So confused... ex wants to meet up

maria34

Is this my ex you are talking about lol

Now ignore! Ignore ignore ignore. Dont communicate or answer. If he turns up call guards and ask for protection order ( not sure about is it right name for that but sure guards know)

Ive dine that my ex is gone for years. Have no idea is he dead or alive. But he is gone !

You said you have a child . Protect your child! He is a narcissist and will not change!

kylith

Block his number on your phone so you can't receive texts from him and try to put him as far behind you as you can.

shaymus27

Sounds like you might be a bit desperate to have someone in your life.

It's hard to imagine you were ever treated in a proper way by a man as it would be hard for you not to see how bad he is if you were used to being treated well.

You may have low self-esteem and think that treatment of you is what you are going to get in life.

You need to cut him out, look at your previous relationships, look at how you view yourself and think about what type of man and relationship you want for yourself in the future. You need to get it right for your sake and the sake of your child.

Get as much support from your friends as you can and be kind to yourself. You need a break from all the crap you've had recently.

mapaca

I think you're right in saying he knew you were vulnerable at the start of the relationship. He sounds like a master manipulator - people like him know exactly what they're doing. Thankfully you realise now what he was at and you can take steps to get him out of your life. Lean on your friends for support. Ignore any communication from him.

HoneyBee78

I was in a LTR before him with my child's dad so I do know what it's like to be treated well & with respect. We are still on very good terms.

What I can't understand is with this guy is if someone's supposed to love you why say such horrible things to them?

El_Duderino 09

Hey OP. The advice you're getting is unanimous. As a matter of interest has anyone who cares about you advised you to get back with him? It might be time for a small leap of faith and trust that your friends have your best interest at heart.

You keep saying he's blocked and then you get another message from him so you must keep unblocking him. The only way to get rid of him is to completely cut the cord and don't look back.

You mentioned that you should tell his GF for her sake and so she can get an STI test. There's no way that she's going to thank you for telling her and you know how manipulative he is so he will inevitably talk her around. You'll end up looking like a crazy, infatuated ex and you will have prolonged the communication with him.

Don't take it from me but if all your family and people who care about you are telling you to cut the cord, then do it even if it's difficult. You and your child deserve better and there are plenty of decent fellas out there. I don't mean fellas who are a bit better than this guy, I mean proper decent men. Forget this wolly and go find one of them.

Best of luck

mapaca

HoneyBee78 wrote: »

What I can't understand is with this guy is if someone's supposed to love you why say such horrible things to them?

Well, exactly - someone who loves you will never say such horrible things or treat you like he has. That's not love.

SterlingArcher

Honey, you have had lots of messages people giving you sound advice telling you to ignore him.you ignored that got back with him. Leading to this point. thats cool it happens.

As expected by everyone and I mean everyone including your own gut,it goes pear shaped.

You then got more advice telling you to cut him out of your life.block him.again, more sound advice given the circumstances.

You say he text you yesterday and "eventually " you blocked him. maybe you need some tough love.

There is nothing to understand. He is a giant D. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. Now at the moment you have support of friends and family, but eventually even they will tire of this back and forth.

Its time to get over this, and actually be bored of it yourself. Get a new sim card. Delete your Facebook. If you have to stay off fb for a bit so be it, it's not the end of the world, social networking is overrated anyhow . when you are better equipped to deal with it rejoin if thats your bag.

Don't just say you want to stop the bull, Actually stop the bull. Start fresh .don't question why he did this or that, you know why, he is giant D .You have a child . if you don't want your kid learning to grow up and take this kind of crap of people, then time for you to step up lead by example .

I'm not being mean saying this stuff, I sincerely hope you get the balls to say enough is enough.

Big Bag of Chips

It's about abuse, it's about control and it's about keeping you in your place. I'd also wonder is a lot of it deflection from his own behaviour. Do you know/think he ever cheated on you? Accusing you when there's nothing to suggest you have cheated on him is classic behaviour of people who are themselves cheating. They're doing it, so the expect that you're doing it too. And they get their accusation in first to take the attention away from themselves.

You can spend the rest of your life speculating as to why he does or says these things, but it basically comes back to he's a dick. You will never understand someone like that because you're not like that. So stop trying to figure him out. Stop trying to make sense of why. Admit to yourself that you made a huge mistake and were a bit of an eejit with this lad and then move on. You're not going to change him, or his version of what happened in your relationship. So stop getting involved in discussing it.

Block everything. Tell friends you don't want to know. And find someone who is opposite to him in every way.

shaymus27

HoneyBee78 wrote: »

I was in a LTR before him with my child's dad so I do know what it's like to be treated well & with respect. We are still on very good terms.

What I can't understand is with this guy is if someone's supposed to love you why say such horrible things to them?

Hi HoneyBee,

Nice to hear you have been treated well in the past. I was just speculating that maybe you had been on a bad run with men and that's why you were putting up with your ex.

I have had male friends in the past who were attractive to women. Could be very charming to people, especially women they met. In reality they were like sociopaths - able to put on a nice front but incapable of caring about someone really.

What I have found in life is that the more selfish people are, the less they are capable of truly caring about anyone other than themselves, the more they need other people.

Your ex needs women to be with even though he is probably not really capable of loving someone truly. He is a bit like a controlling sociopath who is capable of appearing to be nice but in reality isn't.

All men and women can be temporarily unpleasant unintentionally if they are unhappy in themselves. The way your ex has behaved shows being unpleasant is his natural personality and the being nice is the temporary bit.

One of the males I knew seemed to be able to con really nice women who deserved a lot better than him. By the time he was finished with them, they regretted ever meeting him. You are not alone in falling for someone who seems to have good qualities but in reality isn't a nice person at all.

To answer your question, I think your ex is too damaged to really love you or anyone. Real love involves wanting the other person to be happy and trying to help the other person feel good about themselves. It sounds like your ex was sometimes nice but ultimately his own damage and unhappiness meant he took his own damage and unhappiness out on you. This is selfish, not selfless, which is what real love is.

You probably need to think these things through to get closure as to why someone could be nice yet so horrible. Look up sociopaths or psychopaths on-line. He may not be either but he is damaged in some way.

Don't blame yourself. Get as much support as you can. Maybe go to counselling. Look to the future and hopefully you will meet someone you deserve and who deserves you.

catonthewire

HoneyBee78 wrote: »

I was in a LTR before him with my child's dad so I do know what it's like to be treated well & with respect. We are still on very good terms.

What I can't understand is with this guy is if someone's supposed to love you why say such horrible things to them?

Why?....

They don't respect themselves or anyone else .....
It's as simple as that, the majority of people who truly respect themselves, don't engage in behaviour that deliberately hurts others....
Of course relationships breakdown for many reasons, but we find ways to end them with honesty, leaving the other person with their dignity intact..
It's obvious which category this guy falls into, he isn't capable of treating women in his life with respect.....

Honestly , you will move on, move on to find a guy who both loves and respects you, until then stay firm and NO CONTACT...

Sligo1

shaymus27 wrote: »

Hi HoneyBee,

Nice to hear you have been treated well in the past. I was just speculating that maybe you had been on a bad run with men and that's why you were putting up with your ex.

I have had male friends in the past who were attractive to women. Could be very charming to people, especially women they met. In reality they were like sociopaths - able to put on a nice front but incapable of caring about someone really.

What I have found in life is that the more selfish people are, the less they are capable of truly caring about anyone other than themselves, the more they need other people.

Your ex needs women to be with even though he is probably not really capable of loving someone truly. He is a bit like a controlling sociopath who is capable of appearing to be nice but in reality isn't.

All men and women can be temporarily unpleasant unintentionally if they are unhappy in themselves. The way your ex has behaved shows being unpleasant is his natural personality and the being nice is the temporary bit.

One of the males I knew seemed to be able to con really nice women who deserved a lot better than him. By the time he was finished with them, they regretted ever meeting him. You are not alone in falling for someone who seems to have good qualities but in reality isn't a nice person at all.

To answer your question, I think your ex is too damaged to really love you or anyone. Real love involves wanting the other person to be happy and trying to help the other person feel good about themselves. It sounds like your ex was sometimes nice but ultimately his own damage and unhappiness meant he took his own damage and unhappiness out on you. This is selfish, not selfless, which is what real love is.

You probably need to think these things through to get closure as to why someone could be nice yet so horrible. Look up sociopaths or psychopaths on-line. He may not be either but he is damaged in some way.

Don't blame yourself. Get as much support as you can. Maybe go to counselling. Look to the future and hopefully you will meet someone you deserve and who deserves you.

+1. This is the best bit of advice I have ever ever read. And by god I wish I had read this 4 years ago when I was struggling to come to terms with a horrific break up from a man who seems just like your ex OP... If not worse! I won't get into the details OP but seriously no contact is the only way to get through this. And read and re read this post by Shaymus.

4 years later I am happily married with 2 beautiful children. You will move on, you will be happy, and you will do it without him! Be good to yourself x

HoneyBee78

Thanks everyone, I did a bit of research over the weekend and found out he seems to be like this with all his girlfriends. I also doubted the person I was so I had a heart to heart with my long term ex who I hurt in the past and he said lovely things about me and said that he doesn't hate me for anything and hopes I finally get rid of this lad and meet someone better and hopes I can be happy one day so that was lovely to hear Its obviously this crazy guy with the issues but he had me convinced that I wasn't a good person

I will be taking this as a hard lesson learned and just grateful I'm no longer under his control!

Thanks again for the advise