narcissistic children

Calibos

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

There's a huge difference between having a healthy sense of self-esteem, self-worth and pride in one's achievements as compared to the needless boasting carried out by a naraccist. Some Irish people seem to find comfort by labeling everyone with self-esteem as a blowhard and a naraccist. That's a begrudger. As tiresome and draining as any naraccist.

Head explodes...

Desolation Of Smug

A kick up the narcissist never hurt anyone.

johnny osbourne

suicide_circus wrote: »

So a study from the University of Amsterdamdraws a link between constant praise and narcissism in children. It has been in vogue for some decades now for parents to leave their children in little doubt that they are the most specialest snowflake in all the land. While this is well intentioned, it seems that it is having a negative impact.



http://www.independent.ie/opinion/columnists/sinead-moriarty/why-overpraising-may-be-responsible-for-a-generation-of-narcissistic-children-31075427.html

As with most cringe worthy vacuous trends,this seems to have been a US import. As I child, when I excelled I was told"well done" but not to be conceited - when I didn't do well, I was commiserated but also commended for my effort and encouraged to try harder next time - that's as far as it went, I was never allowed to develop"notions".

Any opinions? It stands to reason that if achild is constantly praised and cajoled that that they will develop inaccurate image of themselves and their place in the world - destined to failure and disappointment once they get out in the real world.

lol are you mental?

suicide_circus

johnny osbourne wrote: »

lol are you mental?

You'll have to be more specific

mikom

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

There's a huge difference between having a healthy sense of self-esteem, self-worth and pride in one's achievements as compared to the needless boasting carried out by a naraccist. Some Irish people seem to find comfort by labeling everyone with self-esteem as a blowhard and a naraccist. That's a begrudger. As tiresome and draining as any naraccist.

Well done on spelling narcissist incorrectly three times in the one paragraph.
Please do not let this praise go to your head for fear it will harm your development.

PARlance

mikom wrote: »

Well done on spelling narcissist incorrectly three times in the one paragraph.
Please do not let this praise go to your head for fear it will harm your development.

Luckily he was consistant with his misspelling of the word, if he had spelled it differently each time, he would have schizophrenia.

gctest50

PARlance wrote: »

Luckily he was consistant with his misspelling of the word, if he had spelled it differently each time, he would have schizophrenia.

omg - its spreading through boards.ie TDoIP - tardive-dyskinesia-over-IP

PARlance

gctest50 wrote: »

omg - its spreading through boards.ie TDoIP - tardive-dyskinesia-over-IP

New here, that has gone over my head.

lavdad

I think the parenting is only partially to blame. When a parent overly praises their child as is practically the norm in our culture, they are really treating the child as they wish to be treated, so the narcissism must already be in the parent initially. It's a question of which came first the narcissism or the brat. I think it's a deeper cultural issue, namely cultish individualism and materialism.

nullzero

Paityn Flaky Tanner wrote: »

My mammy says I'm great.

That's a coincidence, she's says I'm great too...

nullzero

KatW4 wrote: »

I've had parents tell me to praise their children more as it stops them being bold! I'm not going to praise your kid for being a little sh*t, they'll think they're perfect and will continue doing whatever they want.

Children do not need constant praise. They need a balance of praise and being told when and why they were wrong.

People do that because it's easy. Easier than actually putting effort into raising your child correctly. Instant gratification for parents instead of having to explain and reason things out with their child.

The Corinthian

The authors of this report could have saved themselves a lot of time by just popping over to Italy for a weekend and interviewing a few mothers of sons there.

sasta le

Anyone notice parents getting kids posing for Facebook photos

conorhal

lavdad wrote: »

I think the parenting is only partially to blame. When a parent overly praises their child as is practically the norm in our culture, they are really treating the child as they wish to be treated, so the narcissism must already be in the parent initially. It's a question of which came first the narcissism or the brat. I think it's a deeper cultural issue, namely cultish individualism and materialism.

There's definately something to that. They say a person with high self esteem believes that they are just as good and just as important as everybody else, a narcisist believes that they are better and more important then everybody else, even when all evidence is to the contrary. You do see an increecing number of such individuals.

Anybody that's watched Band of Brothers and seen the interviews with the men who fought all the way from Normandy to Berlin couldn't help but be struck by the humility and ordinary courrage of such men who sought no praise and claim they did no more then was asked of them. Contrast that with 'generation wuss' as Bret Easton Ellis coined them. He's a grumpy contrarian I know, but he does have a point in his scathing article in Vanity Fair that caused such a stir for ripping on the Millennials:

http://www.vanityfair.fr/culture/livre/articles/generation-wuss-by-bret-easton-ellis/15837

Katgurl

percy212 wrote: »

Everyone I know in the US who is under 50 is a narcissist. They do feel entitled and special, but they get **** done. Confidence is good for business.

It wasn't my experience when working there in a senior management position for a multinational. They were certainly confident but frequently too busy talking about their alleged achievements (I'm way too busy to follow protocol on this issue, I'm just about to close a twenty billion dollar deal) to get much done.

I was surprised that I found my irish colleagues much more productive.

FTA69

The Corinthian wrote: »

The authors of this report could have saved themselves a lot of time by just popping over to Italy for a weekend and interviewing a few mothers of sons there.

That place is nuts. I'm away there again in a few months and it always bemused me how grown men in their 30s live at home with mammy and don't pay a penny in rent while expecting their dinner cooked and their clothes washed. When I told people there I moved out at 17 you could tell they thought my home life was abysmal or something.

TheBeardedLady

The Corinthian wrote: »

The authors of this report could have saved themselves a lot of time by just popping over to Italy for a weekend and interviewing a few mothers of sons there.

Interesting. I remember having "relations" with an Italian man once and he spent most of it staring at his reflection in the mirror. His mother sent him lasagnes etc. frozen from Italy weekly. Very, very strange.

TheBeardedLady

My parents, particularly my dad, was fairly "traditional" when it came to praise as I think many parents of his generation were, so I think that parsimony (my new word that I'm delighted I get to use! ) of praise needed to be changed for the sake of the Irish psyche but there is a middle ground.

My sister who lives in the States and is married with two kids always talks about how crazy the schooling system is there and how children are educated in a system where they can't fail. She absolutely refuses to get sucked into it all coming from the background she did and my niece and nephew are two lovely, balanced kids as a result - they have that American confidence that will take them far but with their feet firmly on the ground.

you just have to look at the facebook posts these days and the rates of young suicides. you people are constantly pouting in selfies and topping themselves if they're not a contemporary idea of perfect. They cannot stand the thoughts of being average or normal, they're superstars in their own mind.

I'm sure paris Hiltons brother was told "HE" was the special snowflake and look at how he or they for that matter react when they're told quite the contrary. and then they're lashed all over the daily mail smiling, being celebrated, gaining the column inches they crave the most.. and the youth love and emulate them. this sense of self entitlement and narcissism if everything that's wrong with kids and teenager these days. it's coupled with bad manners, rudeness (which is trendy now, thank you very much Gordon ramsay, simon cowell and the likes).

ah I could go on all day with this rant, young people today are in love with themselves so much I'd call it narcissism on a grande scale.
I heard something before along the lines of " the youth of today just want fame and admiration, they don't want to work but they just know they want it and feel they're entitled to it"..

sums them up I think.... Not all of them mind, a vast majority of loud brash wannabe fame hungry American sounding brats!! No wonder they cannot handle a normal job with normal critique and cooperation with compromise, they'd rather drink coffee and laugh on twitter!!

mikom

rusty cole wrote: »

you just have to look at the facebook posts these days and the rates of young suicides. you people are constantly pouting in selfies and topping themselves if they're not a contemporary idea of perfect. They cannot stand the thoughts of being average or normal, they're superstars in their own mind.

I'm sure paris Hiltons brother was told "HE" was the special snowflake and look at how he or they for that matter react when they're told quite the contrary. and then they're lashed all over the daily mail smiling, being celebrated, gaining the column inches they crave the most.. and the youth love and emulate them. this sense of self entitlement and narcissism if everything that's wrong with kids and teenager these days. it's coupled with bad manners, rudeness (which is trendy now, thank you very much Gordon ramsay, simon cowell and the likes).

ah I could go on all day with this rant, young people today are in love with themselves so much I'd call it narcissism on a grande scale.
I heard something before along the lines of " the youth of today just want fame and admiration, they don't want to work but they just know they want it and feel they're entitled to it"..

sums them up I think.... Not all of them mind, a vast majority of loud brash wannabe fame hungry American sounding brats!! No wonder they cannot handle a normal job with normal critique and cooperation with compromise, they'd rather drink coffee and laugh on twitter!!

Yep, just nowadays............

“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates. (469–399 B.C.E.)

Hence, I said "on a grande scale". We could all argue Cleopatra was a young lady, bathing in milk or Louis the 14th took 6 hours to get dressed in the morning etc etc etc. I don't belive its ever been as bad at it is now I'm sorry. I get the point you're making. What's changed in the last ten or 15 yrs that it's all gone to hell in a hand basket. I'm all ears and just know it has. Or maybe I'm getting old and intolerant perhaps, yes maybe.

mikom

rusty cole wrote: »

What's changed in the last ten or 15 yrs that it's all gone to hell in a hand basket. I'm all ears and just know it has. Or maybe I'm getting old and intolerant perhaps, yes maybe.

Before the last ten or 15 yrs you would have been unable to look at your phone and see the narcissists on facebook and youtube.
They were still out there though.

biko

Why the special size in the OP? Why is this OP so special?

anncoates

At least as a boy, I knew where I stood in the good old days of emotional incontinence, faint praise and taciturn masculinity.

conorhal

mikom wrote: »

Yep, just nowadays............


“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates. (469–399 B.C.E.)

I know people love to trot that quote out, but frankly Socrates was something of a hypocrite (another great greek word) because he was largely to blame for this. Aristophanes (actually a friend of Socrates) comedy 'The Clouds' was used as evidence in Socrates trial to atack his character and show how he had lead the youth astry, The Clouds was a scathing attack on Socratic education. You see there was at the time quite the debate about education in Athens. As with today there was a shift away from 'rote learning' and a move towards a more relativist approach to education lead by Socrates. The argument then as now was that it obliterated standards and made students soft and self centered. Socrates was the Ruari Quinn of his day. It's just a shame we can't hand Quinn a vial of hemlock for his service to the state too.

#benefitsofapropperclassicaleducation

Tearin It Up

Greenmachine wrote: »

From what I have seen there are high functioning and low functioning narcissists. High functioning have the ego, the charm, the social skills but are full of themselves and can be insensitive. Low functioning lack success, but are highly inclined to blame others for their failures.

You just described my whole family right there.

A brother we all had to bow down to, he could do no wrong. Even he saw it himself. When he left for Australia, he went over a year and a half with barely any contact. I took it up with him, as he hasn't a problem contacting others in the village. Well he fcuked me out of it, he saw it as my fault, he could do no wrong. I was even meant to apologise, even though he called me every name under the sun!!!

Another family member who is so snobby, but hasn't achieved anything in their lives but it was always my fault for their failings. Never the lads in the house, no you can't blame them. But if something doesn't work out, you have to have someone to blame. I was blamed for not sitting in with them when they were learning to drive. This was at a time when the learning driver rules wasn't enforced!!!

The Corinthian

FTA69 wrote: »

That place is nuts. I'm away there again in a few months and it always bemused me how grown men in their 30s live at home with mammy and don't pay a penny in rent while expecting their dinner cooked and their clothes washed. When I told people there I moved out at 17 you could tell they thought my home life was abysmal or something.

It's always been that way. How it worked was this; boys were spoilt, girls were not, by their mothers. As a result boys grew up incapable of surviving without a matriarchal figure to take care of them. So they meet a girl, marry and the matriarchal system (because that's essentially how Italy works) continues. New generation and the cycle repeats.

It's worked for two-thousand years and has only started breaking down in the last few decades as Italians have stopped having more than one child, live longer, and will so try to keep that child at home - so he (or she) can look after them in old age.

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Interesting. I remember having "relations" with an Italian man once and he spent most of it staring at his reflection in the mirror. His mother sent him lasagnes etc. frozen from Italy weekly. Very, very strange.

It is, but despite it it still gets one plenty of "relations".

kowloon

biko wrote: »

Why the special size in the OP? Why is this OP so special?

Narcissistic font disorder.

TheBeardedLady

The Corinthian wrote: »

It is, but despite it it still gets one plenty of "relations".

Well he was gorgeous so that helped. There were no more relations after that session though.

Robsweezie

So we're picking on kids now???