How to annoy your wedding guests. **MOD WARNING POST # 1**

Neyite

As a budding bridezilla, how does one ensure that guests are sufficiently pissed off with the happy couple?

Gleaned from this wonderful forum, and my own personal experiences from being a guest over the years, I've compiled the following so far:

• Don't serve dinner.(well, HAD to be top of the list, eh?)
• Include a guest list of very expensive high end items - cusinart and kitchenaid preferably.
• Ask for specific gifts. Then tell guests what else they have to get you.
• Write a cutesy poem about how you'd like cash please.
• Ring around the week before your wedding to tell people that if they are giving you your money via cheque, you need it this week in order for it to clear in the bank before the honeymoon.
• Have the letter about love that St Paul sent to the Corinthians as a reading.
• Have the ceremony at 10.30, and dinner 50 miles away at a remote hotel at 6pm. Don't serve any canapés or nibbles and ensure that the hotel can provide nothing more substantial than KP nuts and tayto until then.
• Have a choreographed dance. Preferably with the whole family involved. Blackmail them into doing it. Then put it on Facebook and You Tube.
• Insist on no kids, but demand that people with cute toddlers bring them for the photos, warn them not to leave the church, then cry afterwards because they were a bit noisy during the ceremony, and 'ruined your whole wedding'.

Anyone got any more to add to the list?

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Princess Peach

• Serve turkey and ham
• Guests share a cupcake between them
• Put on the invite "No Coast dresses to be worn"
• Insist on black tie

emo72

I thought this was a list of things you wanted to do at your wedding.

helimachoptor

Princess Peach wrote: »

• Put on the invite "No Coast dresses to be worn"
• Insist on black tie

At a wedding where that was no coast dresses was on the invite.. didnt really get it, is coast not a decent shop?

A few years back in Celtic Tiger hey dey, we were going to a wedding, a week before it everyone who had rsvp'd got a call/txt/email to say that it had now changed to a black tie only wedding, if you turned up not in blacktie you would be refused entry.

About 300 had been invited and about 250 accepted according to the wife to be a month before hand.. 120 showed up, most not in black tie..

lots of tears about her ruined wedding :pac:

Schwiiing

Schedule your wedding to clash with an Ireland football match at a major championships and whinge when people are more interested in the match than the speeches.

Neyite

helimachoptor wrote: »

At a wedding where that was no coast dresses was on the invite.. didnt really get it, is coast not a decent shop?

I think its moreso that the bridesmaid dresses or someone in the bridal party is wearing a Coast dress, so its a warning not to wear one in case you match a bridesmaid.

pwurple

3 hours of photos. Where everyone has been instructed to stand around waiting their turn to be posed in some elaborate way.

Videographer appearing demanding you record a 'special message' to the bride and groom.

Instructing bridesmaids to physically drag people onto the dancefloor.

OldNotWIse

helimachoptor wrote: »

At a wedding where that was no coast dresses was on the invite.. didnt really get it, is coast not a decent shop?

A few years back in Celtic Tiger hey dey, we were going to a wedding, a week before it everyone who had rsvp'd got a call/txt/email to say that it had now changed to a black tie only wedding, if you turned up not in blacktie you would be refused entry.

About 300 had been invited and about 250 accepted according to the wife to be a month before hand.. 120 showed up, most not in black tie..

lots of tears about her ruined wedding

Good. I hope they got 120 toasters.

Clearlier

Ensure that the speech givers go on for hours, preferably having visibly had a few too many .

tinkerbell

Wait a second? The Paul / Corinthians love letter is on par with serving half a cupcake / serving no dinner / expecting guests to pay for dinner / demanding portraits, cake and Kitchen Aid stand mixers? Ah come on!!!!

tinkerbell

I've got one - serve canapés but instruct wait staff that they are only for the bridal party. Starving guests made even more starved when they see platters of canapés and being told "no, you can't have any of these". Get called for meal (finally! Food!) to be told that speeches will be made before meal is served.

BKWDR

Neyite wrote: »

[*]Have the letter about love that St Paul sent to the Corinthians as a reading.

Gets me EVERY time.

love is not foolish, love is not bashful , love is not conceited...


OR FCUKING ORIGINAL EITHER!

I actually grind my teeth when this is being read.

amor3

Neyite wrote: »

I think its moreso that the bridesmaid dresses or someone in the bridal party is wearing a Coast dress, so its a warning not to wear one in case you match a bridesmaid.

Yeah that would be my take on that!

Frog Song

BKWDR wrote: »

Gets me EVERY time.

love is not foolish, love is not bashful , love is not conceited...


OR FCUKING ORIGINAL EITHER!

I actually grind my teeth when this is being read.

Not as bad as the "Today I marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with and love" :rolleyes::rolleyes:

CHANGE THE RECORD PEOPLE!!!

fits

Have a wedding.

BKWDR

tinkerbell wrote: »

Wait a second? The Paul / Corinthians love letter is on par with serving half a cupcake / serving no dinner / expecting guests to pay for dinner / demanding portraits, cake and Kitchen Aid stand mixers? Ah come on!!!!

Love is not hungry.
Love is not starved.
Love should be a cupcake.
Love is AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH

Malari

LMAO at the Love/Corinthians reading! EVERYONE uses it :pac:

tinkerbell wrote: »

I've got one - serve canapés but instruct wait staff that they are only for the bridal party. Starving guests made even more starved when they see platters of canapés and being told "no, you can't have any of these". Get called for meal (finally! Food!) to be told that speeches will be made before meal is served.

One wedding we were at, the hotel had glasses of Prosecco on trays, but only about a dozen or so for the bridal party. So everyone arriving at the reception prior to the bride and groom (virtually everyone) walked past these glasses but was intercepted if they tried to take one and asked if they wanted to buy a drink at the bar instead :pac:

skallywag

Neyite wrote: »

• Don't serve dinner.(well, HAD to be top of the list, eh?)

I know of a wedding where the canapes actually turned out to be the main, although many in attendance were not aware at the time. Fair enough it ended up being a decent enough spread, but many went hungry not knowing to dig in at the time ...

Neyite

tinkerbell wrote: »

Wait a second? The Paul / Corinthians love letter is on par with serving half a cupcake / serving no dinner / expecting guests to pay for dinner / demanding portraits, cake and Kitchen Aid stand mixers? Ah come on!!!!

Not on a par, no. But irritating to hear it at nearly every wedding you attend.

But usually the more the bride witters on beforehand about how different her church+hotel wedding is, the more likely it is that this reading will make it to the mass booklet in my experience.

lazygal

Have a good long mass.
During which the priest condemns marriage equality.
Have that Ruth's reply to Naomi reading (your people shall be my people) that makes no sense for a couple.

Don't bother giving proper directions to the hotel that's four hours' drive away. You don't care, its a privilege for them to be asked anyway.

Don't bother serving any food or drinks on arrival at whatever bog standard hotel you 'fell in love with' (read: got the cheapest deal possible on).

Don't offer any choice with the food. Serve a beef well done carvery roast with five types of potatoes. Who doesn't eat beef anyway?

Have one of those 'best friends' poems.

Have wine only for the top table at dinner.

Give any guests who leave before the residents' bar sing song a death glare. Don't they know they're privileged to be at you Big Day. Why are they leaving?

Don'y bother sending any thank you cards after the event. Weren't they lucky to be included at they only gave you a hundred quid the scabby feckers.

OldNotWIse

Frog Song wrote: »

Not as bad as the "Today I marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with and love" :rolleyes::rolleyes:

CHANGE THE RECORD PEOPLE!!!

So, you're not actually marrying your fiance then? :P

Neyite

Have a quirky venue where the only toilet is a portaloo halfway down the field. And insist on black tie.

Frog Song

I think a lot of people are guilty of not being that bothered about the readings. I couldn't even tell you what ours were. We were so sick of all the wedding stuff at that stage that I'm sure we copied it from the priest's sample booklet!:o

lazygal

Frog Song wrote: »

I think a lot of people are guilty of not being that bothered about the readings. I couldn't even tell you what ours were. We were so sick of all the wedding stuff at that stage that I'm sure we copied it from the priest's sample booklet!:o

We spent ages on ours! We had free reign and we chose ones that were very meaningful to us. One of them has been used by a few other couples since as it wouldn't be terribly well known but it was very important to me. My husband still says bits from the one he chose to me even now!

kunst nugget

lazygal wrote: »

We spent ages on ours! We had free reign and we chose ones that were very meaningful to us. One of them has been used by a few other couples since as it wouldn't be terribly well known but it was very important to me. My husband still says bits from the one he chose to me even now!

In bed?

Realt Dearg Sec

lazygal wrote: »

My husband still says bits from the one he chose to me even now!

"I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent." Timothy 2:12

Neyite

Find a priest that has a hat fetish.

Ensure he makes several lewd remarks about how hats 'get him going' during the ceremony making it clear to all and sundry that he is very likely turned on.

There was a poor take up of communion at that wedding, especially among us women with hats : D

lazygal

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

"I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent." Timothy 2:12

Nah, no god bothering in this house. Had a heathen ceremony.

helimachoptor

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Good. I hope they got 120 toasters.

I did hear later that some of the couples who turned up in black tie gave a card and in the card hard their receipt for dress/tux rental, Im not sure exactly how many but rumours of 3 or 4 anyway

PhoenixParker

For 5 points - have your wedding abroad in a location neither the bride nor the groom are from or have lived in.
Bonus 1 point - if the only direct flight from Ireland is ryanair
Bonus 1 point - if the venue is further than 1 hour from the nearest direct flight airport
Bonus 2 points - if the closest airport means you also need you to hire a car so that you can actually get to the venue.

For 3 points - have your wedding in a location in Ireland neither the bride, nor the groom are from & where they've never lived
Bonus 1 points - if no one attending the wedding lives within an hours drive of the venue
Bonus 2 points - if no one attending the wedding lives within two hours drive of the venue
etc.

1 point for a wedding on a Friday
2 points for a wedding on a Thursday
3 points for a wedding on a Monday - Wednesday
Bonus 2 points - if it's during term time & on a weekday (university/primary or secondary)

Esterhase

Plan the big event to happen on a weekday, during a school term, in another country and throw a wobbly when the guests decline their invitations.

But sure why would they not come, they can make a holiday out of it! :rolleyes:

lazygal

[

lazygal wrote: »

Have wine only for the top table at dinner. .

Ah no way, who does that??!!!!

Gee_G

I was reading the whole thread hoping I hadn't done any of the above as part of my planning!!:)
Some of them are HILARIOUS!!

jack presley

Surely Pachebel's Canon as the entrance music has been done to death at this stage?

Neyite

Esterhase wrote: »

Plan the big no kids allowed event to happen on a weekday, during a school term, in another country, and throw a wobbly when the guests decline their invitations.

But sure why would they not come, they can make a holiday out of it! :rolleyes:

FYP.

sweetie

Don't have blow up instruments on the dancefloor. The guests are adults, not montessori kids.

Lisha

When myself and my friend was typing my mass booklet she asked me 'what readings have you picked?' I hadn't a clue and just copied and pasted from the booklet we were basing (ie copying and change big wedding party names) my mass booklet on.
10yrs later my mother still goes on about how she hates that reading from the book of Ruth about the wife now being buried with the husbands people! Makes me laugh as I picked it as it was a short reading .

Lucena

Book a week’s holiday in a city in a foreign country, and invite some friends along. When very few of the friends decide to come along, have the word leak out that you’re actually going to get married while over there and were really hoping all your friends could be there for your "surprise" wedding.

Cue people jumping through hoops paying through the nose for flights, accommodation, getting suits and dresses sorted etc.

Cue other friends who are p1ssed off at not being able to go, but would have been able to if only they’d been told a lot earlier and now it’s too late to get time off work.

pwurple

Wedding invitations that pour glitter onto my breakfast.

Chair covers. People given the task of making sure nothing is put on the back of the chairs... trying to move your chair with a chair cover on it. Bows, or decorations on chair covers getting tangled in your own outfit.

candytog

This thread is brilliant, all you have to do to have a perfect wedding is read this and take notes!!

pwurple

This one possibly just annoys me... but when the bride gets so much make-up, tan and changes her hair so dramatically (colour, length, curls) that I'm confused whether it's actually her and I'm at the right wedding!

jack presley

candytog wrote: »

This thread is brilliant, all you have to do to have a perfect wedding is read this and take notes!!

Or you can breath a sigh of relief if you're already married and didn't do any of the things listed

jack presley

pwurple wrote: »

This one possibly just annoys me... but when the bride gets so much make-up, tan and changes her hair so dramatically (colour, length, curls) that I'm confused whether it's actually her and I'm at the right wedding!

You can't beat an orange faced bride

Wabbit Ears

I was at a wedding where orange face herself was marking literally everything she touched, brushed off or kissed!!

An Bhanríon

I love that letter about love from St. Paul to the Corinthians. Sorry if I offended anyone's ears by having it at my wedding mass...

To add to the list of annoying things, my one is running out of wine at the meal and having nothing to toast the bride and groom with if the speeches are after the meal!

sunshine and showers

I've only been to two weddings, both as a child.

Reading these I can't wait to get onto the wedding circuit...

CaraMay

Neyite wrote: »

Find a priest that has a hat fetish.

Ensure he makes several lewd remarks about how hats 'get him going' during the ceremony making it clear to all and sundry that he is very likely turned on.

There was a poor take up of communion at that wedding, especially among us women with hats : D

The best one i ever heard and its 100% true. We were at a wedding and my friend went up for communion. She knew the priest a little bit as she worked with his sister. After the mass she met him outside and he said to her "when you came up for communion i said 'body of Christ' but I meant 'Christ what a body!'"

Not classy! This was after him rambling on about how much the bride looked like jennifer Anniston and how much he liked jennifer Anniston. Sleaze personified.

CaraMay

Brides arriving late is so obnoxious. Anything more than 20 minutes is so rude.

Also the couple not speaking to every table is very annoying.

candytog

CaraMay wrote: »

Brides arriving late is so obnoxious. Anything more than 20 minutes is so rude.

Also the couple not speaking to every table is very annoying.

In fairness the bride being late is often not the brides fault!

It's those damn photographers and video guys holding everything up

sunshine and showers

candytog wrote: »

In fairness the bride being late is often not the brides fault!

It's those damn photographers and video guys holding everything up

My mam was late to her wedding because her car didn't show up! Cue hasty scrambling for a taxi in a town I don't think taxis were prevalent in in 1989. Best man wound my dad up saying she wasn't coming!

candytog

sunshine and showers wrote: »

My mam was late to her wedding because her car didn't show up! Cue hasty scrambling for a taxi in a town I don't think taxis were prevalent in in 1989. Best man wound my dad up saying she wasn't coming!

Also, if the bride did arrive on time the church would be half empty!