different ambitions

foleypio

miamee wrote: »

Equality means being equal. Somebody breaking their back doing overtime, studying and paying the lion's share of the bills and expenses for a period of years when the other partner has no intention of ever picking up the slack is not equality regardless of whether it's a man and a woman, two men or two women.
The OP whether it were a man or in this case, a woman, has every right to look to the future and worry about how their life with this person is going to turn out.

Yes, equality, that old chestnut. Well, I have news for you, men have & are still carrying the majority of families, relationships in this country. Whats so bad about the roles being reversed in some instances between the sexes. That's what were really talking about here.

If it was a guy on here talking about being unable to see a future with his partner because she wasn't earning enough money. The responses on here would have been completely different. You & I both know that.

Some of the posts criticizing the boyfriend have been out of order on here in my opinion. We don't know if kids is really what he wants, we know she wants them & is running out of time to have them. Maybe he is agreeing to the marriage, mortgage & kids to keep her happy. And if that is the case, its not such a bad thing that she has to work more for them

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

foleypio

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Well, we know its not working for her. We dont know about him, maybe he paid the rent, fees for her while she was in college doing her masters. Maybe he genuinely likes what he does & doesnt want to change jobs in the pursuit of more cash. Maybe he's unable to work more, contribute more because that option isnt open to him or he doesnt want to do shadow work in a MacDonalds.

Truth is we dont know the full story or his side of it & judgement should be reserved until we do as some of the criticism of him on here has been over the top.

Also, Some of the inferences that she should leave him are very reckless considering it seems like she does love him.

We dont all get what we want in life. True love, marriage, kids, nice house etc. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Op, I might as well have written this myself. I'm with my other half 5 years and we have both talked about saving for our own place (both at home at the moment). Like you, I earn a good bit more than him while he works 40hrs at just above minimum wage. I've told him numerous times he needs to be looking for a new job in order for us to realistically save a deposit. To me, it seems he tries only when I pressure him, gets an odd interview, never gets the job and expects me to back off because he's 'done his best'

I pay for nights out, weekends away, all we do together. It's either that or we don't go out.
Anyway, what I've started to do is look after no 1, me. I've been going out with friends more, saving for MY future, letting him sit in if he's no money. Basically, letting him realise his income wont even allow for a few pints, never mind contributing to a household, kids etc.

Op, trust me, a short sharp shock is the way to go here. Frighten the bejesus out of him that you and your wallet are ready to walk, It's the only thing that will work. Your his equal partner, not his mammy.