8 out of 10 Cats: The Baby Blues/ Antenatal Depression/ Postnatal Depression Thread

Neyite

As many as 8 in 10 new mothers experience baby blues. Post natal depression occurs in about 1 in 1000 births. Baby blues is characterised as feeling moody, irritable and upset shortly after birth - usually about 24 hours afterwards and can last for a few hours or a few days.

Postnatal depression or post partum depression lasts longer, it can occur at any stage during the first year, most commonly within the first 5 months. Its an illness and can range in severity of symptoms.

Antenatal depression is lesser heard of. It was mistakenly thought that the pregnancy hormones prevented antenatal depression which is why its not as widely known about as the other two.

And we don't hear much about depression associated with new or impending motherhood. We are hesitant to admit that we are feeling crap to our partner, our mum, our friends for a variety of reasons. We fear that our mothering will be called into question. We may fear our friends will judge us. We may fear that an ex might use PND symptoms against us for custody. We may fear scorn from a mother who had loads of us and had no time for 'that kind of carry on'. We may fear being labelled as being mentally ill. We may fear the GP or PHN will ring social services if we tell them how we feel.

One in 8 mums in the UK present at a GP for PND treatment. That indicates that many more may suffer in silence with an illness that is treatable. We are so careful with our bodies during pregnancy and breastfeeding. We quit smoking, we stop alcohol. We take folic acid, vitamins, eat our 5-a-day. We do perineal massage. (well, some of us do) We do pregnancy yoga, avoid a long list of foodstuffs that have the slightest risk of food poisoning. We carefully pack our maternity bags painstakingly with everything that we might need.

So why, then, do we forget to look after our mental health at a time when those same hormones that cause our physical changes, can play havoc with our mental well being?

This thread is for us to share our experiences of these forms of depression so that new mums and mums-to-be don't suffer in silence, where we can support each other. The usual Boards rules apply - no medical advice permitted, but sharing your experiences of a particular medical treatment is fine.

sonners

Ok, I suppose someone has to tell their story first so here goes...

I had a stressful pregnancy (dont we all!) but it thankfully wasn't for health reasons. Me and baby did fine 'physically' the whole way through, the usual tiredness, nausea and heartburn but nothing (other than impending parenthood) that I had to worry about. But I had alot going on in the rest of my life. My relationship with my long term boyfriend, as it turned out, wasn't in a great place and then my mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer when I was 3 months gone, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with a brain tumour and received emergency brain surgery within 36 hours of diagnosis (she's 28!) when I was 5 months pregnant. My mother-in-law received ongoing radiotherapy and chemo whilst I was pregnant, there were a lot of days when we could'nt see eachother due to proximity to treament and possible fetus damage. She was due to finish treatment 2 days after my d-day and this was to be her first grand-child. Before I go any further I will say both women are in good health at the moment, both cleared of any cancer or tumours for 6 months now (still such a relief to say that). But as you can imagine it was a long couple of months with alot going on.

I did ok through this surprisingly, I managed, I got to about 2 months after birth before things began to take their toll emotionally. Obviously my poor boyfriend was going through the mill emotionally and needed alot of support from me. Our relationship changed alot, I suppose we both needed alot of support from eachother but with the tiredness and the heavy workload on both of us, well most days you're doing well to survive, helping someone else seems impossible. So, I kind of felt like I lost that part of me, the girlfriend part.

I'm a career girl, I had spent 10 years educating myself and working my way up the ladder. I loved my job and dedicated myself to it, I got a huge sense of achievement and satisfaction from it. Obviously I went on maternity leave when I had my baby and I wanted to spend as long with her as I could so I intended on taking 9 months off in total. So, I kind of felt like I lost that part of me, the 'smart' part.

After about 2 months I started getting out alot more with my daughter, to friends and mostly families' houses. Everyone would say hello to my daughter when we arrived and fight over who gets to hold her and chat to me about her, asking questions about her. The kindness and intentions were lovely but the only one to ask after ME was my sister (god bless her). I felt invisible, worse than a sidekick. I felt I couldn't call to houses without her because everyone would just ask after her and then be quite obviously depleted when I said she wasn't with me. So, I kind of felt like I lost that part of me, the friend part.

I breastfed so thankfully had a good supply of happy hormones (I honestly think its what got me as far as I did before things affected me too much) but breastfeeding also takes its toll on your energy levels and your independence. She's slept through maybe 20 times since birth, she's 14 months now so lack of sleep and exhaustion was just constant. It was tough going.

Around 5 months in, these feelings of loss combined with the demands of my daughter started to affect me badly. I was sick of hearing everyone go on about her. I resented her. I blamed her for changing everything, for taking away so many parts of me. Up to then I had always loved my daughter, I had never questioned that. I suppose I had been dealing with each of these losses individually. I stopped contacting people as much and stopped making the effort to get dressed get out of the house. And that was a vicious cycle. Once I started sitting around the house, all I felt able to do - was sit around the house.

I tried my best to enjoy her, and I did, alot. But not as often as I should or could have. Instead of thinking about all I had gained I was just dumbstruck, angry, resentful and unsure of all the things I felt I had lost. It overwhelmed me and I allowed it to take over.

I went back to work after 8 months, having spent the final 3 months of my maternity leave on shaky ground, 2 days out of the week were good, the rest I survived. By the time I was due to return to work I knew I needed to get back, I knew I needed to get of the house and interact with people again, I knew I wasn't doing well at home. The day I went back in I was handed my redundancy. I drove home from work that day hysterical. My boyfriend and family consoled me on my job loss by saying 'sure look you'll have some extra time at home with the baby it'll be great'. I couldn't take it anymore, the thought of spending another week at home with her made me hyperventilate. I broke and told them everything.

I cannot put into words the relief I felt as each and every mother I told responded with their own stories of dark days. Of days, weeks or months when they questioned it all, felt worthless, incapable. My family called over more, got me out of the house but most importantly they listened and they shared. Thankfully my hard work building my career paid off and I had 3 interviews arranged within 48 hours. I started my new job a month later - I decided to take some time to take in the jobloss and start fresh.
The last 4 months I've been improving slowly. I get to enjoy my job again which in turn enables me to appreciate the time I get with my daughter. I make sure I get out and meet people at the weekend and make sure I get fresh air every weekend. These are the things I do for me because in order to care for her I need to take care of me.

I wrote this knowing that if you know me it will be pretty easy to identify me. But I am what I am. I struggled and still do at times but I'm doing my best. The dark days are few and far between now and I have plenty of ammunition to fight them off now

bp

Thank you for posting that sonners, that was very brave. Although thankfully I never suffered badly I had down days (still have the odd moment) especially because all I ever wanted was to be a mother and the guilt associated with wanting to just be me again.

pwurple

I think now with hindsight, that I got hit with a minor dose of it around 5-6 months on my first baby.

Normally I'm very hands-on, roll up the sleeves and get stuck in kind of attitude. I got the two weepy days at the start where an ad on the radio had me in floods of tears. That passed, and I thought that was that for the baby blues.

I had difficulty with breastfeeding at the start. It got to a stage where I began to detest the sight of the baby because of the pain which was coming, and hate my husband for the bonding he was doing. I told myself that was no way to go on, and at the 6 week mark I made the decision to pack it in and went to bottle. Huge disappointment, felt like a failure. All my family and friends had managed it, etc. Knuckled down, got on with it, and went along happily again until weaning. We hit some allergies. And bam... I don't know if hormones go out of whack at that point or what, but I suddenly felt so overwhelmed and stressed about everything. Very unlike me. I isolated myself, didn't want to see anyone. Thought I looked like some kind of monster. Someone asked me if I thought the allergies were related to giving up bfeeding, or something that I did during pregnancy, and even that minor question (and the answer is no btw) sent me off into agonising. Guilt guilt guilt. I was a terrible mother. How on earth would the baby grow up with an idiot like me for a parent. One of my brothers got married during that time, and I actually didn't want to go. In case anyone saw me.

When I look back on it now, it's as clear as day that I was feeling some kind of PND. But at the time, I had no idea. I thought every single thing was a disaster. It passed for me after a few months without intervention.. probably because it wasn't severe, but thank goodness we didn't have to make any big decisions during that time.

Neyite

This isn't my story, but it was because of the suffering of this lady that I was hyper-aware of watching out for signs I was sliding in that direction when motherhood happened to me.

'She suffers with her nerves'
That's what we were told about a certain relative growing up in the early 80's. A lovely lovely lady with an elegance I could only hope to aspire to, but she was a little anxious, a little jumpy at times, a little meek. I suppose having a strict husband didn't help matters. He used to put her down a lot, or openly contradict her, ridiculing her in the process. Looking back, I can see he didn't respect her, thought her to be maybe feeble-minded. Occasionally you'd see a flash of spirit she must have once possessed as a younger woman when she stood her ground in a discussion with him. She suffered with her nerves, you see.

As an adult, I discovered that the 'nerves' scathingly dismissed by her husband was in fact severe Post Natal Depression. Undiagnosed, hidden and untreated for years and years (through subsequent pregnancies) to the point of a nervous breakdown, she was hospitalised for it eventually she got the rudimentary treatment that was on offer in '70's Ireland. While she was hospitalised for over a year her children were placed in foster care, some good, some not so good experiences, combined with the unexplained absence of their mother had lasting effects on them.

We've come a long way in 40 years. If my relative sought treatment today, she may have been prescribed anti-depressants, or sought counselling and maybe some practical home-help and would have been back to herself in perhaps a matter of months. As it was, she had spent near a decade suffering in silence. And her story is probably a common one of the era. And I think that this historical reaction is what we are afraid of when we feel we are not coping and suspect we have PND. It must be incredibly isolating to suffer pnd.

Another relative had it on her second child, but luckily sought help when the baby was 6 months old, and had a range of ways to treat it that helped get her back to herself. I think that our understanding of depression and other mental health conditions is removing the stigma from years ago, but what saddens me is that we sometimes only find out when they have came through the other side and can finally talk about it, whereas if we'd known at the time we could have supported in whatever way we can.

Suucee

Ive been thinking for ages about starting a thread like this.

Basically i had my first near 3 yrs ago. All was fine. Didnt really even have baby blues. She was a great sleeper great eater and an easy baby.

I got pregnant when she waa 13mnths. We knew we werent going to have it ao easy but we werent expecting it this bad.

Only a few weeks in i had to go to epu a few times as they thought it was an ectopic pregnancy. This coincided with my OH and daughter getting hit by a car when out walking (thankfully they were fine, broken buggy and few bruises).
I was so stressed.
All waa clear with epu thankfully but i was conatantly getting pains in my lower back.
As the weeks went on the pains got worse and worse. My daughter also ended up constantly sick. I was certified off work very early due to spd.
My daughter was put on a waiting list for ent. She had (still has) a speech delay and was sick nearly every second week.
I couldnt lift her. I could only sit on the couch or bed to cuddle her but even that got uncomfortable very quickly. I had to teach her how to get in and out of the car/bed and high chair.
I even ended up on a crutch for some of it.

Thankfully she got sorted when i was 7mnths pregnant and in the lasr few weeks of pregnancy the spd eased.

I was flying it so i thought.
Baba arrived (normal delivery) and all was fine but only a few days later i ended up with an infection and burst stitches.
I remember lyin on the table in gps he was only about 4-5 days old and gp calling in the nurse who called a different nurse and all had a look of horror on their faces .
So antibiotic after antibiotic. Talk of surgery repair.

I pulled myself together and got on with it . Then spd returned. I was back to needing a crutch. I had a 2 yr old and a newborn and OH working. My sis helped alot.

About 3-4 mnts every thing seemed to be fine. He was and is a terrible sleeper but we took it in turns.
Around 6 mnths i started getting inflammation in my feet. i couldnt walk very well. I was in pain alot that even when baba slept at night i couldnt.
This got progressivly worse and i was exhausted. I started to really resent him. Regret having him. thinking my body would be fine if i hadnt got pregnant.
Felt bad for my 2 yr old who i just didnt have the time or energy that i previously had.

This got worse and worse. I often screamed 'i hate you" at him. I often shouted at my daughter. I went to gp and they reffered me to a councellor. Due to other medical issues they did not put me on meds as i was trying out others for my feet.

I asked for help. My mum and sis have been a godsend but unforrunetly OHs family had the "you just need to get on with it" attitude.
This made me so much worse as i stood there asked for help and thats the reply i got. I felt like a failure. I once again wished i never had him. Then felt bad for that. I couldnt understand how i could not love him like i love my daughter.

I remember one day hiding in the hallway until OH came home then sneaking by him out the door and driving off. I sat in a tesco car park rang my sister. Told her i was ok and would be fine. Then turned off the phone. I just wanted time to myself. at the time i wished u had packed a bag for myself and my daughter so we could go away from it all.

I gave up work so i didnt have that to go back on. So i became hugely involved in a local mums grp. Infact when i opened up to some other they were so in shock as i didnt sit at home. I pushed myself to get out as much as i could.

I think my feet were the biggest problem as im very active and this was stopping me.

we then announced our plans to get married ( a very small low key affair. Just a party aftrr the reg office) but this really went down bad with family. It caused rows with inlaws and MIL actually dragged up a time i had been rude to her in her house (landed back aftr kids had a sleep over. They were both in terrible form so i just wanted to pack and get out of there so i was going around looking for their stuff, asking mil etc etc) she maintained that i was rude but i tried explaining 2 cranky kids when you are not coping seems like the end of the world.
I actually appoligised to her and SIL for things i done when i was down.

I had to say sorry for having the blues/pnd.

So all the so called low key wedding organising was such hardship due to their interference but we got through it.

My son is not an easy child. He spends a lot of time whinging and crying. He doesnt sleep all night ( the very odd time he might) and he is very demanding during the day.
He hates getting hus nappy changed and on one partucular bad day he was screaming arching his back. There was poo everywhere and i jus lost it. I gave him a tap on the leg. I hate myself for it and wil prob never get over it. it obviously achieved nothing . (dont get me wrong it wasnt hard but its not the point tbh)
I told OH and told him he needs come home from work. A few days later i told my support worker ( she calls out to the house to see how im getting on. )
she actually said that the childs safety is most important and if it came to it support workers may need to contact social services.
This led to days of worry. Fear that someone was going to come knocking at my door. I wasnt abusing my kids. I had a terrible moment of loss that i myself cant forgive. My kids are always fed, clean, brought to groups , cared for, loved.
I asked for help but this was what i got. When i had a chat again with support worker she said she said it wrong and knows it wasnt the best timing.
Dont get me wrong she needs to have her eyes open but i lived for days in fear.
I regretted asking anyone for help as inlaws and support worker have been far from helpful. Infact making things worse really.

I am getting on ok at the mo. We got married a few weeks ago and it was great. SIL is not talking to us cause of it (she went to it though).
My hands have also started to swell and become very painful so im struggling with that.
I just do what i can day to day. OH gets up during the night with the baby (who will be 1 in two weeks) .
I know what to look out for and i have opened up to a very few close people about everything so i know i can get on the phone if i need it.

Ive been attending gp for 6 months about the inflammtion problem . I know if i didnt have this id cope alot better . Its painful and hard to do alot of day to day things and having a baby who doesnt sleep great and is very demanding and whingey is very tough going.
My OH is one in a million. He does everything he can to make life easier.

I will never ever get over the things ive done and said. But i will learn from it. I have learned when im getting close to that point.

I always wanted 3 kids but id be terrified now. Not on the cards at the moment due to medical issues anyway.

Ive been perfectly honest here and hope im not judged too badly. Ive done what i can to get help for myself and my family but i do find i need to be honest so others will understand.

This has been hard to write both emotionally and physically (sore hand so excuse any typos) but i think i needed to do it.

sonners

Succee I want to meet you just so I can hug you, for both of us. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

bp

Succee it sounds like you are having such a tough time. I am glad your mother and sister are there for you. I really hope it gets easier - big hugs

How Strange

Succee you're an amazing person. You asked for help and that's the main thing. So many people don't. When you come out of all this and your son starts sleeping and being more independent you'll see that and be very proud of how you dealt with everything. I'm sorry that your in laws are so difficult but it's a poor reflection on them.

bean14

Look after yourself. I'd squeeze you so much with a hug if I could!! Keep talking about it.

tinkerbell

Succee, well done for getting help. I can't imagine it was easy and I really hope things start to improve for you x

Das Kitty

I have anxiety and depression anyway. But here are my experiences with it around pregnancy and birth and the time after.

Baby 1: I felt wonderful (mentally) for the whole 9 months of pregnancy. I had the baby blues something rotten after he was born. Then my depression sank to its deepest levels about 9 months after he was born and I became suicidal. Thankfully this spurred me on to go to my GP and I was afforded the help I needed and felt so much better.

Baby 2: I had severe mood dips during pregnancy. One particular day, had I been at home alone and not in work, I would have slit my wrists. I thought about it for four hours solid as I sat in work, smiling and talking to people. By the time I got home it had lifted completely. This scared the bijaysus out of me and I went back to my therapist who gave me strategies for getting through the dips. Luckily I didn't get there again.
After he was born I had the baby blues for a week or so. But after that I had no unusual levels of depression or anxiety. In fact I felt incredibly calm and happy.

So there you have it. No two pregnancies are the same!

Tasden

Just wanted to add- a lot of stories/experiences begin with things like a difficult pregnancy/birth, or baby being difficult and the resulting tiredness etc. but there doesn't always have to be a "reason" or a trigger for pnd. And sometimes this can confuse those who are feeling depressed without an obvious reason for feeling that way.

A woman can have the most perfect pregnancy/birth and baby can be the best sleeper and everything in life be absolutely perfect and still have these feelings. And feeling miserable when you "should" be happy and thankful and besotted with your new baby can cause more guilt and worry about seeking help for fear of being judged. Just wanted to make that clear that the depression doesn't have to be "justified".

Kaylami

Just wanted to share my own story.

After having baby number 3 I was feeling down and tired , put it down to breast feeding for the first time and big exhausted. When she was 10 weeks old we had a cat accident where someone rammed our car intentionally. I went to the gp has I was having anxiety attacks and that's when pnd was first mentioned. She did the assessment and I scored pretty high.

Luckily my phn picked up on this and began paying closer attention. I began counselling and taking anti depressants. A low dose to begin with. I wasn't feeling any better and was due to go back to work in December. They upped my meds to the next dosage.

I felt numb when I looked at my baby. I was really beginning to resent the elder 2 girls, especially the 2 year old who has speech difficulties so couldn't communicate which really frustrated me. I resented my husband for leaving me alone with the kids.
I was beginning to have thoughts that they would be all better without me.

I went back to work and in hindsight this was a terrible idea. Christmas was such a busy time I was thrown back into it and realised my coping mechanisms were gone completely.

I lasted until January and since then I've been signed off completely. I then found out I was pregnant again. This really pushed me over the brink. I had more dark days than anything.

I changed my gp and was referred to the peri natal mental health clinic in holles street. My meds have been upped again but I feel much more positive overall. My husband finally has a idea of how I'm feeling and I can finally see the light at the end and know that I will be the old me again.

Sorry for such a long post it's just so therapeutic to write it all down.

Cunning Stunt

Just wondering did any of you go on to have another child after your experience, and not get the blues again?
I had a terrible first few weeks with my second child, where I was very down and had to see my doctor. It ruined my first few weeks with him, along with
what should have been a great Christmas. I am scared it will happen again next time.

Das Kitty

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Just wondering did any of you go on to have another child after your experience, and not get the blues again?
I had a terrible first few weeks with my second child, where I was very down and had to see my doctor. It ruined my first few weeks with him, along with
what should have been a great Christmas. I am scared it will happen again next time.

See mine above. Although I'm not sure the pregnancy part will be of much comfort to you! :eek:

However, physically the pregnancy was brill. I was running around and sleeping like a log. No Post Partum Depression at all on #2.

To be honest I don't remember very much anymore about the first 2 weeks with either child. So I wouldn't worry about it being ruined. It's just 2 weeks in a lifetime, it's just one Christmas of many.

Cunning Stunt

Das Kitty wrote: »

See mine above. Although I'm not sure the pregnancy part will be of much comfort to you! :eek:

However, physically the pregnancy was brill. I was running around and sleeping like a log. No Post Partum Depression at all on #2.

To be honest I don't remember very much anymore about the first 2 weeks with either child. So I wouldn't worry about it being ruined. It's just 2 weeks in a lifetime, it's just one Christmas of many.

Thanks for that Das Kitty, let's hope I can enjoy next time! I know it was only a few weeks but it can feel like a lifetime when you're not well

Das Kitty

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Thanks for that Das Kitty, let's hope I can enjoy next time! I know it was only a few weeks but it can feel like a lifetime when you're not well

Yep!

I had 10 months of that on my first and it's happily now a fading memory. A lot of healing happened when the second lad came around.

bp

I am not sure if I have a touch of PND or not but just wrote (and subsequently deleted) a massive post.

The guilt I feel is horrible and wanted to re-highlight that no parent is perfect. I personally see parents going through worse than me out and about smiling when all I want to do is cry.

After days/ weeks of lead up the wall broke this morning. I started to type and realised I felt guilt for things I didn't know I felt guilty for. I deleted what I wrote as it is personal to other people.

Today I am letting my outside happy face slip (although I am pretty sure friends have seen through it). Just to all the parents out there no one is perfect - whether it be Kate Middleton or a person on the street. Behind closed doors/ perfect Facebook posts etc people have down days.

I must say the articles about cherishing every moment make me feel worse for wishing certain days would pass so I can be freer and able to find me outside/ alongside wife, mother etc.

Talk about it and forgive yourself x

Neyite

BP, some of the early days are tough. I think the worst part about PND is that we feel so isolated. Please talk here all you need, and do see your GP - you don't need to be on your own with this.

There is also anonymous posting in this forum if anyone prefers.

Cunning Stunt

bp wrote: »

I must say the articles about cherishing every moment make me feel worse for wishing certain days would pass so I can be freer and able to find me outside/ alongside wife, mother etc.

Hey BP
I felt that way as well when I was down after the birth of my son. When I saw people typing things like ''oh, the time is flying, our baby is growing so fast'' I felt so guilty, because when I was not well, even one day felt like an eternity. I felt every minute of every day and wished for them to go faster.

I agree that you and anyone going through this needs to forgive and be kind to yourself and just believe that it will pass.

bp

I have tried to reply four times and my phone and iPad weren't playing ball!!! When I wrote the above I did it to let others know it's ok to feel down. as soon as I wrote down how I felt and showed it to my husband I felt a hundred times better!

I just feel as this thread pointed out we need to be open about this.

Anyway great thread and was delighted to be able to post here this morning.

mirrorwall14

Delighted you showed it to your husband hun. Parenting is hard! Mind yourself hun and blow as much steam as you like!

kandr10

A question for any of you who have been through pnd.
I have a friend who has it and she seems to have some tough days.
What kind of support should I offer? I text her regularly, not always asking outright how's your pnd, just a general how are things. Offered to meet up a few times and she couldn't for whatever reason which is grand. Obviously everyone's different but how much do you want people asking how are you? Do you ask people for support when you need it or do you like for people to be proactive in helping?

Lucuma

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Hey BP
I felt that way as well when I was down after the birth of my son. When I saw people typing things like ''oh, the time is flying, our baby is growing so fast'' I felt so guilty, because when I was not well, even one day felt like an eternity. I felt every minute of every day and wished for them to go faster.

Just found this thread from a link in another thread. It's a pity it's such a taboo subject. This was exactly how I felt Cunning Stunt. People saying to you ''time is flying isn't it!'' and ''relish every moment coz they grow up so fast'' when you're there thinking Eh no, every day drags and seems interminably long ! I also felt every minute of every day. I'm really hoping no.2 won't feel like that, coz next time around I'll know this is only a short phase, everything is only a short phase. The first time around people told me that, and in my brain I knew it, but I just couldn't feel it.

Lucuma

kandr10 wrote: »

A question for any of you who have been through pnd.
I have a friend who has it and she seems to have some tough days.
What kind of support should I offer? I text her regularly, not always asking outright how's your pnd, just a general how are things. Offered to meet up a few times and she couldn't for whatever reason which is grand. Obviously everyone's different but how much do you want people asking how are you? Do you ask people for support when you need it or do you like for people to be proactive in helping?

A tough one. I never told any of my friends I had PND so didn't have this experience. Getting out of the house with a baby can be difficult, but by the same token calling over to someone's house when they're not feeling well can feel like an invasion/hassle as well. But you could Always offer to call over to her and see how she takes it?

what I found most helpful when i had PND was my friends who also had new babies sharing what they were finding difficult so I felt less alone. but unless you also have a baby you can't do that!

When you do see her, give her a big, proper hug.

bp

And letting her know she is doing a great job. Sympathise that she must be exhausted and offer to take baby for a walk. Half an hour child free is amazing. even better her have her leave the house alone as there is a dead or a ticking clock that they will be home soon so if she leaves it is her decision when to come home.

Cunning Stunt

3 weeks to go until this baby comes by planned c-section and I am determined to enjoy the first few weeks, this time round.

1. I am going to make sure I get out and about with him/her, as I didn't really do this the first time round and I think it was really bad not to get enough fresh air - I just thought the baby was too young - but now have seen plenty of posts from people who have had their babies out from a few days old...

2. My mother and sister will be over 2 weeks after the birth and I am really looking forward to that (I think they want to get over asap to help me avoid any baby blues which is nice).

3. I now have a happy and healthy 21 month old, so I know I must be doing something right! I will just have to remind myself of that fact if I start to get a little down or in doubt.

4. I am going to avoid the in-laws for the first while. There is something about being around the mother-in-law, that makes me feel like the worst mother in the world!

5. SLEEP - my husband will be on paternity leave, the older baby will still go to daycare, so I am gonna make sure to sleep this time whenever the baby does.

6. Drop the breastfeeding if it doesn't go to plan - I should have done this sooner last time round as it really added to my stress. Many people say that breastfeeding is a wonderful experience when it is going right but when it does not go right it can be a disaster. I will not hesitate to switch this time round if I feel it is going the same way.

...so thats my plan of action

Diamond Doll

I saw a nice quote on Facebook today.

"Being overwhelmed does not make any parent a failure. It just means they need more support than they have."

tickingclock

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

3 weeks to go until this baby comes by planned c-section and I am determined to enjoy the first few weeks, this time round.

1. I am going to make sure I get out and about with him/her, as I didn't really do this the first time round and I think it was really bad not to get enough fresh air - I just thought the baby was too young - but now have seen plenty of posts from people who have had their babies out from a few days old...

2. My mother and sister will be over 2 weeks after the birth and I am really looking forward to that (I think they want to get over asap to help me avoid any baby blues which is nice).

3. I now have a happy and healthy 21 month old, so I know I must be doing something right! I will just have to remind myself of that fact if I start to get a little down or in doubt.

4. I am going to avoid the in-laws for the first while. There is something about being around the mother-in-law, that makes me feel like the worst mother in the world!

5. SLEEP - my husband will be on paternity leave, the older baby will still go to daycare, so I am gonna make sure to sleep this time whenever the baby does.

6. Drop the breastfeeding if it doesn't go to plan - I should have done this sooner last time round as it really added to my stress. Many people say that breastfeeding is a wonderful experience when it is going right but when it does not go right it can be a disaster. I will not hesitate to switch this time round if I feel it is going the same way.

...so thats my plan of action

Best of luck with baby number two. I hope all goes well. I have one baby and was determined like many others I wouldn't have pnd. I was lucky as I didn't. Like everyone there were tough days.
I think you are being very sensible and realistic.

I got out of the house daily for fresh air or for any groceries. It definitely heloped me.

You are definitely doing a lot right if you have a happy and healthy 21 month old. Well done.

You are 100% right to sleep when baby sleeps. I continued doing this for the first few months. An hour or two during the day makes up for night feeds. The extra sleep helped me. I think you are right to leave your 21 month old in daycare especially at the start.

I wasn't successful with breastfeeding. I just couldn't master it. I was disappointed but it all worked out.
I hope all goes well

Baby4

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How Strange

Baby4 I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time at the moment. You have taken a big step in getting help so hopefully you see some small changes soon.

Baby4

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Lucuma

Baby4 wrote: »

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They take 3-6 weeks. It's awful because you keep thinking 'they're not working, they're not working, what if they don't work, what if they never kick in and I feel like this forever Argh....' etc

It's a horrible, horrible few weeks waiting for them to kick in so hang in there and remember it WILL get better. You will not feel like this forever xx