a while (do they need to factor in car hire/taxis if the villa is a bit out of the way).

What will be the dining arrangements, what else will be expected of them (some people like impromptu make and do sessions, where they're suddenly going to fold 500 napkins, or assemble 200 chinese lanterns or where they have to be up at 5am because the caterers need their bedroom for the day. If they have an ensuite, will people be in and out of their bedroom the day of the wedding using the bathroom?

It's great that your friends and family are all pleased by your choices - you're very lucky. I think most people may not mind if they know what they're agreeing to, but if they have the idea that this will be a 5 day holiday in a luxury villa, with one day for the wedding, and then they can't do any of their normal holiday things, that's when friction can start. So maybe draw up a list of things that will be going on in the villa during the duration, and what you'd expect the residents/bridal party to be helping with. That way everyone knows in advance what they're committing to, and can decide if they'd be happier spending the extra money on a nearby hotel.

rosboy

I agree fully on people not saying it to your face. I was very aware of that when telling people. I know these people well, and truelly believe that their reactions were genuine. That's for people on my side that I told. There are a few on my fiances side that I know won't be impressed...but if you paid all their expenses for a wedding a mile down the road and gave them €1000 spending money they'd still complain

On the bridal party, I spoke with a few of my friends at the wedding about it. One said that she paid for their parents, but nothing else. ANother eas actually one of the groomsmen...he was paying for his own accomodation for the weekend. So it seems there isn't a hard an fast rule around it.

I know that we would never put any expense on the bridal party outside the what a "normal" guest would pay going to a wedding. So any specific clothes, flowers etc we want them to wear we would be paying for

lazygal wrote: »

No one will say they have a problem with your choice of wedding to your face but I'm never thrilled by a wedding abroad. Of course people will be interested and tell you it sounds great. I've never known a couple not to cover all bridal party expenses including accommodation, to me it was part and parcel of.having a bridal party to pay for them.

Wabbit Ears

From what you've said I gather this location is not one of your home towns? If that's the case then you literally have an entire planet of destinations to choose from and you are ponding over a single villa that you cant afford?

rosboy

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

From what you've said I gather this location is not one of your home towns? If that's the case then you literally have an entire planet of destinations to choose from and you are ponding over a single villa that you cant afford?

Not really. We've set certain criteria (distance, cost, flights, attractions, etc.) for selection locations. We've received prices for about 15 different locations. We have narrowed it down to two locations. The villa is a little over our budget, if we pay for everyone accommodation. If allow people to pay for their own accommodation, then it is within our budget.

That's the point of this thread. To determine if it's in our budget or not.

If we can work it in or budget, it is a dream location. It is in secured grounds, so the kids at the wedding (probably about 20 of 80 guests) can play safely together in the pool and around the grounds safe in the knowledge that they are safe and well. It also is within a 5 minute walk of two major hotels, so it gives our guests lots of options.

So if it comes within our budget, our guests get even more from their stay with us.

MadDog76

rosboy wrote: »

Hi Maddog.

Thanks for the feedback. As previously mentioned by another poster there is no consensus on this thread on whether to ask a bridal party to pay for their rooms or not.

I fully agree that the bridal party should not be asked to pay anymore than any other guest to that is attending the wedding. That is incredibly unfair. If you'll see my last post (posted just after you posted your last), it will actually work out cheaper for the bridal party to stay in the villa if they chose. And if they chose not to, we'll open it up to others to avail of the cheaper rates.

As I also mentioned, we're not expecting anyone to cover the cost of our wedding. We're asking for people not to give gifts, just turning up is enough.

That still doesn't negate the fact that (traditionally & morally) the Wedding Party should not be asked to pay for accommodation because you want to get married abroad in a villa of your choosing ......... it's just rude and inconsiderate to put people in a position were they'll be too embarrassed to be honest with you.

stickybookmark

I dunno, we all went for a week'a holiday for my sister's wedding, none of the bridal party's accommodation was paid for we just did our own thing. It was an absolutely brilliant week, even now years later ppl still talk about how great it was . I think the villa sounds great!

MrWalsh

rosboy wrote: »

If we can work it in or budget, it is a dream location.

Remember that your idea of a dream location is entirely subjective and may not match any of your guests idea of a dream location!

I've been invited to weddings abroad and each time been told enthusiastically about what a great location it is and how I could stay on and make it my holiday that year. It's never once been somewhere I'd personally choose to holiday.

Tarzana2

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

That's not fair either, I'm getting married abroad (my fiancé is from foreign) and we won't be paying the bridal party's costs and they don't expect us to. If we had to pay for flights and accommodation for our party (and their partners) we wouldn't be able to have them at all.

That's all fine as long as they know it's going to be a foreign wedding at the time they are asked to be part of the bridal party. Invited guests can turn down the invite if they can't afford it, but the bridal party have to go.

For me personally, if I agreed to be a bridesmaid and then discovered it was to be abroad, at this point in my life I'd have to bow out as I earn very little.

lazygal

Yep the wedding abroad we went to was not somewhere we'd choose to go and had no desire to visit. I don't want someone to sound like they're doing us a favour by deciding on our holiday destination because they've decided to get married somewhere out foreign.

Tarzana2

rosboy wrote: »

They can fly out on the Saturday and back on the Sunday...that would make it cheaper than going to an Irish wedding!

No it wouldn't, it would at the least be the same cost and most likely more.

Tarzana2

lazygal wrote: »

Yep the wedding abroad we went to was not somewhere we'd choose to go and had no desire to visit. I don't want someone to sound like they're doing us a favour by deciding on our holiday destination because they've decided to get married somewhere out foreign.

As well as the fact that it's making an assumption that people were going to be taking a foreign holiday in the given year which may not be the case!