Sending a Mother's Day card.....but not to mum cards

kaya770

So this happened to me over the weekend and I would love to hear what you guys think...
Myself and my husband left our 4 month old baby to be minded by the grandparents for the weekend as we had a social outing to attend.
When I rang to check on my baby on Sunday, I was told by a very excited Granny that my 'baby' (i.e. her 70 year old husband) went and bought her a card for Mother's Day.
She then went to read me the card from my baby that listed how wonderfully she was looking after him. Then she told me she was celebrating 'her' day with a glass of champagne.
I let her share her excitement with me on the phone and then asked, did my baby 'buy' a card for his real mom as well. She started giggling and think got quite embarrassed by the question.
What do you think I should do?
I don't want this to be a yearly occurrence, I think she should be celebrating cards from her actual baby (my 30 year old husband) rather than mine. Or should I let her celebrate Mother's Day with my child and let this become a thing? I struggle to understand why would her husband not think of getting me a Mother's Day card seeing that he went to a shop to get one for his wife...
I would appreciate your thoughts...

HelgaWard

So you expect your father in law to get you a Mother's Day card? That seems mad to me, if anyone should get you a Mother's day card it's your own partner, assuming your child is too young to make/get you one. Your father in law has every right to buy a card for his wife, she is the mother of his children. It'll hardly be an annual occurrence unless you plan on them minding your child every mother's day weekend?

MissFlitworth

I'd imagine he got his wife a card as a jokey/cute thing because they were minding the baby on Mother's day. Not sure why you'd make any sort of deal out of it bar thanking them profusely for minding your baby for a weekend for you.

freshpopcorn

Well I know when I was young there used be cards for your nan on mothers day. Maybe he got one of these.

ManOfMystery

Seems like a gross overreaction to a totally harmless gesture. Why on earth would it bother you that he didn't get a card for you too? He probably bought it on the spur of the moment when standing in the shop, thinking it would be slightly humourous and also give Granny a few smiles. And if he did it for the next 20 years in a row, so what? I'm 37 and still sign a mother's card for my Grandmother every year, as well as my own mum.

Never ceases to amaze me how people can find something negative in something positive. You should feel grateful that Granny and Grandad were kind enough and gracious enough to mind baby for the whole weekend so you could have a social outing rather than focusing on something totally trivial.

Miaireland

I think it is really sweet gesture on the part of your baby's Grandfather.

I wouldn't be upset about it at all.

MrWalsh

kaya770 wrote: »

I don't want this to be a yearly occurrence, I think she should be celebrating cards from her actual baby (my 30 year old husband) rather than mine. Or should I let her celebrate Mother's Day with my child and let this become a thing? I struggle to understand why would her husband not think of getting me a Mother's Day card seeing that he went to a shop to get one for his wife...

I have to say, this really comes across as very mean minded.

Granny was good enough to mind your child for the weekend (and no doubt delighted judging by the cute story of Grandad getting the card for her) and all you can say is the above?

Its not all about you. Why would her husband get you a card? He isnt married to you.

I would think you could be a little more generous in spirit than to just think bad of them because they didnt get you a card, considering they were doing you the favour of taking your child for the weekend in the first place!

As for letting her celebrate Mothers day with your child - well you werent with the child celebrating it so why shouldnt she?

beyondbelief67

I always got my grandma a mother's day card on mother's day, they do some lovely ones for grandma ? And of course ones for grandad on father's day.
I'm surprised you weren't annoyed about her drinking alcohol whilst babysitting for your baby, that would of concerned me more than a harmless gesture of the card to be honest !

Hollister11

When I was young (my mams folks were passed on) my parents use to get us to make a Mother's Day card from us to my dads mam as she was are only grandparent alive in Ireland. There's nothing wrong with grandparents getting s mothers/fathers day card.

skallywag

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Never ceases to amaze me how people can find something negative in something positive

Exactly my own sentiments.

I think you are out of line OP.

Senna

One question. Did your partner buy you a mothers day card?
If he did then what's the problem, the granny's partner did the exact same.
If he didn't, then maybe that's your issue.

How you make this out as a problem and think people on the Internet are going to help your warped mind is beyond me.

hoodwinked

Look honestly i think you are more upset by this because you missed mother's day with your baby,

my daughter "buys" her grandparents a mothers day card and gift, as did i, it's a nice gesture,

when you say " 'her' day" i think you forget it is her day, she is mother to your husband, and grand-mother to your child, so mother's day is as much her's as it is yours or mine.

and as for asking about did the baby buy a card for his "real mom" that is quite rude imo of course she know's you are his mom, she was probably excited at celebrating mothers day with her grandchild,

as for why he didn't buy you a card, it is your husband, not your father-in-law who should be responsible for purchasing you cards if they mean that much to you.


i think you need to let this go, if you don't want this to become a yearly occurrence don't ask them to babysit for you on special occasions like mother's day. In saying that i'd also see nothing wrong should he do the same and buy her a card next year.

miamee

It sounds like Granny and Grandad were very excited to be minding their new grandchild and Grandad made a nice gesture to his wife for the day that was in it. Maybe they were reminiscing about when they first became parents.
Why would you be annoyed by this, it sounds very sweet and certainly not anything to be worried about.

Kidchameleon

Jesus OP I'm actually embarrassed for you. I think your child has brilliant grandparents. I think you should apologize to that woman.

The Princess Bride

kaya770 wrote: »

I don't want this to be a yearly occurrence, I think she should be celebrating cards from her actual baby (my 30 year old husband) rather than mine. Or should I let her celebrate Mother's Day with my child and let this become a thing?
I would appreciate your thoughts...

Did your husband not buy you a card from your child? Surely not your father in law's responsibility?

Next year, I'd suggest you either buy a card or get your child- who'll be a toddler- to make one for their Grandparent.
In fact, as it obviously means so much to them, why not start for Father's day in June.

You're incredibly fortunate to have parents in law who'll mind your child for a weekend, many couples aren't so lucky.
Best not to dwell on something so trivial, instead focus on the positive - you got a weekend away!

kaya770

Senna wrote: »

One question. Did your partner buy you a mothers day card?
If he did then what's the problem, the granny's partner did the exact same.
If he didn't, then maybe that's your issue.

How you make this out as a problem and think people on the Internet are going to help your warped mind is beyond me.

Thanks for all the replies.

No, I didn't get a card from my husband. I don't really mind but I guess it made me a little sad that they thought of the Granny on Mother's day rather than me.

The reason I am posting this question on the forum is simply because I was quite baffled by this and having been raised in a different culture I didn't really know how to interpret this. It sounds like a sweet Irish tradition and I am happy to hear that other grannies get cards on Mother's Day and it's totally normal. Where I come from it's only the mom (or whomever fulfills the role of a 'mom') that gets to celebrate the day. Forums are a nice and safe way of finding out, wouldn't you agree ?

If mother's day is so important to you, why did you stay away?

Your complaint against your mother in law is just pure craziness. You should tell her that you're sorry if you were rude but you had a pang to be away from the baby. And then I'd get her a big bunch of flowers for being a lovely mother in law.

Edited to say: I wrote this before the above reply

MrWalsh

kaya770 wrote: »

No, I didn't get a card from my husband. I don't really mind but I guess it made me a little sad that they thought of the Granny on Mother's day rather than me.

Who are They? It was your father in law who thought of your mother in law.

Did your husband get his mother a card also? If he did then I think your gripe should be with him, as it would be his responsibility to arrange a mothers day card for you when the children are too young to do it themselves.

miamee

Maybe they assumed that your husband would have looked after buying a card from the baby and it didn't occur to them that he wouldn't have. If they'd known they might have got one for you.

kaya770

miamee wrote: »

Maybe they assumed that your husband would have looked after buying a card from the baby and it didn't occur to them that he wouldn't have. If they'd known they might have got one for you.

You see now I get it, I didn't realize that's what husbands/partners were supposed to do :-) I'll let my one off the hook... this year ;-)!

beyondbelief67

kaya770 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

No, I didn't get a card from my husband. I don't really mind but I guess it made me a little sad that they thought of the Granny on Mother's day rather than me.

The reason I am posting this question on the forum is simply because I was quite baffled by this and having been raised in a different culture I didn't really know how to interpret this. It sounds like a sweet Irish tradition and I am happy to hear that other grannies get cards on Mother's Day and it's totally normal. Where I come from it's only the mom (or whomever fulfills the role of a 'mom') that gets to celebrate the day. Forums are a nice and safe way of finding out, wouldn't you agree ?

I was born and raised in England so it's also an English custom too.
but maybe have a word with your partner let him know you'd like a card too on special days from your little one.

jimd2

kaya770 wrote: »

You see now I get it, I didn't realize that's what husbands/partners were supposed to do :-) I'll let my one off the hook... this year ;-)!

Yes, generally when kids are young the dad arranges a card for the mum and as they get older they may start drawing cards etc.

Also, we would give mothers day cards to grannies, after all they are still mums!

But you are right to ask in a forum and I am sure different cultures approach these things differently.

bjork

kaya770 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

No, I didn't get a card from my husband. I don't really mind but I guess it made me a little sad that they thought of the Granny on Mother's day rather than me.

The reason I am posting this question on the forum is simply because I was quite baffled by this and having been raised in a different culture I didn't really know how to interpret this. It sounds like a sweet Irish tradition and I am happy to hear that other grannies get cards on Mother's Day and it's totally normal. Where I come from it's only the mom (or whomever fulfills the role of a 'mom') that gets to celebrate the day. Forums are a nice and safe way of finding out, wouldn't you agree ?

You made prior arrangements to spend mothers day apart from your child and you are complaining you missed out on a card

Isn't it nice your child didn't missing out celebrating mothers day because of you "social engagement" because granny and granddad made it special

You should thanks them for minding them and next year if you want a card, arrange to spend mothers day with your children

Dellnum

I think that your mother in law was just hinting that her husband bought her a Mother's Day Card instead of her son. Your husband should have been the one buying her the card or at least phoning her to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. I would not expect to get any card from your husband or your father in law on behalf of your baby, some husbands do that when the baby is too young to get its mother a card but that is not the norm. Its your husband who is at fault here, and not your inlaws. He should have done something for his mother, especially when she was minding his baby.

strobe

kaya770 wrote: »

Forums are a nice and safe way of finding out, wouldn't you agree ?

Yep, that's the whole idea. Someone posts an issue. People give an outside perspective. The poster takes that under consideration. The system works... apparently.

Glad you've gotten help. I understand it may have seemed a bit weird to you or something. But I really don't think there's anything to be read into it beyond your mother in law feeling nostalgic about when her son was a kid like your son is now, given the fact that it was mothers day and she was very kindly minding him for you, so your father in law was being a very sweet old guy by buying her a mothers day card from your son. And your mother in law found it so sweet and funny she wanted to share it with you.

They sound like a very nice old couple and you should be very thankful to have them as part of your family by the sound of things.

(Just to say, it's not defacto that a husband buys a mothers day card for his wife when the kids are young here, some do, some don't, some women expect it, some don't. If you think it would be nice next year or in future for your husband to do this, you'd kinda have to let him know that's how you feel, perhaps in the run up to next mothers day.)

My own son is 16 and he didnt get me a card, and I would have really really liked one, but I didn't kick up a fuss about it or make him feel bad (his dad did though!)

however - I insisted he text my mother yesterday to say happy mothers day and she was delighted that he did. Grandparents are so important, Why isnt there a "grandparents day"? because they deserved to be spoiled and acknowledged.

Meauldsegosha

Deleted User wrote: »

My own son is 16 and he didnt get me a card, and I would have really really liked one, but I didn't kick up a fuss about it or make him feel bad (his dad did though!)

however - I insisted he text my mother yesterday to say happy mothers day and she was delighted that he did. Grandparents are so important, Why isnt there a "grandparents day"? because they deserved to be spoiled and acknowledged.

The 13th of September is Grandparents Day this year.

Meauldsegosha

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

The 13th of September is Grandparents Day this year.

Really? I didn't know that, will make a fuss of them!

meeeeh

bjork wrote: »

You made prior arrangements to spend mothers day apart from your child and you are complaining you missed out on a card

Isn't it nice your child didn't missing out celebrating mothers day because of you "social engagement" because granny and granddad made it special

You should thanks them for minding them and next year if you want a card, arrange to spend mothers day with your children

It's a bloody hallmark holiday. She didn't exactly abandon the child with grandparents for a year. The child is young enough he/she won't know what all the fuss is about.

Op I think you completely overreacted over some completely illogical action. Your child didn't give a card, your husband's father gave a card to your husband's mother. Now if your child themselves would give the card to the grandmother instead to you it might be a problem. Although to be honest mine would do it in a heartbeat if they were offered a piece of chocolate by her.

I might be joking but giving birth or becoming a grand parent is not an achievement and your child doesn't owe you gratitude for that. I would much prefer to see mine grow up into balanced and happy adults and if they want to they can thank me at my funeral. Before that they can spend present/card money on cigarettes and alcohol.

bjork

meeeeh wrote: »

It's a bloody hallmark holiday. ....

I know, but if she's going to take it so seriously, then at least spend the day with the child.

padser

kaya770 wrote: »

You see now I get it, I didn't realize that's what husbands/partners were supposed to do :-) I'll let my one off the hook... this year ;-)!

Ah here, that sounds like next yr we are going to see a thread about how your husband didn't get you a card for Mother's Day.

While it may sometimes happen that partners get each other cards for Mothers / Father's Day it's not a necessarily the norm for everyone.

If you are going to expect a card from anyone except your children (when they are old enough) then at least be fair and let himself know well in advance that you expect that. Don't assume it will be known by him without telling him.

delly

Now your husband not buying you a mother's day card on behalf of your newborn is an Irish tradition (jk). It's probably something he hasn't thought about, but yes, for at least the next 10 years, it will be him who buys the card, but as it is his first year he probably didn't think about it. It gets easier from 3 up, as if he forgets, he can get your child to draw a homemade card on the morning, just in time.

Pawwed Rig

delly wrote: »

Now your husband not buying you a mother's day card on behalf of your newborn is an Irish tradition (jk). It's probably something he hasn't thought about, but yes, for at least the next 10 years, it will be him who buys the card, but as it is his first year he probably didn't think about it. It gets easier from 3 up, as if he forgets, he can get your child to draw a homemade card on the morning, just in time.

? Funny how these made up holidays cause so much hassle for innocent bystanders.
The expectation and entitlement I have read about over the last few days is staggering (not referring to op here).

kaya770

Thanks for your comments.

Personally I don't see any reason not to celebrate all the different days in the calendar, made up or not, as it's just an excuse to acknowledge your loved ones. I do admit though, where I come from I would probably laugh if I was given a card 'from' a 4 month old, and I certainly wasn't aware it was such a huge deal to people here! Having chatting about this subject though I found that there are many made up Mother's Day cards out there 'for' and 'from' many interesting celebrators, even cats and bumps (!) were mentioned!

My own mom concluded she will be sending herself a 'Happy Miss World' card annually
I am totally sending her one some time this year! As for my husband, I don't mind if he wants to do the Mother's Day cards to me (I am not his mom :-)!) But if he wants to, that would be fun too (I kind of expect our pet dog to 'write' one too, knowing my hubby's sense of humor!)
I say, a busy day for him from now on!
But hey, I may forget it's Mother's Day at all and that's all good as well

I guess the main thing is not to get too caught up on any days of the calendar, that's all they are, some days we assigned a symbolic value to... And that's coming from a person who's mom is a total academic who occasionally forgot her kids' birthdays :-)! Were we ever bothered? No, we didn't need a card to understand our dear mom is totally besotted with us!

qt3.14

meeeeh wrote: »

It's a bloody hallmark holiday. She didn't exactly abandon the child with grandparents for a year. The child is young enough he/she won't know what all the fuss is about.

Op I think you completely overreacted over some completely illogical action. Your child didn't give a card, your husband's father gave a card to your husband's mother. Now if your child themselves would give the card to the grandmother instead to you it might be a problem. Although to be honest mine would do it in a heartbeat if they were offered a piece of chocolate by her.

I might be joking but giving birth or becoming a grand parent is not an achievement and your child doesn't owe you gratitude for that. I would much prefer to see mine grow up into balanced and happy adults and if they want to they can thank me at my funeral. Before that they can spend present/card money on cigarettes and alcohol.

Christians have given presents to their mothers on the second sunday of Lent since at least the sixteenth century.

beyondbelief67

qt3.14 wrote: »

Christians have given presents to their mothers on the second sunday of Lent since at least the sixteenth century.

Yes and then followed by girls who were in service to big houses being given that day of to visit both their mother church and their mother.
Again since the 16th century so it's not a made up holiday or new holiday.
Or just one from the card makers either.

meeeeh

qt3.14 wrote: »

Christians have given presents to their mothers on the second sunday of Lent since at least the sixteenth century.

Christians have also tradition of not having sex before marriage for centuries don't they? The whole concept is a bit messed up. People have kids because they want them to and usually the worse they treat them the more gratitude they expect.

I'm not going into further discussion on the merit of the holliday and son's badly made card did bring smile to my face but I really don't like the spirit of entitlement that some people have. And it really baffles me why my partner would give me presents because kids haven't got a clue that they have to.

Taltos

Mod note
Ok back on topic. Per our charter and announcement if you have no on topic advice to the OP then please don't post. This is not a discussion forum and those that treat it as such will only earn moderator action.

Cheers
Taltos

lazeedaisy

kaya770 wrote: »

Thanks for your comments.

As for my husband, I don't mind if he wants to do the Mother's Day cards to me (I am not his mom :-)!) But if he wants to, that would be fun too (I kind of expect our pet dog to 'write' one too, knowing my hubby's sense of humor!)
I say, a busy day for him from now on!
But hey, I may forget it's Mother's Day at all and that's all good as well

I don't think you really get it, no, your husband gets his own mother a card (I would hope). He is buying one for you on behalf of the baby, not from your husband,

As for the dog! Since your husband did not get a card from the baby this year, I think that should be his priority!

As for an academic forgetting children's birthdays, You will find that it's not just academics that forget people's birthdays,

Your in laws sound fun, hope your husband sent his mum a card, and its not about calendar days, or hallmark holidays,

You obviously need to get your husband a card when fathers day comes round, but not from the dog!

LostinKildare

kaya770 wrote: »

I do admit though, where I come from I would probably laugh if I was given a card 'from' a 4 month old, and I certainly wasn't aware it was such a huge deal to people here!

Um . . . but that's exactly what your mother-in-law did --- she laughed because she was given a card 'from' a 4 month old. It was a joke between her husband and herself, acknowledging that she was 'mammy' again (to a baby) for the weekend. She tried to share the joke with you but you soured it with what sounds like jealousy. You made it a huge deal.

New mothers often feel a pang leaving their babies with someone else -- is it possible you felt that irrational yet very common feeling that she was taking over your role? It's not pretty, but it's understandable.

I think you should apologize. Leaving that hanging in the air is not a good idea.

Katgurl

yeah i'm sorry OP but i'm with the rest of the posters here, I think your reaction was unwarranted. I know you've responded and said you understand now but you don't seem to be expressing any gratitude / remorse towards your inlaws.

They really do sound nice and like they were having a good time with the baby and I think your behaviour could have soured that for them.

If I were you, I'd be doing something to make up; a little thank you card and gift for minding your child all weekend.

kaya770

Katgurl wrote: »

yeah i'm sorry OP but i'm with the rest of the posters here, I think your reaction was unwarranted. I know you've responded and said you understand now but you don't seem to be expressing any gratitude / remorse towards your inlaws.

They really do sound nice and like they were having a good time with the baby and I think your behaviour could have soured that for them.

If I were you, I'd be doing something to make up; a little thank you card and gift for minding your child all weekend.

Did that as soon as I learnt it was a done thing here
They got the most beautiful flowers in the shop and I think I'm in the good books again!
I found this forum very helpful with this issue, it's brilliant to learn what's customary to my family that I may not realize!
As a side note, where I come from, we celebrate Names Days, it's HUGE! Somehow, after 11 years with my partner I cannot make him buy into the tradition, but I keep trying